BEADS OF SWEAT glistened, reflecting the hot Sedona sun on the small of her back. The effect only illuminated her rich, caramel-hued skin. An image of me, on my knees, licking each tiny drop off her flashed through my mind. Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on my breathing.

“Psst…hey, Levi. How much longer? I think I’m sweating down my ballsack,” Rod attempted to whisper, but the other handful of people practicing yoga on this cliff had no doubt heard him.

Squeezing my eyes shut tighter, I ignored him and tried to focus. There were too many distractions here. She was in front of me, still in those skin-tight, black yoga pants and sports bra—she basically screamed sensuality without even trying. It left me wanting to discover every one of her hidden desires. I knew nothing else, except her perfect form accented the incredible landscape around us. We’d been in Arizona for over a week, and I hadn’t heard more than a grunt or a hum from her lush, exotic lips. I pondered whether she was on a vow of silence, and that thought had my respect for her growing, especially given my present company.

I forced myself to gaze around at the natural beauty, attempting to get my head in the right space. The red rock cliffs towered all around. This yoga session was on top of one of the tabletop bluffs, and we were surrounded by everything nature had to offer. The energy was different here. You felt more alive, more connected in a way. The energy soaked into your veins, put you in your place, made you feel so small, yet part of something larger at the same time. I needed to bring myself back to why I was at this retreat. Yes, I was here to help Rod, my friend, heal from his addiction, the loss of a relationship and potential marriage, but I already had this trip planned. I needed to center myself for my upcoming tour and films. Being a submissive—one in such high demand—took a lot from me, in more ways than I could count.

“Focus on your breathing and slowly transition into the warrior pose, turn your head…” The yogi leading us today was an older gentleman. He continued, despite Rod’s singing and outbursts. Everyone here at the center was aware of Rod’s condition and situation. The night after the sweat lodge, we all—the staff and even a few Lakota tribe members—learned more about ourselves, like never to lock ourselves into a dark, hot place with Rodney Moore ever again. He had, however, fought many demons that night and turned a corner.

I closed my eyes, following suit, and felt my body taking in the oxygen. My feet connected with the red-dirt under me, my body only an extension of our world. I felt the vibrations of the earth drawing up into my soul, healing and connecting me. I hoped they were doing the same for my friend. He really needed it.

“I’m picking up…” he started and then hummed, even had the gall to snap his fingers. “Good, good.” Guess I didn’t need to wonder about his vibrations. My ties to the universe severed.

Fock, I cursed in my head. It sounded much more eloquent in Pennsylvania Dutch than English. As much as I tried to change and hide them, my Amish roots came through—it was how I was raised, where I came from, what I knew.

I was surprised Rod hadn’t been clubbed with one of the many cacti plants around yet, he was so busy disturbing everyone’s Zen. My eyes snapped open and my mystery woman’s perfect, pert ass was straight in view. Her do-rag covered head whipped back in his direction, and she glared dark diamond daggers at him for a moment. Eyes like a panther, I mused. As quick as the emotion came, she composed herself, maneuvering back into warrior pose, her round ass back in my line of sight.

“Seriously, man, I thought this was gonna be different. You said I’d learn the trick. Where’s all the tantric shit?” Rod wouldn’t stop. He’d at least quit singing, though, and only spoke to me at this point.

“Shut up and I’ll teach you the trick, but you have to learn this first,” I bit out through the side of my mouth, trying to get him to be quiet.

Her voice was throaty, sultry, and had me fantasizing about her whispering in my ear every morning to wake me up. “I don’t know what ‘trick’ you’re talking about, but how about you learn a new one—it’s called being quiet.” Her head jerked in my direction. “You gonna put a muzzle on your friend here, or what? I’ll show you a trick if you shut him up.” Again, her face shifted, like an expert actress. Two different expressions combated over her beautiful features before she went back to calm and relaxed, but a line stayed across her forehead as she twisted into Sage’s pose, facing me. I was still frozen, awestruck by her. I was positive the worry line was still there because we’d forced her into speaking. I immediately felt horrible, but rejoiced at the prospect to learn more about her.

Well, she had a voice, though it wasn’t what I expected. I figured it would be something sweet, maybe even a little shy; this was a complete contradiction. Then again, she was pretty powerful and confident in her movements—almost like a dancer or someone who knew their body well. I mouthed, “I’m sorry.” She simply nodded before manipulating her body to bring her knees to her chest and then closed her exotic green, gold-ringed eyes. Those eyes were another paradox that had me mystified. I left her to recapture her peace, hoping I’d find mine.

