“Hey.” Camilo sounded completely worn out, which was his permanent state lately. We’d barely seen each other in the past two weeks. Even Libe was starting to worry about him, since the last times he’d been over to the house he’d been so obviously exhausted, all I wanted was to let him rest. When he’d come over on Valentine’s he’d barely been able to stay awake helping Libe with her class gifts. Afterwards he’d fallen asleep within seconds of getting into bed and had run off at 5:00 a.m. to go do more work.
I was worried about him, but he refused to accept any help for his mom’s rent, or for anything else for that matter. He’d cancelled twice on me in the last week, and I was starting to feel desperate.
“How are you, amor?”
“Tired,” he answered, but I could hear a smile under the weariness in his voice. At least he was still happy to hear from me. “What’s up, baby? Talk to me.” I heard a long exhale and I could barely hold back the need to go to his office, carry him out and take him to a beach somewhere for a week, so he could fucking sleep. But I couldn’t even suggest it, because that would just get me shut out. Not that what I was about to tell him would likely go over any better.
“Are you slammed today?”
He let out an exhausted laugh. “Always.”
Lately I felt like any request I made felt like an imposition. Camilo constantly told me that being with me was the only time he felt like he could relax, but it was getting harder to keep quiet while I saw him struggle. “So, I have a favor to ask.” I paused, hoping this didn’t freak him out. “My mom is here.”
“What? How?” The tiredness in his voice was quickly replaced with panic. “I thought they were coming for the launch.”
I felt like shit for asking, but he was the contact for the renovation and he’d told me again and again that he didn’t want our relationship interfering with his job. “That was the plan, but she ended up coming for a few days to help a friend who needed to have a check-up with her oncologist.”
Camilo sighed and I grimaced, feeling weary of how everything felt so strained lately. “She got in yesterday morning and is leaving tomorrow night. She’d like to go see the renovation before she goes, because she may not be able to make it here for the event.”
The silence on the other line was heavy.
“This is really last minute, Tom.” He sounded like he was about to cry, and again I felt like shit. Because in the end this was also me being a selfish asshole and trying to find an excuse to see him.
When the silence stretched without a word from Camilo I decided to cut my losses. “It’s okay. I’ll let my mom know it’s not possible,” I said, hoping I’d been able to hide my disappointment.
“No, Tom, this is my job.” He sighed again. “It’s not an issue at all. The main reason I was even put on this project was so that I could communicate with your mother.”
We both knew that was bullshit, and I’d just manipulated the situation to see more of him, sort of like I was doing now. I was about to call the whole thing off when he spoke again.
“I can take you guys there today. It would be my pleasure to give her a tour.” His cordial, “all business” tone was even more concerning than the weary one before, because this sounded like a different person.
“You know what, mi amor? We can just do it at another time.” I forced myself to come up with a lighter tone. “The shelter isn’t going anywhere,” I said, hating myself for starting this shit.
“Don’t be silly, Tom. I just need to let the shelter managers know we’re coming, so they can get ready. What time works for you?”
I cleared my throat, but when I spoke I sounded off. “She’s taking Libe out to get mani/pedis or something after school.”
“I bet my boo’s excited for that.” For the first time in the conversation, I felt like I was talking to Camilo.
“You know how she is,” I said with a real smile on my lips this time.
Camilo exhaled, but he sounded better. “I feel like I’m talking to my long-distance boyfriend. I miss you, baby.” I shuddered, feeling the same need deep in my gut.
“And I miss you.” There was no hiding the bone deep want in my voice.
“Why don’t you guys come around eleven a.m., I’ll let you know where to go.” He was back to business, but the tone changed, we were us again.
“Also...we need to keep things professional between us.” He sounded a little mortified, and I rushed to let him know he did not need to worry.
“I understand, whatever you need, mi amor.” Simple as that. “I totally get it. Thanks for doing this, mi vida.”
As I ended the call I reminded myself once again this was temporary, if I could just be patient and let Camilo do what he needed to do for his mother, we’d have forever waiting on the other side.
* * *
“You look at him like he’s water after a long day in the sun, m’ijo.”
I shook my head at my mother and her mushiness, my eyes still zeroed in on Camilo.
“Behave, Mamí, remember—”
She chuckled, squeezing my elbow. “I know, no ‘boyfriend’ talk, I’m aware that you went and got yourself caught up in a secret affair.” Her eyes twinkled when she looked at me. “This man keeps bringing out new sides of you.” She shot me the look that was usually followed by some kind of anecdote illustrating how I was a perfect child.
