BY HANNAH FLOYD
Copyright © by Hannah Floyd. All rights reserved. Published with permission from the author. Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to Hannah Floyd at hfloyd@ad.unc.edu.
Premiered November 15, 2012 | Swain Hall, Studio 6 Theatre, UNC Department of Communication | Directed by Leslie Cloninger
Original cast members are in brackets.
CELIA 20s, female, attractive. The actress playing Henry’s boss YATES [Samantha Hawkins].
LEWIS 20s, male, likeable smile. The actor playing HENRY, a man who kills his boss [Cressler Peele].
THE DIRECTOR 30s, male. He’s high-strung, short-tempered, egocentric [Leslie Cloninger].
KENNY 20s, male. An anxious playwright, takes himself seriously, spends too much time indoors [Christian Payne].
Present. A business office stage set.
On an office set. CELIA [as the character YATES], dressed in business attire, sits at a desk, talking on the phone.
CELIA [as YATES] Uh huh. . . . Yeah. . . . I see. Yes, I’ll need those figures by the end of the week.
[As she speaks, a nervous-looking LEWIS, as the character HENRY, APPROACHES from behind, stops to wipe sweat off of his forehead.]
CELIA [as YATES, into phone] Yes, I understand, Bill. I do. It’s a numbers game. You know that.
[Lewis, as HENRY, looms eerily over Celia. He pulls a KNIFE out of his pocket. His hand shakes.]
CELIA [as YATES, into phone] Yes. Yes, I’ll call him in here. Hang on a minute. HENRY!
[She swivels in her chair. Lewis, as HENRY, PAUSES before he PLUNGES the knife into her chest. She SLUMPS OVER in her chair, FALLING onto her desk. He stares at the slumped body for a moment. Then, breaking character. . . . ]
LEWIS Any better that time?
[THE DIRECTOR APPROACHES.]
DIRECTOR To be honest, Lew? No. You keep pausing before you stab her.
LEWIS Are you sure? I didn’t think I was.
DIRECTOR In the time it takes you to do it, she can run across the street!
LEWIS Well, I can try again.
DIRECTOR This is the scene where Henry loses it. He’s so overcome with rage and passion that he finally does it; he finally kills his boss. He doesn’t pause to stop and think about it. Tell me, why does Henry use a knife instead of a gun?
LEWIS Uh, practicality? Guns are loud?
DIRECTOR Practicality? [scoffing] Guns are cold and automatic, but knives, knives are emotion and boiling blood! Knives make it personal. Henry hates his boss, and he hates her deeply. Personally.
[He shakes his head, exasperated.]
LEWIS I guess on some level I just can’t imagine Henry actually killing his boss. It just feels so inconsistent with his character.
DIRECTOR [calling offstage] Hey, Kenny? Kenny, could you come in here for a second, please?
[The disheveled playwright KENNY ENTERS. He holds a notebook in his hand and nervously chews a pencil.]
DIRECTOR [to Lewis] Could you repeat what you just said?
LEWIS [quietly] It’s just that Henry doesn’t feel like much of a killer.
DIRECTOR [to Kenny] Go ahead. Chekhov him.
KENNY The playwright Anton Chekhov said, “If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter, it ABSOLUTELY must go off! If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be there!”
DIRECTOR Basic plant and payoff.
[Lewis looks confused.]
KENNY Throughout the whole script I have Henry playing around with this knife. If she doesn’t die in the last scene, the whole thing falls apart. It’s Theater 101.
DIRECTOR [to Lewis] So basically, this is the most important scene in the play, which means you have to become capable of killing your boss, this person [motioning to Celia] by the end of rehearsal, or else the producers and I will be having yet another discussion about casting popular actors in roles they aren’t right for regardless of how much everyone loves them.
LEWIS [sadly] Right.
[Lewis slumps away and takes a seat on a bench. As Celia turns to cross away. . . . ]
DIRECTOR One moment, Celia.
[Celia turns back.]
DIRECTOR Okay, I have an idea: You need to piss him off. . . . you, personally.
CELIA Lewis? He’s like the nicest guy in the. . . .
DIRECTOR Yes, yes, so they’ve told me. But, manipulation is my business. And last I checked, acting was yours. So act. In order for Lewis to become his character, you have to become more like yours. You’ve got to get under his skin.
CELIA How do I do that?
DIRECTOR Do what Yates does. Try to make him feel inferior, demean him a little if you have to. It’s for his own good. You two take a few minutes alone while I chat with Kenny.
[Kenny and The Director EXIT. Celia takes a moment before joining Lewis on the bench.]
CELIA Lewis? Can I talk to you for a moment?
LEWIS Of course.
CELIA I’m frustrated with you. As long as you keep fudging the kill, no one’s going to notice my performance. You’re blowing the scene!
LEWIS Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. It’s a shame. You are really amazing at dying.
CELIA [taken aback] Well, I do have some impressive credentials behind me. I mean, I guess we should hope so, right? Seeing as I’m the star.
LEWIS I know Henry’s the protagonist, and he gets a lot more stage time, but I’ve always felt the same way. Yates is the real star. It’s her play.
CELIA [trudging onward] I’m not sure it was written that way. I think it was actually the director’s vision. . . .
[Impressed, Lewis pulls out a small NOTEBOOK and begins taking notes.]
CELIA He cast me as Yates because he wanted her to shine, and that’s why, for the part of Henry, he chose someone with such. . . . well, limited range.
LEWIS To tell you the truth, Celia, that’s part of the reason I auditioned for the play in the first place. . . . to have the chance to work with you. But I guess your talent isn’t rubbing off on me as much as I’d hoped.
