Corinne spotted Susie’s name on the patient roster the next morning.
No.
Susie was solidly into her second trimester, further than she’d ever gotten before. Two days ago she’d been wide-eyed with hope, and now she was tucked in the crisis pregnancy unit of the third floor.
Corinne set her purse and folders down and hurried to room 3102. She scanned the notes at the nurse’s station, then approached the room, heart-heavy. “Hey.”
“Corinne.” Sorrow filled Susie’s red-rimmed eyes. Mack’s were no better. “I was so hopeful this time.”
“I know.” Corinne sank onto the small stool alongside the bed and took Susie’s hand. She had no words of comfort for the heartbroken couple. In this line of work, you either won the race or you didn’t. There was no second prize. “I’m so sorry.”
Mack’s chest heaved.
Susie gazed up at him with such a look of love and loss that Corinne’s eyes filled, seeing it. “We’ve been here before, darling. And we’ve always gotten through. This time’s no different.”
He clutched her hand, and leaned down. “I am so mad at God right now. I can’t even describe it, Susie.” He clamped his lips tight, trying to hold back a torrent of emotion.
“God doesn’t do this,” Susie whispered, holding his gaze. She squeezed his hand lightly. “God wants us happy, Mack, but bodies are imperfect vessels. For some reason, mine doesn’t work right when it comes to babies.”
“Don’t take this on yourself.” Mack bent and pressed a kiss to Susie’s flushed cheek.
“I’m not,” she whispered. “I’ve done that in the past and it’s gotten us nowhere. There’s no time to sit around and cast blame, is there? Not when there’s so much suffering in the world. We’ll get through this, with God’s help. And with each other.”
He hugged her, swiped a big ol’ trooper hand to his streaming eyes, and nodded. “We will, honey. We will.”
“Mack, can you get me a cup of tea?” she asked. “That orange tea would be nice. The spiced one.”
“Sure.”
He left, almost glad for something helpful to do, and when he’d disappeared through the door, Susie broke down.
Corinne slipped onto the side of the bed and held her.
How hard her job was in moments like this.
She celebrated the triumphs of modern medicine and healthy babies under crushing circumstances, but this...the loss of a planned-for infant, the loss of a blessed child...
Oh, her heart ached for them right now.
Susie pulled back and grabbed a stash of tissues. “I don’t want Mack to see me like this. We were so excited, Corinne.” She smiled through red-rimmed eyes. “Halfway there, and then...”
“I know.” Susie’s report indicated no fetal heartbeat as of Sunday night. So now they waited for the inevitable.
“I wish this baby had a chance to know us.”
Corinne’s heart gripped tight. She’d felt the same way with Tee and Dave, two souls, passing in the night, with never a chance to speak.
“I’d have told him what a great dad he had. How amazing Mack is, how brave and strong and true. How I can count on him in every way. Oh, Corinne, I’d have given anything just to have a chance to tell my baby son what an amazing man his father is. Do you think he knew? Someway, somehow, in his little baby haven? Did he know how much we loved him?”
“I’m sure he did.” She whispered the words of comfort and held Susie’s hand. “I’m sure he knows it now, as well, tucked in the arms of our Savior. And I don’t have any pretty words, Susie, and no way to make this better, but I truly believe that your son knows you and you’ll know him one day. Pure and perfect, in God’s kingdom. And he’ll be yours forevermore.”
Footsteps sounded in the hallway.
Mack came in, carrying Susie’s tea. “One sugar and no lemon.”
“Perfect, Mack. Thank you.”
Corinne stood. “I’ve got a meeting coming up, but I’m available the rest of the day. Let me know if you need anything, okay? Anything at all.”
They nodded, but Corinne understood the truth better than most. The one thing they needed was a successful pregnancy, and that had been denied again.
She waded through the day, and then the night, and then the day again.
She didn’t want to celebrate Thanksgiving this week. She didn’t want to pretend she was grateful when she was mostly angry.
She felt like a fake, talking to Kate about pies and cranberry relish. She didn’t care about it, about any of it. Not right now.
Susie was discharged late Tuesday, going home with empty arms and womb.
Gabe was doing a good job of avoiding his closest neighbor, and his absence only exacerbated the ache in her soul.
