BY BRYANT CLEMENTS
Copyright © by Bryant Clements. All rights reserved. Published with permission from the author. Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to Bryant Clements at bclements1091@gmail.com.
Presented October 25, 2013 | Kenan Theatre, UNC Department of Dramatic Art | Directed by Serena Ebhardt
Original cast members are in brackets.
JASPER ATKINSON 27, male, discontented [Brandon Rafalson].
GEORGE 29, male, chubby, nurturing [Ben Elling].
ADAM 28, male, dark and cynical [Max Cullen].
DETECTIVE PRICE 40s, male, experienced [Trevor Johnson].
Present. New York City.
On JASPER’S small one-bedroom apartment. The unit is cramped, bordering on messy and unkempt. JASPER ATKINSON ENTERS through the front door, looking fatigued. He carries a storage box filled to the brim with odds and ends. He sets the box down on a kitchen table and immediately pours himself a drink, pacing pensively as he sips. He starts searching through the objects in the box. He pulls out a fist-sized rock, pausing for a moment to stare at it. Jasper grabs a cloth from the table and begins scrubbing it. The task is interrupted when GEORGE ENTERS from another room. He is wearing khaki shorts and a brightly colored polo shirt. His rotund and friendly face is complemented by his chubby build.
GEORGE Whatup, Buttercup, how was dinner with Marcy?
[The jovial greeting startles Jasper. He pauses, collects himself.]
JASPER ’Twas fantastic. She actually enjoyed it so much that she asked me to take all my shit from her place and never see her again.
[He gestures at the box. George looks at it pensively, then attempts to embrace Jasper in a bear hug. Jasper evades.]
GEORGE Jasper, I’m so sorry, what happened?
JASPER I feel like I made it pretty clear.
GEORGE Quit with the fresh mouth, I need details! How else am I supposed to help you through this?
JASPER I don’t know what else to say. She was just tired of dealing with me, I guess.
GEORGE I’m not buying it. From what I know about this girl she had to have given you a laundry list of reasons, so out with it! It’ll be cathartic.
JASPER Detached, uncommitted, erratic. . . . all pretty standard fare for a breakup. I think she’s been seeing someone else.
GEORGE Did she tell you that?
JASPER No, but she seemed all too pleased, like she couldn’t wait to graze in greener pastures. She even tried to update her Facebook’s relationship status in front of me right after she did the deed.
GEORGE Well, that is how you make it official. Everyone knows that. This is all just ignorance on her part. Pretty soon she’ll be begging you to get back together.
JASPER Doubtful, things seemed pretty final. We were together too long anyway.
GEORGE It was six months. A mere drop in the vast pool of emotion that is our friendship.
JASPER You’re next on the chopping block if you don’t stop with all the questions. I don’t really feel like talking about it.
GEORGE We both know I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want me to. It’s my duty to pester. I, at least, would like to know where she dropped the bomb.
JASPER Fair enough. Battery Park.
GEORGE That heartless bitch! Ending it where it all began! She wanted to make it sting. Your distant and erratic behavior must’ve pissed her off something fierce.
JASPER So it would appear. Had the good fortune of getting to go back to her place to get my stuff, though. Awkward breakup packing’s good for the soul.
[George looks over Jasper’s shoulders as he peruses the box.]
GEORGE You really settled in over there.
JASPER Unfortunately.
GEORGE Call me Mr. Brightside, but at least you’ll be around here more now that Marcy’s out of the picture. Hardly ever saw you when you two were together.
JASPER Yet another set of unfortunate circumstances.
[George hesitates, choosing his words carefully.]
GEORGE Rude. But I’m fine being your emotional punching bag, given the recent heartbreak.
[Jasper stares at the fist-sized stone, tossing it between his hands.]
GEORGE Whatcha got there? A nice metamorphic? Igneous?
JASPER [agitated] Nothing, just something stupid from Marcy. . . . a Pet Rock. [ADAM ENTERS from the other room, yawning and scratching his head.]
GEORGE Ah, look who showed up! You’re just in time. Don’t worry. I’ll fill you in.
JASPER [to Adam] There’s no use trying to stop him. He won’t shut up.
GEORGE [ frantic] Jasper got home from having dinner with Marcy with that big box in his hands. I caught him out here looking super sad, sifting through his junk and. . . .
ADAM [interrupting, coarse] Yeah, yeah, I got it. Thin walls, loud, obnoxious voice. So how’d you fuck it up, you mutt?
JASPER I appreciate the words of encouragement, but I’m fine.
