part0019

“Your eyes are so pretty. They constantly change color,” Mason said, moving a piece of my hair away from my face. “Like right now, they look golden, but back at the house they looked almost grey.”

“I’m a chameleon. What can I say?” I smiled and glanced out toward the water.

“Well, that’s better than a vampire.”

“I’d say so,” I agreed. “My appetite is easier to satisfy, I’d imagine.”

“I don’t know about that.”

I chuckled and had to agree. A shiver ran through me as the breeze picked up and Mason wrapped his arm around me.

“Should we head back?” he asked.

“Just a few more minutes,” I whispered, surprised by my request. I would’ve thought I’d want out of here as fast as I arrived.

But there was something holding me here, calling to me on some unexplainable level.

“This place is spectacular when the stars are out on a clear night. It’s like nowhere else,” he murmured, bringing me closer. It would be hours before the stars were out, but I imagined standing under the night sky with Mason, right here, in a place that had haunted my very existence.

I rested my head on him and nodded in agreement, but my eyes filled with tears. I looked toward the woods, trying to bat away the wetness, but it was no use. The wind was picking up, but I stood anchored in Mason’s embrace. I didn’t want to go back to the house yet.

“How long ago did your sister pass away?” Mason asked, his voice tender.

“She died the summer of our senior year. We’d just graduated,” I swallowed the first wave of grief and guilt that swept through my body as the images flooded my mind. “Both my mom and sister passed on the same day.”

Mason’s hold tightened. “My God, I’m so sorry.”

A few seconds went by and he didn’t ask anything else, but I wanted to give him answers. For the first time in my life, I wanted to confide in someone.

I needed to confide in someone.

“My mom and sister died in a boating accident. They’d wanted me to come with them, but I’d gotten in a fight with my sister so I didn’t want to be stuck in a canoe with her. If I’d gone, I could have saved her, saved them both.”

Mason shook his head. “You can’t be sure of that.”

I broke from his embrace. “My mom and sister always thought they didn’t need to wear life vests so they put them on and never fastened them unless I was in the boat because they’d do it just to shut me up. If they’d buckled their life vests, they’d still be here.”

His eyes were locked on mine as pure horror spread through his gaze.

“It was here in the cove. My father was barbequing on the deck above, and I was wandering down the trail to see why they hadn’t returned. That was when I found the upside-down canoe and one floating life vest.”

“You didn’t make me do anything. I needed to be here. There was something calling me to the cove. I could’ve told you I wasn’t up for it, but for the very first time in years, I was.”

Mason pressed his lips together.

“My mom’s body was never recovered. It was her life jacket I’d spotted. The rescuers found my sister’s body. Her life vest was tangled on some old pilings not too far from her body.” The lump in my throat was threatening to strangle me so I stopped talking.

“Jesus, Tori. I can’t believe I’ve been so insensitive and—”

“You couldn’t know. It’s not your fault. I’m the one who didn’t say anything.” I took in a deep breath. “To be honest, I wanted to get in and out of town before I had to deal with any of this. That’s how I’ve gotten through life. Avoiding and running, but it doesn’t seem to work. I may have run away from this place, but the ghosts of my past keep following me. Not to mention the guilt.”

“I know you’ve heard this a million times, I’m sure, but it wasn’t your fault, Tori. You can’t blame yourself for them not fastening their life vests.”

I nodded slowly. Logically, I knew what he was saying, but my heart knew another story.

“I always felt guilty for leaving my father too. I haven’t been down here since the day of the accident. I hung around for their memorial and left for college early. Part of me felt like I should’ve stayed back with my dad to help him get through everything. I mean, he lost his wife and daughter and then his other daughter up and left. He had no one.”

“The same could be said of you.”

“I guess that’s true, but it’s never felt that way. I threw myself into college and created a network of avoidance and not so great friends. Leaving him was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I felt like I was abandoning my dad, but it was almost as if he was pushing me away at the same time. He told me over and over he didn’t want me to stay here and waste my life. Anyway, over the years, I told myself I’d come back and then it was too late.”

A few minutes of silence wrapped around us as the words settled into the present until Mason reached for my hand and began speaking.

“I won’t pretend to understand what you’ve been through. I can’t imagine losing my brother or sister and to lose a parent at the same time. I doubt I’d be able to function.” He shook his head.

“We’re pretty resilient, but some of us deal with things in different ways. Running from the situation seemed to work best for me or so I thought.”

There was one other thing I hadn’t told anyone, not a soul, but as I looked into Mason’s eyes, I couldn’t help it. The words left my lips at a speed that I couldn’t control.

