3
PLEDGING
I could see the sweat falling from Creed’s brow as Butch laughingly walked away. I knew he was pissed about being called out, but he knew he couldn’t have gone off on Butch.
“Here, you need this napkin?” I said to him. I could see he was stressing.
“Naw, naw, I’m straight,” he replied, trying to act as if Butch hadn’t bothered him at all.
It was interesting because he’d been so nice until Butch showed up. Now, when he was faced with choosing his goal to pledge a fraternity over me, it wasn’t as easy as he thought.
“Listen, just like I told you, seriously Butch and I are through. Way through. He’s a jerk, and he crossed a couple of lines. It’s over. You don’t have to worry about any of that.”
“Really, I’m straight,” he responded.
“I can see you’re not straight. You’re fidgeting. You’re acting weird. I’ve been around you for a long time and I’ve never seen you come apart at the seams like this.”
“Wait, I’m together. What you trying to say?” Creed asked like he was offended.
“No need to be defensive. I’m just calling a spade a spade. You said throw the cards out on the table and be truthful, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, calm down. Let’s talk about this. I know what you want. I’m feeling the same pressure. Pledging is hard, and if we gotta put whatever we have going on on the back burner, then I’m down to do that. You’re not gonna hurt my feelings.”
“If y’all are through, Hayden, then forget him,” Creed said, looking to see if Butch had driven off.
“I hear you talkin’, but your actions are singing a different tune.”
He got up from his seat and came over to my side of the booth. Instinctively, I slid over. He put his arm around me and turned my jaw to his, looked me in my eyes and winked.
Creed said, “It’s something about you. I gotta pursue this. Yeah, I’ve wanted to be a Pi for so long, but if I let you go I will probably regret it for the rest of my life. Why do I have to make a choice because some jerk, who’s mad that he let you go, tells me I have to? Yeah, he has something I want but I know I got something he wants too. I’d be an asset to his fraternity. All of the fraternities want me. I’m just keeping it real. Butch is a jerk, but he ain’t stupid. You gotta know your own worth too.”
“How do you know people want you like that?” I asked, very intrigued to know if fraternities handled things differently.
“They been coming at me trying to sell me on why they’re the best. What they stand for, like I haven’t done my homework. I don’t know. I want to be a Pi and I want to wear brown and green.”
“Well, at least you know a lot of people want you. I’m starting to doubt now if even the Betas want me,” I told him as a waitress came with our sandwiches.
“Naw, that can’t be true. I hear girls talking all the time. I’m in different circles, and if they haven’t stepped to you yet, you just wait. They all gonna make their claim. This is rush time. They’re going after the hottest sophomores and juniors who aren’t in a fraternity or sorority. Everybody’s gonna be staking their claim. You just gotta know how to play your cards when they step to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I mean you don’t want to show your hand too early. You got to keep everybody guessing.”
“I went to see the Betas the other night.”
“Oh, so that’s where you went.”
“No, I didn’t mean I really went to see them.”
“No need to cover it up. You sorta gave it away earlier. You’re just confirming it. When other sororities come to you, if you know you want to pledge Beta, then you got to respectfully decline. Not tick them off or make them upset. If you do, they’ll blackball you and even the Betas won’t want you. You got to make everyone think you respect their sorority, but not be so interested. Make them intrigued to find out who you are. Just don’t go over the top to please them.”
“And if a Beta catches me in one of those conversations?”
“You just got to pretend that they’re watching at all times. Be politically correct. Sometimes these Greeks work together to solidify candidates. They go way back, and work together to help the community.”
“What do you mean?”
“If they know you have been to their event, they’re gonna have somebody else come to you trying to see if you’re really solid,” Creed said, very knowledgeable about the whole Greek game.
“If we want to pledge ’cause we want to do good for the community, be in a Christian organization, have a common bond with folks, try to be the best we can be with a bunch of smart folks, then why does there have to be all these crazy standards that are not even at all a part of the equation? You and I are in psychology class together and even the best case studies don’t have folks going through stuff like this to find out if they are loyal.”
He chuckled. “I know you didn’t think pledging was gonna be easy, did you?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Well, get ready for the ride. I think it’s going to be worth it though. You can’t change the game from the start, but once we’re in it, we can make all the rules.”
Impressed by his knowledge and philosophy of Greek life, I said, “So, then, are we going to try this dating thing? You’re not goin’ to get intimidated?”
