Rhi and Lou insist on taking me for lunch. I’m not sure if it’s to make up for their sudden arrival or they want to see if what Ollie has said is true and I really have lost the plot. I take them to Henri’s, through the ancient archway, down the cobbled street to the little bistro, where the awning is out, and the tables are laid outside.
Henri greets me, Rhi and Lou warmly, and tells me he is so proud to see Stephanie working with me. ‘She is blooming, like the lavande!’ he says, then adds, ‘And you too! Le Petit Mas is good for both of you!’ Rhi and Lou are looking at me with interest.
We order the wine and water and Lou gets straight to the point. ‘So, what’s going on here?’ she says. ‘Ollie said you’d lost the plot and refused to come home.’
Rhi kicks her under the table.
‘What?’ Lou flicks her straight blonde hair. ‘He says you keep saying you’re not going back and now you’ve stopped messaging him. Look, if it’s the baby thing …’
‘The baby thing?’ I ask.
‘What Lou means is …’
‘I know what she meant,’ I say to Rhi, with a sigh, and the ache in my heart has suddenly returned.
‘Look, I know you both mean well, and you’re my dearest friends,’ I lean over and put my hands over theirs, ‘but, really, this is for the best. Ollie and I, we’d come to the end of the road. We wanted different things. We’re not the same people we once were, and separating, before we could make each other thoroughly miserable, was the right thing to do. It was just the end of the journey for us. No blame. Just the end.’
They stare at me, clearly hearing what I’m saying and that I’m not talking gibberish. ‘It’s sad, really sad, but we both deserve the chance to be happy again, away from each other.’ And there is a pain in my heart that will leave a deep scar because we couldn’t make the distance together. ‘I can’t go back to our old life, the same things. This is about moving forward, wherever it takes me. And I have no idea how things are going to turn out. But I need to try.’ I look at them both. ‘I’m not going back. I’m here to stay. So, if you’ve come to persuade me otherwise, you’re wasting your time. But if you’ve come to stay here as my friends, I’m delighted to have you. As long as you don’t mind doing a bit of painting!’ I suddenly laugh. I have never felt clearer about anything in my life. I lift my glass.
After a moment of stunned silence, Rhi says, ‘I better get that brush out, then!’ She picks up her wine and smiles.
‘Best we order another bottle first!’ says Lou. The three of us clink glasses.
‘To new beginnings,’ I say. ‘What is it Dr Seuss said? “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”’
‘I’ll let Ollie know,’ says Lou, grappling for her rhinestone-decorated phone, and we smile. They understand. This is me. This is now and I’m not going back.
‘I’ve told Ollie. He knows. He just has to accept it,’ I say sadly.
‘To new beginnings,’ they both say, and Henri smiles from the kitchen door. The smell of bouillabaisse, the rich tomatoey fish stew with thyme, fennel and garlic, reaches us and tells us lunch is on its way. Henri places a big basket of crusty bread on the table that I know we’ll be using to mop up the juices at the bottom of our bowls. I’m happy. And I can’t help but think Le Petit Mas has had a lot to do with it. Henri was right: it seems to have healing powers for those who stay there.
Carine passes us as we’re finishing our meal and I introduce Rhi and Lou to her.
‘Enchantée,’ she says, shaking their hands.
‘Will you stay and have a drink with us, Carine?’ I ask, pointing to a chair.
‘I’d love to, but I have an appointment. A date!’ She grins naughtily. ‘But I will see you all soon!’ She swishes her smart dark bob and carries on through the town in the direction of le mairie.
After lunch, we walk back unsteadily along the riverbank after our second bottle of rosé, and an extra glass each on Henri, then up the hill towards Le Petit Mas. Ralph bounds up to us, jumping at Lou and leaving his pawprints on her white trousers. But even she sees the funny side. At the side of the house the lavender plants, in the shade, are waiting to be dug into the ground. Tomas runs to us and Stephanie is behind him, wiping her hands on a tea towel, looking very much at home.
‘All okay?’ I ask Stephanie, hoping that a little time on her own has helped her.
She nods. ‘Fabien came. He put together the beds, left the paint in the hall and the other stuff in the kitchen. And the lavender.’
‘Thank you,’ I say.
‘And I made a quiche, for le diner, with salade,’ she says. I think it might be her way of saying sorry. Whatever it is, it fills my heart.
‘Wonderful!’ I say. We made a quiche together one evening – to produce one on her own is a big step forward. I put my arm around her and she gives a huge smile.
‘And Fabien?’ I ask.
‘He had to get back,’ she says.
It’s for the best, I think. No complications, but my heart is still saying otherwise.
That evening we sit outside, listening to the birds and the chorus coming from the river at the bottom of my field.
‘What’s that noise?’ says Rhi, who, having said she’d never be able to eat anything after all that lunch, has tucked into Stephanie’s quiche and salad, then had seconds.
‘Frogs,’ I say.
‘Frogs?’
‘Yes, frogs,’ I repeat. ‘Down by the river.’
‘La grenouille,’ says Stephanie to me, and I repeat it back to her.
Tomas jumps down from his seat and hops about. ‘Ribbit, ribbit!’ We all laugh.
‘So, what happened to his father?’ Lou asks, in her usual direct way.
