Chapter 11
How to Be Great at Networking Even If You Hate People

60 Second Summary

Networking by joining groups and associations makes sense for many sales executives, independent professionals, and entrepreneurs. You need to approach networking with a plan, and you need a step‐by‐step guide to make it work.

In this chapter you will discover which organizations you should join and which you should walk away from.

You will also uncover the steps necessary to make any networking meeting instantly productive.

Doing your homework ahead of time will help you make the most out of your next business networker. This chapter contains a comprehensive guide to targeting the right people and getting an introduction to them.

What's in This Chapter for You?

This chapter will help you select the ideal networking groups. Every group is productive, but not every group will be productive for you. In fact, you may not want to invest your time with networking at all.

By the time you've finished reading this chapter, you'll be able to determine which networking group you want to join and how to make the most out of it. You will also have a foolproof follow‐up system you can use to add people to your network after each meeting. These people will be predisposed to receiving your honeypot and any additional information you want to send them.

The key concept you will discover in this chapter is the five‐step process that leads to business after an introduction at a networking event.

Speed Networking: A Fast Trip to Nowhere

The definition of strategic audacity: Move to a city where you don't know anyone, start a business, and have a baby in the same 90‐day time frame. Writing that sentence today, I realize how brave I was. When I lived it back then, it was stupidity.

But I survived because I was motivated and I ran, as fast as I could, to as many networking meetings as I could. When you don't know anyone, and security won't let you into the office of the CEO of any company in town, you have to find people to talk to in order to be able to sell things.

One day an email came into my inbox that promoted something called speed networking. Somebody got the idea that speed dating was not awkward and embarrassing enough, so we needed that fast‐paced humiliation extended to business. Since I needed to meet people, I thought this would be a great opportunity to meet lots of people quickly.

I arrived in the meeting room at the venue a little early. There were 20 chairs lined up like a game of musical chairs was about to start. On the back of each chair was the letter A. Opposite those chairs were an additional 20 chairs with a letter B on the back of each. On each side of the aisle between the chairs was a poster board that read:

Rules for Speed Networking

• Each team will have two minutes to network.
• A horn will blow signaling the beginning of the two minutes.
• During minute one row A will speak.
• A bell will ring, signaling the end of the first minute.
• During minute two, row B will speak.
• When the horn blows, row A slides down while row B remains in place.
• Speed networking ends when you have visited with everyone twice.

I sat in a chair marked row A. As all the chairs filled up, I noticed that everyone was silent. I asked the person next to me why nobody was talking. “They don't want to use up any of their good lines,” was the response.

Once all the chairs were full, a woman stood next to me and pushed the button on the loudest air horn I've ever heard. The aerosol chemical from the canister squirted out and burned my neck and the sound immediately rendered me deaf. I was so startled by the noise, I jumped out of the seat, stumbled over the easel with the poster board, and fell to the floor.

I scrambled back to a seat because I had already wasted 15 seconds. Since I could not hear what was being said, I simply smiled, nodded, and shook hands with everyone while exchanging business cards. My partners at each station, for both rounds, gladly talked for the entire two minutes. Nobody found my lack of conversation odd. In fact, they seemed to prefer it.

During the days that followed, I received at least 10 telephone calls from people with whom I interacted during speed networking. Each of them seemed to think I was interested in buying something from them. There was the artist who offered a commissioned portrait of me for my office conference room (I worked from home). Next, I received calls from a landscaper and a pool maintenance company (I lived in a high‐rise condo). I also was called by a cosmetic sales representative and a chiropractor (my back was fine and my face looks better au naturel).

That entire speed networking exercise was destined to fail because there was no time to see if there was a possibility for a connection. All the chamber of commerce did was set the attendees up for a series of cold calls. All I received from this event was freezer burn on my neck, mild hearing loss, and a series of sales pitches.

This story is indicative of the approach most people take to networking. Everyone is in “send mode.” Nobody is looking to provide value to anyone else. If you have enough of these experiences, you'll begin to hate networking events – but even worse, you'll hate people.

You know, from our discussion of external orientation, that's not the way to initiate a relationship.

Not wanting to waste the time spent at speed networking, and since my hearing had returned, I rewarded the people who called me with some business opportunities. No, I didn't buy anything from them myself. But I did find out who their ideal client would be.

I introduced the artist to the man who lived across the hall from me. He was the business manager for a large family trust. He thought it would be great to have a portrait done of the family patriarch.

