CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO - JESSE

 

 

I sit on the terrace after we drop Emma off at her apartment. Hours pass. The sun rises. Traffic down below in the city gets loud, then louder, and the day passes.

I’m waiting for something to happen, I realize. For Emma to call—she doesn’t. For Joey to call—he doesn’t. For Johnny to call—he doesn’t.

Zach is the only person here with me. He sits on the lounge chair next to me like a faithful little brother should. Talking. Dozing. Getting us glasses of water and ordering us lunch, then dinner. More talking.

Nothing he says is important. Things like, “So you wanna go somewhere this weekend?” As if this will fix anything.

And things like, “Maybe we should really try and make this yacht consulting thing work?”

As if it’s just that easy. As if we haven’t already tried it.

And finally, sometime after dinner is delivered, he says, “Maybe you should just call her.”

I look over at him for the first time today. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He shrugs. “Well, I’m tired of sitting out here. So you gotta do—” His phone rings. He looks at the screen and says, “Fuck.”

Out loud I say, “Who is it?” But inside I say, Thank fuck. Finally, someone gives a shit. And then I take it back, because maybe it’s not about me?

Maybe this world isn’t all about me?

“Joey,” Zach says.

And then I take back the take-back. Because if Joey’s calling Zach, it’s definitely about me.

“Yeah,” Zach says, answering his phone. He and I lock eyes. He says, “Yup. He’s here.” Then, “Nope. Hasn’t said anything.” Another pause as he listens to Joey talk. “OK. See you then.”

“What’d he say?” I ask, once the call ends.

“He’s home.”

“From Tokyo?”

“From wherever he was. Said he got on the jet as soon as Johnny called him with the news and he’ll be here in about thirty minutes.”

“Why didn’t Johnny call me?” I don’t know why I bother asking Zach. He doesn’t know the answer to that any more than I do.

“Don’t worry,” Zach says. “I’m sure that call is coming soon.”

“Was Joey pissed?”

“Why would he be pissed?”

“Because it’s always me, Zach. It’s always me they’re after. I’m always the one who fucks shit up.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Well, you did drug her last night, but that was for her own good. You really didn’t do anything this time, Jess.”

“Doesn’t matter,” I say. “I’m the weak link. I’ve always been the weak link.”

“I don’t know. Just wait until Joey gets here and we’ll figure it out.”

So that’s what we do. We wait.

I think about all the other tabloid stories about me. It’s been a while since a good one broke. There was one about a year ago chronicling my self-destruction. Some kind of anniversary issue of me going clean. But the only point of the whole thing was to highlight the fact that clean didn’t get me anywhere. I had run out of second chances and my life was essentially over.

I kind of agreed with them. It was over. There was nothing to look forward to. This consultant business was going absolutely nowhere. They called me an embarrassment to the family name.

But never once did they mention Joey or Johnny. Who also have no future. Who also live off their trust funds. Who also contribute nothing to the world.

It was always just me they hated.

When Joey finally arrives it’s dark and Zach and I are waiting in my living room. I hear the elevator ding on the other side of the doors that lead to my apartment and then they swing open and in he walks.

Joey and I don’t look much alike. He’s got dark hair and dark eyes. We’re the same height and have the same build because we get that from our father, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

He doesn’t say hello. Doesn’t acknowledge Zach or me in any way. Simply walks over to the chair across from me, takes a seat, and props an ankle on a knee. All casual, all the time. So cool and unaffected. That’s Joey.

He never had the attention I did when we were growing up. And maybe that’s because he’s the middle child, I don’t know. But I have never been sure if he resented me for that, or was grateful I took all the heat.

“Well,” I say. “What the fuck do you want?”

He stares out the window. Doesn’t even look at me. Then says, “I’ve been thinking.”

I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t. Typical Joey.

“About what?” Zach finally says.

“How maybe we should stop hiding.”

“Are we hiding?” Zach asks.

Joey looks at him. Not me, just Zach. “Yeah. We are.”

I want to reach over the coffee table and strangle my brother right now. But I take a deep breath and hold it until that urge subsides. When I let it out I say, “It’s not a big deal.”