And Tee was trying to figure out what to do with the half day off before Thanksgiving. Callan was spending the afternoon at a friend’s, and Tee grudgingly decided to work on her long-term history project while home alone. “Although I don’t know why I can’t do something fun,” she grumbled Tuesday night. “Callan gets to do whatever he wants and I get to come home alone. Again.”
“You don’t have to come home and work on history,” Corinne reminded her. “You could go to Grandma’s house and help with the babies. She’ll have Jessie there, and Aunt Kimberly is bringing Davy over so she can help Grandma with the squash and sweet potato casserole.”
“I hate sweet potato casserole.”
That wasn’t the point, but Corinne let it slide. “But you love babies.”
Tee stared out, into the night, then shrugged. “I wanted to go to Melody’s house, but they’ve got to drive to Cooperstown to be with family. And Gen’s family is going to visit her grandpa in a nursing home for a holiday thing. And you said I couldn’t go to Jason’s house and hang out with them.”
“I don’t know Jason and I don’t know his parents, Tee.”
“I know him. That should be enough,” Tee spouted. “If you trusted my judgment.”
“It’s not about trusting you, it’s about being a responsible parent and keeping my daughter safe.”
Tee sighed.
“Should we turn on the lights?” Switching on the monstrous array of outdoor Christmas lights wouldn’t fix Tee’s conundrum, but it might brighten the dark night stretching far beyond their windows. “I know we usually wait until Thanksgiving, but I think we’re close enough. Don’t you?” She went outside and plugged in the solar-activated displays.
The yard sprang to life around her. Merry lights chased along the dock, and twinkle lights gleamed from the roofline. Ground spotlights illuminated the glowing family of deer and the beautiful Nativity set while Snoopy and Woodstock inflated in the front yard.
When she went inside, Tee had disappeared upstairs. Was she peeking out the window at the fun-filled yard? Or was she moping on her bed? At twelve years old, Tee needed to learn to deal with things a little better. Sure, life wasn’t always the way you wanted it to be, but part of growing up was developing a thick skin and moving on. She’d have fun at Kate’s house. They both knew that, but Tee was stubborn enough—and mad enough—to obstinately choose to come home on her own, and it wouldn’t surprise Corinne if she did exactly that.
* * *
As she drove into work on Wednesday morning, it seemed like the simple joys of Thanksgiving had escaped her and she had no idea how to get them back.
Maybe it’s time to ease up on the reins. To take a step back and let life unfurl as it should. You don’t have to control everything. Do you?
She never used to, she realized as an unusually warm sun bathed her car. A weak jet stream had been pushed high by a strong warm front out of the Deep South, a front that would be pushed east quickly by an approaching Midwest winter storm system. But for now the day dawned warm and dry for late November, a true surprise. Who expected T-shirt weather in late November? No one in Central New York, and yet the reality surrounded her.
Things had changed on that fateful day that took her husband’s life. She’d worked hard to raise normal, grounded children, rich in faith and hope, but she’d stood guard all the while.
Now they were chomping at the bit for more freedom, and that unnerved her a little. Some days, more than a little.
Dear God...
She started the prayer and didn’t finish it.
Her faith had been her stronghold through so much, but even that felt threatened recently. Was that her fault?
She pulled into the staff parking area, flashed her badge to security and took the elevator upstairs. Tonight she’d bake a pie and make cranberry relish and pretend everything was all right. It wasn’t, but she had years of pretending under her belt. She’d gotten quite good at it, thank you very much.
* * *
“Where are you spending Thanksgiving?” Gabe’s mother had called first thing Wednesday morning to see how everything was going. She’d called every day, just to touch base, the kind of thing that mothers do when distance creates concern. “That nice family next door? Or should I come up there and spend Thanksgiving with you? I can cook turkey there as easily as I can cook it here, Gabe.”
Gabe sidestepped her hints with an agility refined by years of his mother’s matchmaking. “We’re having dinner at the Gallaghers’ house. The folks who’ve been watching Jessie for me.”
“Good,” she said. She knew they were Corinne’s family, and that seemed to please her. There was no way in the world he could tell her that Corinne had moved herself out of the picture completely, mostly because he didn’t want to believe it himself. “And how are Mack and Susie doing? Are they all right?”
