BY JENNIFER MORGAN
Copyright © by Jennifer Morgan. All rights reserved. Published with permission from the author. Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to Jennifer Morgan at jaykmo@gmail.com.
Premiered October 6, 2011 | Swain Hall, Studio 6 Theatre, UNC Department of Communication | Directed by Joseph Megel
Original cast members are in brackets.
A.D. 30s, the assistant director [Marietta Braye].
CAMERON 30s, female. A veteran actress, plays MAGGIE on the series [Celina Chapman].
HANNAH 20s, female. She’s just getting her start as an actress on a television series, plays JO, a Brooklyn cop [Haley Scruggs].
JEREMY 50s, male. A veteran actor, plays the CHIEF, Jo’s father [Estes Tarver].
Present. The sets and dressing room of a television series.
On an exterior street set. HANNAH [as JO] and CAMERON [as MAGGIE] face each other at center stage. Cameron has her arms crossed and is looking intently at Hannah, who is confused and hurt. The A.D. STEPS IN with a slate. The show’s THEME SONG IS HEARD. This differentiates the show from the “real world.”
A.D. Shot through the Heart, season one, episode three: “Partners.” Action!
[The A.D. EXITS.]
MAGGIE The hell were you thinking, rookie?
JO You would’ve died!
MAGGIE So you’d rather throw away your life instead?
JO I was wearing Kevlar.
MAGGIE Right. And I was out there in bubble wrap.
JO Look, I wasn’t thinking, all right? It seemed like the right thing to do.
MAGGIE No, the right thing to do would be to watch out for your own ass and let me do the same. You take enough bullets in this job without taking them for everybody else, too.
JO Lesson learned. Next time a shooter has you in his sights, I’ll let him put a slug in you.
[Jo turns to leave, but Maggie grabs her arm and forces Jo to face her. She does not let go for the rest of their conversation.]
MAGGIE You’d better.
JO Let go of me.
MAGGIE I know a bleeding heart when I see one. You didn’t take that bullet for me. You took it so you wouldn’t have to shoot.
JO [looking down] That’s not. . . .
MAGGIE Look at me!
[Jo does.]
MAGGIE If you had time to jump in front of me, you had time to drop him. Instead, you let him get a shot off. You got lucky this time, but what happens when you’re on patrol with no vest? Or if the next guy is smart enough to aim for your head, huh? If you see a perp pull a gun, don’t even think about me. Shoot. Otherwise, I’ll find a partner who will.
JO [under her breath] If you can.
MAGGIE What was that?
JO I’ve heard all about your track record with partners. We both know I’m your last chance.
MAGGIE Big words from the little girl who’s only on the force because her daddy’s the chief.
JO [momentarily stunned into silence] Why do you hate me so much?
[For a moment, they just stare at each other. Then, suddenly, Maggie KISSES Jo. After some hesitation, Jo returns the kiss, but it’s forced.]
A.D. [offstage] Cut! Take five, everyone!
END OF SCENE
[Hannah and Cameron ENTER the dressing room to get ready for the next shot. Cameron looks at Hannah like she wants to say something, but Hannah is facing the opposite direction. After deliberating, Cameron speaks.]
CAMERON [smiling] First time?
HANNAH [startled] Huh?
CAMERON First on-screen kiss, I mean.
HANNAH Was it that obvious?
CAMERON Let me put it this way. . . . you reminded me of myself. The first time I did a make-out scene, it was, and I quote, “like kissing a goat.”
HANNAH What does that even mean?
CAMERON I didn’t get it at first, but trust me, you’ll know right away if it happens to you.
HANNAH Sorry, it’s just. . . .
CAMERON Hey, no need to apologize. Believe me, I understand. Just do better next time.
HANNAH I’ll try.
CAMERON Not good enough. [checking her watch] Yeah, we’ve got time.
HANNAH For what?
[Cameron steps up to Hannah, so close that their noses are almost touching.]
CAMERON Kiss me.
HANNAH [backing away] I don’t. . . .
[Cameron follows, putting her hands firmly on Hannah’s shoulders.]
CAMERON No buts. Shut up and kiss me.
HANNAH Cameron. . . .
CAMERON Hannah. If you can’t even kiss me here, alone, how are you going to do it in front of America? You’ve got to get inside your character’s head. Jo took a bullet for Maggie. When you kiss me, I have to know that you’d die for me. . . . If you can do that, everything else will fall into place.
[Hannah takes a deep, shaky breath, then PRESSES HER LIPS to Cameron’s. The kiss starts off soft, but quickly becomes passionate. Their costar JEREMY ENTERS and spots them. He takes a moment to enjoy the show.]
JEREMY [grinning] I think your threesome is missing something.
[The women break apart, startled. Cameron recovers first, while Hannah looks mortified.]
CAMERON The goat left early.
[Hannah giggles nervously at the joke; Jeremy doesn’t get it, but he’s willing to play along.]
JEREMY His loss. Can I be of assistance?