“Dude…” Rod began. I brought my hand to his mouth to shush him. I tried to keep physicality from resolving issues, but sometimes it ultimately took touch—sensation—to get the job done.

“Just be quiet, for ten minutes,” I hissed low, now in his face. I caught a gaze over his broad shoulder at the beauty. She snuck an eye open and winked. I brought my glare back to Rod’s own grey puppy dog eyes. “That’s all I’m asking, then I’ll show you the trick…soon.” That was all we had left in this session. I’d be amazed if he could do it. A promise was a promise—I’d lured him down here with that secret and I would have to follow through. At this point, however, I wasn’t above bribing him with the knowledge of how to orgasm by only using the power of your mind and thoughts to buy his silence and obedience for a little longer. He wasn’t ready to know, and he certainly wouldn’t be able to pull off the task, but I would show him in the next few days. He’d earned it.

He flashed a big shit-eating grin, then shoved me away. Problem solved—for now. Rod had been in such a dark place when we got here after the wedding—or what would have been his wedding. I don’t know how bad of a state he was in when Tony found him in Jamaica, but I think he was worse when we’d first arrived in Arizona. There were no drugs to blame this meltdown on. It wasn’t easy to see a full-grown man weep and beat his fists and knees into the ground until they bled. The man with me here, the one now trying not to hum bad 80s music, was a much better sight than the one before. It made me feel good to see a smile on my friend’s face.

Rod’s sobriety meant almost as much to me as it did to him. I knew he’d never believe me if I told him that, but it did. None of them knew how important they were in my life. Rod, Ric, Tony…they were now my family—my brothers. I would do anything for them. Even bring them to my peace, my serenity, let them sing Beach Boys and annoy the crap out of me.

They’ve always given me crap, called me the Zen Ginger, the Amish Buddha...my lips quirked at the thought. The reality was, I did grow up Amish and left when I was eighteen. My personal beliefs, the things I wanted to experience, didn’t mesh with that culture. I was tired of feeling guilty or like a bad person for how I felt inside. They weren’t bad people, nor did I have a rough upbringing. I had an appetite for life, for more than just one God and religion—for a world, cultures, spices we didn’t add to our foods, art we didn’t look at, clothes we didn’t wear, books we didn’t read. I didn’t enjoy being restrained—well, not in that way. Ultimately, that was why I left. Sure, there were events that led to that point, but it boiled down to the fact that I wanted more from life, and had gotten a taste of it through knowledge. I never would have been satisfied with my life if I’d stayed Amish. I would have always wondered what else was out there.

Everything came with a price, which was part of the reason I did yoga and these intense retreats. It re-centered me so I could expel the negative and breathe in some positivity again. While I truly enjoyed my career, it had some downfalls. It lacked any kind of honest, deep connection with a partner; therefore, I took in more than I received. Each time I worked, excessive energy and emotion remained inside me with no one to put me back together—also known as a major sub-drop. The same kind of thing happened to a lot of the professional Dommes I worked with, if they didn’t have someone in their personal lives to help them come down.

Flat on my back in Corpse pose, I rolled my neck to the side and realized I’d been meditating a little longer than I thought. Most everyone else already had their mats rolled up and were heading down the hill. I made a move to follow Rod, but he was already off. You would have thought they were offering cocaine and strippers for meals with the way he ran to the hall at chowtime. Rod had a large appetite for everything in life. I wouldn’t deny him some crispy kale and yummy quinoa salad. It wasn’t Avery or Tony’s cooking, which was good for your soul, but I was in full support of Rod overindulging in the food prepared here. It was actually good for your body.

Gathering up my water bottle, I took a swig and toweled off my forehead before hanging it across my shoulders. My dark, yet bright and intriguing, mystery woman caught my peripheral. The urge to apologize for Rod’s behavior was strong. I knew taking a vow of silence on a retreat was a big deal.

“Hey,” I moved around to stand directly in her line of sight. “I just wanted to apologize for my friend. He’s new to all of this and I’m kinda helping him out.” I shrugged and looked down, nerves fluttering in the tips of my fingers and toes. “Can I make it up to you? In any way?” I offered, but then realized how forward it sounded.

Her eyes alighted and went wide as she toweled off her chest, her breath a little heavy. I thought this odd since we were just lying flat on our backs, meditating for a while. The exertion should have melted away by now. I was an idiot, expecting her to converse. She was here to be silent, which she’d broken by reprimanding Rod, and here I was, trying to get her to chat it up with me— even hitting on her.