The landscaper and pool maintenance company owner each came to my condo building and I introduced them to the chief engineer. They both submitted proposals for their services.

My wife hosted a party for the cosmetic sales lady and received a basket full of makeup for doing so, and the chiropractor was looking for a doubles partner. My wife's uncle was an excellent tennis player, so I made that introduction.

In the process of making these connections, the folks who originally wanted to sell to me wound up looking to help me. Over time, these folks referred me to businesses with sales teams and I was able to develop some valuable relationships as a result.

Having an external orientation is the most important aspect of the 60 Second Sale system, and that comes through loud and clear in networking. Even if you attend an awful meeting, as long as you connect with one person, you have an opportunity to make that relationship productive for both parties. The key is in the follow‐up.

Here is your step‐by‐step guide to networking strategy and follow‐up.

The Ultimate Guide to Networking

You need to know who will be in the meeting before you attend. That's not as difficult as it sounds. The easiest way to find out who will be at the meeting is to call the organizer and ask who has registered to attend. Explain why you want to know. Here is a script you can use:

“Hello this is Dave Lorenzo (use your name, not mine). I'm attending the monthly lunch on Thursday, and there are a few people I like to connect with. Can you help me find out if they have registered to attend the lunch?”

When the event organizer on the other end of the phone offers to help, ask about someone specific.

“I'm looking to meet Robert Reynolds, President of Tamiami Bank and Trust, because I have several clients who need lines of credit for their professional practices. I think I can send him these referrals.”

I did three important things in that exchange. I used a specific name, a title, and a company, and I explained why I want to make the connection. I do this because:

1. I might get lucky and get the person on the phone to introduce me directly to the target, even if he isn't attending the meeting.
2. I mention the title and company because the event organizer might not know the president of the company but might know someone else who can be valuable.
3. I say why I want to meet the person because the organizer might not know anyone in that company but might know someone in a different firm who is just as valuable and can help with my objective.

You don't even need to wait for an event to use this strategy. If you belong to a business group – like a chamber of commerce – call up the membership director and use this approach. Make sure you do your research ahead of time. But it is the membership director's job to help you make connections. That's the way she delivers value to the members.

STARTING THE CONVERSATION

When you meet the target, you use the script for starting a conversation I introduced in Chapter 2. As a refresher, I've included it below.

Opening Question

• What do you do for a living? How did you get into that?

Question 1: How's Life?

• How is business (life)?
• What goals do you have for the next (month, year)? Or
• What are you working on right now? Or
• What are you most concerned about?

Question 2: What's It Mean to You?

• How will achieving that help you personally? Or
• Why is that so important to you? Or
• What will that mean for your life?

Question 3: What's Stopping You?

• What is keeping you from achieving your goals? Or
• What is keeping that from happening? Or
• What's holding you back?

Question 4: How Can I Help?

• Would you like some help with that? Or
• Who can I connect you with to help you?

Begin a conversation about who can help achieve this goal.

FIVE STEPS TO EFFECTIVE FOLLOW‐UP

After you meet your intended target, you need to follow up in order to initiate the relationship. There are five steps to effective follow‐up after meeting someone.

Step One: Send a Personal Email   Immediately after meeting the person, return to your computer and send the following email.

Subject line: Great Meeting You

Dear <name>,

It was a pleasure meeting you today at <name of event>. I enjoyed learning about <subject you discussed>.

There are several people I believe will be valuable connections for you. I'm going to reach out to them and see if we can get together for a proper introduction.

Below is my contact information for your files. <Attach your contact info or type it into the email>

I look forward to seeing you again soon.

Warm regards,

<Your Name>

Step Two: Send a Handwritten Note   The minute you hit send on your email, pull out a note card from your desk and jot a handwritten note to the person with whom you had a conversation. In that note, reference something you discussed and close with a pleasantry. The note doesn't have to be long. The note card doesn't have to be fancy – in fact, it can be a plain note card from a pack you purchase at a local convenience store or pharmacy.

After you write out the notecard, write the person's address on the envelope and hand write your return address. Then put an actual stamp on it – don't run it though the office postage meter.

The reason you do all these things by hand, yourself, is to show you are PERSONALLY interested in a relationship. This takes less than five minutes and it makes a great impression.

Note: This must be done immediately after meeting the person. It loses impact if you wait.