Rhi gives her a nudge and I turn to Stephanie.
‘Did he leave you? Mine did,’ says Rhi, trying to smooth over any awkwardness. ‘But my kids are doing great. One’s in college and the other’s working. It’s getting better. If you think these years are hard, wait till he’s a teenager! Sorry …’
‘Nothing to be sorry for,’ I tell her. ‘I was a teenager too once! I remember how awful I was. I just wish I could have said sorry to my mum.’
‘Mums know you don’t really mean it,’ says Rhi.
‘I’m just glad we didn’t have children. I wouldn’t have had a clue what to do,’ says Lou. ‘Patrick was enough for me at the time. We were completely in love. We didn’t need anyone else,’ she adds, in a rare moment of letting down her guard.
‘Having JB was enough, too,’ Stephanie says quietly, and we all turn to look at her. Her head is lowered, and I can feel her pain.
‘You don’t have to say if you don’t want to.’ I put a hand on hers.
‘It’s okay,’ she says. ‘He was the good bit in my life.’ She looks at Tomas. ‘I didn’t have the best start. My mother was not a good mother. She drank and smoked and eventually drank herself to death.’
My heart twists.
‘But I got myself to school when I wasn’t looking after her. After she died, I got a little lost. I knew JB from school. He and I got together, but the other boys teased him, saying I was the scruffy kid, from no home. But I always kept our little flat nice. When I got pregnant, I ran. I didn’t want to ruin his life. He didn’t need a child and to have the other lads tease him. I didn’t want to tie him down.’ She pauses. ‘I came here with no plans. If it wasn’t for the support of the others by the riverside clearing, and people like Henri, I don’t know what would have happened to me.’
I hear a sniff from Rhi, and Lou has something in her eye too.
‘And now you,’ she says quietly, and I squeeze her hand.
No one speaks. We all watch Tomas being a frog as the sky turns to an amazing shade of light purple, of lavender.
‘I don’t think Tomas could ruin anyone’s life,’ I say. ‘And I think he is very lucky to have someone like you to love him.’
‘We should find this JB!’ says Rhi, banging the table, making the empty bottles rattle. ‘Let him know he has responsibilities!’ And I get the feeling she’s referring to her own experience as a young single mother, and Michael, who walked out on her and the kids. She ended up working at the department store with Lou and me one Christmas to afford presents for the kids, but later, when they were at school, she went back to college to retrain. ‘I’ll give you a good haircut too! It can really change how you feel about yourself,’ she says. I’m hoping she means in the morning, not now.
‘She’s right,’ says Lou. ‘JB might be delighted to find out he has a Tomas in his life. And a good haircut really does make you feel great!’ She holds up a finger shakily. ‘Nails too!’
My mind is whirring about what to do for the best.
‘It’s up to you, Stephanie,’ I say, clearly not having drunk quite as much as my friends. ‘If you want to find JB, we can …’
Suddenly I find myself wondering what Fabien would think of this idea and wishing I could ask his advice. But maybe Henri is the person to speak to. He has much more experience and has brought up daughters. Am I saying the right things? I think of Mum and what she might do. I can only do what I feel might be right for Stephanie and Tomas.
‘Really? You think he’d like to know?’
‘Look, there are no certainties, but maybe he deserves a chance to get to know his child.’
She looks at me. ‘Then I’d like Tomas to meet his father. I always wanted a father. Sadly, it was never meant to be.’
‘I never met mine either,’ I tell her quietly. ‘He and my mother broke up before I was born. My mum brought me up. I never felt the need to track him down. I was happy with Mum. We were a family.’
‘Didn’t you want to know? I did,’ she says. ‘I always hoped there was someone out there who’d love me like I wanted to be loved.’
I shake my head. ‘As long as you feel loved, that’s all you need.’
‘I didn’t,’ she says, with a flash of anger in her eyes. ‘My mother loved drink and drugs far more than she loved me, or she wouldn’t have left me to bring myself up, would she?’
We all fall silent.
‘It’s up to you, Stephanie. It’s your choice,’ I finally say.
‘I’d like Tomas to know his father, to know there was someone else he could turn to if anything happened to me.’
‘Then it’s a plan!’ says Rhi, banging the table, her enthusiasm fuelled by wine. ‘Tomorrow!’
Tomas falls over and cries. Stephanie jumps up and goes to pick him up, as does Rhi.
‘Ah, he’s tired,’ says Rhi, and Stephanie stares at her. ‘Sorry, sorry,’ says Rhi. ‘I have to remember I’m not a mum any more. Well, not one that’s needed. At least the salon still needs me. Must check the iPad!’
‘But you’re a good friend,’ I say, stopping her getting it out again, as she’s been doing at every opportunity. ‘And I’m so glad you came.’
‘And tomorrow we’ll find Tomas’s father,’ she says.
‘Hmm, but now we have to make up your beds,’ I say, and can see that my two wobbly friends are going to be of no use whatsoever. I look at all the lavender plants I have to deal with. There’s a lot to do. I just hope I’m doing the right thing in helping Stephanie find Tomas’s father. But I know we have to try. I’ve never felt such responsibility for someone else’s happiness before, and it’s terrifying.