[The Director APPROACHES.]
DIRECTOR Celia, a word?
[Celia CROSSES to The Director.]
DIRECTOR [out of Lewis’s earshot] How’s it going?
CELIA I don’t think it’s working. [beat] Some people were just born nice.
DIRECTOR Doesn’t mean they have to stay that way. I have another idea. Maybe pissing him off a little isn’t thinking big enough. Maybe you have to make him really hate you, the way Yates makes Henry hate her. By insulting him deeply, personally, by making him question himself as a man. I happen to know that oversized heart of his was recently broken. He tried to pull that as an excuse earlier. So jump in there and twist the knife.
CELIA That seems so cruel. . . . and manipulative.
DIRECTOR [shrugs] Theater, baby.
[The Director EXITS. Celia walks back over to Lewis. They take a seat on the bench.]
CELIA So, I heard Laura dumped you.
LEWIS Yeah. Right out of the blue. [smiling sadly at her] Thanks for checking up on me. Really, it means a lot.
CELIA Out of the blue, huh? It was probably on account of your salary, right? She wanted more of a real man, someone who could provide for her.
LEWIS God, that’s incredible. How’d you know?! Well, I guess you’re an actor, too, right? So you understand.
[He gazes at her compassionately.]
CELIA I mean, it had to be more than that, though. [feigning sympathy] Did it bother her that you’re. . . . well. . . . I’ll just say it. . . . a little effeminate. Was that it?
LEWIS [amazed] You have, like. . . . insight superpowers! I mean, let’s face it, as an actor, I have to be emotional. Wearing our feelings on our sleeves is part of our job description. You know how it is. And really, is it such a terrible thing to be a little bit sensitive?
[He moves closer to Celia.]
CELIA [thrown] It probably wasn’t just that, though. It could have also been the way you dress. There was probably more she didn’t like about you. . . . [searching] your B.O., your boring personality, maybe.
[She looks off into space and flips her palms up as if at a loss. Slowly, she flips them inward and draws them together, indicating length.]
CELIA Oh, I don’t know. . . .
LEWIS [snapping up] Probably all of it! That’s the thing. We never did what you and I are doing now. We never sat and talked about it! If Laura would’ve been as open as you, I doubt things would’ve ended the way they did.
[He smiles at her softly. She sits there, staring back, stunned into silence. The Director and Kenny APPROACH.]
DIRECTOR Celia?
[Celia snaps out of it, CROSSES to them.]
DIRECTOR Any progress?
CELIA Honestly? Lewis is the type who wouldn’t kill a fly. Is there any chance we could just rewrite the scene?
KENNY The whole play revolves around that scene! I mean, you’re making me rewrite this and that and I barely have time to sleep and. . . .
DIRECTOR Pull it together, there, Ken. Jeez.
[to Celia] Well, for the sake of your whole “Chekhov agenda,” we’re going to try this one more. . . .
KENNY Come on, really, how difficult can it possibly be to want to kill your boss?!
DIRECTOR He’s right, Celia. Get into character. Immerse yourself in the moment! [announcing] Top of the scene. Let’s roll!
[The Director, Kenny, and Lewis LEAVE THE SET. Celia sits at the desk and picks up the phone.]
CELIA [as YATES] Uh huh. Yeah. I see. Yes, I’ll need those figures by the end of the week.
[As she talks, Lewis, as HENRY, APPROACHES from behind, wipes the sweat off his forehead.]
DIRECTOR [to LEWIS] Whatever Henry’s feeling, don’t try to contain it! I want to see your blood boil, Lewis!
CELIA [as YATES] Yes, I understand, Bill. I do. It’s a numbers game. You know that.
[Lewis, as HENRY, looms eerily over Celia. He pulls the knife out of his pocket. His hand shakes.]
DIRECTOR [to LEWIS] Don’t hold anything back!
CELIA [as YATES] Yes. Yes, I’ll call him in here. Hang on a minute. HENRY!
[Celia swivels in her chair. Lewis, as HENRY, stares at her for a second. His knife CLANKS to the floor. He suddenly pulls her up for a KISS.]
DIRECTOR [exploding with rage] What the hell is happening?!
[Celia comes up for air.]
CELIA [swooning at Lewis] You’re the nicest guy I’ve ever met.
DIRECTOR I think I’m going to be sick.
[calling off] Kenny!
[Celia and Lewis embrace. The director CROSSES over to Kenny.]
DIRECTOR It seems my actors are simply too. . . . lovable to perform your scene, so. . . .
[As he continues, Kenny picks the knife up off the floor.]
DIRECTOR . . . . I have no choice but to ask you rewrite it.
[Knife in hand, Kenny steps closer to The Director.]
DIRECTOR Though I really don’t give a damn what you learned in drama school.
[The knife shakes in Kenny’s hand.]
DIRECTOR It’s a stupid principle, really, that just because there’s a knife onstage, someone has to get stabbed. I’ll need that rewrite by tomorrow, champ.
[The Director playfully punches Kenny in the shoulder. In a moment of fury, Kenny feverishly STABS The Director in the chest. . . . But, since the knife is just a retractable stage prop, nothing happens. Kenny looks at the fake knife in horrified frustration. He THROWS it to the ground. The Director looks at him with surprise. After a moment. . . . ]
DIRECTOR You wouldn’t happen to have any acting creds, would you?
As Kenny stares back miserably, THE LIGHTS. . . .
FADE TO BLACK
END OF PLAY