“We might have to sneak around so I don’t offend your ex, but I’m calling the shots. If you’re in it, I’m in it.”
He didn’t take his eyes off me as he leaned in and kissed me. It felt good that we agreed to try.
Leaving psychology class the next week, I was having the toughest time catching up to Creed. We said we would play it low so that no one would know we had something going on. We had our discreet ways of walking a couple steps behind one another or walking side by side. We would text each other—at least when we had distance between us—but this day the brother was gone. Of course that baffled me. Where was he off to so fast that he couldn’t even say hello? And why was he sitting in class all day wearing ridiculous shades when it was dreary out? When we got outside of the building, I didn’t even care if anyone was watching me. I sprang toward him and touched his shoulders.
When he turned around I said, “Okay, so why are you dodging me and why are you in class wearing shades?”
As he quickly began to turn away, I grabbed the glasses. I needed his attention.
“Don’t do that!” he screamed out.
It was actually scaring me that he was being so defiant. Even worse, though, I was horrified when I saw the bruise around his eye.
“Okay, so what’s goin’ on? What’s up with that?”
“I gotta go. I can’t talk to you right now. Please just give me the glasses.”
I stepped back. There should be no marks on anyone’s body because of some pledge bull. I wasn’t having it and if I had to tell my Uncle Wade to get justice, I would.
I demanded, “No, you’re not getting them until you tell me what’s going on.”
“Hayden, I appreciate your concern, but I’m not a lil’ baby, okay. You can keep the shades, do what you gotta do, but I gotta go.”
“No!” I said grabbing his arm. “Wait, please, I care about you. You know I do, talk to me. Who did this?”
He saw in my eyes that I knew he received the bruise from pledging. What were we signing up for?
“Don’t look like you don’t understand why I’m enduring all of this. Butch told me he’s got guys everywhere.”
To heck with Butch. I went over and put my hand on his cheek, trying desperately to reach his eye. Creed jerked his head back.
“I’m a tough boy. I got this, for real.”
“Creed, I’m not saying you don’t, but that’s not what this is supposed to be about. We’re not trying to join an organization whose main purpose is brutality. I’m gonna tell the school’s president. This isn’t some gang initiation here. You’ve got something to offer. I want to be a Beta more than I want all A’s this semester, but I will not let them hit ...”
Before I could finish my statement, he said, “Hayden, you’ll tell nobody. Plus, you are talking a lil’ too fast, a lil’ too early, a lil’ too soon. You don’t know what you’ll do until you are in that room. All that pressure coming at you from all different sides will have you crazy. Your head is gonna be spinning and your line sisters are gonna be depending on you to stay strong. If you’re not in it, if you’re not ready, if you don’t think you can take a lil’ something, then you better get out from the fire cause they certainly turn the heat up.”
I just shook my head, unable to digest what he was really telling me. His bruise looked so bad. He needed a steak on it, ice, something. No way could Creed think this was okay at all. But I was going to respect his wishes, I wasn’t going to tell anyone what happened to him.
“I’ll text you later, okay?” he said, leaning in and giving me a kiss.
I didn’t want him to go. That exchange between us was true bonding. I could feel the vulnerability, and the rawness in his heart. He was going through something awful trying to become a member of Pi Lambda Beta.
“What the heck am I thinking?” he said, quickly pulling away. “Girl, you gonna make my other eye get tore up,” he said as he looked over his shoulder.
“Did Butch do that?” I said, finally touching the tender black-and-blue bruise.
“Ouch,” he said.
I gently rubbed his bruise. I wanted us to be far away from any distractions. I was just a girl, liking a boy, wishing we could have time without drama.
“Umm, that feels good, but I gotta go, Hayden. I’ll text you. I’m okay. That kiss you gave me is gonna make me endure any little thing Butch wants to throw my way. But, I will tell you this.”
“What?”
“He threw your relationship with him in my face and said he had you in every way, and, uh, it sorta made me push him, so he punched me. For some reason, all our talks last year, I just assumed ...”
“That I was a virgin?” I interrupted, hoping he really knew me. “I am, and at this point with all this stupid pledging stuff you and Butch are doing, neither one of you is going to change that.”
I was angry hearing they were talking about me in some dumb hazing session. Though Creed thought it was honorable, I wanted to be left out of it. I tossed his shades to him and stormed off.
