DAKOTA HAD a much greater respect for people who planned romantic getaways. It was an impossible act when you lived with someone who knew you too well and who was suspicious by nature. Dakota managed to get his turntable and favorite records out to the car without incident. But Brenden caught him when he snuck into his room to pack an overnight bag for him. The squawking over that lasted a good twenty minutes. It wasn’t until Dakota lost his temper and yelled at him that Brenden backed off.
Now both of them sat in stony silence as Dakota navigated the winding back roads of Southern Maryland. A great way to start off his plans to romance Brenden for the weekend. Jackass. Dakota wasn’t sure if that sour thought was directed at himself or Brenden. Both of them deserved it.
“We’re going to Trev and Evelyn’s getaway?” Brenden said, breaking the silence as he finally looked up from his phone long enough to take in the scenery.
“Yep. No one will look for us in Cobb Island, not even our family. It’s quiet, and it even has separate beds so you can stop worrying I’m going to put my hands all over you.” Though Dakota was dying to get his hands all over Brenden. He knew himself, though. If he’d booked a hotel or B and B for the weekend, he’d never have been able to behave. His willpower was already frayed with Brenden’s pissiness.
It had only been two weeks since his vow to woo Brenden and not seduce him, and Dakota was second-guessing that tactic. Because Brenden didn’t get the hint he was being romanced, and every time he took that tone with Dakota, he was begging to have the breath kissed out of him. Fucking begging.
Brenden was silent as he continued to study their surroundings. Through the trees, glimpses of the Potomac River peeked through. The dark water flowed on toward the horizon where it met the lowering sun, splashing the sky with color. It was going to be a beautiful weekend. Dakota had plans for crabs and beer on the back sunporch and teasing Brenden into dancing with him in the moonlight. Between work of course. One surefire way to romance Brenden had to be through diligence.
The contemplative quiet remained right until they pulled up in front of the pretty little blue clapboard house on the water. As Dakota parked the car, Brenden turned toward him with a troubled expression. He seemed as if he were about to say something when he abruptly got out and gathered his laptop bag.
Dakota was afraid to ask what was going through his mind. He was likely to get a whole earful. It was better just to dive in with his plans. He retrieved their bags and dropped them in the living room, before returning to set up his record player. Dammit, this was going to work.
“I figured we could set up our war room right in the kitchen,” Dakota said as he found Brenden in that spot. He’d already driven down to set up the whiteboard and corkboard. The refrigerator was stocked with beer and wine and items for quick meals. They’d grabbed subs for tonight, and he had a damned half bushel of crabs waiting to be picked up for tomorrow. It had been ages since they’d done that, and crab season was in full swing. Brenden was going to love it or else.
Brenden leaned against the counter with a sigh. “What gives, Dakota? And don’t foist me off with some bullshit. We could’ve done this at home. Why bring me all the way out here?”
“Can’t you enjoy a nice fucking gesture?” Dakota gave Brenden a testy scowl. “Why does everything have to have a damned ulterior motive?”
“Because all my instincts are screaming you’re up to something, and I can’t fucking relax until I know what it is,” Brenden snapped back. “You’ve got me on edge, Dakota, and I’m tired of being on edge around you. It’s been going on for years, and I want it to stop.”
That was a brutally honest response, and Dakota wanted to go to him and pull Brenden into his arms. But he knew where that would go, and he’d promised himself he wasn’t going to take the easy route. Not if he wanted this to work. So he had to be as honest with Brenden in return. Hell, Brenden was the only one Dakota felt completely comfortable opening up to. And if he couldn’t talk to him about them, they were doomed.
“You know, we used to talk. Then Kent Island happened and we stopped talking.” Brenden’s shoulders slumped in misery. “I know I started it. I didn’t want to hear you confirm we would be friends with benefits, so I drove you off. Then I figured if we didn’t talk about it and kept it light and easy, things would go back to normal, but they’re not. I miss my best friend. I don’t know how to act around you anymore.”
