CHAPTER FOUR ENEMY OF MY ENEMY
The next day, after a good night’s rest at the inn, Gretel, Alistair, Jack, Filomena, and the most recent addition to their group, Princess Jeanne, are on their way for an early morning rescue.
Princess Jeanne isn’t just a pretty face; she’s been tracking Robin Hood for a week, ever since she figured out that he must have captured her friend Riff. Filomena is impressed. She didn’t expect the princess to be such a sleuth. Princess Jeanne tells them she’s got Robin Hood’s schedule down pat. He likes to strike during lunchtime, when people have their guard down and are trying to rest.
“Disrupting the sacred hour of luncheon! The guy truly is despicable,” Alistair says.
As such, Princess Jeanne tells them that their best bet to rescue Riff and look for her crown will be when Robin Hood and his gang are out prowling at midday, leaving only two dopey guards at their hideout.
Today Princess Jeanne is wearing an outfit much more appropriate for a break-in than her red velvet dress. “It’s the kingdom’s latest in battle-ready-wear,” she tells Gretel as the Cobbler’s daughter admires the thin gold chain mail outfit with envy and while Alistair plods along beside.
Jack and Filomena are hanging a few paces behind the group. Filomena can tell that Jack wants to talk to her alone. She’s his primary confidant. She smiles to herself.
“So what do you think, Fil?” he asks.
“About what?”
“Can we trust Princess Jeanne? We’ve been burned before. We know Queen Olga has spies everywhere.”
Filomena considers this. She’s starting to get a pretty good read on whom to trust, but with each passing day in Never After, the stakes get higher. Although, she was once quite suspicious of the wickedly fun stepsisters Hori and Bea, and now they’re some of her closest friends.
“You know, there’s a saying in the mortal world: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. That’s what I thought when I first met you and Alistair, when you helped me escape the Fettucine Alfredos. Robin Hood certainly seems like our enemy, and he’s definitely Princess Jeanne’s enemy. By that equation, she might have a good shot at becoming our friend.”
Jack nods. “You’re right. You always know how to think your way out of a trap, Filomena. I admire that about you,” he says with his customary shy grin.
She smiles back at him, and a realization hits her hard. There’s no denying it: She likes Jack. She really likes Jack. It’s awful. It’s terrifying. It’s electrifying.
“What are you two smiling about, huh?” Alistair says over his shoulder, snapping both Filomena and Jack out of their doe-eyed trance. “I’m not feeling so smiley right about now. I think I had too much of that full English breakfast.”
A loud belch escapes him as they exit the village and start into Sherwood Forest.
“If I get killed because of one of your burps, Alistair, then I swear to all thirteen fairies, I will haunt you forever!” Gretel whisper-yells.
Princess Jeanne shushes them both, and that’s when Filomena realizes they’ve come upon their destination. The gang gathers in a dense cluster of trees. “Robin’s lair is through there,” Princess Jeanne says, beyond their makeshift hideout to an old, decrepit-looking castle with a pair of guards in front. Filomena tries to pull her thoughts away from Jack and back to the mission at hand.
“It used to be one of the finest castles around,” Princess Jeanne says sadly. “Now look at it. Gone to ruin. Just like everything in this cursed forest.”
It’s one of the spookiest sights Filomena’s seen in Never After. Tall Gothic arches and spikes that have chunks missing. Gargoyles growling and displaying sharp teeth, or what’s left of them. The castle even seems to have its own weather; a storm cloud is hanging above it.
“It looks like bats will fly out at any second,” Gretel says. “Major ick!”
The five huddle close and speak in hushed voices.
“The important thing to remember about Robin Hood is that he’s mostly all bark and no bite,” Princess Jeanne says. “He’s not violent, but he is quick.”
“Yeah, we got a taste of that,” Jack answers, remembering how their belongings were stolen without them even realizing.
“With that in mind, we need to approach this the way Robin would,” Princess Jeanne offers.
Filomena can’t help but wonder about Princess Jeanne’s past with Robin Hood. It seems they’ve known each other a long time. But she feels she doesn’t know Princess Jeanne well enough to ask yet.
“Hmm, not sure how we would do that,” Gretel inserts, “because we have absolutely no weapons.”
“I’m sure that wouldn’t be a problem for the likes of you all,” Princess Jeanne says. “So here you are. I’ve led you to Sherwood Forest, I’ve given you background info, and now I think it’s time for my hired heroes to take over.”
“‘Hired’? You mean we’re getting paid for this?” Alistair retorts.
