It took me six hours and thirty-six minutes to get the picture just right. I couldn’t be happier with it. Ten grand works out at much more than my usual hourly rate, I can’t believe she agreed to it. I feel a bit weird taking the money from Lauren, but this is my job, and it means I can stop doing what I’ve been doing for so long. No more ruining women’s lives by telling them they should look a certain way. I don’t know what is next for me, but I’m done with doing that. The money gives me some breathing space.
I look at the image of Gavin and Mayra. It’s truly brilliant. I broke up the pictures Rebecca took of Mayra on the wedding day and cut them together with Gavin in his suit. Luckily, apart from the top of Mayra’s thighs, they were both fully clothed, so I didn’t need to try to recreate their naked bodies. I used Lauren’s thighs from the shots I worked on of her previously and let the light from the window blur them so no details showed. You’d never know they weren’t Mayra’s. But my favourite bit is the mole that Lauren told me Mayra has on her left thigh. I lifted the one from Rebecca’s face, using the photos I took of her in the room at the wedding. I cut and pasted it onto Lauren’s leg, making it fit the exact description of Mayra’s. It’s a little touch I am very proud of. No one needs to know.
I’ve done a brilliant job.
I send it to the WhatsApp group we created for approval.
Risky: You’re a genius. It’s exactly what I saw.
Beth: Wow! WOW! Perfect. WOW.
Lauren: I don’t know what to say. Thank you so much!
Ruby: You’re welcome Lauren. I hope it makes things better for you. Night ladies x
Just as I am getting into bed, a text comes through from my mother.
I’m going to hang myself with your old scarf.
I can’t be sure which scarf she is referring to, but my mother’s texts have recently become much more specific. Usually there is a generic threat of death, now she is naming objects. Yesterday she insisted she was in the process of taking pills. The day before she was going to jump off a cliff holding her cats. This is unusual, and the frequency of the messages is increasing, giving me more cause for concern than ever before. Her suicide threats were always sporadic and bland, they are now regular and detailed. Does that mean she is getting closer to it?
I’ve often wished she would hurry up. Turns out I am not that relaxed about it.
I text Liam rather than call, as I know there would be a lot of questions.
Can I have Bonnie this weekend? I want to go and visit my mother.
Wow, I mean, yes obviously. Are you sure?
I’m sure. Thank you.
Call me if you need me. Or you want me to come?
I took a while to ponder that. I do want him to come, I think it would be really good for Bonnie. Especially if Mum is in a truly bad way.
No thanks, I reply, regardless. This is something I have to do on my own.
‘Cheers,’ I say, holding up my champagne. ‘Well done, Risky. You did a brilliant job on this wedding, even if it didn’t end in a marriage.’
‘Cheers,’ she says, raising her glass to mine. I have brought her to a fancy wine bar to celebrate the end of the job. ‘Yeah, we did well. It’s a shame no one got to try the cake, but hey-ho, we know it was good.’
‘Oh, I never told you? I took two tiers of the cake home with me and hid them in a drawer in my bedroom. I ate them while I breast fed Tommy, Michael had no idea,’ I say, feeling smug.
‘Ha-ha, good one, boss,’ she says, as if I am joking and that would be crazy. Maybe it was.
‘Anyway, the catering staff ate well that day,’ I say. ‘A few guests stuck around and partied like the wedding was going ahead. I suppose they may as well have, everything was paid for.’
‘God, what a massive waste of money,’ Risky says, shaking her head. ‘To think people are out there starving. Weddings are so stupid.’
‘I’ll drink to that.’
We don’t have another wedding for three months, so Risky will be manning the fort in the office while I spend most of my time at mummy-and-me baby groups, walking around the local park pushing Tommy in a buggy, enjoying living in my house without my husband tapping away at my self-esteem, and eating doughnuts while I am still breast feeding and pumping out the calories that would otherwise land on my arse. I can’t wait. I shouldn’t feel this happy about splitting up with Michael before our baby is even five months old, but I do. I feel like I finally get to enjoy myself.
‘So how’s Michael doing?’ Risky asks, taking a huge sip of champagne. We got a bottle and she knows I’ll only allow myself a glass, because breast milk still feels like liquid gold and I hate wasting it.
‘He’s OK. He’s living with his mother. He’s going to take Tommy for a few hours a day while I’m still breast feeding. We’ll negotiate a proper plan after that.’
‘What do you think he’ll do?’
‘Honestly, I think he’ll live with his mother until she dies. He’s basically in a five-star hotel, getting every meal cooked, hot baths run every night, probably a lot of foot rubs.’
‘That’s weird, sounds like they are a couple.’
‘Yeah, well they kind of are. They can live together with their weird sex complexes. To the happy couple,’ I say, raising my glass again.