It was like Brenden read his mind, which was why they always clicked. “I miss you too, Bren. I have lots of friends, but no one who I open up to like I do to you. It’s the same with you. Lots of friends and acquaintances, but you don’t let many close. Okay, friend to friend, we need to talk.”
He grabbed Brenden’s hand and tugged him out onto the sun porch. The early-summer air off the water was warm, but not humid enough to discourage snuggling. He pushed Brenden down onto the couch. “Give me a minute,” Dakota said when he started to question. He needed a beer to get through this. He’d never declared his feelings or intentions to anyone before.
When Dakota returned with a bottle of beer and a glass of wine for Brenden, he found the exasperating man watching the lowering sun with a worried expression on his face. It made Dakota ache, because he knew he was the cause of so many of Brenden’s worries. Sometimes he didn’t know what Brenden found so lovable about him.
Dakota handed Brenden his glass, sat down next to him, and slid his arm around Brenden’s shoulders like he’d been longing to do. “Here’s to Kent Island.” He clinked his bottle against Brenden’s glass. He’d thought about starting first but decided to nudge Brenden. He wanted to know exactly where Brenden stood before he opened his mouth. He suspected Brenden had been holding back too much for years. “What did it mean to you? That night.”
“Me?” Brenden stared at Dakota in disbelief, and then his expression firmed. “Okay, fine, I’ll start. It meant….” Brenden rubbed a hand over his scalp and took a long drink of his wine. “Dammit, it meant everything to me. I’d wanted you for a long time. Years if I’m being honest. And not just wanted you.” He looked at Dakota, his eyes vulnerable and expression stark. “I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you.”
Always? Holy fuck. This time Dakota took a long pull on his beer. It scared the hell out of him. What if he couldn’t live up to Brenden’s love? He didn’t want to hurt him. But wasn’t not trying doing the same damn thing?
“I guess it’s my turn, then.” Dakota set his bottle down on the table. This whole conversation was harder than he expected, which probably said a lot about his true feelings.
Brenden immediately tensed and stared down at his wine with a lost expression. “Don’t mess with me, Dakota, please. I know what you were thinking. I know your views on relationships and love. I cannot be your friend and fuck buddy and accept just that. I’m being straight-up honest with you. That’s why I pulled back so hard.”
“You have good self-preservation instincts.” That’s exactly what Dakota had been thinking of the next morning. Fuck buddies with a long history of friendship and a whole lot of hidden heat.
Brenden gave him a humorless smile. “No, my sense of self-preservation sucks. I know you.”
Dakota stood up and paced the deck before he gave in to his urge to kiss Brenden into a real smile. Focusing on his physical attraction was begging for trouble. He had to focus on their emotions if Brenden was going to listen to anything he had to say. “Well, you would’ve been right. I was only thinking of the sex and nothing else. It was distracting because the sex was awesome and I wanted to do it again.”
Color warmed Brenden’s cheeks, and he took a sip of his wine. “It was.”
“But don’t think it didn’t mean anything to me, because it did. It took me a while to realize how much, because let’s face it. I’m dense as fuck.” Brenden straightened and shot Dakota a glare, and Dakota waved him silent. “Let me say that another way before you get all defensive of me. Sometimes I don’t look deeply enough into my feelings and the feelings of those I care about.”
“That’s better,” Brenden said grudgingly.
“But I meant what I said when I left you that message. You weren’t another conquest. I knew that the moment we kissed. It was important. It was incredible… beyond the hotness factor.” Dakota retrieved his beer and took a long swallow. “But these last torturous weeks of celibacy have forced me to come to some realizations.”
Granted, the realizations scared the absolute fuck out of Dakota, but the idea of losing Brenden to some jerk scared him even more. He loved Brenden. He just didn’t know if he was in love with him. He didn’t know how people made the distinction, and because he’d never been in that state before, he didn’t know how to characterize this. But he was determined to figure it out.
