CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR GIRL, INTERRUPTED
“This is, like, the fluffiest bed I’ve ever seen,” Alistair says, jumping butt-first onto Hortense’s princess bed.
“I’m so glad to see you guys,” Hortense says, throwing her arms around Gretel for the fourth time since she and Alistair walked in the castle doors a few minutes ago.
Hortense’s room at the Eastphalian castle is mega-cool. After the carriage ride with opera singer Lillet and now, being at Eastphalia’s castle—whose architecture is highly influenced by the glamorous singer as well—Gretel’s starting to get a taste for fashion and decor.
“We are pleased to be at your service, soon-to-be Queen Hortense,” Gretel says, doing a little jokey curtsy.
Hortense laughs and swipes at Gretel. “Stop that! You’re in no service to me. Though I suppose we do have quite a bit of work to do.”
“Yes, thank you both for coming to my rescue,” Charlie, in his froggy form, says from his place on Hortense’s shoulder.
Alistair just about jumps out of his skin. “Talking frog! Talking frog!” he yells.
“Ali, you know Charlie was turned into a frog,” Gretel says. “What are you freaking out for?”
“I know he was turned into a frog,” Alistair whispers to Gretel, using one hand blocking his mouth from Charlie’s view. “I just didn’t think he’d be able to talk. It’s a bit unnerving, no?”
“Alistair, I can hear as well as speak!” Charlie says. “Just because I’m a frog, it doesn’t mean I can’t communicate. I’m still my normal self on the inside.”
At that moment, Charlie’s frog tongue stretches across the room to catch a fly, which he then swallows.
Alistair stares in shock and disgust. “Sure, your ‘normal self,’ totally,” he says.
Gretel turns to Hortense. “So does anyone suspect what’s going on? That Charlie’s a frog prince?”
“Nope,” Hortense responds. “They just think I’ve become a bit of an eccentric, carrying a frog on my shoulder all the time. The townspeople just believe I’m a little kooky, I guess.”
“Quirky girls are very popular in the mortal world right now,” Gretel says. “If it’s any consolation. We can totally say it’s a trend you picked up from the manic pixie dream girls of the mortal realm.”
“There are pixie dream girls in the mortal world?” Alistair is very intrigued. “What are they like?”
“No, no, not actual pixies,” Gretel tries to clarify. “Never mind. We’ll just say it’s a trend.”
“Well, hopefully we’ll figure out how to turn this frog prince back into a real prince, and then we won’t have to make me a manic pixie whatever at all.” Hortense laughs.
Gretel is feeling pretty confident in her curse-breaking abilities after the whole Rosie’s-swan-brothers thing, plus the Jack-and-Filomena-kissing thing. Wait—hold on a minute! Jack and Filomena are alone on their quest right now! She hadn’t even thought of that! Gretel wishes Never After had cell phones so she could get updates from Fil.
Back to more pressing matters.
“Luckily for you, Alistair and I are fresh off a curse-breaking streak. So let’s see. How can we break this spell?” Gretel starts pacing the room, circling Hortense and Charlie. “Charlie, do you remember the specific words Olga used when she put the curse on you?”
Charlie scratches his head with an amphibian toe. “It’s all a blur, really. I don’t remember the words of the spell.”
“Okay, so that’s not so helpful.”
Gretel remembers what Colette told them about being cursed by Queen Christina.
“Hortense, Charlie, both the curses we saw broken were cast by Queen Christina. One of the fairies, Colette—or Snow White—told us that Queen Christina has the sort of magic that can only mimic transformation, or make things appear differently than they are. That is why her curses can always be reversed.”
Alistair nods along. “Kind of like the way Charlie’s still his ‘normal self on the inside’ even though he eats flies now.”
Gretel ignores this. “So that’s good news for us, because I’m willing to bet that ogre queen Olga has the same type of magic, the kind used for evil. That kind of magic is only a thin veil pulled over the truth.”
“Okay.” Hortense agrees. “I’m following. So what do we do about it?”
“We just have to figure out the right code and crack it. That will reverse the spell!” Gretel says gleefully.
Except that doesn’t actually get them any closer. Gretel thinks. She’s only ever seen two spells broken in her life, and they both had very specific ways by which to break. May as well try both those methods, right?
“Do you have star flowers on the castle property by any chance?”
