I WILT BACK against the pillows and take a big breath. I stare at the seven places in the map. “At least now I know where to look,” I say.
Lavinia covers her mouth as she yawns. “Clearly we’ll have plenty to do tomorrow, and I for one could use some sleep,” she says. “Take my computer if you like.”
Linus rises from his beach chair and folds it. Burnham does the same. I take Lavinia’s computer and wish her a good night.
The three of us move back into the living room, but we can’t talk there because of Dubbs sleeping on the couch. I quietly set down Lavinia’s computer on the counter, uncertain what to do. Linus points toward the glass doors that lead to the porch, and we head out.
A breeze is lifting up along the cliff, bringing the rolling, eternal sound of the sea from below, and the night sky is clear. Impossibly clear. With no lights around, the stars are as brilliant as they are back home in the desert, and it takes me only a moment to locate the Little Dipper pouring into the big one. If I were alone with Linus, I might try to impress him by pointing out the few constellations I know, but I’m not going to risk astronomy while Burnham’s tagging along.
I like the cool air, but it makes me shiver, and I cross my arms over my chest. Burnham and Linus stand against the other railing, Burnham’s silhouette slightly taller than Linus’s dark outline. The waning gibbous moon hangs heavy over the western horizon.
“Pretty night,” Burnham says.
“Sure is,” Linus answers.
“You two are cute,” I say, smiling.
“Thank you,” Linus says, and his face is just discernible when he turns in my direction. “By the way, what’s this promise you two have?”
“I’m not supposed to tell my parents about how Thea’s connected to Rosie. With her dream seed,” Burnham says. “Why?”
“Just wondering,” Linus says.
“Do we have any other promises, Rosie?” Burnham asks.
“You know we don’t,” I say.
“I thought maybe we did. Relating to Atlanta,” Burnham says.
“What happened in Atlanta?” Linus asks.
“Nothing,” Burnham and I both say.
Wind ripples the hair on my neck, and I catch the strands back in my grip for a minute. I’m afraid I’m blushing again. I wish I could see their expressions, but the dark makes it hard.
“I may have tried to kiss her,” Burnham says. “Not that it matters.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Linus says.
“It does matter,” I say. “It was a mistake.”
“Does it still bother you that much?” Burnham asks.
“What actually happened?” Linus asks.
I wait to see if Burnham will fill him in, but he doesn’t.
“It was awkward, okay?” I say. “We were alone in his apartment and I had a nightmare.”
“I made her hot chocolate,” Burnham adds.
“I see,” Linus says. “Potent stuff.”
“Nothing happened,” I say. “It was just weird. And now it’s over.”
“It never started,” Burnham says.
“Right. It never started,” I agree.
“Then we shouldn’t have a problem,” Burnham says.
He’s right. We shouldn’t. So why’s he trying to make trouble?
“I don’t think you should come with us to Grisly tomorrow,” I say to Burnham.
“What are you talking about? Of course I’m coming.”
“You’ll slow us down,” I say. The moment the words leave my mouth, I realize they’re a mistake. Dishonest. Unkind. But I can’t explain why I don’t want him along. I cross my arms.
“I can’t believe you just said that,” Burnham says, his voice low.
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t think you understand,” Burnham says. “My whole life’s different since the accident. I can’t dive anymore. I can’t meet people without them staring at me, and then when they figure out I’m that guy from Forge, it only gets worse. My old friends, they’re great, but they’re going on with their lives. They have no idea what it’s really like for me now.” He clears his throat. “But this? This fight against Berg. I’m part of this. I belong here. I’m going in with you.”
I glance at Linus, who isn’t saying anything. It’s up to me to explain, I see.
“It’s worse than you know,” I say, and I push my hands into my pockets. “Once I save my parents, I’m going to find a way to stop Berg once and for all.”
“You mean kill him?” Burnham says.
I don’t want to do it, but I don’t see any other answer. I’m not sure exactly when I decided what I had to do, but now I’m filled with quiet certainty.
“You can’t do it,” Burnham says. “Rosie, even if you could, physically, it would eat at you forever.”
“He’s never going to let my parents go,” I say. “There’s no other way. Now you see why you can’t come.”
“But you’re not a killer!” Burnham says. “You’re not that kind of person. What do you think you’re going to do? Knock him over the head? Do you have a gun?” He turns to Linus. “You can’t seriously mean to let her go through with this.”
“I thought I’d do it for her, when the time comes,” Linus says.
I turn to stare at him. I hardly know what to say. It’s the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me. I can’t let him do it, of course, but I appreciate his willingness.
“Holy crap,” Burnham says. “And the other doctors down there? Do you plan to kill them, too?”
I hadn’t carefully considered them. “No,” I say reluctantly. “I can’t do that.”
“So then, what? They just go on with their research?” Burnham asks. “And what about the dreamers? Are you going to disconnect all of them? Or don’t they matter, either way?”
“Of course they matter,” I say.
“Why? They’re dead already, aren’t they?” Burnham says.
I balk at his bluntness. Arself’s alive, and she comes from the dreamers, so they can’t be truly and completely dead. She’s privy to my thoughts, too, so I need to be careful. Honestly, it hurts me to think of leaving all the dreamers behind, trapped forever in the vault, or until they finally die enough for Whistler to bring them to the incinerator. But what else can I do? I can’t save them all. I can’t save even one of them. The most I can do is save Arself now that she’s in me. I listen in case she wants to surface and say something, but she’s silent still. It seems she decides for herself when she wants to come forward, and this moment doesn’t merit her input.
“The dreamers may be dead individually, but together, they’re something alive,” I say to Burnham. “I’m going to leave them as they are. I’ll report the doctors to the police, or maybe the media, okay? Unless you have a better idea.”
Another salty breeze comes up from the ocean while I wait to see what Burnham can come up with.
“I don’t,” he says finally.
I glance up toward the stars again. “How late is it?”
“It’s nearly four,” Linus says.
“You can’t say anything to Lavinia or Dubbs about killing Berg,” I say to both of them. “As far as they’re concerned, we’re only going back to get Ma and Larry.”
“You could still change your mind,” Burnham says.
Burnham can think that, if he wants. I know otherwise.
“You still want to come?” I ask him.
“I’m coming.”
“Then let’s get some sleep,” I say. “Or at least try.”
Linus opens the door, and we slip back into the quiet of the living room. Without turning on the light, I find my blankets and my pillow near the couch where Dubbs is still sleeping, and I settle in for the rest of the restless night.