I haven’t hope. I haven’t faith.
I live two lives and sometimes three.
The lives I live make life a death
For those who have to live with me.
Guilt by John Betjeman
‘Pram’s in the car. I’m parked on the lines so we’d better hurry. I’ve booked us into the Crown Hotel in Topsham, so we’ll have somewhere to hang out. It’s an old coaching inn. But we don’t have to stay if you decide you want to come home. Have you packed enough for staying over?’
‘Yes. Have you?’
‘Yes.’
Within no time at all, Sophie was en route to the West Country, without the slightest idea what she might find there. With Laura sleeping much of the way, they opted to drive straight through and arrived at the hotel just before one thirty. Sam checked in as Mr and Mrs Barnes and arranged for afternoon tea to be sent to their room, which was everything a room should be. Such a shame about the purpose of their visit. Nevertheless, Sophie experienced a brief burst of holiday excitement and decreed that they should stay over whatever happened in the next few hours. So, they ate sandwiches, drank tea, fed Laura and braced themselves for the next stage of their West Country adventure, which took them north-west along the Exeter Road then the Topsham Road, neither of which were lined with the Devonshire cottages Sophie had expected. In fact, Jonah’s real-life postcode directed them towards some significantly detached houses, set back away from the road and masked from the traffic by many lush and long-established trees. Sam took the liberty of pulling into the Perrins’ drive and waited for Sophie to change her mind and want to leave, which she did straight after he cut the engine. ‘Sam, why did you let me come here? I must have been out of my mind, thinking it’s all right to do this.’
‘Yes, you thought it as recently as twenty minutes ago, when we left the hotel.’ He undid his seat belt. ‘And it would be even crazier to have come all the way here and then leave without ringing the doorbell.’
‘But, Sam, what if…’ She caught her breath. ‘Someone’s opening the front door!’
They watched as a slim woman approached. Sophie couldn’t recognise her from Katie’s photo. She was wearing shorts and a vest and far too much gold jewellery, and as she drew close Sophie noticed her blonde ponytail flicking from side to side as if she was on a treadmill. How could Jonah possibly have a wife that looked quite so athletic?
Sam stepped out of the car to greet her. ‘Mrs Perrin?’
‘Why yes, I thought you were lost. We often have people pulling in off the road to ask directions.’ She bent down to smile at Sophie. ‘What can I do for you?’ Her accent was unsuccessfully-cultured West Country.
‘I’m Sam,’ said Sam. ‘We were hoping to have a quick chat with you about…’
‘My husband?’
Sam frowned. ‘Well, yes. A chat about your husband.’
Sophie stepped out of the car and hurried round to stand beside Sam. ‘Hello, Mrs Perrin. I’m…’
‘Sophie?’
Sophie nodded as non-hysterically as she could.
‘You know about Sophie?’ said Sam.
‘I always know about Robert’s little deviations. Why don’t you come inside and we can have our chat over a drink or two? But, Sam, would you mind moving your car further in because you’re blocking the entrance. Us girls can wait for you inside.’
Sam helped Laura into Sophie’s arms then she left him re-parking and followed Mrs Perrin into her spacious hall and on into a vast open-plan kitchen-diner which was both impressive and naff in equal measure. ‘What an amazing space,’ enthused Sophie as sincerely as she was able to. She heard the front door close and turned to see Sam striding in to join them.
‘Well, here we all are,’ said Mrs Perrin. ‘What would you like to drink? Coffee? Coke? There’s a cold cava.’
‘I’m driving, so I’d better go for the Coke,’ said Sam.
‘Me too,’ said Sophie. She watched Jonah’s wife walk over to the huge fridge and pull open the door to reveal enough food to feed a small village. ‘Did Robert tell you about me and Laura?’
‘Not really. That would be sick, wouldn’t it? No. As brilliant as he is with his computers, he’s not very inventive with his passwords.’ She poured two Cokes and handed them over before helping herself to the bottle of cava. ‘So, what has it been? Close on five years, isn’t it? But I didn’t know about Laura until just ten minutes ago. He doesn’t usually let things get as complicated as that. She looks just like him, poor thing.’ She handed the bottle to Sam. ‘Would you open that for me, Sam. I’ve just had my nails done.’
‘I’m sorry we had to meet like this,’ said Sophie. ‘I never knew he was married.’
‘Don’t you worry yourself about it.’ Rosemary tickled Laura’s cheek. ‘Such a lovely name. My eldest daughter’s also called Laura. Robert chose it. Named her after his mother.’
Not only did that last snippet of information reveal to Sophie the extent to which Jonah had belittled her and Laura’s lives, but the flippancy with which his wife offered it caused her to fear that at any minute she might pull out an axe and cleave them all asunder. She watched Sam hand Mrs Perrin the opened bottle, watched her pour herself a large goblet of sparkling wine and, once again, felt the need to apologise.
‘Heidi, I’m really sorry about all this.’
