fifteen

Caleb

If my life wasn’t complete shit before, it’s definitely shit now. I just gave away the secret I promised to take to the grave. I betrayed my twin sister, and myself, all because I couldn’t stand the way Maggie looked at me as she peered down from that damn platform. Her eyes were like glass, and the disappointed furrowing of her eyebrows made me want to scoop her up and take her to a place where nobody would deceive her or hurt her. A place where even I couldn’t hurt her.

I fucked up. With Maggie, with Leah, with my parents … with everything.

At this point I can’t even trust myself not to fuck up. What’s the use in trying to stay out of jail when, maybe, that’s the best place for me? At least in jail I know where I stand and don’t have to see disappointment on the faces of the people I care about.

Problem is, I don’t want to be locked up again. I felt like a restless, caged animal in juvie, especially because I knew I didn’t deserve to be there in the first place. Or maybe I did. Maybe I deserved to be locked up for lying to the judge and everyone else. I was piss drunk the night Maggie got hit with the car, and maybe my judgment was off when I told my sister I would cover for her.

By then it was too late.

All I wanted to do was protect Leah, since I knew she wouldn’t be able to handle the stress of being arrested and stuck in a cell. I don’t even know what’s right and wrong anymore.

How did Maggie know I’d lied to her? A second ago, I thought the only way I could take that betrayed look off her face was to tell her the truth. Another bad move. She already knew the truth.

I want to escape, but I’m stuck here. I might not be in a cage, but it feels like I’m in one.

“No, I’m not happy,” Maggie finally says, her voice low and sad.

I glare at her. “Great, ’cause that makes two of us.”

“Three of us,” Lenny says, still on the ground. “I think I’m gonna have a bruise on my sensitive ass cheek from you tackling me.”

Tears are falling down Maggie’s cheeks. She blinks a couple of times and swipes them away with her fingertips. “Do you hate me, Caleb?”

I should. I should hate her with all my soul, but I don’t.

“You knew all along I didn’t run into you, didn’t you?” I say.

She nods. “I remembered bits and pieces like it was a puzzle, but it wasn’t pieced together until—”

“Did you realize I wasn’t the one who hit you before I left Paradise eight months ago?” I ask, needing to know the answer even though I’m dreading hearing it.

“Yes,” she says softly.

I remember the times we spent together working at Mrs. Reynolds’ house, when we fooled around in the gazebo and I ran my hands over her smooth, milky soft skin. “You knew I didn’t hurt you, but you let me go along with thinking that you did. How could you?”

“By the time I realized who was really driving the car, I’d already forgiven you. It didn’t matter.”

“The hell it didn’t matter!”

“Umm, time out. I think this activity is over,” Damon says. “The three of us need to talk, like right now.”

Now. That’s Damon’s favorite word.

The three of us leave the rest of the group at the platform with Dex and head for a picnic table by the parking lot.

Damon sighs as he looks at Maggie and me sitting opposite him. “Caleb, let me get this straight. You pled guilty to a crime you didn’t commit?”

I look the guy straight in the eye. “I plead the fifth.”

“You can’t plead the fifth, Caleb,” Damon says. “You’re not in court.”

Yeah, and I don’t want to end up there again. “I’m still not answering the question.”

Damon turns to Maggie for answers, since I’m obviously no help at all. “Maggie, what do you know about all this?”

Maggie shrugs.

Damon shakes his finger at both of us. “You give me no choice. If you won’t explain, I’ll have to reopen your file and investigate on my own.”

“I went to jail, Damon,” I blurt out. “I paid for the crime. Case closed.”

“If you really went to jail for a crime you didn’t commit, the case is far from over. Ever hear of taking responsibility for your actions? You think you did someone a favor? Guess again. If it wasn’t you who hit Maggie, who was it?”

I stay silent while Damon looks to Maggie for answers. She stares at the ground.

“I warned you. This isn’t over,” he tells us.

We trudge through the rest of the exercises. I’m sure as hell not saying a word, and I’m freaking out wondering exactly how much Maggie knows.

After dinner, Damon pulls Maggie and me aside. “Tomorrow morning the rest of the group is going to another school for a panel talk, and the two of you are coming with me.”

At the dorm, I overhear Damon talking a bunch of times on his cell, and I get the distinct feeling that he’s about to have me arrested and interrogated.

I can’t do this. The rest of the night is a big blur to me. All I can think about is that I have to get away. I have to ditch the group and head out on my own again.

In the middle of the night, when everyone is asleep, I toss everything I own in my duffle. Getting away from Damon and his ties to the Illinois justice system is the only solution. If they can’t find me, Damon might not have a case against Leah. I looked at some legal books in the juvie library. The statute of limitations on a felony is three years. In a year, Leah can no longer be charged with the crime.

I leave our dorm suite and trot down the stairs. As I start across the dark campus, I hear a familiar voice behind me.

“Caleb, wait.”

“Maggie, what are you doing?”

She’s wearing silky pants and a T-shirt. Her hair is back in a ponytail, and she looks so vulnerable right now. And sexy, but she doesn’t know it. Before I went to jail, I never gave her a second glance. She was just our neighbor and my twin sister’s best friend. I was only interested in Kendra Greene, with her big hair and layers of makeup. Maggie’s beauty is more subtle … it can be missed if you’re blinded by other girls, or compare her to them.

She bites her bottom lip. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

“I can’t stay here.” I toss my duffle over my shoulder and start walking again.

“I’m going with you,” she calls out.

“No, you’re not.” I glance back at her. She’s limping behind me with a backpack on her shoulders. “Go back to the dorm.”

“No.”

“Don’t be stupid, Maggie. Go back to the group and move on with your life. Forget I ever existed.”

“I can’t do that,” she says. “I wish the accident never happened, and that you hadn’t gone to jail, and that you hadn’t left Paradise, and that you didn’t think getting involved with me was the biggest mistake of your life.”

Shit. I hate having those words thrown back at me, especially when they were lies. I hurt her, even if I swore I’d never do it again. “Being with you wasn’t a mistake.”

She gazes up at me with those innocent, expressive eyes. “But you said—”

“Yeah, I know what I said. I lied. But you still can’t come with me.”

“You asked me to go with you the last time you left Paradise. Remember?”

I nod slowly.

“I’m not making that same mistake again. This time I’m coming with you.”