CAMERON Not today. [putting her arm around Hannah’s shoulder and speaking like her gruffer character, Maggie] I think my partner and I have it covered, Chief.
JEREMY Alright, I get it. Just wanted to let you know they’re ready to go again. [winking] Don’t have too much fun without me.
[He EXITS. Cameron breaks away from Hannah, but Hannah, having been affected by this moment, doesn’t move.]
CAMERON [looking back at Hannah as she begins to exit] You ready to do this?
HANNAH [snapping out of it, nodding] Yeah. Of course.
[They EXIT together.]
END OF SCENE
[Hannah ENTERS and crosses to center stage. The A.D. STEPS IN with a slate. The THEME SONG plays.]
A.D. Shot through the Heart, season one, episode fourteen: “Lovers.” Action!
[The A.D. EXITS. Hannah, as JO, crosses the stage to the CHIEF’S office. We hear the faint sound of MOANING, clothes rustling, etc. She knocks on the door; no answer.]
JO [as she opens the door] Dad, we need to. . . .
[We hear the sound of CONFUSED/SURPRISED VOICES, one male and the other female, FROM OFFSTAGE. Jo’s eyes widen. Stunned, she turns away and CROSSES AWAY, her hand over her mouth. Cameron, as MAGGIE, exits the office, adjusting her disheveled clothing, followed closely by Jeremy, as the CHIEF. Jo does not turn to face them.]
MAGGIE Oh my God! Jo. . . .
CHIEF Jo. . . .
JO [disgusted] How could you?
CHIEF Now, listen. . . .
JO [turning quickly to face him] Chief, Sir, I think it would be best if we didn’t discuss this here.
CHIEF Discuss this? I’m your father and your superior. We don’t discuss my personal life at all.
JO We do when you’re sexually harassing my partner.
CHIEF I’m only going to say this once; drop it.
JO And if I don’t?
MAGGIE [cutting in] Chief! Let me talk to her. I’ll get this sorted out.
[A beat as the CHIEF glances between the two women. Then, without a word, he EXITS.]
JO This is why you’ve been coming in early?
MAGGIE Jo. . . .
JO I mean, I knew you didn’t want anyone to see us coming in together, but this. . . . [beat] Do you love him?
MAGGIE [looking away] No.
JO Then how could you do this to me?
MAGGIE He’s been coming on to me since I started here. I finally just. . . . [She shrugs halfheartedly.]
JO What is he to you? Are you screwing your way to the top?
MAGGIE Don’t you dare!
JO Wait, I have a better question. What am I to you?
MAGGIE Oh, not this again.
JO I’m serious. It’s been three months, and I’ve never even been to your apartment. I haven’t met any of your friends. I haven’t met your mom or. . . . [realizing] No telling the parents, huh?
MAGGIE You’re not exactly the kind of person you bring home to meet the folks. Not my folks, anyway.
JO And what’s wrong with me?
MAGGIE Oh, I have a whole list, but “not a man” is definitely in the top three.
JO Well, my dad certainly doesn’t have that problem. Will he be coming around for Christmas dinner?
MAGGIE Don’t.
JO Just tell me. Am I your girlfriend? Your lover? What?
MAGGIE Whatever this is, it’s good. Don’t screw it up by trying to make it into something it’s not.
JO Maggie. . . .
MAGGIE I’ll see you on patrol.
A.D. [offstage] Cut! Great work, everyone!
[Hannah and Cameron EXIT.]
END OF SCENE
[Cameron and Hannah ENTER the dressing room together.]
HANNAH They’re really writing him off?
CAMERON Jeremy’s got a new pilot.
HANNAH Something about the devil, right? Talk about typecasting.
CAMERON Ouch! I don’t think he’s that bad.
HANNAH Last week, he called me by name for the first time. The name he used was Sally.
CAMERON Okay, he might be that bad.
HANNAH I’m glad he’s leaving. We won’t miss him.
CAMERON [laughing] Tell me how you really feel.
[After a reflective beat, Hannah chooses to do just that.]
HANNAH [mustering] Okay, I. . . .
A.D. [peeking her head in the door] Let’s get back to it, everyone!
CAMERON [to the A.D.] Thank you.
[Cameron EXITS. After a disappointed moment, Hannah follows.]
END OF SCENE
[The A.D. STEPS IN with a slate. Jeremy (as the CHIEF), Cameron (as MAGGIE), and Hannah (as JO) ENTER.]
A.D. Shot through the Heart, season one, episode fifteen: “Christmas Dinner.”
[Maggie, Jo, and the chief sit uncomfortably opposite one another at a dinner table.]
A.D. Shot through the Heart, season one, episode nineteen: “The New Chief.”
[THE THREE CHANGE POSES. The CHIEF now LIES DEAD on the ground. Hannah and Cameron look on, horrified.]
A.D. Shot through the Heart, season one, episode twenty-three: “Officer Down, Part One.”