“You’ve been celibate?” Disbelief colored Brenden’s voice, and he looked skeptical when Dakota nodded. His reputation was biting him in the ass. “What are you looking for? A weekend of sex, no conditions or strings? Is that what this is about?”
It was a good damned thing Dakota had already determined that was a bad idea because the thought of Brenden offering sex taxed his willpower. Bad, bad idea, Nye. Keep it the fuck together. He’d never felt so nervous with a guy before. Never cared so much for a favorable response.
“No, Bren. I set up this weekend so we could figure out our next steps for the con and for us.” Dakota took a deep breath. It was now or never. He had to go for it. “And I’ve been thinking about us, meaning me and you, as a long-term couple, not just partners and brothers. I mean romantically.”
Brenden’s mouth dropped open and then worked like he wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out. He killed the rest of the wine in his glass, and Dakota’s heart twisted. He rarely saw Brenden so vulnerable. What if he was too burned to take a chance?
“I never planned on committing to anyone. I always figured I was as selfish as Momma and would be a disaster, so it was smarter to keep it relaxed and fun.” Dakota stopped pacing and turned to face Brenden as he straightened in indignation.
“You are not like your momma.” Despite the edge in Brenden’s eyes, his voice was gentle. “She’s selfish, Dakota. It’s always about her needs. Some people might peg you that way, but they’re wrong. You don’t let people too close. You keep them safely away, but you don’t completely disregard their feelings. You can be blind to them, true, but not deliberately hurtful. Hell, your momma and my dad would be perfect for each other. Perfect in misery.”
“Yeah, well, that blind side led to you getting hurt, and I’m so fucking sorry, Bren.” Dakota crouched down and took Brenden’s hands. “I want a chance for you and me. A real chance, not a half-assed one.”
Brenden stared at him with wide and wary eyes. “Dakota, I’m not getting our family all riled and upset on a chance.”
“I’m ready to tell them today you’re the one I want,” Dakota said. “But I get it if you want to hold back.” He figured when Brenden was willing to come out with the news, that would mean he trusted in them. “We’ll wait until you’re ready.”
“You want to be with me exclusively?” Brenden said unsteadily. “No running off when you get bored or meet someone more interesting?”
There was no one more interesting than Brenden. He’d kept Dakota amused, challenged, and irritated for more years than he wanted to consider. Hell, they were practically married if he looked at it the right way. Except for the exclusive sex part. Which was scary and encouraging at the same time. They hadn’t killed each other yet. That had to bode well for their future.
“What? You don’t think I’m capable of committing to the right man?” Dakota teased, his heart beating faster because Brenden looked so damned serious and he wanted to see him smile.
Brenden bit his lip, his head cocking to the side. “You haven’t shown much evidence of that so far. Writing a name down on your fuck list does not equal commitment.”
“Maybe that’s because I was screwing around everywhere else when the right man was beside me the whole time,” Dakota insisted. “I have tried looking at others in the last month, and no one compares to you, Bren. No one ever has.”
Brenden closed his eyes and Dakota’s heart sank. He was going to say no and retreat into the shell of his that was so fucking hard to crack. “I swear. I didn’t bring you here to seduce you. Even though it is killing me, I have no plans to jump you again until you realize I’m serious. I’ve been trying to romance you, but either I suck or you’re clueless.”
Brenden choked on a laugh. “I don’t know what’s funnier, you taking a vow of abstinence or trying to be romantic. I thought you were coming down with something.” He studied Dakota a moment longer and shook his head. Dakota’s heart tumbled even lower. He wasn’t even going to try, and he didn’t know how to convince him. “That self-preservation instinct you claim I have is screaming at me to shut this down, but I can’t. I don’t know how to say no to you anymore, Dakota. I’ve used up all my denials for life.”
It took a moment for that to sink in, and then Dakota grinned in triumph. He squeezed Brenden’s hands and resisted the urge to kiss him breathless. That would convey the wrong message. Brenden didn’t doubt Dakota wanted him. His mind spun as he tried to think of something romantic he could do. “Just stay right here a moment.”