“You were always so self-contained, not a word out of place, but fierce.” She ran a hand over my shoulder, her eyes on Camilo as he approached. “You were always impatient when it came to going after what you wanted. I’m glad someone is finally making you wait.”
I pursed my lips at my mom’s smug expression. “Not nice, Mami.” She just laughed, tipping her chin at the object of our conversation.
I straightened as Camilo got closer, my body primed to take him in my arms, kiss him. Look him over to see how he was doing. Since we were standing across the street from his place of work, I extended a hand to him instead.
“Camilo, good to see you.” He looked frayed, but his smile was warm, and he stood just a bit closer than necessary.
“Tom,” he said gripping my hand, then turned to look at my mother. “Señora Gomez. ¿Come esta?”
She waved his hand away and went in for a tight hug and a kiss right there on the busy sidewalk, then told him in a low voice, “Please call me Esperanza. I’ve been wanting to meet the man who’s made my son so happy in the last few months.”
“Mamí,” I protested.
She turned her head up to look at me and whispered. “I know. I can’t make a fuss. I just wanted to give him a proper hello, m’ijo.”
She stepped back from him but kept his hand in hers. I looked down at him and saw the emotion on his face, he still hadn’t spoken and his lip quivered. I knew he was working hard on keeping it together. I would’ve given anything to be able to hold him. To have a redo.
I should’ve known with how close Camilo was to his mother, meeting mine would be monumental. We should’ve been somewhere he could’ve been himself with her, where they could talk and hit it off like I knew they would. Instead we were on a sidewalk acting like we didn’t know each other.
Finally, he pulled her hand and went in for a second hug. “It’s so good to meet you too, Esperanza.”
After a moment they separated and my mom gave me a sympathetic look as I stood stoically to the side unable to touch him.
Camilo seemed better though, his eyes looked less worn. He pointed a finger to the west. “We’re walking in that direction.” With that he started walking with us close behind. He glanced up at me, giving me a small smile. “I got the confidentiality agreements you guys sent me this morning, thank you for that.”
“Of course.”
He lifted a shoulder as we crossed the street. “Some people feel weird about it, but we need to make sure anyone going to the shelter knows they can’t disclose the location or names of the people staying there. The safety of our clients is the most important thing.”
My mom nodded in agreement, and moved closer to Camilo. “I completely understand. You don’t know how I wish my sister could have found a place like New Beginning when she was here.”
Camilo put an arm around her shoulder. “I know.” He looked up at me then, his face serious but so full of affection. “What your son is doing in her memory is amazing though. We will be able to help many more, for a long time, thanks to what he’s doing.”
“He’s a good man.” My mother never could miss an opportunity to brag about her sons.
This time when Camilo looked at me, I could see all his love there openly on display. “He’s the best man.”
My mom laughed at us and the lovesick faces we were probably making. “Ay Dios mio, cuanto amor.”
I didn’t have the energy to feel embarrassed, and when I opened my mouth I did it looking right into Camilo’s eyes. “Todo el amor.”
It was the honest truth, he had all my love.
Camilo said nothing, but I could see the tension in his shoulders had relaxed somewhat. After a couple of minutes of walking in silence, Camilo hurried up the sidewalk to an unmarked building and tapped a code on a panel by the entrance. The door opened and we walked into a small lobby. He gestured toward the well-lit and freshly painted area, where a shiny gold-plated plaque had been installed on one of the walls.
“Welcome to ‘Patria’s House.’”
My mother let out a startled sob when she saw my aunt’s name, and Camilo and I each took one of her hands. When he spoke his voice was gentle.
“Do you need a minute, Esperanza? Take your time.”
She shook her head, her emotions all over her face. “I’m ready.”
He gave me a sympathetic look and went to push the elevator button.
“We can start on one of the residential floors and finish where we have the communal areas,” he said clearly excited to show us around. “As you know, part of the renovation was to expand the living areas, so now we can shelter more clients. We also fully renovated the kitchen and the wellness center is beautiful.” It was hard to tell who was glowing more between Camilo and my mom as he told us about the shelter.
As we stepped in he kept speaking to my mom in Spanish, while she held his hand tightly, hanging on his every word. “We now have three apartments that can lodge families. So, if we have a parent who is coming with children we can put them in their own space. We also have two small studios, for anyone who needs to be in their own private room.”
