CHAPTER SEVEN SLUMBER PARTY CRASHER

Filomena jumps off the bed. Though she knows Jack just said the village is under attack, all she can think is: Did he overhear our conversation? He wouldn’t have stood listening outside the door, would he? Lily Licks, she hopes not.

“What’s going on? Who is attacking the village, and where?” Gretel asks.

“We just got word that the Merry Greenwood Tavern is being ransacked by Robin Hood and his gang,” Jack answers.

“All right, all right, give us a second to get out of these clothes.” Gretel motions for Jack to leave.

“No time! Alistair, Riff, Little Jeanne, and Princess Jeanne left to help as soon as we heard. I came to get you, and we have to leave now!”

“Come on, Jack, we can’t go fight in pajamas and a gown!” Gretel insists.

“Gretel, we don’t have time!”

Sighing heavily, Gretel and Filomena follow Jack into the hallway. At the top of the stairs, Jack puts his arm out, motioning for them to stay back. The castle doors are creaking open.

Revealed in the entryway is none other than Robin Hood, who walks in chuckling.

Jack and Filomena look at each other and realize what’s happening. Robin Hood thinks everyone in the castle went to the tavern to help. He knew if there was a crisis, they’d all run to assist.

Below, Robin starts grabbing gold coins and silver trinkets by the handful, shoving them into a sack. Silver candelabras, crystal goblets, jewel-encrusted vases—all are tossed into his bag.

Gretel, Jack, and Filomena watch in horror and silently try to figure out what to do. Jack motions with his arms, communicating that they need to run down and attack. He makes a face of surprise, indicating they need to take Robin … well, by surprise if they hope to overpower him. With her hands, Filomena tries to relay that they have no weapons! Gretel taps them each on the shoulder and points to four suits of armor that line the hallway like knights watching over the castle. Each suit has a sword.

They creep over to the suits and carefully, soundlessly, draw swords. But then Gretel knocks over one of the suits, sending a huge CRASH through the castle.

“Fiddlesticks!” she whispers.

“Who goes there?” Robin shouts from below, suddenly on guard.

It’s now or never. Jack nods, and they all charge down the stairs with their weapons drawn. They surround Robin, their swords pointed at him. Filomena realizes that, in all the hubbub around Robin Hood, it’s easy to forget he’s just a teenage boy dressed all in black with slick dark hair and a sly smile.

Robin Hood laughs. “We have to stop meeting like this!” he says. “And are those truly necessary? I’m surrounded, aren’t I? I give up; you win. Story over,” he taunts.

Not one of the three laugh or smile. They all stand their ground, weapons at the ready.

“You know,” Robin goes on, “I never realized how much I love the sight of a girl with a sword until now, seeing you two wield them.” He bows his head to Filomena and Gretel. “I’d be lying if I said the same to you, though, Jack,” he adds.

“What are you doing here, Hood?” Jack spits. Filomena can tell Jack’s angry. Robin irritates him in a way she’s never seen before.

Robin just grins. “I was hoping all you brave young heroes would race out to stop the village being ransacked. Isn’t that the kind of thing you do? Save poor, helpless townsfolk?” He puts his hands in his pockets and pulls his shoulders back. It’s as if he feels incredibly casual. As if three swords aren’t pointed directly at him. “I guess you don’t care as much as I thought since you’re still here, lollygagging in your fancy pajamas,” he sneers.

“We were just on our way!” Filomena shouts.

“Unfortunately, you seem to have ruined my little plan,” Robin says, “but it was worth it, if only just to see you lovelies again.” He winks at the girls.

“Ugh! Shut your face!” Gretel yells. “Targeting the White Rabbit’s tavern just so you can steal from Princess Jeanne? Don’t you already have enough?”

“I’ll have you know, Gretel,” Robin says, “that it’s been years since I received an invitation to this castle! Don’t you think that’s a little rude? I mean, I do live in this kingdom. I’m a prominent figure, even. Princess Jeanne and I go way back! We used to be best friends. Bet you didn’t know that. And yet, for years now, not one invite.” Robin looks around the castle for a moment. “You know, it’s not as nice as I remember.”