Princess Jeanne ignores him. “Well, go on, then—rescue Riff, and see if you can snag my crown while you’re at it!”
Jack is staring at the castle doors, a plan formulating in his mind. “Those guards seem pretty bored, which means they can probably be easily distracted,” he considers.
“My teachers always told me I was a great distraction to the class. I could give it a shot!” Gretel volunteers.
“I guess I could help, too. I’ll go with you, Gretel,” Princess Jeanne says, threading her arm through Gretel’s. “We’ll pretend we’re lost and looking for directions.”
“Perfect,” Jack says. “Try to lure them away from the doors and keep their backs facing the castle. Filomena, Alistair, and I will sneak in and find Riff.”
“Then what?” Alistair asks.
“Then we run.”
Filomena watches Gretel and Princess Jeanne talk to the guards and make them laugh. Filomena wonders why, when it comes to adventures, tasks like these seem to get split between girls and boys, with girls doing the distracting and boys the rescuing. But Filomena’s with the boys. Is she “one of the boys”? Is she “not like other girls”? Ugh, she hates that phrase. Just because she can’t match shoes to a handbag doesn’t mean she’s not a girl like Gretel. Or just because she can run faster than Alistair doesn’t mean she’s just like Jack. (Also, there are probably a lot of people who can run faster than Alistair.)
Anyway, this is too much to think about while on a quest! She makes a mental note to bring this up when conversation runs dry during their next five-hour hike to a faraway kingdom.
Gretel gives Filomena, Alistair, and Jack the all clear with a brush of her left shoulder and a touch to her nose. The three friends beeline into the castle.
The inside is even creepier than the outside. Dim and damp. No carpets or tapestries, no warm fire, nothing. Just spiderwebs in corners and silence. Filomena was once trapped in the Beast’s dungeon, but this is even worse. Jack heads into the darkness, leaving them behind.
“Is Robin Hood goth?” Filomena jokes. “He does wear a lot of black.”
“Goth? Well, according to my studies, this architecture is rather Gothic,” Alistair offers.
“Your studies?” she asks.
“Oh, my dear Filomena, I’ve lived many lives. There’s so much you’ve yet to learn about me.” Alistair winks.
Jack comes back from wherever he’d been checking out. “No sign of Riff,” he reports. “There are way too many rooms in this place. We don’t have time to check each one and risk Robin Hood returning while we’re still here.”
Filomena thinks. If Robin Hood is all about wits, she can work with that. She tries to think like a trickster. It is difficult; Filomena is so honest, truth serum would barely make her act differently … unless she was asked a really personal question after taking some. Like who she was crushing on. She has a crush! And he’s standing right there!
Her focus is wavering. Filomena starts pacing to keep her mind on track.
If she were to capture Lord Sharif of Nottingham—not that she, in any world, would ever capture anyone!—where would she put him? Somewhere far from reach, yes, but Robin Hood would do worse. Robin Hood seems to have a mean streak. If Robin captured Riff just to mess with Princess Jeanne, then where would he think would be a funny place to hold Riff hostage?
It hits her like an Ogre’s Wrath attack.
“The tower! He put Riff in the tower, I bet you,” Filomena shouts.
“What?” Jack questions.
“Just trust me, let’s check it out.”
The two boys have learned by now that when Filomena has a hunch, it’s worth inspecting. So they run up the stone stairs to the eastern part of the castle, where a large tower is located. At the top of the stairs is a heavy stone door.
Filomena tries to open it, but it’s locked. Robin Hood wasn’t taking any chances there. Jack twists his vines around the handle and pulls, but it doesn’t budge an inch.
“Let me try,” says Alistair, stepping forward. “Have you forgotten who you’re with, old chap? Your brave companion, your sidekick, your chief lieutenant?”
Jack whips his vines back around his wrists and regards Alistair with an amused smile. “If I remember correctly, Byron was my lieutenant.”
Alistair makes a dismissive gesture and motions for them to give him some space, then puts his hand out and booms, “OPEN SESAME!”
The door remains closed.
Alistair scratches his chin. “OPEN SESAME NOODLES!”
Nothing.
He rocks back and forth on his heels. “OPEN SESAME CHICKEN!”
Nada.
Filomena whispers in Alistair’s ear.
“Huh? I’ve never heard of that one,” he says.
“Trust me, it’s big in the mortal world,” Filomena assures him.
Alistair clears his throat and gestures toward the door again. “Right, right. How about … SHOW ME THE WAY TO SESAME—”
“STREET!” Filomena and Alistair chorus.
