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A DECISION SHE KNEW she could not keep. The next time Noah stopped by, she was glad both Nancy and Lad were home. He did not stay long and he did not say much. He merely climbed the ladder to the loft, retrieved the bundle he’d hidden there and, after speaking only a few curt words to Catherine, left.
However, one night during the following week, he reappeared. This time, Nancy and Jack had just quitted the house for a walk. Lad was up the street playing a rowdy game on the green with two other boys.
“So, we are alone,” Noah said, a smoldering gaze pinning her.
Catherine’s breath grew ragged. Despite her resolve to not see Noah again, with all her heart she knew the longing she felt for him matched what he felt for her. Apprehension over what might happen between them had kept her stomach tied in knots for days. She’d never lain with a man before but something told her that was all about to change. Fidgeting with the frayed hem of her apron, her anxious gaze fluttered down, then up, then back down again.
Her nervousness increased when, without taking his determined gaze from her, he walked back to the front door and shut it. When he threw the bolt, Catherine opened her mouth to protest, but her fitful breath prevented words from coming out. She also said nothing when he scooped up her hand and led her into the chamber where she slept. And latched that door.
Apprehension arose within Catherine, but she quickly thrust it aside. Since Noah’s kiss the other night, she’d been on fire for him. More than anything, she wished to be alone with him, at least once. Since the day as children when they’d pledged their love to one another, she’d thought of herself as his wife. She did belong to him. She always had. She always would. He loved her as deeply as she loved him, else why did he keep coming to see her, after he’d married another?
Prepared to give herself to him fully, Catherine stood submissively beside her bed, gazing adoringly up at the man she loved with all her heart.
“There’s no one here but us, Catherine.” His tone was seductive.
Her lashes fluttered nervously against her flushed cheeks. “It’s . . . almost as if it were meant to be.”
“My thoughts exactly.” He grinned wickedly.
Though she knew she could never have him all to herself, this moment may never come again. She smiled as he reached to unlace her bodice and flung it to the floor. He untied the strings at the neck of her blouse and with two fingers loosened the gathers. When he shoved the thin fabric from her shoulders, an involuntary purr of pleasure escaped her. Arching her back, she thrust her bare breasts upward.
His gaze dropped to devour them with his eyes. Lowering his head he began to trace slow, sensuous circles around each pink nipple with his tongue, leaving a trail of cool wetness on her skin.
“Oh-h-h,” she murmured, her breasts rising and falling as tingles of delight began to course through her.
“You like that, do you?” Taking one nipple in his mouth, he licked it to hardness.
“Oh-h, Noah.” The delicious sensations swirling within her drove all reason from her mind.
She reached to fumble with the cords at the neck of his shirt. When she was unable to undo them, he did so, then yanked the shirt over his head and tossed it aside. They stood before one another naked now from the waist up. When he pulled her against his bare chest, she melted into his embrace, standing on tiptoe to twine her arms around his neck. Years and years of pent-up longing for Noah brought tears of joy to her eyes.
“Oh, Noah,” she breathed. “I have waited so very long for this moment.”
He reached behind her back to unfasten her skirt, and she obediently stepped from it and her petticoat. She kicked off her shoes and, still looking worshipfully up at him, slid her stockings down and discarded them. Though he was gazing deeply into her eyes, his hands were busy removing his breeches and tossing them and his own footwear aside. They were both completely unclothed now. His arousal was complete, and when he again pulled her to him, she was acutely aware of that hard part of his body pressed intimately against her belly. Molding her soft flesh to his muscled hardness, the longing inside her intensified.
“Noah, please,” she gasped, “take me now.”
He bent to bury his face in the tangled mass of her copper-colored curls. “In a moment, my sweet.” His breath was raspy with desire. “I’m as hungry for you as you are for me.”
Picking her up, he laid her gently on the bed. Lowering his body over hers, he began to rub his lean hips and his hardness against and around and between her bare thighs. Arching her back, Catherine wrapped her legs around him, aware of the prickly feel of the hair on his chest as it grazed against her soft skin. For a girl who had never been with a man before, she marveled at how easily the motions of lovemaking came to her.
His fingers found the moist place between her legs, and lifting himself up and off her a bit, he began to slowly massage her there, a finger going around and around and around, then, cupping that intimate part of her completely with the palm of one hand.
“Oh-h-h,” she moaned. Never in all her life had she felt anything so exquisite. How desperately she loved this man!
“You want me?” When she made no reply, he asked again, “Do you want me, Catherine?”
She tightened her arms around his neck. “Oh, Noah, yes! Yes, I want you. More than life itself!” Her eyes squeezed shut as gasps of pure pleasure escaped her.
Abruptly, he pulled away. “Then, this is how I shall leave you,” he said coldly.
Stunned, her eyes sprang open. He clambered off the bed and stood gazing coolly down at her as she lay panting before him. The question in her eyes turned to hurt as she watched him reach for his breeches and put them on. What was he doing?
After he’d pulled his shirt over his head, he sat down on the bed to draw on his hose and shoes. His blue eyes were hard as he looked at her. “If I ever catch you with another man, Catherine . . .” his eyes narrowed, “the bastard will not live to see another day.”
She stared at him with disbelief. “What . . . what are you saying? I thought you . . . loved me. I thought you wanted to . . .”
Fully clothed now, he roughly pulled her into his arms and buried his face in the tangled mass of her auburn hair. “I will make love to you one day. Just not tonight. Tonight, I merely wanted you to know how much you want me. If another man touches you, I know you won’t be thinking of him, you’ll be thinking of me, you’ll be wanting me. Now, put your clothes on, sweetheart, and walk with me to the street. Darkness has not yet fallen. If anyone saw me come in, I want them to see me leave . . . with you standing beside me, fully clothed.”
Stunned into submission, Catherine wordlessly obeyed. She walked with him to the street as he’d ordered but she was far too overset to speak.
Long, long into that night, she lay awake, still thinking about what had not happened between them. It was clear that Noah was jealous of Victor. The clergyman in London who had spoken with her and Lucinda had referred to God as being jealous, did that mean love was akin to jealousy? Was Noah’s jealousy and then his refusal to complete the act they both so ardently desired yet one more way he was showing her he truly cared? But, it seemed so cruel! He knew how much she loved him, how desperately she wished to make love with him; why had he refused? Why?
Perhaps because there was always the possibility she could conceive his child. A fact she could never hide in a township as small as Jamestown. Surely that was it. Noah did love her, but he was far too honorable a man to break his marriage vows and risk bringing shame upon her. And she could not fault him for that.
And yet, she also could not halt the tears of anguish that ran down her cheeks and melted into the pillow. It had been sheer agony to have him wrenched from her at the height of their passion. Every part of her body still ached for him. Seeing Noah these past weeks had served only to open the horrible wound she’d felt the day she arrived in Jamestown and learned he had married. Now, once again, her emotions felt tortured and raw.
How, how, how was she to get through each and every long, dreary day now . . . when all she truly wanted was to be with Noah Colton forevermore?