CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE HEART-TO-HEART

Filomena is dizzy, spinning a little.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that feeling,” she says, and almost falls over. Jack grabs her by the shoulders to steady her. She tenses and giggles. If she must be thrown about through dimensions, at least she has Jack to keep her grounded.

It’s morning now. All night they walked through Snow Country, thinking they’d eventually stop at an inn, but none appeared. And then they found a swoop hole, which led them here, to Westphalia. They were excited to come across one so early in their walk from Snow Country. This is lucky, as Westphalia and Snow Country are pretty far apart. The swoop hole spit them out on a hill overlooking the central village of Westphalia, the settlement closest to the castle.

“Hey, another idea for Rosie!” Jack says. “What about inventing something you can eat that helps you not feel dizzy or nauseated when going through a swoop hole?”

Filomena laughs. Ever since they found out Rosie is a genius inventor, Jack and Alistair have been coming up with ideas for her. The list is already getting long.

“I hate to spoil your and Alistair’s fun, but I think part of what Rosie likes about inventing is coming up with ideas on her own.”

Jack considers it.

“Nah, I think she’ll love our ideas.” He smiles that dazzling smile.

Filomena wonders how everyone else is faring getting to their destinations. Then she remembers she can check. Ira Glassman is attached to her belt next to her sheathed sword.

“Hey, want to peek and see where everyone’s at?” she asks Jack.

“Let’s get our bearings here first,” Jack says.

It’s a good point. No use checking on friends when they’ve been apart for only one night and there’s so much to do. Surely not much has happened yet.

Filomena is operating on very little sleep but figures, now that they’re in Westphalia, they can take a nap somewhere. Maybe when they get to the castle. Speaking of sleep, Ira Glassman is asleep right now. All the more reason not to check in on her friends. Filomena didn’t know mirrors slept, but Ira informed her that talking mirrors require rest to recharge. The mirror is out like a light.

She stretches and rubs her eyes. Looking around, she feels overcome with her surroundings and firmly in the present moment. Westphalia, her kingdom. Wow. My kingdom?

The village doesn’t look much better than it did during her most recent visit, even though it’s been a while since Filomena, Jack, and Alistair broke Queen Olga’s enchantment on the kingdom. There’s still a lot of work to be done before Westphalia is returned to its former glory. It saddens Filomena that she never got to see what her home kingdom looked like before the ogres demolished parts of it and claimed it as their own.

“Let’s start walking, huh?” Jack says.

They begin making their way over hills and through shallow valleys, heading toward the nearby castle. Filomena doesn’t say much. Jack must be able to sense her mood, because he bumps her shoulder gently with his.

“Intense, seeing Westphalia again?” he asks.

“It’s strange, knowing the whole reason I’m here is to become a queen. But I barely even recognize this place.”

“That may be true, but it’s in your blood. Even if you don’t feel it yet.” He smiles reassuringly.

Jack’s words do little to reassure her. It’s hard to explain, this sickly feeling creeping over her. “I guess I’ve just always felt out of place, wherever I’ve been. My family in North Pasadena feels like home, but at school I always felt apart from the group. Of course, I wondered sometimes about being adopted, what my birth parents were like, but my parents make me feel so loved. Even so, I still felt sort of alone. Is that bad to say?”

She knows she’s rambling, being contradictory, but there’s just too much emotion, too much confusion for her to make total sense right now.

“And then I find out all this stuff about my birth parents,” she goes on, “but I never got to meet them. I barely know a thing about them! And now I’m supposed to rule Westphalia and carry on their legacy? How can I rule a kingdom when I don’t even live here full time?”

They’re silent for a bit. That intense fear she felt when creating Ira Glassman is weaseling its way back into her chest. She tried to suppress it then and, in the hubbub of creating her talking mirror, was able to forget it a little. But now—now that she’s actually here, in Westphalia—it’s back in full force. She’s supposed to rule this kingdom? She doesn’t know the first thing about ruling! She doesn’t know how to take care of a whole nation of people; she doesn’t even know how to take care of herself!

