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FROZEN IN PLACE, LEAH GAPED. “Marcus?” she repeated.
His hands were in his pockets, his arms rigid. “In the flesh.”
“What are you doing here?”
“We should ... talk.”
And like that, her heart dropped to her gut. Any conversation that started like that between a couple didn’t bode well. “Then say what you need to say.” Just rip off the bandage.
He furrowed his brow. “Well, I figured we would talk. Not just me. Mind if I sit?”
Leah rubbed her face. “Go ahead.” She closed her journal, setting it beside her as Marcus took the bench opposite her under the pavilion.
“You look great,” he said, all hesitance. His eyes flashed to her stomach, and he frowned. Was that regret for getting her pregnant? Fear of her reaction about whatever he’d concluded alone? Or guilt for leaving her alone without a shred of news for eleven of the fifteen weeks she’d been pregnant?
“I think we should lay it all out there,” he said. “And be honest.”
“Sounds like a good start.”
“And if I’m honest...” He bobbed his head. “I’m only here because Kaylah sent me a letter.”
So, maybe Kaylah wasn’t so great at secrets and not meddling. “What did she say?”
Marcus twisted his lips. “It was pretty succinct. That I should stop being a jackass and come visit my pregnant girlfriend.”
Okay, fine. She liked Kaylah again. “About time.”
“You could have visited me too.” He tilted his head. “Or written a letter.”
This was going to be a long chat, and a difficult one. “A lot could have been done differently. Like not dragging your parents into this mess.”
He narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”
“You and me, we can work through problems, but once you drag family members into it, they pick sides, and they won’t be on my side. You didn’t need to tell them that I...” She paused, feeling every bit wrong. People who were hurt had a right to speak up, and denying him that would have been wrong, but it still wasn’t right that he’d turned his parents even more on Leah. “I am so sorry I hurt you, and I will never do that again. To you, or anyone else.” She rested a hand on her stomach. “I swear.” She wouldn’t be like the fake aunt she’d suffered under growing up.
Marcus acknowledged her words with hurt in his eyes. “I didn’t tell them about that. I haven’t told anyone.”
“I thought we agreed to be honest. Your mom knew I hurt you. No one else was in the room to know that.”
He drew a deep breath. “I told her to not say anything. I asked her to leave it alone, and give you some space.”
“So, you did tell them.”
“Leah, you slapped me hard.”
Her soul shrank to the size of a mushroom. “I know. And I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t have to walk far down the lane before I realized I was bruising. And the last thing I needed was for everyone to notice a famous Boman with a formerly homicidal girlfriend developing a giant bruise on his face. There aren’t exactly Seeder healers around every corner, so I walked to my parents’ place.”
Leah frowned.
“I wouldn’t tell her how I got it. But she put it together when I asked her to make sure you had more food because I wouldn’t be back for a while. I told her not to say anything.”
Leah was at a loss for words.
“I didn’t drag them into this, not intentionally.”
“You shouldn’t have said what you did before it happened, before you left.” It didn’t excuse her actions, but he had been beyond cruel.
This time he frowned, his throat bobbing. “I know. I’m sorry. I... I was trying so hard, but you were making me choose, and then you were going to leave me.”
“I wasn’t. And I told you that.”
“Then why did you have your passport with you? Why did you hide it again after I found it?”
He had searched. “I wasn’t going to leave you. It was just an option, one I prepared for when I was panicking.”
Looking her dead in the eye, he kept a measured but unhappy tone. “You threatened to take our child and disappear in the human world like your mom did.”
So many objections assaulted her. What about the fact that he’d threatened to cage her? Or literally any topic that touched on her painful feelings with her mom at the moment...
She chose the moment where this had all really started to go downhill. “Just admit you don’t want this baby, Marcus.”
His expression was incredulous. “Why would you think that?”
“You clearly didn’t have a mirror when you had pure terror on your face as I told you I was pregnant. And you didn’t want it.”
“I never said I didn’t want it.”
“Maybe you didn’t say it that way, but you made it abundantly clear.”
He spoke through clenched teeth, his nostrils flaring. “I never said it, because I never once thought it.”
She threw her hands up. “The first chance you got, you suggested we give her to your brother and sister-in-law to adopt.”
“Really?!” Marcus’s jaw dropped. “I’m sorry I didn’t say the right words, or give you the right facial expression. You had time to process before telling me you were pregnant. You got my raw reaction. And you weren’t sure you wanted to keep the baby.” He gestured at her. “And if you didn’t plan to keep it, you’d what? Put it up for adoption? Why the hell would that bother an adopted Boman to imagine their Boman child put up for adoption? Wondering if their birth parents hated them for the sheer fact they were born without powers?”
She should have thought of that. He didn’t speak often or resentfully about his being adopted, but he’d shared how it had hurt finding out the way he’d been dropped off at an orphanage as an infant, in the way unwanted Bomen used to be.
“And honestly,” he continued, “I panicked. I didn’t think I could be a single dad, but I grasped on to the best option I could think of at the moment. Tobias and Cam have talked about adoption. And if they adopted it...” He paused, looking down at his hands. “Then maybe I could still be in its life.”
