BY RACHEL SHOPE
Copyright © by Rachel Shope. All rights reserved. Published with permission from the author. Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to Rachel Shope at racheleshope@gmail.com.
Premiered November 15, 2012 | Swain Hall, Studio 6 Theatre, UNC Department of Communication | Directed by Joseph Megel
Original cast members are in brackets.
VIRGIL 20s, male. A romantic leading man in an old, colorized movie [Keith Gavigan].
AGNES 20s, female. A romantic ingénue in an old, colorized movie [Ashley Lucas].
PIM 20s, female. A film restoration expert [Page Purgar].
GARY 20s, male. Pim’s husband [Doug Pass].
Present. A film restoration lab.
On a studio in a film restoration lab. PIM is slouched over a computer, typing furiously. She pauses a moment to yawn, then presses the “play” button. On the “PROJECTION SCREEN,” which is actually a life-sized FRAME for the actors, VIRGIL, the dashing leading man, and AGNES, the demure heroine, are in the midst of a scene.
VIRGIL Speak in earnest now, Agnes; [almost inaudible] can you promise me your whole self?
[Pim furrows her brow and clicks a button, causing Agnes and Virgil to FREEZE. She types and clicks, then REWINDS until they are in their original positions and clicks “play.”]
VIRGIL [speaking at normal volume] Can you promise me your whole self? [pulling Agnes close] Tell me the truth, darling! I won’t settle for anything less.
AGNES But Virgil, that is nothing I have to promise. . . . that is truth itself! Dearest, I am no self at all without you.
[They lean toward each other for a kiss. There is a KNOCK on the studio door. Pim FREEZES THE IMAGE, just before their lips touch.]
GARY [offstage] Pim?
PIM Yeah?
[Pim’s husband, GARY, ENTERS. He is dressed in khakis and a button-down shirt.]
GARY Hey, babe. [kissing her on the cheek] You ready?
PIM Oh my God! I completely lost track of time. Can you wait a few more minutes? It’s not quite done yet. They don’t play until eight, right?
GARY Yeah, but I made dinner reservations at The Delilah at six thirty.
PIM What time is it now?
GARY Six ten.
PIM That’s perfect! I can be done in ten minutes, and that’ll give us time to drive over there. I’ll change in the car.
GARY You’re pushin’ it, m’lady. What’re you working on?
PIM Virgil.
GARY Big bad network premiere’s still breathing down your pretty neck?
PIM The film was starting to decay.
GARY Is that why it reeks of vinegar in here?
PIM Yes, and that’s why it’s taking me so long. And the longer we keep chatting, the longer I have to stay.
GARY Alright, alright, I’ll wait outside. I can’t stand that smell, anyway.
[He kisses her and EXITS.]
PIM [yelling off] I’ll be there in a sec!
[Pim fiddles with the computer. Virgil and Agnes COMPLETE THEIR KISS. Pim yawns again, REWINDS.]
AGNES Dearest, I am no self at all without you.
[Virgil kisses her again. PIM REWINDS.]
AGNES Dearest, I am no self at all without you.
[Another kiss. Pim’s sleepy eyes droop as she LEANS ON “REWIND.”]
AGNES No self at all without you.
[Pim lays her head down, causing the film to REWIND YET AGAIN.]
AGNES Without you.
[Virgil leans in. This time Agnes STOPS HIM.]
AGNES Oh, for Heaven’s sake, enough!
VIRGIL Agnes! What are you doing?
AGNES What I’ve wanted to do for the past seventy years!
[Pim is SNORING. Agnes STOMPS over to the edge of the screen.]
AGNES You, there! Pim!
[Pim JOLTS AWAKE, begins CLICKING the “REWIND” BUTTON, which causes Agnes and Virgil to move spastically.]
AGNES Are you listening to me? I said I’ve had enough!
[Pim, trying to concentrate, CLICKS with more intensity. Agnes and Virgil begin JERKING FRANTICALLY.]
VIRGIL Dear lady, please!
AGNES This is the most exciting thing that’s happened in decades.
VIRGIL Oh, Agnes, hush up.
AGNES “Hush up”? Honestly, Virgil! Is that the best you can do? I’m insulted!