And, for the first time, Mrs Perrin looked surprised. ‘Who’s Heidi?’
Sam broke the silence, ‘We investigated your husband’s text messages. One of them was to someone called Heidi. Apparently, he was leaving Sophie to go to her. And…’
Sophie recovered her voice. ‘And when I discovered he was married I assumed he was returning to you and that you were Heidi.’
‘Well, I’m afraid I’ve never heard of this Heidi. I’m Rosemary. Shall we go and sit down?’ She directed them towards a cluster of soft chairs, one of which was occupied by a small, white, immobile dog. ‘So, Sophie, Robert was leaving you, was he?’
‘Yes. He was loading his car when the accident happened. I ran after him and I tripped and nudged him against his case and he fell back onto his toolbox and broke his head open.’
Rosemary Perrin actually laughed. ‘What a come-uppance! Fate is such a sick joker. Look, I hate to spoil your noble conclusions, but I wasn’t expecting Robert back for another month. Let me see, Bahrain. Yes, it was Bahrain this time. That’s what I told the detectives.’
‘You mean the police that came to tell you about the accident?’ said Sophie.
‘No. Actual detectives. Fraud Squad, I think. Two of them called round to speak to Robert. Just over two weeks ago. Something about bank accounts. I told them they’d have to wait until he was back from Bahrain.’ She smiled at Sophie. ‘I never let slip that was code for his other woman in Surrey. I gave them one of Robert’s business cards. And then, a few days later, two more came. It must have been the day before the accident. They looked like a right pair of thugs. Probably Special Branch. Goodness knows what Robert’s got himself into.’
‘Can you describe them?’ said Sam. ‘The two from Special Branch?’
‘Well, they were both very muscular,’ said Rosemary. ‘One of them was bald with a beard and disgustingly filthy teeth. And the other one had this really unsightly mole on his face. They asked about Robert’s clients. I told them he handled all his business on his laptop which he had with him. They wanted a photo.’ She shrugged. ‘Anyway, Sophie, it looks like this Heidi is your replacement as well as mine. But I wouldn’t be too upset. You’re just one of a long series. Although you have been his longest. Most of them don’t last out the year.’
Sophie shook her head in disbelief. Sam stood up and took Laura from her. ‘Soph, I’ll take her for a walk in the garden, shall I? Is that OK, Rosemary?’
‘Sure. Don’t fall in the pool.’
Sophie watched Sam step outside. She could feel herself trembling, could feel Rosemary Perrin patting her hand like her grandma used to.
‘Sophie, you’re better off without him. I’ve often thought of contacting you and spilling the beans, but my life here is OK. My daughters have all they want. So, it was never in my interest to upset the apple cart.’
‘But why is he like it, Rosemary?’
‘I don’t know. We’d been married a good few years when I started to suspect he was leading a double life. I suppose when he decides to move on they’re actually triple lives. He always calls himself Royston – his mother’s maiden name: Laura Royston – and it’s his company name so it never changes, but he likes to vary his Christian name. He’s been Jonah with you, hasn’t he? But sometimes he’s Isaac and I think once he spent a few months as Noah. Always very biblical. I think he sees it as a way of getting back at his mother’s religious mania. Very old testament: no lies, no stealing, no adultery, no coveting your neighbour’s donkeys or whatever. He told me once that she used to lock him and his brother in their room and starve them until they confessed their sins and repented. There was no Commandment about persecuting children, so as far as she was concerned it was acceptable. I suppose that can turn a kid into a strange adult.’
‘I didn’t know he had a brother.’
‘Lives in Cape Town. We haven’t heard from him for a couple of years.’
‘Is Robert’s mother still alive?’
‘She’s in a home. Early onset Alzheimer’s. Personally, I think she always had it. Robert goes and sits with the desiccated old crone every Sunday when he’s at home. Probably confessing what he’s up to, just to drive her battier.’
‘God, I had no idea.’ Sophie leaned back to catch sight of Sam. He was showing Laura the roses, lifting her close so she could smell them. Speaking on his phone at the same time.
‘He seems like a nice guy,’ said Rosemary.
‘Sam kind of fell into my life just as Jonah… Robert fell out of it.’ She paused. ‘Rosemary, what’s going to happen when Robert is discharged from hospital?’
‘They said he was in a coma.’
‘It’s an induced coma. I think they’re going to let him regain consciousness in the next few days. And, when he’s recovered enough, they’ll send him to a rehabilitation unit.’
‘And then what?’
‘Presumably, he’ll come here.’
‘What, permanently?’
‘I suppose so. He probably still regards this as his proper home.’
‘But I don’t want him back home. Not all the time. And half his stuff’s with you, isn’t it? He moved his business premises to be near to you.’
‘But he was leaving me. He was hiring a van to bring his stuff here.’
‘Not as far as I know, he wasn’t. Perhaps he was taking it to Heidi.’ She tugged at her ponytail. ‘Do you know what kind of state he’s going to be in?’