“Oh right, because your castle is soooo great,” Gretel says.

“Maybe you haven’t been invited because you try to steal everything you see,” Filomena says, motioning to his bag.

“Hmm. I suppose we’re in a bit of a chicken-and-egg situation,” Robin responds. “Did I start stealing because I stopped being invited, or was I not invited because of my sticky fingers? Something to ponder. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ve had my fill. I’ll just be on my way.” He starts toward the door.

“Oh no you don’t,” Jack says, placing his sword between Robin Hood and the exit.

In answer, Robin draws a blade of his own. But it’s not just any sword; Robin is holding Jack’s own Dragon’s Tooth sword. It glints in the light of the candles. Filomena curses silently. If only Robin didn’t have their Dragon’s Tooth swords. When she still had one, she didn’t fully appreciate its power. But now, with one being used against them, she certainly realizes its magnitude.

“Come on, Jack. Do you really want to die over a few silly gold fixtures?” Robin sneers. “I’m just taking a few trinkets. Princess Jeanne has so many. Think about it: the great, fantastic hero of Never After, Jack the Giant Stalker, dying over a few bobbles. That would be so embarrassing, don’t you think?”

But instead of reacting, Jack is calm. He’s not letting Robin Hood’s taunts get to him this time.

“Come on, Stalker, show me what you’ve got,” goads Robin.

“Gladly.” With that, Jack lunges, but Robin’s Dragon’s Tooth sword cuts Jack’s regular one in two, and the blade shatters to pieces.

Robin cackles with glee. “Oh, this is rich! I’m never giving this up! Did you like that, Stalker? Or should I say Loser? Oh yes. You heard me. Jack the Giant’s Supper! Jack the Giant Loser of the Last Battle!” He laughs as he points the Dragon’s Tooth sword directly at Jack’s heart.

“NO!” screams Filomena.

“Leave him alone!” yells Gretel.

“Letting the girls save you, huh?” sneers Robin when Jack remains silent. “What? You’ve got nothing to say? Cat got your loser tongue?”

Jack shakes his head. “We might have lost the Last Battle, but we fought bravely. Unlike some…,” he says pointedly.

Robin wavers, turning slightly pale. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, I remember you, Robin Hood. And not only from Cinderella’s ball. There you were just one ogre sympathizer among many. Why would I take notice? It took me a while, but now I remember how I know you. Now I remember the battalion you served in. And I remember what you are: A deserter. A disgrace. A coward.”

“Coward, am I?” Robin seethes. He steps forward, slashing madly.

Jack dodges and swerves, but the Dragon’s Tooth sword is too sharp and Robin too fast; he lands a blow that slices open Jack’s leg almost to the bone. This sends Jack crashing onto the knee of his other leg.

“JACK!” Filomena screams, and she and Gretel rush forward to defend him.

“I’m all right,” Jack grunts, holding his hands up. “Stay back!” He doesn’t want his friends to get hurt; that would wound him more than the cut on his leg. He looks to Robin, cold with rage. “Don’t hurt them,” he warns, “or else.”

Robin’s chin lifts, his face arrogant. He positions his sword so the blade grazes Jack’s throat. “Oh yeah? If you haven’t noticed, I have the upper hand. So what are you going to do about it now, loser?”

Jack clenches his jaw and shuts his eyes, grimacing from the pain. Then he says one word. “This.” And before Robin Hood can dodge or swerve, Jack’s vines flash out of his wrists and grab the Dragon’s Tooth sword at his throat. In seconds he’s wrestled it cleanly out of Robin Hood’s grasp and back into his own.

“Hey! That’s not fair!” objects Robin, but he’s slippery like an eel and manages to dance away before Jack’s vines can return to trap him. Disarmed, he does what Robin Hood does best.

He flees.

“Give Princess Jeanne my best!” Robin yells as he runs out the doors.

Jack only shakes his head as he presses a hand to his bleeding leg. “Moron.”