I didn’t know who I was really mad at. But how could Butch lie like that and why did Creed think he needed to defend my honor? What, did he think it was true? I hadn’t even started pledging and it hurt already. It seemed like maybe the whole pledging idea was a dumb one.
“So, the Betas are having a self-esteem forum and you’re not going?” Chandra said to me as she came into my room with Bridget and Myra.
I missed the friendship the four of us used to have, but now in our sophomore year, not even a full semester into it, we were so far apart. We never spent time together. We never talked about anything. To see the three of them come into my room because they thought something was wrong with me, as I lay across my bed, feeling completely perplexed, touched me.
“I can’t believe she’s not going,” Myra said.
“Girl, you know they gonna be looking for you because they know you want to pledge and put them Beta Gamma Pi letters on your jacket this spring. You know they want you to show up for some of their stuff, but if they want you, you’re not automatically blackballed because you’re not there. You could be studying for a major test or something. Relax if you want, girl,” Chandra said. “That’s why I’m not pledging nothing. A lot of the fraternities around here already got underground lines going. Boys falling asleep in class. They can’t wear nothing but a white long sleeve shirt and khaki pants. You can tell the ones. I’m not letting no female strip away my dignity.”
“That’s just it though, y’all,” I said, finally sitting up as I stared up at my ceiling.
“It’s not supposed to be about any of that. I’ve been researching the history and all these organizations were founded back in the early nineteen hundreds. That’s when black folks didn’t have many rights and they formed these organizations to come together, to make a difference in the community, to stand on God’s word, to get a good education and uplift one another. All this bashing, all this, ‘You better do what I say or hit the highway’ mentality, just defeats the whole purpose.”
“What are you talking about, Hayden? You sound like you want to go pick up a picket sign and go march or something,” Myra said.
“Naw, she got a point,” Chandra said, truly feeling what I meant. Greek organizations needed to be about their founders’ business and not foolish business.
“We don’t understand what it was like to live back then, and if we just let our minds focus on the injustice, the racism, inequality, and the segregation that still exist in a lot of America, they wouldn’t be tripping about recruiting members for public service organizations that are suppose to change that.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” Bridget said, as she got up and left the room.
“Where is she going?” Myra said.
“I’m sure she is going to fix some tea or something,” Chandra said, as the three of us laughed.
Bridget was a young, black, hip Martha Stewart. She believed in girl-talk over tea and cookies. Though we laughed, we all wanted her pampering.
“I just don’t know how much I will be willing to endure. If I know how crazy it is on this end and I’m still thinking about doing it, what does that say about my character? What does that say about me?” I said, scratching my head.
Myra leaned down beside me and replied, “You know you can get in there and change it all. Every organization isn’t perfect. If they were, why would they need any new members? I have been looking up RTN’s history too. They have a program that is out of this world to me. They focus on so many positive things, it made me realize the sisters are really together. Now I’m convinced I want to be a part of them.”
“And if your head gets bashed in the process, you still want to rock their colors?” Chandra said.
“I just think a lot of that pledging hype people throw out there is overrated. I want to get on the line and see. That’s where the sisterhood and bond comes in with your line sisters. You gotta go through something to get tight, right?” Myra said.
Chandra and I said “Wrong!” at the same time.
“How can you love somebody that’s giving you hell? How can you forget what they did to you, how they demeaned you and belittled you and then you call them sister?” Chandra said.
Bridget came to the door with a tray and four mugs of steamy, cozy chamomile tea. She even had sugar cookies as well. Myra and I quickly reached for ours.
“We love you, girl,” Myra said to Bridget.
“I just felt like this was a tea moment. The four of us have been so busy doing so much, that we haven’t been making time for each other. I hope I make the Mu Eta Mu line, but I can’t imagine loving my sisters more than I love the three of you guys,” she said, as we all took a tea cup and clicked them together. “Nothing will tear us apart.”
“Well, Myra, I know you’re going to be a Nu, Bridget, you’re goin’ to be an MEM, and Hayden, you’re going to make the Betas stronger no matter what the cost,” Chandra added.
“Who says we’re going to make it?” Bridget said, looking away.
Chandra smiled and raised her mug. “ ’Cause I know you guys, and God answers prayers. You’re strong and you’ll do this for Him. That sorority stuff isn’t for everybody, but that doesn’t mean I don’t support what you’re doing or why you want to do it. Y’all are awesome. So here’s to pledging.”