CHAPTER FIVE VERY MERRY

At Princess Jeanne’s castle, a feast is in session.

“Now this is the kind of royal treatment I could get used to,” Alistair says.

Alistair, Jack, Gretel, and Filomena are seated around a long dining table resplendent with large roasted fowlkens, roasted zucchonions, mashed sunsquashes, and razzleberry pies for as far as the eye can see.

After rescuing Riff, Princess Jeanne said it was about time they saw the much more welcoming castle of Northphalia, which—cough—just happened to be her own. Smaller than Robin Hood’s creepy hideout, sure, she’d said. But much better decorated. And insulated.

It’s true. Filomena had been swept away by the beauty of the castle the instant they entered. It’s even grander than Hortense’s and Beatrice’s home, Rosewood Manor, which Filomena had thought was the height of luxury. But Princess Jeanne’s castle is on another level. It’s like the grand royal palaces Filomena’s read about in history or seen on television: marble floors, gold and silver everywhere, brocaded walls, and furniture upholstered with the richest velvets and silks.

“Welcome to the Court of the North!” Princess Jeanne announces when they enter the dining room, where dozens of guests are gathered. “These are the Merry Men and Women, and this is my dear baby sister, Little Jeanne!”

“I may be your baby sister, but I’m not a baby,” Little Jeanne says, walking up to the newcomers with her arms crossed and a pout on her face. She’s just as pretty as her older sister—and as it appears, much more spoiled. She looks a few years younger than Princess Jeanne—so about the same age as Filomena—but she’s definitely acting like a toddler having a tantrum. “I can’t believe you went on an adventure without me again!” Little Jeanne says, practically stomping her feet.

“Now, Little Jeanne, I told you, Sherwood Forest is too dangerous for you!” says Princess Jeanne, trying to placate her sister.

“Little Jeanne?” whispers Gretel. “She doesn’t even get her own name?”

After Little Jeanne stomps off, Princess Jeanne turns to the group and sighs. “Her real name is Veronique, but when she was little—I mean younger—she looked so like me that the court nicknamed her Little Jeanne, and it stuck. Believe me, neither of us is happy about it. It causes way too much confusion. But what can you do?” Princess Jeanne rolls her eyes. “Anyway, sorry about that. Please, come sit for dinner,” she says, and leads them through the warm and inviting royal dining room.

They follow her to the center of the enormously long head table. Members of the court are dressed in luxe outfits similar to those Filomena and her friends are now wearing. Northphalia’s castle is the complete opposite of the damp, silent hideout they just fled. So much chatter and laughter! Filomena smiles. Merry men and women indeed!

When they arrived, Princess Jeanne had insisted that Filomena and her friends all change out of their “filthy travelers’ clothes” and into fresh outfits. Filomena and Gretel wear hand-me-down gowns, and Alistair and Jack are dressed in royal regalia. Only Gretel seems to feel at home in such garb; she’s admiring her reflection in the tall mirrors on the dining room walls. Filomena would much rather wear her regular hoodie and jeans, but at least she still has on her purple combat boots. They match the purple color of her gown quite perfectly.

“How wonderful you all look!” Princess Jeanne says.

“Now you really look like the prince that you are,” says Little Jeanne when she comes back and takes a seat across from Jack, coyly batting her eyelashes.

Jack smiles politely but doesn’t respond. Filomena knows he’s never been one to enjoy throwing around titles. Among all the guests, Filomena sits between Jack and Riff; Princess Jeanne and Little Jeanne across from her, next to Gretel and Alistair.

At Princess Jeanne’s nod, footmen around the table begin to serve the meal, heaping food onto their plates. Filomena’s mouth waters at the sight of the mashed sunsquashes and the crispy roasted fowlken.

Little Jeanne gestures to a jug of sparkly pink liquid. “Peony fizz,” she says, as a footman pours some for Jack. “A Northphalian specialty.”

“So, Filomena,” Riff says, “what part of Never After are you from? We haven’t met before, have we?”

“We haven’t. I’m kind of new around these parts.” Filomena laughs.

“We found Filomena in the mortal world,” Alistair interjects between bites of fowlken. “It was the most amazing accidental meeting ever.”

“Well, I don’t know how accidental it was. Jack the Giant Stalker here totally stalked me,” Filomena adds. She catches Jack’s eye, and they share a laugh, remembering their first meeting. Wasn’t it just yesterday that she’d run from an Ogre’s Wrath with him? Time flies when you’re trying not to be an ogre’s dinner.