GEORGE He’s actually torn up about it. He just doesn’t know how to handle his emotions. I was just getting through that steely exterior when you decided to show up.
[Adam approaches Jasper.]
ADAM Look, build a bridge and get over it. The two of you were completely wrong for each other. Plus, she was a total bitch, always bossing you around and shit.
GEORGE [to Adam] You hush, she was great for him!
[Adam points to the rock in Jasper’s hands.]
ADAM Case in point, that was her birthday gift to him. The most useless fuckin’ thing on the planet.
GEORGE Pet Rock. Classic. Maybe it was her way of poking fun at your attachment issues, a steadfast companion that requires no effort, love, or care. Kind of like me!
ADAM Or maybe it’s her way of giving a cheap-ass gift. Not even a name brand in a box, just a stray from her building’s garden.
[George goes in for a closer look at the rock.]
GEORGE How is it missing an eye? You managed to maim a rock. Kudos to you, mon frère.
JASPER Keep pestering and I’ll be happy to demonstrate.
[Jasper drops the rock and EXITS the room. An AWKWARD SILENCE between the two follows. Jasper soon returns with a backpack. He starts placing some of the items from the box into it.]
ADAM Just going to say one more thing and then I’ll let it go, like George here should do. A girl like Marcy is a dime a dozen, easily replaceable. You need to get back out there and have some fun. I don’t want to see you sitting around here, getting reacquainted with your right hand and Netflixing “Dr. Who.”
GEORGE Sage advice. Leave It to Beaver and V.D. to get you back on your feet. Don’t listen to me. . . . who even talks about their emotions nowadays?
ADAM Jesus, George! Will you shut the hell up?
GEORGE Sorry for trying to actually get him through this. Repressing it won’t help anything. Outside of us, she was everything to him! He doesn’t need us.
[Jasper EXITS again, and quickly returns with some of his own clothes in his arms. He puts them in the backpack.]
GEORGE [excitedly] Are we going on vacation?!
JASPER Not exactly. And I sure as hell wouldn’t be taking you if I were.
GEORGE Marcy’s gone. You’re clearly not in a state to be alone. I’ll get my resort wear.
ADAM You need another drink. A good brain bleaching always starts with copious amounts of alcohol.
JASPER Yeah, I could use another, actually.
[Jasper grabs the bottle and ushers the two into the chairs. He procures three glasses and pours some into each glass.]
GEORGE Drowning your problems in a sea of cheap liquor won’t help.
[Jasper quickly polishes off his.]
ADAM He uses booze. You choose the pathetic path paved with pastries and self-pity. Goal’s the same, just Jasper’s hangover won’t be over his belt.
[George looks momentarily depressed, quickly glancing at his waistline and then strengthening his emotions.]
GEORGE Simply a physical manifestation of my happiness. Say the word and I can whip up a Bundt cake quicker than Marcy dumped your broke ass.
[George looks pleased with his sassy retort, only to find Jasper and Adam taking offense.]
GEORGE Sorry, not helping. Little harsh, I guess. I’m done prying, but when you’re ready to talk about whatever’s on your mind, I’m here. . . . as always.
[Jasper fills his glass again.]
ADAM Finally, you’ll let it go!
GEORGE I don’t really see any other choice. You seem to have it all under control.
JASPER There’s nothing to control, I’m fine. You know what? I’d actually love some cake, go. . . . do that.
GEORGE Might actually be better if you got out. Could do you some good to get some air. Human interaction. . . . clearly there’s only so much we can do.
[Jasper finishes his drink, SLAMMING the glass on the table.]
JASPER Is that what you think? Do you really want to know the truth? I’m happy to spill. It doesn’t take a shrink to tell me how fucked up. . . .
[A KNOCK on the door interrupts Jasper’s outburst. The room goes silent. Jasper sits frozen for a beat. Another litany of KNOCKS is met by Jasper quickly grabbing his backpack and box and leaving the room. He comes back in without the items and answers the door, revealing DETECTIVE PRICE.]
DETECTIVE PRICE Jasper Atkinson?
JASPER Yeah, that’s me.
DETECTIVE PRICE Pardon me for coming by so late. My name’s Detective Price. Mind if I come in for a moment?
[Detective Price flashes his badge.]
GEORGE Oh, it’s the constable. How exciting!
[George’s comment goes unnoticed by Detective Price.]
JASPER Uh, is there something I can help you with?
DETECTIVE PRICE Just need to talk to you, ask a few questions. Shouldn’t take too long. Can I come in?
[Jasper gives a disconcerted nod and moves out of the doorway. Detective Price ENTERS the apartment, carefully scanning his surroundings as he enters. Adam and George stand next to Jasper, spectating.]