Has she said too much? Is she dumping too much emotion onto Jack? She should never have said all that. She’s being too vulnerable. This isn’t his problem, and she’s being way too open with him. Right? But she can’t help herself. Why isn’t he saying anything?

“If we do succeed in all this,” Filomena says, “and I do become queen of Westphalia, what happens then?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, do I have to choose which world I live in? Do I stay in Never After forever, give up my life in the mortal world, never see my parents again? Do I have to stay in Westphalia permanently? Or do I just visit sometimes? How will it all work? Will I still see you all? Where will you, Gretel, and Alistair be? Will we still see each other?”

Jack is silent for a beat. Then he says, “I think we just need to focus on keeping the ogres out of the castles and on meeting this deadline before we can go that far.”

Filomena gets a slight sinking feeling. Does he not want to stick with her after she’s crowned? What about Gretel and Alistair? Never After will be just as lonely as the mortal world without her friends.

They start to climb another hill. They’re about halfway to the castle from where they started.

Jack’s right. Her being crowned is the best-case scenario. Her not meeting that deadline … Well, that would mean a reign of terror she can’t even imagine. She’s barely even had time to think about the deaths of two great fairies, Colette and Scheherazade.

“Jack, I know that no one really brought this up with you, but I’m so sorry about Zera. If I’m torn up about it, I can’t even imagine how much pain you must be in.”

Jack just nods silently. Filomena can tell it’s still too fresh for him to really talk about. But she wanted to say that to him, all the same.

Her fear creeps back in. “Maybe the ogres and the prime minister are right.” She sighs.

At this, Jack stops in his tracks. “Whoa, whoa,” he says. “Now that can’t be true. Right about what?”

“About me ruling over Westphalia. Maybe I’m not ready.”

Jack is quiet for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “It’s just that … it’s freaking me out a bit, what you’re saying.”

Oh great. He can’t handle her and she’s already freaking him out. Guess she can kiss a first kiss goodbye. She looks at her feet as they continue the walk, not making eye contact.

“The thing is, it’s freaking me out how much I feel like you’re describing me,” Jack finally admits. “All that stuff about your parents, about feeling like you’re always out of place.”

Now that’s a surprise. She looks up at him.

“I feel exactly the same, Fil. I’ve always felt out of place, my whole life. Ever since my village burned down, I’ve felt alone. I have Alistair, of course, and I have friends in Never After and allies everywhere. But I’ve been running my whole life. It’s always been on to the next adventure, the next quest. Always someone to rescue or something to figure out. It’s lonely.”

Now Jack’s the one staring at his feet as he talks. Filomena’s looking right at him, though, silently urging him to go on.

“And what you said about not knowing how to rule Westphalia? I get it. No one taught me how to be Jack the Giant Stalker. Sometimes it feels like it just happened to me. Like I had no choice. And maybe that’s true.”

At this, Filomena can’t be quiet anymore. “Aren’t you the one who reminded me that we choose our own destiny?”

He smiles at the ground. Then he looks up at her, locking eyes with her own. She feels heat on her cheeks. She almost trips over a rock.

“Sometimes I feel like you’re the only one who really understands,” he says. “We have a lot in common, even though we also have nothing in common.”

They both laugh. They’re silent for a few paces. While they’re being truthful, Filomena feels the need to say something she’s been thinking about ever since they learned of the summer solstice deadline.

But then Jack stops her, touching her shoulder. “Hey,” he says.

She turns to face him. They’re standing so close now.

“I know at first we were only going to do it to break an enchantment,” he says. “But I meant what I said. I don’t need a curse to break to know I want to, uh…” Suddenly he gets shy. He looks at his feet, takes a breath. “To do this.”

He leans in, but before anything else can happen, an all-too-familiar voice calls to them from behind: “Glad to see you lovebirds are going strong!”

Filomena would recognize that voice anywhere. They whip around.

Standing on the hill before them are Robin Hood and Little Jeanne.