Brenden stared after him with a perplexed expression as Dakota headed for the record player and the small pile of vinyls he’d brought. He picked up the first one with a sense of satisfaction. Perfect.
The music wafted out to the sun porch as Dakota returned and took Brenden’s hand, tugging him to his feet. “What are you doing?” Brenden asked.
“Dancing with you.” Dakota slipped his arm around Brenden’s waist and drew him closer. He’d been longing to have him in his arms for so long that it felt like a dream to have him there now.
“Why?” Brenden moved stiffly, his steps as uncertain as the look in his eyes.
“Because it’s impossible to resist Terrence Trent D’Arby’s music.” Dakota moved them in a slow circle around the room, encouraged as Brenden moved more in tune with him. “Because I’ve had many thoughts of twirling you around our kitchen over the years and I’ve never indulged them.”
A smile lit up Brenden’s eyes, and he slid his arm around Dakota in return. “I guess I should be on the lookout, then.”
“Yes, you should.” Dakota laid his cheek against Brenden’s and half closed his eyes as he listened to the music. Bit by bit Brenden relaxed his wary stance, and Dakota considered this night a major victory. They’d talked, really talked for the first time in what felt like forever. Dakota hadn’t realized how much he’d missed that. Right now Brenden was in his arms as if there was no place he’d rather be and there was a tender ache in Dakota’s throat that he didn’t know how to express, so he held on and moved them through the steps.
“Hello?” Aden’s voice called from the front of the house. Brenden jerked out of Dakota’s embrace, his eyes widening with alarm as the sweet moment slipped away. “Brenden? Are you here?”
“Fuck me,” Dakota swore under his breath as Brenden hurried toward the front door. He yanked out his phone and texted his cousin. What the fuck are you doing here? Whatever it took, he was getting Aden out of there before he ruined all of Dakota’s plans. It would take Brenden forever to relax now.
He followed Brenden to the foyer, where he greeted Aden with a hug and took Julie’s overnight bag. Dakota eyed it sourly. Apparently he wasn’t the only one with this idea. He doubted he would get Aden and Julie out.
On a bad note, they weren’t going to be alone anymore and he wouldn’t be able to lure Brenden into any more dances. On the good side, they’d have to share a bed if Julie and Aden opted to stay. That would be torture, but it would be a pleasant torture. Brenden would be scandalized at the thought of having sex with Aden down the hall. So even if Dakota was tempted to start something, he wouldn’t be able to. He glanced at his phone as it vibrated.
I was trying to get in a romantic weekend w/Julie since it’s supposed to be so pretty. Won’t be able to do this when school starts. What the fuck are you doing here?
Dakota could sympathize with that, but only to an extent. His own romantic plans were in shambles. War meeting. Sorry.
Dakota’s phone buzzed again, and he glanced down at the incoming text message. You hurt Brenden again & I will end you. I’m going to be learning the skills to do it & get away with it.
Dakota lifted his head to meet Aden’s easy smile, though there was a hardness in his eyes Dakota had never seen before. His cousin was serious. There were so many responses that he could make. Like how he hadn’t meant to. Or for Aden to mind his own fucking business. He must’ve seen them dancing through the screened porch, and Aden wasn’t stupid.
I wouldn’t fight you cuz I’d deserve it. Don’t ever want to hurt him. Don’t say anything. Bren’s not ready for the fam to know.
Dakota glanced at Julie, but she didn’t act like she’d seen anything. Brenden would be relieved to know not everyone in their family would freak out. Dakota wasn’t sure if he should tell him that yet, though. Better to spring one surprise on him at a time. Brenden was still adjusting to the idea Dakota wanted a relationship. That might take some time to sink in.
Not a word. But I’m for you two, unless you hurt him. Then you’re dead.
Damn, okay, message received.