Tears coated her eyes. “You should have said that.”
He shrugged. “With your next breath, you decided you wanted to keep it, so I didn’t think it mattered.”
Leah scooped herself another helping of humble pie. “I should have been more understanding about all the Boman stuff.”
Her mom’s words replayed in her mind. You and me, we’re the same. And that hurt—another comparison. While Soren had been the war strategist, Beata had played her role as his queen. They hadn’t ruled long at all, but after their downfall, plans had been found for what they’d wanted to do with Bomen after they’d eradicated the Seeder threat. It was disgusting, and it had been planned and penned by Leah’s mom, Beata—the daughter of the leaders of the former quasi slave communities.
Leah loved Marcus. She’d grown up around humans, who didn’t have powers. It had never meant anything to her that he didn’t have them. But she’d been culturally deaf, utterly insensitive. She needed to do better about considering his needs, too, and that of their future child. And not just because the realm would skewer her if she made a misstep as the parent of a Boman.
“I’m really sorry.”
He looked at his hands again. “Thanks.”
What more was there to say? “I know you don’t like choosing between me and your family, but you broke promises.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I thought my mom could help.”
Leah fidgeted with her hands. “Did you ... have your aunt send the escorts? To make sure I couldn’t leave?” They’d appeared the day after he’d left, after he’d threatened to make sure she didn’t leave the realm.
He hesitated. “Not exactly. When you stormed away from the palace and I hung back, I asked Aunt Catrina to give you some space. You were acting kinda crazy, and nervous. I told her we’d be fine without your escorts while we stayed at the cottage. And then when I left the cottage, my mom wanted to make sure you were safe, so she asked Catrina to station them there for you. They were already assigned to protect you.”
“They were only there on regular duty? I could have rifted to the human world with my passport?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I haven’t talked to Aunt Catrina since we left together.”
She took a cleansing breath, the nightmare of misunderstanding between them laid bare. “It’s already terrifying to know what kind of repercussions having your child will bring down on me, and I should have considered that more seriously before we got back together, but I’d like to think we can still sort this out.”
“Leah...” He ruffled his hair. “No offense, but people bring up our relationship to me, too. It’s not like I’ve never had someone express what a bad idea dating you is. After all we’ve been through. After our family’s history. But I have always looked past that.”
That stung. And he had no right to dismiss her so casually. “There’s a big difference in our situations, though. Because you have always retained the ability to walk away from me and my reputation. I’ve never had that option in this realm, and I never will. If you broke up with me and left me for good, people would pat you on the back. I would continue to be Soren and Beata’s murderous child. Any semblance of a decent reputation comes from dating you, and from ‘official memos’ from the palace PR team. Or from pretending to be something I’m not. I stay with you because I love you, but I’m not ignorant of the fact that I rely so heavily on you. And I hate relying on anyone.” For money, for reputation, for anything. In a cage.
He sighed. “You’re right. It would suck having your parents.”
It did, but it was time she came clean about her parents too. “It bugs me when you talk about my mom. Especially when you compare us.”
And then she let it out. Having had some time to process, and already having confessed it all to Kaylah, she explained her heartache, fears, and hurt about how her mom had betrayed her dad, and how Leah had shouldered that blame.
He mostly sat through it with head shakes and a sympathetic frown.
“I know your mom is better than mine, but I’d rather not be compared to either.” She sniffled.
“I get it.” He fidgeted with his hands. “Can I hug you?”
“Yes.” She choked down fresh tears as they stood, meeting in the middle.
Kaylah’s hugs were healing. Marcus’s hugs were something otherworldly.
“I am so sorry,” he whispered into her ear. “I’m never leaving you again. Never. I’ll do better.”
Marcus was home. He was happiness. He was the day to her night.
“I’m sorry too.” She savored the warmth of his arms around her.
“This kinda feels weird,” he said after a while, a smile in his voice. “Hugging you with a bump between us.”
She wore a smile that she imagined matched his. “It’s only going to get weirder.”
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you too.” She leaned back, and they locked eyes. His lips begged to be kissed, so she did just that. He didn’t hesitate in returning the kiss, a hand holding her hips, the other weaving into her black hair.
For that moment, it was only the two of them in that realm. The two of them, the scent of daffodils in the distance, and their hearts beating wildly in unison.
And even as they pulled apart, she wanted more. She needed more. “What do you say to us...”
You’re nothing but a slut, Cheryl’s voice taunted, a memory from her past.
There were worse things Leah could be. She could be like Cheryl. Leah promptly told the bitter old hag in her head—the one who was actually rotting away in a prison cell—where she could go, and what she could do with herself.
“What do you say to us finishing this conversation in my bedroom?” She’d wilt on the spot if he refused her. She needed that kind of connection with him, that happiness and hope she’d had when they’d first arrived at the cottage.
He gave her a shy smile. “Really?”
“Really.”
Blinking, he looked down. “That won’t hurt you or the baby?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m pregnant. Not dying.”
“Then let’s see how it goes.”