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The ride into Amarillo took less than three hours, but Cabrina wanted to stop at the Cadillac Ranch. It wasn’t a ranch really, but six graffiti painted old Cadillac car butts sticking up out of the ground. People posed with the old cars, snapping selfies and photos, and acting, in her approximation, like jackasses. She and Gabe stood back, wondering how this could be considered an attraction to anyone but the dim-witted.
“I say next we stop and see the world’s biggest ball of yarn,” he said with some facetiousness.
“Don’t be snarky. We were drawn here for a reason. Plus, it will make a nice addition to our photo album,” she said, posing him for a photo.
“Hey there, good-looking couple,” a woman said. “How are y’all doing on this fine Sunday morning?”
“We took a break from the road for a minute to stretch our legs. I need to find a local market to pick us up some fruits. Do you know of one close by?” Cabrina asked the woman.
“Oh sure, right down the road a spell. It’s just on the side of the interstate, a farmer’s market. They are open every day until about six. You can Jew him down on the prices,” she offered. “I am Judy, and this here is my husband Paunch.”
She rubbed the man’s hardened belly as she said his name. Dark tresses covered his head with a healthy thick mane of wavy black hair. The couple didn’t look to be older than 35 years, but Paunch seemed a tad bit off. He wore a pair of workout pants that hung below his rounded belly, which almost hid the fanny pack nestled underneath like a joey peeking out of its kangaroo mother’s pouch. Judy looked normal with deep brown hair, dancing eyes, and a warmth that radiated from every pore. Dressed like her husband, she also wore a fanny pack that hung loosely around her mid-section. Her thin body defied gravity to hold up the oversized breasts that could not have been real on such a small frame. There was a story behind those two, and Cabrina was intrigued.
“I am Cabrina and this is my husband Gabe,” she offered, much to her husband’s dismay. Gabriel pinched her arm for giving the lady their names.
Paunch shook Gabe’s hand and offered a nod to Cabrina as his eyes went back to the colorful Caddies. “Where you folks headed?” Paunch asked.
“Kentucky,” Cabrina stated. “Just left Flagstaff and rolling leisurely to get home.”
“Great! We are camping out tonight in Oklahoma City on our way to Nashville. Maybe we can convoy it out,” Judy suggested. “You know, to have some backup on the road in case we run into any trouble.”
Gabriel didn’t have anything to say to the couple. They seemed friendly enough but so were many serial killers. He opted to remain quiet as Cabrina chatted with the woman, who offered a friendly suggestion.
“We are staying at a quaint little hotel owned by my friend. It is right in the heart of town but sandwiched between the 800-pound hotel chain gorillas. If I give her a call, she will get you guys a room for the night real cheap in exchange for a positive review on Yelp,” Judy said.
“What’s the name of the hotel?” Cabrina asked.
“The Dew Drop Inn,” she said. “It’s right off the 40 on Houston Street, next to the Marriott.”
Cabrina pulled out her phone and checked the hotel. She also went to the Yelp site to check reviews. Thus far, nothing odd popped out at her. The regular rate was much less than the hotel she planned to book, and they could stand to save a few dollars especially after her brain had been washed over with a severe case of Girl, buy me now at the craft store.
“Sounds good,” Cabrina said. “Maybe we can have dinner together after we get checked in.”
“I have an even better idea. I have a great bottle of wine I picked up in Abilene that I am dying to get a glassful, especially after driving up from Odessa and spending the week with my in-laws. I need a good drink and a bit of fresh company,” Judy whispered, looking over at Paunch. “He is a good man, but he and his whole family go at about that speed. I need some fresh blood to remind me I’m alive.”
Cabrina understood how Judy felt. A few times she’d attended the wacky Robinson Family Reunions with her father’s side of the family that left her craving people with real conversation skills. As focus driven as her father was, it amazed Cabrina how he could be so normal growing up in a house with a bunch of drunken lunatics. That was the exact opinion Gabriel had of Judy’s husband. Paunch, now standing intimately close with one of the butt end up Cadillacs, acted as if he wanted to stick out his tongue and taste the paint colors.
“Go ahead and put in the call, but how much would the stay be for the night?”
“Only about $50 with the good review. It is a nice place, and she is fighting constantly against the corporate devils,” Judy said. “What you save, we can spend on a decent steak with some Texas fries. A great little eatery is right across the street from her place.”