PIM [confused] Wait, wait. . . .
VIRGIL Insulted? Why ever should you be insulted?
PIM [a little louder] I’m sorry, but. . . .
AGNES I’m insulted that anyone would believe that I would fall in love with someone so, so. . . .
VIRGIL So what?
AGNES FLAT!
PIM [exploding] SHUT UP!
[Agnes and Virgil BECOME SILENT. Pim RISES and slowly approaches the screen. When her face is close, AGNES MAKES A FACE and JUMPS AT HER, causing Pim to SCREAM.]
PIM What the hell is going on?!
VIRGIL [to Agnes] You’ve frightened her. [to Pim] Terribly sorry for Agnes’s wicked actions! Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Vir. . . .
AGNES She knows who we are! She’s been cooped up in here gawking at us for weeks.
PIM If this is a joke, it’s not funny.
VIRGIL It is not our intention to joke, my dear.
AGNES And even if it was, Virgil’s wit is about as sharp as this tacky color scheme you slapped onto us.
PIM What’s wrong with the color scheme? I worked hard on that. It’s the best it can possibly be, considering the state the film was in when I got my hands on it.
AGNES You should have let it turn to dust.
VIRGIL Agnes, really! There’s no need to be cantankerous.
AGNES “Cantankerous”? I’ve never heard you use so many syllables in one word.
PIM This is ridiculous. The network premiere is a week away and millions of people are going to be watching.
AGNES Millions? I won’t have millions of romantic saps getting teary-eyed over this saccharine rubbish. . . . not again.
PIM It’s not rubbish. There’s a reason why so many want to watch it.
AGNES I find it extremely disheartening that there are that many with such abhorrent taste. If I have to keep pretending to be in love with this. . . . this vapid stereotype, I’ll lose my mind!
[Gary ENTERS. Virgil and Agnes return to the script.]
VIRGIL [to Agnes] Can you promise me your whole self?
GARY Pim, we’ve got to get going. They’ll give our table away if we’re late.
VIRGIL [to Agnes] Tell me the truth, darling!
PIM Gary, I promise, I am going as fast as I can, okay? But you can’t just barge in here. This is my space. You need to knock.
GARY I’m sorry. I know you’re working, but Jesus, look at you! You’ve been putting in crazy hours for the past month and a half. You can call it quits a few minutes early on one special night.
AGNES [to Virgil] That is truth itself! Dearest, I. . . . [forcing herself to say the words] am. . . . no. . . . self. . . . at all. . . . without. . . . you. [This time, they kiss quickly.]
PIM Five minutes. [pushing Gary out the door] That’s all I need, I swear.
GARY Pim. . . .
PIM [closing the door] Love you! See you soon!
AGNES [to Pim] You are a cruel young woman. [to Virgil] And you taste like vinegar.
PIM Agnes, I am begging you. Please don’t. . . .
AGNES Please don’t what, Pim? Do you know what you’re begging me to do? Have you ever had to recite the same words over and over again for decades? And they aren’t even your words, but you have to say them. And Virgil? Virgil could be any man. . . . I would still have to say the same words.
PIM But they’re lovely words! Nobody says things like that in real life.
AGNES Haven’t you ever wondered why that is? I refuse to be part of this dusty charade any longer.
VIRGIL [grabbing her] Agnes, for goodness sake! You’re not speaking reason! Look at me. Haven’t you ever loved me? What about our past? Doesn’t it mean anything to you?
[Agnes starts to swoon, but shakes it off and pushes him away.]
AGNES What past, Virgil? We have no past! Can you tell me what happened before the first scene? I’ll say you can’t, because nothing happened. There’s only this loop; these god-awful, sleep-inducing, ninety measly minutes. . . . FOREVER!
PIM [to Agnes] Do you have any idea what most people would give to not have to drag their pasts around all the time and just live in the moment? There’s no script out here. It’s just raw, live-streaming footage, and it’s hard. How would you like that forever?
VIRGIL You see, Agnes? It’s better for us this way, darling.
AGNES [turns toward him, then away] Oh, but it isn’t enough! I need something more, something. . . . else.
VIRGIL There is nothing else.
[A KNOCK on the door.]
GARY [offstage] Pim!