I’m not sure what I even mean by that. It’s not a big deal that I was drugged and kidnapped by a cosmetic mogul? It’s not a big deal that I threatened her so she’d spend the weekend with me after that happened? It’s not a big deal that somehow, someone stole the security footage from our lake house? It’s not a big deal that Hot Tonight Show is blasting it all over the internet?

It could be all of those things.

But it’s not any of those things.

So I say, “It’s not a big deal because I know what has to be done.”

And I do. That’s why I drugged her last night. That’s why I put her pretty yellow dress back on and took her home. That’s why I didn’t call her and try to explain today.

“Yeah,” Joey says, finally looking at me. “I know you do, Jess. But you know what?”

I shake my head.

“Fuck them.”

“Fuck who, exactly?” Zach asks.

“All of them. Everyone. The whole fucking world. I don’t think you should toe the line this time, Jesse. I think you should do whatever you think is right. You’re not in trouble. She is. That’s not our problem.”

“Hmm,” I say. “Well, I don’t know what I was expecting, but this wasn’t it. Have you talked to Johnny?”

“No.” Joey sighs. “Fuck Johnny too. Sometimes…” He takes a moment to look at me. Like… really look at me. “Sometimes you gotta say, ‘Enough is enough.’”

I squint my eyes at him. “Are you OK?”

He nods his head. But it turns into a shake pretty quick. “No. I’m not OK.”

“What happened?” I ask.

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“What’s that mean?” Zach asks.

“It means… I’m gonna handle it.”

“OK,” I say. “What the fuck are we talking about? Me? Or you?”

“It’s not all about you, Jesse. It never had anything to do with you.”

Zach and I trade looks. And I’m just about to push Joey for more when the security buzzer rings.

Zach and I trade another look. He says, “I’ll get it,” then gets up and walks out to see who is downstairs.

“Are you expecting someone?” Joey asks.

“No,” I say. Because I’m not. But… I am secretly hoping that’s Emma.

“So listen,” Joey says, lowering his propped leg, clasping his hands together in front of him, and leaning forward. “I don’t think Johnny is ever going to tell you, so I’m gonna do it for him.”

“What?”

“Do you know why they love to hate you?”

“Who?”

“Everyone, Jesse. Surely you’ve noticed that you’re the only one they follow around. I’ve been selling myself at that bachelor auction for years and no scandal ever come out of it even though every date was definitely a scandal. And I’m not blaming you, so before you get defensive, that’s not what I’m saying.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying it’s not your fault. You were just… the deal.”

“What deal?”

“The one Dad and Uncle Chuck made when you were born.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I snap.

“They had to make a trade, OK? Dad and Uncle Chuck. To get this business they had to give something up, and that something was you.” He stares at me. “And Mom.”

“Mom? Dude, I’m not following.”

“You’re the black sheep and not because you’re the black sheep. You’re just… a way to redirect the heat off everyone else.” He leans back in his chair again as these words echo in my head. “Not me, of course. I guess I got lucky. No one gives any fucks at all about me as long as I play my part. You are the reason Johnny can do his job. And honestly, he’s not gonna be upset about this. He’s probably upstairs celebrating right now.”

“What. The fuck. Are you talking about?”

“You really don’t know, do you? All these years living in this building, underneath the shadow of Dad and Johnny, and you never did figure it out.”

I’m not going to repeat myself a third time. So I say nothing.

“Just play along if you want. But I’m here to say, I’m out. I’m done. I’m moving on. I’m not even looking back. Johnny can go fuck himself because I’ve got a life and I’m gonna stop running, and hiding, and start living it.”

It is in this moment that I realize… I don’t know my brothers. I don’t know a goddamned thing about them.

“The story’s good,” Joey continues, rubbing his hands up and down his face like he’s tired. And he looks tired. He looks like shit, actually. He might’ve been wearing a suit earlier but right now he’s just in dark slacks and a white button-down that’s only halfway tucked in. His sleeves are rolled up and he’s got several days’ worth of stubble on his face.

I’m just about to ask him if he’s OK again when he continues. “Deny it, of course. That’s expected. But not too hard. Let everyone be suspicious. Let that Dumas woman take your heat and clean it up for you. Just… stay away from her from now on and everything will be fine. You can go back to being…” He waves his hand in the air. “Whoever the fuck you are.”

And that’s when the doors open and Zach appears with Emma at his side.