An hour later, Gretel and Alistair have realized the answer to that question is no, there are no star flowers. They might be something specific to Snow Country. However, there is an abundance of bleeding heart flowers, which Gretel feels could be a great fit. Bonus: They only need to make one frog-sized shirt rather than seven large swan-sized shirts. They don’t even have to dry the flowers!
Alistair and Gretel bring the tiny bleeding heart shirt up to Hortense’s room. Hortense has placed Charlie on her bed. She doesn’t want him transforming into a human while sitting on her shoulder, after all. They fit the little garment over Charlie’s tiny frog body.
Three … two … one …
Nothing. Nothing happens. No transformation, no hint of a breaking curse.
“You’re sure this worked last time?” Charlie says. “I’m not feeling anything.”
Trying hard not to be deterred, Gretel thinks of the other curse whose breaking they witnessed. “So … what about true love’s kiss?” she asks.
“We already tried that,” Hortense says glumly. “I’ve kissed those froggy lips so many times, I’m starting to taste flies.”
Gretel thinks and thinks. Who else could be a true love’s kiss? Maybe it could be between two bystanders. But the only bystanders here are herself and …
Alistair?!
Gretel laughs out loud, and everyone looks at her, like what?
She has never, never once considered Alistair to be her true love. Her true friend love, sure, but she’s not certain that counts. But is it worth a try?
“This might sound crazy,” Gretel says to Alistair, “and to be up front, I’m not suggesting I’m romantically into you, dude…”
Alistair suddenly starts to sweat.
“But,” Gretel continues, “I do love you! As a friend,” she clarifies.
“Oh thank goodness! I don’t love you either! I mean not in that way! Only as a friend,” he echoes, wiping his brow.
“But maybe we could still give it a try? For Charlie,” Gretel says. “And, again, not romantic!”
Alistair is still incredibly flustered. Gretel’s not thrilled with the concept, either. But she can’t think of what other solution there might be at the moment. So, okay.
They stand facing each other. Should she close her eyes? No, that’s weird. That’s too romantic. But isn’t keeping them open creepy? She purses her lips a little; so does he. They lean forward and Gretel plants a peck on his cheek.
Nothing.
Charlie’s still a frog.
“Oh well,” says Alistair, looking relieved it’s over. “At least we tried.”
Gretel laughs.
“Hello!” a bright voice calls from the doorway. Alistair and Gretel jump away from each other. “Sorry, am I interrupting?” It’s a boy their age. He’s carrying a tea tray.
“No, come in, John. Come hang out!” Hortense says. “This is John, everyone. He’s a page at the castle and also my friend.”
“I brought some tea for you all,” John says, “and I hope you don’t mind, but I overheard a little of your conversation about the curse.”
Figures. Gretel can be pretty loud when working out a problem.
“I think I may know how to help,” John says. Sitting down on the sofa that faces Hortense’s bed, John begins to explain. “What I’m about to tell you is very, very secret information. And I know it might be silly of me to tell the future king and queen of Eastphalia this, but, Hortense, you’ve been a very kind princess. So I hope I can trust you.”
“Of course you can, John! I’d never do anything to put you in harm’s way,” Hortense says, patting his hand.
“All right, then. I have an aunt who lives in the village. I think she can help you with this … situation,” he says, nodding to Charlie. He lowers his voice even more. “She’s a witch,” he whispers.
Hortense’s eyebrows shoot up. A witch living in Eastphalia? Everyone knows witches are very rare in Never After and can be very dangerous. Getting involved with one can put a person at great risk.
“I believe she can tell you how to reverse the spell.”
Hortense looks troubled by this, but Gretel perks up. “You know, Hori, the way we broke the spell on Rosie’s brothers was by carrying out what a witch told Rosie to do. I don’t think it’s a bad idea.”
“I don’t know,” Hori says nervously.
“If I go with you, she might be more willing to help,” John offers. “But you’ll have to barter. You should bring her some food.”
“Food?” Alistair inserts. “That sounds like a job for me!”
“What do you think, Charlie?” Hori asks.
“I think I’d love to be human again. And I’m willing to visit a witch to figure out how to make that happen,” he ribbits.
That seems to settle it. Hori is all business. “John, thank you so much. If you’re willing to take us, then I say let’s do it!”
“Off to the witch of Eastphalia we go!” Gretel says.
“But first,” Alistair pipes in, “to the kitchen! You know what they say: The way to a witch’s heart is through her stomach.”