I ran a hand through my sweaty red hair. “What I meant was, I know how hard it is to maintain your silence. I’ve done it before. I know how rewarding and healing it can be. Is there anything I can do to assist you with re-achieving your peace? You can write it down or gesture, I’m really good at that.” I kicked at the sandy dust, becoming jealous of my toes’ ability to hide in it.

She cocked her head and placed her hands on her hips. She was nearly eye level to my own almost 6-feet. It was halfway intimidating to have a woman so evenly matched to me, but her face and features were so soft, especially that mouth. I almost didn’t hear when she spoke, I was concentrating on it so hard. “Well, that depends,” she said.

“What?” I cleared my throat and met her eyes. “On?” I let the infliction of my voice allude to many different things.

“Well, for one, I want to know what trick you’re going to show him that got him to stay quiet for the rest of the session.”

I chuckled, stuttering over my words—completely thrown off for a multitude of reasons. “Well…you see, um…it’s…”

“What?” her lips turned up, amused at my flustered state.

I breathed in, confidence coming from Lord knew where. “I take appreciation in all the arts. Religions as well, per se. I’ve studied extensively in tantric or Vajrayana—I have interests there.”

“Oh. I see.” One of her manicured brows rose. I could tell she knew what I referred to without expounding further. Her mouth curved up and a small giggle escaped her full, naturally-tinted lips. It was very cute.

I had noticed it before, but now that I could examine her closer, she really was striking. Her dark hair and darker olive skin, but those eyes were a contradiction of green and gold. Beautiful.

“I bet you do.” I didn’t know where this power play was coming from, but this exchange was more interesting than anything I’d had on stage, camera, in class, or behind the scenes in a while.

She untied the do-rag holding her dark, satiny hair up, letting it fall loose. It was curling up, a little matted in spots from sweat and red sand that blown into it. My fingers itched with the desire to smooth it out.

“I am always interested in learning new tricks.” At this, she looked down, shocking me. She didn’t seem the type to be shy, but at the same time, I couldn’t pinpoint her to any category. To say I was confounded put it mildly.

“It’s the least I could do for breaking your silence.” She twitched when I said breaking, making me feel bad all over again. “And maybe, I could take you to dinner?” I added. “It would be good to get away from that guy for a bit.” I jabbed a finger in the direction of the gathering hall down the cliff.

She shifted her weight, straightening before glancing that way. I knew she was interested from the gleam in her eye. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?” I sucked in a breath of anticipation. When was the last time I had asked a woman out?

I watched her eyes roam over me in a quick assessment, but there was something more there. “Tell me why you’re here with him.” Her arms crossed under her smaller, but round and perfect, natural breasts. The smooth tops peeked out from the shelf of her built-in bra workout tank.

“Oh…it’s not like that.” I choked out a laugh, along with the breath I’d been holding. Hadn’t we gotten enough of that when we left Vegas? She had the wrong guy. Ric did the gay porn. “We aren’t a couple or anything.”

“Okay, I lied. Two conditions.” She unfolded her arms and fidgeted with a loose string on her pants, worrying it into a ball between her thumb and index finger.

This time, I was the one who shot her a confused look. She still hadn’t agreed and was making more demands. I owed her, but…was she nervous?

“I’m not one to shy away from getting down on my knees and begging, but you gotta earn that first.” I opted for humor, trying to keep it light. She began to close off, becoming wary of me. I told her I studied Tantra and she was interested, but a dinner invitation scared her?

Her lip started to twitch, but she brought her hand to cover that up. She couldn’t, however, conceal the warm rose blush painting her cheeks. “I somehow don’t doubt that. But this is just as friends. No expectations.”

My own advice to Rod echoed through my head, No baggage—along the same verbiage... I could handle that. Who knew where she came from and where she’d go after this retreat was over. I knew I technically called no place my home. Thinking on that, I didn’t even know her name.

“Great. It’s Levi. No expectations,” I parroted, sticking my hand out for her to shake.

She grinned, her warm smile radiating over my skin like the blazing Arizona sun, then took my offered hand. “Nice to meet you, Levi No Expectations. I’m Leylah. I’ll be seeing more of you soon.”

With that, her hand trailed out of mine, and she took off toward the yurts, leaving me in the crimson dust and fading sun, wondering what the Hades I’d gotten myself into.