[Jeremy EXITS, while Cameron and Hannah CHANGE POSES. They stand center stage, guns drawn, staring intently offscreen. Cameron is behind Hannah and well outside of her line of sight.]
A.D. Shot through the Heart, season one, episode twenty-four, season finale: “Officer Down, Part Two.” Action!
[The A.D. EXITS. Sound of SIRENS, GUNSHOTS, INDISTINCT SHOUTING, and the SHOW’S THEME, all overlapping chaotically; then, silence. Cameron, as MAGGIE, hits the ground, hard. Hannah, as JO, FIRES THREE TIMES in rapid succession. After a pause, she visibly relaxes.]
JO [turning to Maggie] I got him. . . . [seeing her] Oh my God!
[Jo drops to her knees and immediately tends to a bloody gunshot wound in Maggie’s chest.]
JO [frantic whisper] Damn it!
[She applies pressure to the wound, but Maggie’s fading.]
JO [SCREAMING offstage] OFFICER DOWN! I need an ambulance here!
[Jo and Maggie FREEZE. The MUSIC CUTS OFF. They RISE and EXIT.]
END OF SCENE
[Hannah ENTERS the dressing room. Her eyes are red and puffy. She’s been crying. She looks at her hands and wipes what’s on them off on her uniform. Cameron and Jeremy ENTER. Cameron APPROACHES. Jeremy hangs back.]
CAMERON I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me like this! Seriously, where did that even come from? Hannah, that performance screamed “Emmy.”
HANNAH Great.
CAMERON You okay?
HANNAH I’m fine.
[She waits for a response, but a worried Cameron can only stare back.]
HANNAH I guess I’m still a little shaken up. . . . [beat] I really got into Jo’s head that time.
CAMERON Oh, trust me, we could all tell. I knew you had it in you.
HANNAH Are we doing another take?
CAMERON No, my friend, we are done! [beat] Well, I’m done. You’ve got at least another year of this left. I can’t believe Shot through the Heart got renewed for a second season.
[realizing how tactless that sounds] But, man, am I glad, for your sake, it did.
HANNAH Thanks. And congratulations on Raising Hell.
CAMERON Fingers crossed. Fox loves our chemistry, and the writing is fantastic. Plus, it’s a sitcom about the Antichrist’s stepmom; what’s not to love? Really though, I’m just happy to be playing a straight character again. Between Shot through the Heart and the last series I did, I’ve been a lesbian for the last five years.
[Jeremy slides his arms about Cameron’s waist.]
JEREMY Oh, yeah, acting like you’re in love with me must be a huge challenge for you. The real question is, with a face like this, who’ll believe me as Satan?
CAMERON I’m sure you’ll manage.
JEREMY Only because you bring out the devil in me.
HANNAH Well, I’m really happy for you. For both of you.
JEREMY We’re happy for us, too.
CAMERON Oh, stop it!
HANNAH So, are you off to celebrate?
CAMERON Do you really have to ask? What about you?
HANNAH I don’t have anything planned.
CAMERON You can’t fool me. I bet you have an adventure of your own cooked up. You’re going to go crazy, aren’t you? [beat] Seriously, though, go out and have fun tonight, okay? And take care of yourself. I’ll worry when I’m not here to keep an eye on you.
[Cameron hugs Hannah. Hannah hangs on a bit too long.]
HANNAH I’m going to miss you.
CAMERON [pulling away] Don’t worry, we’ll keep in touch. I’ll call you sometime, okay?
HANNAH Sure. Anytime.
JEREMY Take care of yourself, kid.
[Waving, Cameron and Jeremy EXIT. Hannah’s eyes remain trained on the closed door. After a long moment, she EXITS.]
END OF SCENE
[Hannah, as JO, and Cameron, as MAGGIE, ENTER and RESUME THEIR POSITIONS AT THE END OF SCENE FIVE.]
JO [SCREAMING offstage] OFFICER DOWN! I need an ambulance here! [to Maggie] Don’t do this to me!
[She checks Maggie’s pulse. When she feels nothing, she takes her hand off Maggie’s chest and sits quietly for a beat.]
JO No Kevlar, huh? Was it just today? You know better than to. . . .
[She trails off, looking down at her hands. They have Maggie’s blood on them.]
JO I got him, though. The shooter. I put a bullet right between his eyes. I wasn’t thinking about anything else, I was totally focused on him and the gun. I did exactly what I was supposed to do.
[Jo STARTS TO CRY. The SOUND OF AN AMBULANCE can be heard offstage.]
A.D. [offstage] Cut! That’s a wrap!
[Cameron BREAKS CHARACTER, STANDS, and looks back at Hannah with surprise to see that she’s NOT DONE CRYING. After a concerned beat, Cameron decides to leave her be and EXITS.]
[The A.D. ENTERS and begins striking the scenery.]
[Hannah continues to stare at the spot where Cameron lay. Gazing at the blood on her hand, she continues to SOB.]
FADE TO BLACK
END OF PLAY