Step Three: Call to Ask a Question   Few things are more flattering than demonstrating respect for someone's expertise. That's why, about one week later, you call contacts you've met and ask them a question related to what they do or the knowledge they have.

This should be an intelligent question, and the answer should be useful to you in some way. It can be a question about what someone does, it can be a question about an organization that a contact leads. It can be a question about someone or something you have in common.

The bottom line: You need to ask a question that makes the person feel: smart or connected or important or influential.

Step Four: Introduce the Contact to Someone Else   About 10 days after meeting this person, schedule a meeting to introduce him to someone who is a prospective client or potential evangelist. Based on your initial conversation, you should be able to identify the ideal target for this opportunity. Once identified, reach out to the target, propose the meeting, then reach out to the person you met at the networking event and set it up.

Step Five: Send Your Honeypot and Add the New Contact to Your RaporMax® System   After you have followed all of the steps above, make sure you enroll this prospect in your system exactly like everyone else you meet.

You want this person to receive all of your communication moving forward because you believe he will be a great client or an evangelist someday. Customize an email explaining how your system works and send the prospect your honeypot (see Figure 11.1).

FIGURE 11.1 Networking Leads to Great Relationships

Give the Way You Want to Receive

Whenever I deliver a speech about networking to an audience, someone always raises a hand and says they get lots of referrals but none of them ever turn into clients. They lament the value of networking and they deride the practice of it as a tool. They express contempt, even hatred for people who attend networking events.

Their experiences are undoubtedly accurate, but their logic is flawed. The reason they don't receive quality referrals is because they don't pass quality referrals. That may be hard for some people to accept, but it is accurate.

You receive referrals in the same way you pass them.

Take the case of Hal, an attorney with a 150‐attorney regional law firm. Hal stood up at a training session I was leading and made this exact statement:

“People tell me they give out my name all the time. In fact, someone called me yesterday and told me he gave my name to the general counsel of a large company for a significant litigation matter. That guy will never call me. I don't know why, but these referrals never call.”

I asked Hal how he referred people. He looked puzzled. I said: “When you want to send a client to a colleague, how do you connect the two of them?”

“Oh. I put three names in an email and send over that list with all the relevant contact information,” Hal said.

“Why do you do it that way?” I asked.

“Because if things go badly, I don't want it to be a reflection upon me,” was Hal's response.

In that moment, everyone in the room got it. Hal was the recipient of referrals in exactly the same way he was passing referrals. People were putting his name on a list with two other people, and when prospects receive that list, they know nothing more than they knew before they asked for the referral.

If you are going to send a list of names to someone who wants help, you should just send them an old‐fashioned telephone book. You're doing them a disservice and you are doing yourself a disservice.

People refer you the way you teach them to refer you. When you pass a referral, you provide them with an example of how you want to receive referrals.

Providing names on a list is bad. Just as bad is mentioning a name in passing and then calling and telling the person you supposedly trust that you mentioned their name. You know how this goes:

“Hi, Dave. I was just having lunch with the CEO of Macro Software. She asked if I knew someone to help with salesforce effectiveness training. I mentioned your name.”

That's not a referral. That is an invitation to make a cold call. I hate that. I'd rather not hear about this “mention.” Why? Because when you call to follow‐up, there is zero chance the prospective client will remember your name. If she did, she would have called you.

Those are two examples of wrong ways to pass referrals. There are three good ways to refer people. There are three ways to teach people to refer you. I've ranked them here:

• Good: Email introduction
• Better: Telephone connection
• Best: Personal meeting

EMAIL INTRODUCTION

If you are separated across the miles and you want to connect two people you think might be able to do business together, an email introduction is one option. Here's what that looks like:

Subject: Introduction for Confidential Investigations

Good afternoon, Al and Helen,

I'd like you to meet Marc Hurwitz. Marc owns a private investigation company named Crossroads Investigations. He is the person we discussed when I was in your office. You mentioned you wanted a referral to someone who you can trust with sensitive investigative work. Marc is a former CIA officer and he worked at the White House. He is a good friend of mine and I trust him with everything, especially sensitive information.

I encourage you both to visit Marc's website: https://xinvestigations.com

When you are ready to hire your next employee, I strongly encourage you to have Marc run a comprehensive background check on the candidate before you extend an offer. I personally do not engage anyone (whether it is a nanny for my kids or a service person for my home) without Marc checking them out.