“Sounds good. Make the call,” Cabrina said.
“Fantabulous!” Judy added, looking back for her husband, who had moved closer to the cars. “Paunch! Paunch! Don’t you lick that dirty car! Look, we have made two new friends.”
Paunch, caught in the act of his misdeed, jumped back with his tongue stuck out of his mouth like Veruka Salt questioning the existence of a Snozzberry. Gabriel wandering around the car and keeping his eye on Paunch, held his comments until they’d reached the privacy of the vehicle.
“We will see you guys at the hotel,” Cabrina shouted from the driver’s seat, rolling up the window and giving two toots of the horn.
Gabriel was sniffing the air as if she had stepped into something which left a horrible stench in the car.
She asked her husband, “What? You smell something?”
“Yes. The crazy that is covering that woman and her paunch-bellied husband. Cabrina, really! The man was about to lick a dirty car and you want to have dinner with them?”
“Judge not, Mr. Neary. Who knows? It may end up being an evening that we will never forget,” she said with a smile as she drove down I-40, her eyes peeled for the vegetable stand.
“I can only imagine the can of crazy those two are about to open up for our unforgettable evening,” Gabe said, looking out the window.
“You should have more faith in people and not be so distrusting,” she said, shocked at her own words.
“Hello! C.I.A. Agent! Of course, I don’t trust them. The man was trying to taste the vivid colors on a dirty car! Does that strike you as normal?”
“Normal is relative, honey,” she said. “We got married on the same day we met. That is far from normal. Our honeymoon is a road trip to visit your brother who married a pregnant woman he didn’t know who was kidnapped by a man with probably only two teeth whom he tried to make his love slave and failed.”
Gabriel shifted quickly in the seat.
“How do you know he failed?”
“I know Ais...I mean Tameka. I once tried to get her to eat a bowl of grits. She wouldn’t, so I made fried grit cakes with a lemon pepper beef au jus. She ate them, but when she found out they were grits, she didn’t speak to me for a week. A whole week, and we lived together,” she said. “When you make her mad, the psychological games she can play with you is unsettling. And she loves me!”
“Does she play psychological games often when she is angry?” He asked out of concern for his brother.
“No, but she will let you know ahead of time if she isn’t pleased,” she said. “Ooh look, the fruit and veggie stand. I’m going to grab a few apples and pears and a couple of bananas for you.”
Cabrina pulled over, stopping adjacent to the stand. The car was at an angle where Gabe could see her every move when she got out. He sat in the car as she took a twenty from her wallet. At the stand, she carefully picked through the fruit, locating the best selections, bagging them up with a few bottles of water and an extra hand sanitizer, before she returned to the vehicle. “All set. You may want to eat that banana now. We have four hours to Oklahoma City.”
“Onward, Garçon,” he said, peeling the banana. Curiosity had a hold of him as he wondered what his wife was like when she was angry. Her trust of the strange woman was a point of concern for him. Judy and Paunch looked like a whole heap of trouble wrapped up in an insanity sweater. Tonight would tell him all he needed to know.
Crazy people only needed an opportunity to show their colors, especially if they wanted to lick them off a dirty old car. His mind now shifted to the hotel, a hot shower, and getting the clothes washed so they would be prepared to head into Little Rock in the morning.
****
THE HOTEL, OR RATHER the Dew Drop Inn, was not a bad deal for the fifty dollars. It had a few amenities, including a pool and a buffet breakfast for the guest. The towels were mid-level and not dingy as he’d expected, but for a family on a budget, the place would suffice.
They arrived ahead of Paunch and Judy, opting to wash a load of clothes before dinner and scout out the restaurant. By the time the Cabrina and Gabriel returned, the clothes were washed and ready for the dryer. The stupid red tee shirt would be what he was forced to wear in the morning as they rolled into Little Rock on Monday. Gabriel studied the map, calculating drive times.
It would be almost four hours to Little Rock and another three to Memphis. Blairsville was only four hours from there, meaning they had to make one more stop for the night. He could push it, but he wanted one more night with her before having to share her with his family. A family he needed to call.