“Before their death, my father had a drinking problem for a couple years. It kind of popped up out of the blue. My mom didn’t see it at first, but my sister and I noticed tons of empty beer cans in the trash, usually under something as if he was trying to hide them. He never drank that much in front of any of us in the beginning,” my voice trailed off as I gauged Mason’s reaction, that of resolute understanding. I felt like I was destroying the image of the girl he’d pieced together, and I wasn’t sure if there’d ever be going back to how it was before our trip to the cove.

“Anyway, it progressed to finding small liquor bottles in the trash and around the home. My parents were so in love, I don’t know if she saw it and thought if she was there when he faltered, everything would be okay, or if she honestly didn’t know the extent of the problem.”

Mason shook his head.

“That day of the accident, my dad could barely stumble down the trail. When the police, medics, and search teams arrived, he was hardly standing. I wasn’t sure he could even comprehend fully what was going on. We’d managed to keep my father’s secret hidden for so many years and all in one night everything changed. Word spread quickly as it often does in these small towns.”

Mason stretched his arm out and rested his hand on my shoulder.

“That’s what he died of. Liver disease. After I left, there was no one to monitor him and drinking became his everything. He lost his job at the community art center and his online photography business sank; everything in life crumbled apart. When I got engaged, there was a part of me that hoped he wouldn’t come to meet my fiancé because I wasn’t sure what shape my dad would be in by the time he flew to New York. I feel horrible for even saying that.”

Mason’s gaze flashed a moment of shock, but I wasn’t sure if it was over my father or him finding out I was engaged.

“Ex-fiancé,” I clarified. “Although, I think my father knew Tanner wasn’t the right person for me. My parents knew me so well, and I’m sure whatever I told my dad about him only made him want to drink more,” I half-laughed.

“I doubt it,” Mason assured me, rubbing my arm.

“I’ll show you a picture of Tanner. You’ll probably agree.”

Mason chuckled softly.

“Anyway, my dad’s drinking problem became quite notorious on Fireweed Island. The police got accustomed to following him home to make sure he got there safely.”

“Oh, gosh no. He’d insist on walking himself home so they’d follow him in the patrol car or at least that’s what I was told. I loved my parents more than life. We were the perfect family. I don’t know what snapped to make my dad tumble into drinking when things were so good. And to be honest, he was a happy drunk. Even when he started hitting it hard while we were in high school, he was completely functioning but happier than usual. It wasn’t until they died that things went to hell.”

“Addiction can be a hard thing to understand. The disease is complex, but you can’t blame yourself for your mother, sister, or father’s life choices. They all made choices that altered the course of their lives and yours.”

“It doesn’t make it any easier,” I whispered, as the tears began rolling down my face.

“It wouldn’t,” he agreed, wiping the tears from my cheek.

It felt like the biggest weight had been lifted. Sorrow freely filled my soul, but I wasn’t weighed down with the uncertainty of my life and where it would lead. Harboring these secrets for so many years had eaten away at me, and telling Mason Rhodes exactly what led me back here made the rest of my life almost seem manageable. Everything I needed to focus on this summer didn’t seem impossible any longer. I’d never even told Tanner about my father, and I skipped over my sister and mom’s deaths to the point of him taking the term “boating accident” as enough explanation for him. He never really did want to hear much from me.

“I’m sorry you went through everything alone, baby,” Mason whispered. “But no matter what you want our relationship to be, I’ll always be here for you.”

My mouth fell open at his confession, and I felt as if Mason was a gift from above, just like the cherry tree. But after finally saying everything out loud, I wasn’t sure I wanted to drag him even further into the mess of the Aickens family legacy. It felt like even when I went to Mudflat, people eyed me closely, wondering if I had my father’s tendencies. Maybe it was in my head, but the thought was always there. Why would I want to drag someone I cared about into that mess? Maybe that was why I was more than willing to marry someone I didn’t truly love. Maybe I never truly loved Tanner.

“Think we should go back up to the house?” he asked softly.

I nodded, but not before I turned into his arms .

“Every person has their own struggles, guilt for things they wish they’d done differently in life. I know I have plenty.” His throat constricted as he held me tighter. “If you don’t allow yourself the opportunity to grow from the past, you’ll stunt yourself. There’ll be no growth.”

My head was pressed against his chest and I took a deep, shaky breath in. I’d let down my guard, feeling the strength in his embrace, as I dared to imagine another ending to my time at Forgotten Cove.