AGNES I need some time alone.
PIM What do you mean, “alone”?
[Agnes walks OFFSCREEN.]
Where are you going? Come back!
GARY [BARGING IN] Pim. We have to go. Now!
PIM Jesus, Gary. Look, just go without me. I’ll head over there when I finish.
GARY And when will that be? You said you were almost done.
PIM Yeah, well, that was before the leading lady decided she didn’t want to be the leading lady anymore.
GARY What’s that supposed to mean?
PIM It means that I have to stay here. Because if Agnes and Virgil aren’t in love, there is no movie, and if there is no movie, there is no. . . .
GARY You’re being ridiculous.
PIM My work is ridiculous to you?
GARY At this moment in time, yes. Come on, get your stuff.
PIM Oh, that’s romantic. “Get your stuff.” How sweet of you, babe.
GARY Actually, I think you’ve already killed this evening’s romance.
PIM Then what’s the point in even going? All the more reason for me to stay here! I’ll spend my evening with Virgil!
GARY [hurt beat] I hope that works out for you. Just remember that he’s not going to follow you home. Happy anniversary.
[Gary extracts CONCERT TICKETS from his pocket, DROPS THEM ON THE FLOOR, and EXITS. Pim picks them up, looks at them sadly. Then, looking up at the screen. . . . ]
PIM [to Virgil] Where did Agnes go?
VIRGIL I expect she ran off to the library scene. It’s the only one in which she’s alone. It’s also the shortest scene in the entire film.
PIM So she should be back soon?
VIRGIL I suppose. And what about Gary? He, too, has run away?
PIM I guess he’s going home. [sullen beat] It’s our anniversary.
VIRGIL Yes, so I hear. If I may, dear Pim. . . . what are you still doing here?
PIM Well, I can’t leave you alone.
VIRGIL I think perhaps you and I are not so different from one another, my dear Pim. You understand me.
PIM We’ve spent quite a bit of time together over the last several weeks. I’m not sorry for that.
VIRGIL Oh, Pim, darling, be my leading lady! Think of it, Pim! Wouldn’t it be grand? You and me, together. I would glance at you longingly from afar in the opening scene. You would fall desperately in love with me when I rescue your kitten from the tree in the apple orchard.
PIM And you could call on me late at night and we’d go swimming in the lake in the dark. . . .
VIRGIL Yes! And at the end, we would pledge our undying love for each other.
PIM Yes. . . . and after that?
VIRGIL Beg pardon?
PIM What happens after that? After we, you know, pledge our undying love?
VIRGIL Why, my dear, that’s the best part! We go back to the beginning and do it all over again!
PIM [Reflecting, she gazes at the tickets in her hand.] I can’t.
VIRGIL But why?
PIM Because that’s not enough, Virgil. It all sounds lovely, of course, and I’m sure it really would be. . . . but only once. After that, there has to be a tomorrow. There has to be more. I need more, and there is no more for you.
VIRGIL [contrite] I have made a fool of myself.
PIM So have I.
VIRGIL But you at least have the ability to make a different decision. You can change. I am bound to a script in which I had no say.
PIM [looks at the tickets in her hand] I have to go. Thank you, Virgil.
VIRGIL No, sweet lady, thank you. For all you have done. If it were not for the screen, I would kiss your lovely hand.
PIM I appreciate the sentiment.
VIRGIL You shouldn’t; it’s dreadfully unoriginal.
PIM Goodbye, then. I’ll see you soon.
VIRGIL Goodbye, my dear.
[Pim EXITS. Virgil sighs. Shortly, Agnes RE-ENTERS, hanging her head.]
AGNES [despondent] There’s nothing in those books.
[Virgil nods, sadly. Agnes reaches for him. He embraces her tightly. When they speak, their voices are sadder, resigned.]
VIRGIL Speak in earnest now, Agnes; can you promise me your whole self ? Tell me the truth, darling. I won’t settle for anything less.
AGNES [softly] But Virgil, that is nothing I have to promise. . . . that is truth itself. Dearest, I am no self at all without you.
As they gaze into each other’s eyes with this sad understanding, THE LIGHTS. . . .
FADE TO BLACK
END OF PLAY