“So hold on—you’re a mortal?” Riff asks, scratching his head.

“Well, not exactly…,” Filomena responds.

“Oh, Riff, don’t you read the Never After Daily at all?” Princess Jeanne squeals. “She’s Princess Eliana, the fairy Carabosse’s niece and Queen Rosanna’s daughter! She just grew up in the mortal world.”

“We’re both biportal,” Gretel adds. “My dad is the Cobbler.”

“But she’s not just the missing princess; she’s Filomena Jefferson-Cho of North Pasadena,” Jack says. “She’s excellent at casting spells and fighting ogres.”

Filomena tries not to look too pleased by this description.

“Hey,” Gretel says, putting down the peony fizz she’s been sipping and turning to Riff. “How did you come to be captured by Robin Hood, anyway?”

Sharif shakes his head in annoyance, remembering. “I went out in search of Jeanne’s crown, and that abandoned castle was one of the first places I decided to look—it’s well known as one of Robin’s hideouts. I searched pretty much the whole place but came up with nothing. I was about to leave when I heard a girl’s voice crying out for aid from the tower.” He shrugs his broad shoulders. “I figured it must be a damsel in distress, so of course I ran up to rescue her. But when I got to the highest tower, where the voice was coming from, only Robin Hood was there.”

Jack nods in sympathy with Riff.

“Before I could even realize what was happening, he’d slipped out the door behind me and locked it! Then he mocked me through the door for trying to be a hero.” Riff glowers at the memory.

“Of course you wanted to help!” says Princess Jeanne, taking his hand across the table and squeezing it.

Riff smiles and looks around at Filomena and her friends. “I haven’t thanked you enough for saving me, by the way. I thought my only escape might have to follow Rapunzel’s approach. But growing out my hair to the length of hers would’ve taken years!” he jokes.

Princess Jeanne starts telling Alistair and Gretel all about the redecorating she’s done in the castle over the last year, and Filomena looks around the dining room. The Merry Men and Women are all gossiping, chatting, eating, drinking, and living up to their moniker.

Hold on. The Merry Men? As in Robin Hood and his Merry Men? Aren’t they on his side? She leans over to Jack. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but if Robin Hood is a bad guy who steals for his own good in this world, then wouldn’t his Merry Men also be in cahoots with him?”

Before Jack can comment, Riff chimes in from Filomena’s other side. “Oh no, these Merry Men are excellent blokes! They fought in my battalion during the war. Jack, you remember, right?”

Jack nods, leaving Filomena perplexed—not for the first time.

Filomena would be first to admit that Robin’s group of scrawny teenagers were far from jovial. His men being merry is not the only lie perpetuated in the mortal world, however. As noted by Princess Jeanne when she introduced them, these are her Merry Men and Women.

“Trust me,” Riff says, noticing Filomena’s hesitance, “I’d never fraternize with anyone who works with Robin Hood. He’s stolen far too much from this neck of the woods. And now he wants to put that pretender, ‘King’ Richard, on the throne! That would be a disaster for this kingdom. Everyone knows the rightful heir is Princess Jeanne.”

While Riff is speaking, Filomena notices Little Jeanne’s expression shift, as if something’s not quite right. Then it shifts back into a neutral smile. She’s been very quiet this evening, Filomena notes.

Having heard her name across the table, Princess Jeanne merges her redecorating conversation with Riff’s. “You know what ballroom I would love to see? The Queen of Hearts’ in Wonderland! I can’t believe I didn’t get invited to Prince Charlie’s and Cinderella’s ball,” she pouts. “I mean, I know it ended up being ruined by ogres, but still.”

There’s been so much going on that Filomena has hardly thought back to that occasion, when Cinderella was revealed to be an ogre … Something clicks in the back of her mind. There were so many people in attendance from across all the kingdoms, so many fairy-tale characters she’d only ever read about. She remembers being starstruck by Lord Peter and Lady Wendy of Neverland and who else…?

“Robin Hood!” she exclaims suddenly. Everyone jumps, thinking she’s just spotted him. “No, no, not here—he was at Cinderella’s ball! He was a guest!”

“You don’t think … It can’t mean…,” Gretel says.

Filomena finishes the thought on everyone’s mind: “He must be working with the ogres.”