DETECTIVE PRICE Thanks, I appreciate your cooperation. Mind just telling me what you’ve been up to tonight?
JASPER Um, nothing too eventful, went to dinner with my girlfriend, just came back here afterwards. Is everything all right?
DETECTIVE PRICE Your girlfriend is Marcy Nicholson, correct?
JASPER Yeah, can you please just tell me what this is about? I’ll be able to help more with whatever this is if I know what’s going on.
DETECTIVE PRICE Was everything okay between the two of you tonight? Anything strange or out of the ordinary?
JASPER [slightly frustrated] Yeah, everything was good. But you showing up here is making me think otherwise.
[Detective Price looks around the apartment.]
ADAM [to Jasper] What are you doing? He probably already knows she broke up with you.
GEORGE Facebook “o-fish,” the whole world knows.
[Jasper gives an irritated glance at his critics.]
DETECTIVE PRICE Were you at Ms. Nicholson’s apartment this evening?
JASPER No, we both just went home after dinner. She’s been really stressed at work lately, needed some sleep. Why are you asking me all of this?
[George looks shocked at the lie.]
DETECTIVE PRICE Ms. Nicholson was found unconscious in her apartment earlier this evening, as part of our invest. . . .
JASPER [interrupting] Oh my God, is she okay? Where is she? I have to see her.
DETECTIVE PRICE Not at liberty to say.
JASPER Why not? Can you at least tell me what happened?
DETECTIVE PRICE The investigation’s just getting started. I can’t give out many details, but looks like blunt trauma to the head.
JASPER What do you mean. . . . like she was attacked?
[Jasper BREAKS DOWN for a moment. Adam ponders this, connecting the dots.]
DETECTIVE PRICE She’s currently in a coma. Doctors are doing everything they can.
ADAM [to Jasper] Going to have to at least muster a tear.
DETECTIVE PRICE Can you give me any more information about what happened after you left dinner?
GEORGE [to Adam, concerned] What’s he talking about?
[Jasper is frozen, rubs his eyes in frustration.]
ADAM Just sloppy work, could’ve at least finished the job.
GEORGE [to Jasper] Is this true? You have to tell the truth!
ADAM [continuing] . . . . Or gone for the emotional assault, ruined her for everyone else.
DETECTIVE PRICE Mr. Atkinson, are you all right?
[Jasper regains focus.]
JASPER Yeah, sorry, just a lot running through my head right now. We walked around Battery Park for a bit after dinner. As far as I know, she went home after we parted ways.
DETECTIVE PRICE Do you live here alone?
[Detective Price points to the three glasses on the table.]
JASPER Yeah, had a couple friends over earlier.
DETECTIVE PRICE Would you mind writing down their names and numbers for me?
[He hands Jasper a notepad. Adam and George observe as he writes.]
GEORGE [re: notepad] Who the hell are these guys?
JASPER Marcy’s been talking about a guy at work who’s borderline obsessed with her. Think he could’ve done this? I’ll give you his info, too. She’s seen him around her building a couple times.
DETECTIVE PRICE Would you come down to the station to give an official statement?
JASPER [irritated] Are you considering me a suspect? I don’t even know what’s going on. I think it’s best if I don’t say anything else till I get a lawyer.
ADAM Risky move, lawyer’s a watermark of the guilty.
DETECTIVE PRICE That’s your prerogative, but I’m going to have to insist you come to the station. Your cooperation will help us find out what happened to Ms. Nicholson.
JASPER [panicked] Are you arresting me?
ADAM He’s been playing you this whole time.
DETECTIVE PRICE We need a formal statement. You can wait for your lawyer, or just go ahead and tell us where you really went on this evening. Choice is yours.
GEORGE Save everyone the trouble, Jasper.
ADAM He’s bluffing.
GEORGE He obviously knows.
ADAM Don’t say another word.
[Jasper turns to them.]
JASPER [exploding] God, just SHUT UP!
DETECTIVE PRICE Excuse me?
JASPER [stammering] I’m sorry. . . .
[Everything goes silent. Jasper looks exasperated, confused.]
DETECTIVE PRICE Why don’t you come with me? I think I can help sort all this out.
[A beat. Detective Price gently escorts Jasper from the apartment. Adam and George follow solemnly. The STAGE LIGHTS FADE OUT as a SPOTLIGHT illuminates the table where the glasses sit. . . . One is empty. The remaining two are untouched.]
THE SPOTLIGHT FADES OUT
END OF PLAY