There is a deep silence.
Then, slowly, oh so slowly—so slowly at first that they’re sure nothing is happening—the heavy stone of the door crumbles and becomes a pile of sand, leaving an open doorway.
Filomena gasps. “It worked!”
Jack slaps Alistair on the back. “Nice one, Ali Baba!”
Alistair grins. “Sand is made out of rocks, and you know the desert is my home turf,” he adds modestly.
“Pardon me, but … who are you?” a voice asks.
In the doorway stands a tall boy of about seventeen years with a brown buzz cut and bronzed muscles like Michelangelo’s Statue of David. (Filomena saw that statue on a trip with her parents once. She feels a pang for them—her art-loving, pasta-eating parents.)
But she snaps back to reality when she realizes, Oh no, I was wrong! They’ve accidentally rescued some Greek god, not Sharif of Nottingham. How many people does Robin Hood have locked up in this castle, anyway?
“Apologies! We are supposed to be rescuing Lord Sharif of Nottingham, but it appears we open sesame’d the wrong door,” Filomena tells him.
“Oh, but that is me! I am Sharif! But please, call me Riff,” the handsome boy says with a blinding smile. He turns to the others and his face lights up even more. “Now, this can’t be Jack the Giant Stalker, Winter Knight, General of the Thirteen Armies, can it?”
“One and the same. Good to see you, man,” says Jack with a wide grin on his face.
Filomena watches as the two engage in what the mortal world calls a bro hug. When they pull back, they look so delighted that they hug again, this time normally, with both arms, slapping each other on the back.
“I can’t believe this, mate! And, Alistair, I forgot you could crumble doors like that.” Riff grins, giving Alistair a hug. “How long has it been since I saw the likes of you two?”
“Since the Last Battle, it must’ve been,” Jack responds. They all look somber for a moment. But then Jack perks back up, throwing an arm around Filomena. “Riff, you have to meet our best friend, Filomena,” he says.
Filomena’s shoulders tingle a bit at Jack’s touch. He hasn’t been this happy since the success of their last rescue. Filomena could’ve stayed like this for a long time, but the logical part of her remembers that they have a mission at hand, not to mention a cunning antagonist who might be on his way here.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Riff, but I think we better get out of here while we’re alone,” she ventures. “Let’s catch up once we’re out of enemy territory?”
“Wait! Aren’t we supposed to try and find Princess Jeanne’s crown while we’re here?” Jack exclaims.
“I looked everywhere before I was captured. It’s not here,” says Riff.
There’s no time to look for it anyway. Luncheon is over; they heard the clock chime. Robin Hood could return at any moment.
The four dash back down the stairs and out of the castle.
Outside, Gretel and Princess Jeanne are still distracting the guards. Gretel is showing them how to play a game on her phone. “So you see, you populate your little island.”
Filomena signals to Gretel to get out of there, and then she and the three boys hide in the forest until Princess Jeanne and Gretel are able to sneak away.
When Princess Jeanne catches sight of Riff, she runs straight into his arms.
“Jeannie!” he cries, catching her and swooping her around in a circle.
“I was so worried!” she tells him. “Are you okay? I hope they didn’t do anything too terrible.”
“I’m fine. Nothing I couldn’t handle. But I’m so sorry, Jeanne—I don’t have it,” he tells her.
Princess Jeanne shakes her head. “It’s okay. It’s just a crown.” She shrugs.
“We’ll get it back. I promise you,” Riff tells her, giving her another squeeze.
“That’s Riff?” Gretel whispers to Alistair.
“I know, right?” Alistair whispers back to Gretel, leaning in.
“Wow. The mortal fairy tales really did a number on him,” she says incredulously.
“Why? What’s he like in the fairy tales?” Alistair asks.
“Let’s just say he doesn’t look like that! Hubba, hubba!” Gretel says, fanning herself.
Filomena laughs, overhearing the two gossip like a couple of hens.
“Thank fairies you got Riff out of there when you did,” Princess Jeanne says to her hired heroes.
Riff nudges Jeanne with a smug grin. “Missed me, did you?”
But Princess Jeanne isn’t having any of that right now. “I suppose. But also, once the henchmen gave us directions to the nearest village, they noticed my new gold chain mail and got really chatty. Like they haven’t spoken to anyone new in centuries. Then they started mansplaining my own battle gear to me! The nerve! I was getting so annoyed, I’d have blown our cover any minute.”