In addition, Marc has interesting experience working in dangerous jurisdictions. If you happen to have clients who travel to areas of the world where kidnapping is a problem, those folks would be great people to introduce to him.

I'd like to set up a call to introduce you to Marc. Please let me know what days work for you.

Marc,

Al owns a law firm that focuses on estate planning for high‐net worth people as well tax planning for family offices. His clients are sophisticated entrepreneurs.

Helen is the chief of staff at the firm and she manages the day‐to‐day operations.

Please let me know how I can help you connect.

Warm regards,

Dave Lorenzo

You'll notice I gave a detailed introduction of both parties. I explained the value of the relationship to both parties, and I offered to make a telephone connection of the parties. The reason I did it in this way is because I wanted to convey the level of trust I have in Marc to Al. I also didn't just fire off the email and think that was the end of it. I wanted to take things a step further and connect them via telephone because they are in different cities. Had we all been in the same city, I would have set up an in‐person meeting for us.

TELEPHONE CONNECTION

A telephone connection is a better way to pass a referral for someone who is in a different city than the prospective client. You will need to set up an appointment in advance and then schedule the telephone call. On the call, you serve as a facilitator and make your “live” introduction in the same way you've made your email introduction. Then you let the two parties discuss how they can work together.

The telephone connection is better than a stand‐alone email because of the personal touch, your voice connecting them. It conveys an even deeper level of trust.

PERSONAL MEETING

The personal meeting is the best way to pass a referral. When you take the time to bring someone to my office, or bring someone to a breakfast or lunch we will have together, it shows me you really trust that person. You've taken time and made the effort to get everyone together. That demonstrates your commitment to the parties involved.

If you care about the people involved, if you want them to go the extra mile when they refer you, then you will go the extra mile and set up a personal meeting for the high‐value relationships you have in business.

People will refer you the way you refer them. Always keep that in mind when you connect people.

You'll notice networking, and follow‐up associated with it, requires a more personal approach than many of the other client attraction systems we have discussed. This is the reason why you have to be judicious in your selection of networking targets and in your selection of networking events.

How to Select the Best Groups for Business Networking

If you are new to a community or if you have a limited budget, business networking groups may be good way for you to connect with prospective clients and evangelists. There are dozens (if not hundreds) of groups you can join to meet new people and use the system already outlined. However, everyone has a capacity when it comes to new relationship connections within a narrow time frame.

My rule for business networking is simple. THREE. That's the number of new contacts you should hold yourself accountable for making at any single group meeting, and it is also the number of groups of which you should be a member at any given time.

This doesn't mean you should join three groups. It only means you should be a member of a maximum of three groups at one time. If you have the other client attraction systems working effectively, you may not need to become a member of any business groups at all.

If you decide you'd like to explore group memberships as a way to broaden your networking horizons, there are six types of groups available to you:

1. Client trade associations
2. General business groups
3. Civic groups
4. Charitable organizations
5. Educational groups
6. Structured networking groups

Each of these organizations provides a unique value proposition and may be worthwhile, depending on your goals and the amount of time and energy you have to invest in them.

Client Trade Associations

These are the best groups to join. They are full of people who are just like your ideal clients. If your ideal clients are CPAs, you should join the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants and a local chapter of that organization. If your best clients are financial advisors, you should join the National Association of Insurance and Financial Advisors and its local chapter.

Every meeting you attend with a trade association comprised of your best clients is a tremendous opportunity.

GENERAL BUSINESS GROUPS

This type of group is typically a local or regional chamber of commerce. These groups are good if you want to do the heavy lifting. By that I mean you have to filter through all the people in the organization who are NOT your ideal client in order to get to those who are your ideal client.

An advantage of this type of group is you will often have access to people in large companies. Big companies love to sponsor local chambers of commerce, and you will be able to access some decision makers as a result.

CIVIC GROUPS

These are groups like Rotary Clubs, Kiwanis Clubs, and Elks Clubs.

These groups focus on service to the community. You should join these groups because you care about your local community and not look at them as an opportunity to sell anything. While you will develop relationships within the organization and those relationships will result in business, that's not the mission of these groups, and I do not recommend you view civic groups as sales opportunities.