As far as he knew, she also hadn’t called her family to tell them about him, but she had called her friend DeShondra every night. In the morning, they would call both their families, letting them know to expect them on Tuesday afternoon. Tomorrow, he would push it until they got tired, then they would stop for the night. However, tonight he had to prep himself to deal with crazy wine lady and her car-licking man.
Checking the hotel dryer, he removed their clothing, folding the pieces neatly on the side table. He held up her dainty blue stripped panties trimmed in soft lace, folding them as he’d seen his mother folding hers. He’d never lived with a woman before now, and it wasn’t as difficult as he’d initially believed. Heck, she was the first woman he’d actually slept with overnight. In his current job, relationships were a no-no, but his boss had been encouraging him to take a wife to go with his cover. Another three to five years he’d been informed was the duration of this assignment. Cabrina would make those years fly by with no problem.
I’m married.
Wait until Mom hears about this.
I’m not going to tell her until I show up.
Surprise everyone in more ways than one.
“Gabe,” Cabrina called from down the hall. “It’s time to meet Paunch and Judy for dinner.”
“On my way,” he said. The folded were clothes in his arms as he entered the hotel room
“You folded the clothes,” she said surprised.
“Yeah, so we don’t have to iron them in the morning. I have a feeling we are going to want to make a fast escape.”
****
DINNER, A SIMPLE MEAL of meat and potatoes, went remarkably well, leaving Cabrina with a feeling a satisfaction. Giving her husband an I told you so look, which waned quickly after they joined their new friends in the honeymoon suite they were booked in at the Inn. The wine, savory, with hints of apple notes, Gabriel approved of as they sat, sipping while sharing their experience of the Tram ride in Albuquerque and the Blue Hole at Santa Rosa.
Cabrina shared photos from her phone, not realizing her boob was out on the breakfast photo. Paunch noticed it immediately, licking his lips in appreciation. The same reaction came from Judy when she got to the picture of a barely dressed Gabriel with his turtlehead poking out of his pants.
“Oh, my goodness,” Cabrina said, snatching back the phone. “I completely forgot about those. I’m so embarrassed. The breakfast one, I didn’t know about. Please forgive me. I need to delete those immediately.”
“Don’t get rid of the pics – save them for sexy times,” Judy said with a wink. “Speaking of sexy time...”
She pulled a box from beside the couch, throwing it on the table. Cabrina eyed it suspiciously as Gabe made a move to get up and leave, but Judy grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him back down on the couch. Paunch, leaning forward over his rotund tummy, opened the box and pulled out one weird toy after another. The last one was purple on one end and hot pink on the other with ribbed phalanges. Judy turned it on and the thing vibrated across the table, coming at Cabrina like it wanted to devour her soul, and Cabrina jumped to her feet.
Staring at the item in disbelief, all sorts of colorful words came to mind, but she remembered her promise to her husband to not use profanity. The vibrating double headed purple monster on the table was profane enough, not to mention Paunch had put on a Batman mask. She wasn’t sure where it came from as it suddenly materialized on his face. It covered his entire head, the tiny bat ears sticking up on the cowl and his eyes darted back and forth like he’d had a hard sniff of nose powder.
“I’m ready to party,” he said, standing up and using his Batman voice. The boner poked out in his pants like a mini tee-pee of a tiny angry Comanche.
“How did we go from a glass of wine to here?” Cabrina asked, backing away.
“I thought you guys wanted to party. To share. To get down with some freaky loving,” Judy said, reaching for Gabriel, who slapped her hand away.
“Good night, you two. Dinner was pleasant. Have a good evening,” he said, grabbing Cabrina by the arm.
“Wait, we are ready to play, and I’m wet and horny,” Judy said. “Cabrina, you can have a ride on Paunch. He’s very good with his mouth.”
“You nasty! Nasty, nasty woman,” Cabrina said, throwing the wine in her face. “I’m disgusted by you both.”
She didn’t bother with a goodnight as she stormed from the room. Redness crept up her neck, saturating her face in a crimson blush at being so wrong about two people.
“Don’t go,” Judy called after them as they made a beeline down the hall to the safety of their own room. Cabrina bolted the door, leaning against it, looking at her husband. She was so angry her body was physically shaking.
Gabriel tried to keep a straight face as he mimicked Paunch using the Batman voice, “I thought you were ready to party.”
“Oh, shut up!” she said as they both broke out into laughter.