‘Are you OK, Beth? It can’t be easy,’ Risky says, her hand resting on my leg.
‘Yeah, I’m OK. He wasn’t who I hoped he was. I’d be way lonelier if I stayed with him than I ever could be on my own.’
‘How are you ever supposed to know if it will work? It’s such a gamble,’ Risky says, looking despondent. Just weeks ago heart emojis were flying out of her eyes at the very mention of love, now she’s witnessed truth beyond what her own heart can handle.
‘It is, but if you win, I reckon it would be the best prize in the world.’
Risky gets her phone out of her bag. She smiles as she reads a text message.
‘Adam?’ I ask her.
‘Yeah.’ She puts her phone down. ‘The last few weeks have changed a lot for me too, boss. I thought you and Michael were the dream. I thought Lauren and Gavin had everything. If you lot can’t work it out, what hope do I have?’
‘No Risky, you mustn’t think like that. Adam seems like a really nice guy.’
‘He does. But he’s Gavin Riley’s brother. I mean, he says they haven’t got on for years. That he’s always had a problem with Gav’s behaviour, and that he really isn’t anything like him, but …’
‘Risky, but nothing. He isn’t Gavin, and there’s no reason why he should act anything like he does.’
‘I know, but how am I supposed to trust him? Or anyone? Either not to cheat on me or give up on me?’
I never meant to shatter a young girl’s illusion of love. The idea that she will walk away, just because of the fear of it not working out is so sad. This is why parents don’t let their kids watch horror movies. Unnecessary fear of a world that is probably quite safe. It’s a shame Risky witnessed such disastrous examples of marriage.
‘Risky, listen to me,’ I say, putting two hands on her leg and looking her right in the eye. ‘There are happy and successful relationships all around us. They’re easy to find, and they’re everything you imagine. All you have seen in the past few weeks is that when they don’t work, you never, ever have to be trapped in it. Nothing bad has to be forever. OK?’
‘Yes, but how would I get through it? I’m not sure I could cope.’
‘You are the strongest woman I know. And you know what you do if it doesn’t work out? You surround yourself with other women, because together we can get through anything.’
‘We can, can’t we?’ she says, feeling that sistership between me and her. My unlikely friend, who has inspired me in ways I could never imagine.
‘Text Adam back. Make a plan to meet up and just roll with it, OK? Don’t be scared, give it what you’ve got, and just enjoy it. Even if a relationship ends, you can’t regret that it started in the first place.’
‘Do you regret marrying Michael?’ she says, looking at me like I have the key to happiness in my hand.
‘No,’ I lie.
‘I know you don’t have the marriage I thought you had, but you’re still such an inspiration to me, Beth. The business, and Tommy. Making that work, being present for both. It’s incredible. And you’re a real women’s woman. I don’t know what I’d do without your support.’
‘Thanks Risky, I feel the absolute same about you.’
Picking her phone back up, she does as I suggest. ‘Maybe it will work out,’ she says, as she texts Adam back.
‘Maybe it will.’
I will always, no matter what, continue to sell the concept of love.
WhatsApp chat
Group name – Scooby-Doo
Lauren: Ladies, I did it. I sent the picture to Gavin. I said if he continued to defame me I would post it on my Instagram feed. He called me right away, the first time we’ve spoken since the wedding. He begged for me back. Said he was sorry. Can you believe it?
Risky: OMG, what did you say?
Lauren: I told him not in a million years. I did ask him why he did it though, why he wanted to marry me when he had no intention of being faithful. Why he slept with MY MOTHER ON MY WEDDING DAY!! You’ll never guess what he said …
Beth: Come on, I need to hear this?
Lauren: He said fame made him feel lonely.
Risky: Oh excuse me while I puke in the bin. DIDDUMS!
Lauren: Yeah, well whatever he meant by that … I’m out!
Beth: Good one ;) What about your mother?
Lauren: Well, she says she will go to therapy. That she will try to work herself out. Honestly? I’ve made peace with her not being a part of my life anymore. I know that might sound terrible, but it’s how I feel. And after all this, I want to have more trust in the way that I feel, make decisions based on my happiness, no one else’s, you know?
Beth: Oh, I know.
Risky: I’m all over that! GO YOU!
Lauren: I feel like I’m finally going to break free from my past. A new era. Self-care (the real kind), friendship and honesty. Who’s with me?
Beth: I’m in.
Risky: IN!
Lauren: Ruby?
Ruby: Sign me up! I’m proud of you, Lauren.
Lauren: I couldn’t have done it without you all. If I ever get married again, you’ll have to be my bridesmaids.
Risky: SO IN!
….Silence….
Lauren: Ruby? Beth? I’M JOKING.
Beth: Jesus, thank God, I nearly had a panic attack.
Ruby: Phew! Anything but that! See you soon, ladies x