‘The doctor wouldn’t commit himself.’
‘God, I’m not going to nurse the bastard! Sophie, we need to find this other woman of his. Perhaps she’ll have him.’
‘But he’s never actually lived with her, apart from nights when he was working away, which were probably…’ The front door crashed open and two girls ran in and demanded food. They turned to consider Sophie.
‘Laura, Issy, this is Sophie. Sophie, these are my daughters,’ she glanced up. ‘And this is Zane, my personal trainer and handy man.’
Sophie gaped up at the tanned, blond, muscular younger man that was offering her his hand. He was so bronzed he was approaching orange, a perfect stereotypic hunk. She instantly realised why Rosemary didn’t want Jonah home on any kind of permanent basis. She shook hands then watched Zane sweep Rosemary into his arms and kiss her.
‘Rosie, darling, Issy did ten lengths today. Straight.’
‘She looked like a walrus,’ said the older girl. Obviously Laura.
‘That’s wonderful, Issy,’ said Rosemary. ‘Girls, why don’t you grab supplies and go and watch TV? Zane will bring you some shakes later.’
The two girls considered the proposition, then invaded the fridge and disappeared back into the hallway. Zane walked over and re-opened the fridge door.
‘How old are they?’ Sophie asked.
‘Twelve and fourteen. Zane’s really good with them. More than you can say for Robert. They’d be ecstatic if they knew they had a baby sister.’
Again, Sophie leaned back to catch sight of Laura and Sam, still on the phone. ‘Doesn’t your pool have a fence around it?’
‘No, but it’s alarmed, so we’ll know if anyone falls in. Zane, darling, would you go and introduce yourself to Sam. He’s in the garden with Robert’s latest daughter. Give us another ten minutes.’ Zane finished pouring his Coke, winked at Sophie then hurried outside. Rosemary watched the door close behind him. ‘Now,’ she said, ‘where were we? Oh yes: Robert. I suppose, if he recovers, I’m in the most difficult position because he owns half this house. Do you have your own property?’
‘Yes. I’ve discovered Robert’s not even listed as living there.’
‘No, he avoids signing anything official in his pretend names.’
‘Well, he’s Jonah Royston on Laura’s birth certificate.’
Rosemary raised her eyebrows. ‘Oh dear. Is that legal? He doesn’t usually break the law, just most of the Commandments.’ She glanced into the garden. ‘I take it you’d prefer not to have him back?’
‘Yes. I’d prefer not, but I think for both our sakes, we need to find Heidi. I have her mobile number at home. I’ll try contacting her tomorrow. We’re staying over at the Crown Hotel in Topsham. Rosemary, were you upset when you discovered Robert’s affairs?’
‘At first I was. I had two little girls not even old enough to go to school. But, what could I do? He was successful enough to have bought this house. And a divorce would have meant selling it.’ A smile. ‘So, I developed my alternative strategy.’
‘Does Robert know about Zane?’
‘They’re what you might call acquainted. Zane has a yacht over in the Dart Marina. And Jonah’s always very specific about when he’s going to be here. So, Zane knows when to make himself scarce.’
‘But, what about Issy and Laura?’
‘They adore Zane and they know not to mention him. In case it upsets Daddy.’
Rosemary continued to stupefy Sophie with her pragmatism until, eventually, Sam and Zane joined them. And, whilst Jonah’s two older daughters looked after their baby sister – without realising she was their baby sister – Sam chatted to Rosemary about her husband’s business, mentioning that he had installed the new college portal and they were now not able to call him back to solve the data crisis they were experiencing. Rosemary was dismissive. She was not in the least au fait with Robert’s business enterprises. His equipment had all been transferred to his Surrey premises, which he had insisted was more convenient for contracts in London and the South-East. As far as she knew, the only clients he still had in the West Country were Kalmus AG, an Anglo-Dutch pharmaceutical company, and a boatyard, the mention of which provided Zane with the opportunity to talk about his 51-foot Jeanneau, Sweet Dreams.
‘Rosie and I just sail up and down the coast when the sun shines. We’re teaching the girls to crew. We’ll take you out sometime, if you like. When things settle down.’
Driving back to their hotel, Sophie thanked Sam for sharing her encounter with Jonah’s other life.
He tugged a lock of her hair. ‘My pleasure. Besides, it was very revealing. Your errant ex-lover may be totally unscrupulous, but I approve of his taste in women.’
‘Did you think Rosemary was attractive?’
‘Yeh, in a slightly vacuous, footballer’s wife way. But she’s not in your league, Mrs Barnes. You’re far more upmarket than that.’
‘You can be very annoying.’
‘Sweetheart, you have no idea.’
Silence.
‘Sam… those two men Rosemary thought were Special Branch, they’re the same two I thought were in Jonah’s skittles team, aren’t they? Why do you think they’re looking for him? Do you think it’s about that bag of money?
‘You told them what happened to him, didn’t you?’
‘I said he was in Intensive Care. In Southampton.’