CHARITABLE ORGANIZATIONS

Never actively sell to someone you meet as a member of a charity. Join a charitable organization because you believe in its mission. Focus on the work the charity does. If a member of the group asks you for professional help, or inquires about your product or service, of course you can make money working with them. But a charity is not a good way to grow your business network.

EDUCATIONAL GROUPS

These are groups that help improve your professional stature. This category includes your professional trade association. If you are a lawyer, this is your local and state bar association. If you are an insurance agent, this includes the American Insurance Association and local chapters. This also includes executive educational programs – like an executive MBA or certification.

You can effectively network within these organizations if you have a niche market or subspecialty other people in your field do not focus on. For example, if you do event insurance, you can join all the insurance agent associations to network and field referrals from property and casualty agents who receive inquiries for your area of focus.

STRUCTURED NETWORKING GROUPS

These are groups that have a set system for helping members attract ideal prospects. These groups include BNI (Business Network International), LeTip International, and Leads Club. This type of group can be highly productive.

I was a member of a local BNI chapter for a number of years, and, at the most productive point in my membership, I received over $200,000 in referrals per year for a couple of years. I realize I was probably the exception to the rule, but my peers in the group received, on average, over $50,000 annually with a membership investment of less than $3,000 – including some mealtime events. That's a terrific return on investment (ROI).

These groups require a significant time commitment, and you must pass high‐quality referrals to others if you want to receive high‐quality referrals back.

You should explore several different types of networking groups before settling on one. Due to the amount of time and effort required, committing to multiple groups will often dilute the effectiveness of your networking capabilities. Choose carefully.

How to Make Business Networking Groups Productive

No matter what type of group you join, there is a formula to making sure you get in front of the best people in any business group. Here are the five steps to maximizing your ROI from a business networking group.

STEP ONE: LEAD OR GET OUT

To maximize the networking opportunity with any organization, you need to take on a leadership role. This can be as simple as joining a committee or forming a subgroup to tackle a significant challenge. Leaders build credibility and have high visibility. Find a way to lead as quickly as possible, and don't stop until you become president of the entire organization.

STEP TWO: DO GOOD AND BE SEEN DOING GOOD

Volunteer for community outreach on behalf of your organization. Take advantage of any media opportunities the organization generates. Become the group spokesperson or offer to write a column that appears in the local newspaper on behalf of the organization. Don't overtly promote your business while representing the group with the media, but do network with reporters, producers, and editors from media outlets and, when the time is right, pitch them on behalf of your business without conflicting with your group responsibilities.

STEP THREE: START A SUBGROUP

If you belong to a large organization, it can be effective and valuable to start a subgroup based on target clientele. For example, if you are the owner of a fitness center, you can start the health and wellness sphere of your local chamber of commerce. This sphere will include nutritionists, doctors, chiropractors, physical therapists, massage therapists, and dentists, among others. This group may have similar clients and can pass referrals and organize strategic alliance partnerships.

STEP FOUR: BECOME BEST FRIENDS WITH PROFESSIONAL STAFF

Large groups like chambers of commerce have executive directors and membership coordinators. These people want you to be happy. They are human. Be nice to them. Make their job easy. Ask them for introductions and help when you need it. Volunteer to do all the awful jobs nobody wants to do. Endear yourself to the professional staff and they will make sure you are introduced to everyone you need to know. I cannot emphasize how important this is. The staff of every group is plugged in to everything that is happening – including community gossip that is not public yet.

Go out of your way to cultivate relationships with the people who run the organization.

STEP FIVE: RECRUIT PEOPLE INTO THE ORGANIZATION

This goes along with step four. When the group grows, the professional staff is rewarded. Help the organization grow. Volunteer to be on the membership committee or the recruiting committee. You not only help the organization grow, you will also get to meet anyone new who joins. This is your opportunity to determine if they will be a good prospective client or a potential evangelist.

Networking requires a massive time commitment. If you have the talent and desire for doing it, you must be strategic in your approach and you must go “all in.” Half measures or partial efforts in networking result in total disaster. The rewards can be great, but you must be prepared to be consistent, persistent, and focused.

60 Second Actions

• Assess the amount of time you have available for networking. If you can invest the time, begin by visiting groups from the category list included in the chapter.
• When you select a networking event to attend, call the organizer and strategize in advance. Decide who you'd like to meet.
• Use the included script to begin conversations.
• Leverage the follow‐up system to deepen the relationship after the initial introduction.
• If you join an organization, follow the guide to maximize the return on investment.