We stepped out of the elevator into a colorful hallway. The walls were painted a light blue and each door was a different color. Each room had a plaque with a name. Camilo came to a stop in front of a yellow door that had a small sign with hand painted sunflowers. After a moment a woman opened the door. She smiled as soon as she saw Camilo.
“Buenos dias.”
“Hey,” he told her warmly. “We came to see your place if that’s okay.”
“Claro.” She stepped to the side to let us in.” It was one of the studios and everything looked brand-new. There were some photos on a corkboard on the wall that looked like they’d been pinned on by the resident. I saw there was a baby in a pack and play in the middle of the room. As soon as he saw Camilo, he started bouncing up and down.
His face lit up and he went over to the baby. “Hey, bud,” he said bending down to pick him up. Once the baby was comfortably on his hip he walked over to the woman, who was still looking a little shy.
“Nancy, this is Mr. Hughes and Mrs. Gomez. They are the visitors Mercedes told you about. They helped us with the improvements to the house.”
Her face lit up at that and she came to shake both our hands. “Gracias. This place is such a blessing. It saved me and my baby.” Her voice trembled as Camilo proudly looked on.
As I shook her hand I heard Camilo talk to her, his voice fierce. “You saved yourself, Nancy, we were just here to catch you.” She had a rueful smile on her lips, but she gave him a sharp nod.
In that moment I felt the proudest I’d ever been of what I had been able to accomplish in this country. To have even a small part of helping survivors get to safety was a dream I’d harbored for years. And to be able to share that with my mother and Camilo felt like an enormous blessing.
“You’re welcome, Nancy,” I told her sincerely. I looked at Camilo then, and I could see he understood exactly what I was feeling. “I am so grateful I could help.”
After that we took a tour through the rest of the building. In addition to the wellness center, with the renovation they’d built a new computer room, a child-care area and a few consultation rooms which were used to provide therapy to the adults and children by licensed clinicians. Just being able to have my mom here seeing what we were able to do was monumental. That combined with seeing Camilo in his element, the way the staff clearly respected and loved him was a beautiful thing.
My mom was chatting with the child therapist when I took a chance to pull Camilo aside, and asked as casually as I could manage, “Can we talk in private?”
He tensed for a moment, but then nodded, gesturing to the door across the hall. “Mercedes, I’m going to take Mr. Hughes in to my office for a minute, we’ll be right back.”
The therapist nodded, seemingly caught up in whatever she was telling my mother. My mom, of course, shooed us away with a knowing look. I wasn’t even sure what I was after, other than I needed a moment alone with him.
He invited me into a small neat office, which I stepped into, and waited until he had closed the door. He leaned against it, and stood there looking at me with tired eyes. His hands at his side.
“You look so tired, mi amor.” He just shrugged in his typical “what else is new” gesture.
I walked up to him, not sure how he would receive this breach to his request, but when I gathered him in my arms, his body sunk into me.
“I’m tired and I missed you,” he said, his cheek pressed to my chest.
“Thanks for doing this for us, my mom loved it, and you.”
He looked up. “It was good to meet her too.” He smiled as he ran his hands over my shoulders possessively, as if making sure his property was all in working order. “You look like her. Same nose and eyes.”
I groaned in answer as I pressed against him and bent down for a kiss, just a small touching of lips.
“I love seeing you here in your element. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me, to be able to do this and you be the one to carry out this wish. Baby—”
I wanted to beg him once again to let me take care of everything, to give him whatever he needed, but instead I said what I knew wouldn’t turn into another argument. “Can you come to lunch with my mom and me?” I asked as he laid his head on my chest.
He looked up and he didn’t have to answer. I could read the “no” in his eyes. “I can’t. I have so much to do today.” He looked miserable, and I felt terrible for pressing him after I’d already made him rearrange his day for this visit.
“I really want to. I’d love to hang out with your mom a bit more, but this week is crazy and we’re so close to the opening. I just can’t. I’m sorry.”
He looked like he was about to fall apart. So, I let it go. I kissed him again and then lifted his chin so he would look at me. “Promise me you’ll get some rest soon. I’m worried about you. I never see you and when I do, you look like you can barely stand.”
I braced for a bristled remark, but he just nodded and responded with a barely audible “okay,” and the fact that he didn’t even have the energy to fight me on this, felt like the last straw.
He opened the door and looked up at me. “We should go back to get your mom.” Those gray eyes that usually lit me up, were dimmed today, they’d been that way for too long.