His lungs went tight. He had to pause before answering, long enough to gather his wits and his breath. “Like you’d expect. Heartbroken and disappointed that they got so close to their dream and had it snatched away again.”
“Miscarriages are like that,” she answered softly. “There’s so much silent loss and guilt involved. I’m heartbroken that this happened again, Gabe. It’s an awful wound for them.”
It was.
He’d visited Susie and Mack in the hospital. He’d watched his best friend cry when they pretended to go for a walk to let Susie rest. And he’d gotten teary-eyed right along with Mack.
They didn’t deserve these constant failures, and yet Susie refused to blame God or take out her anger on others.
Kate’s phone buzzed into his Bluetooth. “Gabe, I know you were going to pick Jess up early, but she just fell asleep. Why don’t you leave her here for a couple of hours and let her get a good nap in?”
“You don’t mind?” he asked, but he already knew the answer.
“Not at all! Waking a sleeping baby goes against everything I believe in. I’ll call you when she wakes up, and that’ll give me time to feed her before you get here.”
“Perfect. I’ll take this couple of hours to drain the boat’s oil and get it put up for the winter.”
“Pete was going to do Corinne’s, but hasn’t gotten over there yet. Maybe I’ll send him along to join you,” she suggested. “We’ll get them both done and he won’t be underfoot while we get the squash baked for tomorrow.”
He heard Pete’s laugh in the background, followed by his voice. “I can take a hint, and you couldn’t ask for a nicer day to get this done. Tell Gabe I’ll be at the lake in about fifteen minutes.”
“I heard him,” Gabe told her. “Thanks, Kate.”
“No problem.”
He hung up the phone, pulled into his drive and changed into old clothes quickly. He had just enough time to grab coffee before Pete pulled in next door. “Hey, Pete. You want coffee before we get started?”
“Don’t mind if I do.” Pete moved his way and held out a travel mug. “We can make it right in here and I’ll drink it while we take care of these boats. The weather’s about to change on us, and I’ll be mad at myself for not taking care of things I should have done weeks ago. With that storm approaching, we’re on borrowed time as it is.”
“Our sweet reprieve today is coming to an end,” Gabe agreed. “The storm front is moving in fast, according to the radio.” He filled Pete’s travel mug. Thick gray clouds had started to approach from the west, and when the wind licked the curtains with a distinct chill, he closed the front window and headed toward the door. “Let’s get this done.”
Gabe stepped outside.
He stopped, stared, then pointed. “Did you move Corinne’s boat?”
Pete came through behind him. His gaze followed the direction of Gabe’s hand. “No, of course not. I just got here. Do you think someone stole it?”
A wave of wind came through again, a gust that meant the early-day respite of warmth was drawing to a swift end. “Tee.”
Pete went pale. “You think she took the boat out?”
“She had this afternoon off, right? And Callan texted me that he and Brandon and Tyler were going to the batting cages to stay in shape.”
Pete raced for the shore, peering out across the blue-gray water. “I don’t see her, and we’ve got choppy conditions already.”
“Call Corinne. Make sure she didn’t hide the boat someplace before we panic.”
Pete hit Speed Dial on his cell phone, then scowled. “It’s dead.”
“I’ll call.” Gabe hit the number, praying she’d answer. She’d ignored his text messages, but he couldn’t afford her fear to mess up this call. This one was too important.
No answer.
He flipped to text, hit her number and put in 9-1-1. Answer ASAP.
And then he called again.
“Gabe, what’s wrong? What’s happened? Is Jessie all right?”
Her voice was worried for him, worried for that beautiful baby when she should be concerned for her precocious, headstrong daughter. “Corinne, where’s your boat?”
“In the yard where I left it.” Her voice sounded pragmatic at first, but he could tell when she put one and one together. “Gabe. Tee’s home for a half day, working on a project. Is she in the house?”
Her tone had changed completely, because she knew the answer before she asked the question. “Did she take that boat out alone, Gabe? With a storm coming?”
“Pete just checked the house. There are lights on, and her laptop is open on the table, but the boat key isn’t on the rack. She’s gone and the boat’s gone.”
“Aaarrrggghhh!” He heard a door close, then another. “I’m on my way, but Gabe, by the time I drive home, the weather will have changed. It’s already snowing here, and I’m thirty minutes west of you guys.” He heard her call out an emergency goodbye to the charge nurse at the desk. “I can’t get there in time to make a difference.”
“Pete’s here, we’ll go after her in my boat. Call it in so I don’t wear my battery down or lose a signal. Give them the address, her favorite spots and the boat description. Tell them anything you can tell them to help locate her. She’s a strong swimmer and she knows to wear a life vest. The sheriff’s department will send their boat patrol. So will Grace Haven. But hurry, Corinne. Hurry.”
* * *
She didn’t have to be told twice.
She called in the emergency, then called Drew directly. Drew knew Tee. He’d be able to advise where the water rescue patrol should launch to minimize search time.
Tee...
She couldn’t let herself cry.
She couldn’t let herself come undone.
There would be plenty of time for that later, when Tee was safe and sound and grumbling about boys, school and anything else that messed up an adolescent girl’s love of life.
She should have taken the kids out on the water more. She knew that, and the truth came roaring back now. She’d spent her time trying to be everything to everyone and forgot to prioritize her daughter’s love of the water. Of boating and tubing and fishing. And how much she loved going out with her grandpa.
For years Tee had been dragged to game after game to support her big brother’s love of baseball. How had she been so careless with Tee’s hopes and desires? She ran to her car, headed for the interstate and got instantly bogged down in pre–Thanksgiving Day traffic, slowed by the thickening snow.
Kate called just as Corinne realized her predicament. “I’m talking you home so you don’t lose it on the way,” her mother-in-law announced when Corinne took the call on the car’s hands-free phone system. “It’s a terrible day to hurry anywhere, Corinne, especially with the weather and holiday traffic.”
She’d found that out, and should have stayed off the interstate. Why hadn’t she considered that before taking the entrance? Because she was scared. Scared for her daughter and scared for Tee’s safety, and she was over twenty miles away, unable to do a thing about it. “I can’t believe this, Mom. Tee taking the boat out alone. The traffic. The snow. Any of it.”
“I love that Tee is so much like her father,” Kate replied softly. “She’s Dave, through and through. But in times like this I wish she had a little more of you in her. That hint of caution.”
Corinne bit her lip because what used to be caution had become fear somewhere along the way. “Have you heard from them? Anything?”
“Nothing yet. Gabe took his boat out and Dad’s at your place in case she makes it back there. They wanted someone to be at home base.”
Oh, Tee...
Her heart ached. Her hands trembled. Why hadn’t she paid more attention to her daughter? She was so busy being cautious that she forgot to let Tee be Tee. “I can’t stand the thought of something happening to her.” She whispered the words around the hard swell of her throat. “I can’t even imagine my life without her, Mom.”
“Then, don’t.” Kate stayed strong and simple, qualities she exampled every day. “Imagine how we’re going to celebrate Thanksgiving with her safe return, and all the stories we’ll have to tell. If we don’t kill her first once they get her back to shore.”
“You think they will? Get to her in time? Get her back safely?” There. She said it.
She’d lived on the water for a lot of years. She understood how quickly a calm lake could become a dangerous thing, and the slanted snow and strong winds surrounding her meant visibility would diminish rapidly. Creeping along the short stretch of interstate, she could barely see two car lengths ahead. How could Gabe and the others possibly find Tee on the lake in these conditions?
“I think Jesus has calmed the waters before. He can do it now.” Kate’s voice was both firm and gentle. “I’m placing our girl and these rescuers in God’s hands, Corinne. And the fact that Tee loves the water and has a knack for handling anything she tackles.”
“Like her father.”
“Yes.”
Awareness broadsided her as she crept along in bumper-to-bumper traffic. “I tried to keep her safe by clipping her wings. Not letting her be herself, not letting her fly free. And I probably put her in more danger because of it.”
Kate laughed lightly. “Oh, Corinne. Kids like Tee and her father will always find danger. It’s their nature. But their fearlessness is also their strength. They’re not timid, or intimidated by much of anything. Although I’m pretty sure that David inspired every gray hair I have. Well, Kimberly gave me her share, too. Rory and Emily were almost a relief by comparison.”
Corinne understood completely. Kimberly and Dave were always ready to take the plunge into anything and everything. That aptly described her daughter, too. “Will you pray with me, Mom?”
Kate exhaled a soft breath into the phone, then said, “I’d be happy to.”