CHAPTER FOUR

CREATING A SLEEP AND DREAM SANCTUARY

Our bedroom is our most personal and private haven, a space in which we relax and let go, enjoying experiences that are nourishing for our body, mind, and soul. It’s the room in which we undertake two of the activities that can powerfully promote our well-being: sleeping and dreaming. And it’s also the place in our home in which we generally spend the most time: if you sleep 7 to 8 hours each night, you spend about one-third of your life in your bedroom. Treating it as a sanctuary, a place we cherish and revere, can help us sleep and dream even better. And while our attitudes toward our bedroom can go a long way in terms of elevating its sanctity, there are also practical design steps we can take to help us create a more salutary space that promotes relaxation and well-being. In this chapter, you’ll learn some design principles that can enhance your bedroom’s energy and flow, how to create a dream altar, and the slumber-inspiring importance of environmental factors such as light, temperature, air quality, and sound.

Bedroom Design Principles

We want to design our bedrooms so that they are as beautiful and comfortable as possible. Additionally, we also want them to emanate a sense of ease and inspire relaxation. To help toward this aim, we can turn to feng shui, the ancient Chinese art of furniture placement and design that is popular today. It offers valuable tips on how to arrange furnishings to allow for energy to more effortlessly flow and peacefulness to feel as if it’s streaming throughout. According to feng shui, the bedroom is the most important room in the house, so arranging it thoughtfully is of great value. Here are some feng shui design principles that can infuse your bedroom with more of a sanctuary feel:

Seven Sleep and Dream Sanctuary Guidelines

1 Think of your bed as a place dedicated to enjoying some of life’s most intimate and soul-enriching experiences: sleeping, dreaming, and lovemaking.

2 Treat your bedroom as a comforting haven where you can find peace and solace.

3 Design your bedroom so it helps you to naturally unwind when you spend time there.

4 Don’t bring work — nor other things that activate or agitate your mind — into the bedroom.

5 If you need to have a stirring conversation with your partner or child, opt to do it in another room.

6 Make your bed each morning. Having a tidy and fresh bed into which you can climb each night helps to further invite in restful sleep.

7 If possible, have your bedroom be a tech-free zone, keeping computers, tablets, and even the television in another room.

▪ Remove anything that isn’t meaningful and doesn’t promote ease and relaxation. The letter from your ex that’s stored in your nightstand drawer? That old, frayed, beaten-up chair? The plant that’s on its last leg? Move them to another room if you don’t want to remove them altogether.

▪ Avoid mirrors within the sightline of the bed; as they reflect light, mirrors are thought to amplify the energy in the room, which may interfere with the calming feel that we want our bedroom to have.

▪ Be thoughtful about the artwork you choose, having it be of images that represent what you want to manifest in your life.

▪ If the ceiling has overhead beams, avoid having furniture such as chairs or your bed under them, or perhaps cover the beams with draping.

▪ If possible, don’t have a bookshelf in the bedroom, since it enhances the active energy of the room. If, owing to space constraints, you do need to have one in there, arrange the books horizontally rather than vertically, to avoid the room’s energy feeling as if it’s being spliced.

▪ According to feng shui, neutral and light tranquil colors are better for bedrooms than bright or deep colors like red, orange, purple, and black.

▪ While it may be ideal to not have a television in your bedroom, if you do have one, position a screen that blocks it from sight when you’re sleeping. Or put it in an armoire with a door.

▪ As best as possible, hide all electrical cords.

▪ If you need to have gym or office equipment in your bedroom, cover it with a beautiful piece of fabric or obscure it with a screen when it’s not in use.

The Bedroom Throughout History

Like most everything, the bedroom has taken on evolving roles depending upon the current culture’s needs. It’s only been relatively recently that bedrooms have become the private enclaves that they now are. Previously, many families slept in a common room, not only out of economic need but also as a way to foster a sense of community and protect from possible middle-of-the-night intruders. Bedrooms were also public stages where the affairs of life were conducted. It was in this room that many of life’s significant activities would take place: weddings, socializing, business deals, births, and deaths. Beds were prized items; rather expensive — even more so than by today’s standards — they were status symbols, passed down from generation to generation, and often items included in wills. Today, bedrooms have evolved to reflect the current cultural context and the needs of their denizens. They may serve as playrooms for kids, hideaways and study spaces for teenagers, offices for gig worker…and ideally, a place where we all open to the rejuvenation that comes with our sleep and dreams.

THE BED

Owing to the bed being the centerpiece of the bedroom and the important role it has, feng shui offers numerous principles related to its optimal positioning. It’s suggested that the bed should be located in what’s known as the “commanding position.” In this placement, the bed would be facing the door so that you could readily see it and anyone who enters or exits the room. However, you don’t necessarily want it to be exactly in line with the door, as you want to avoid having your feet pointing directly toward it. The head of the bed should ideally be against a solid wall. If the wall behind you has a window, try to alleviate any potential drafts, and also be sure to draw the curtains at night. It’s thought best to not hang art over the bed. And try to also avoid placing the head of your bed in a position that has it sharing a wall with the bathroom, notably the one on which the toilet is located. (And speaking of your bathroom, ideally, you shouldn’t be able to see it from the bed; if that’s unavoidable, remember to keep the door shut.) Solid headboards are thought to provide more stability than those that have slats. The headboard should be positioned so that it’s stable and doesn’t wobble. You should ideally have space on three sides of the bed, so that there’s easy ingress into and out of it. It’s not only a practical idea, but one thought to promote more optimal energy circulation.

THE MATTRESS

As we spend about one-third of our life in bed, it makes sense to prioritize having a good mattress. And while it can be a high-ticket item, if we think about how elemental sleep and dreams are to well-being, we can readily see how a good-quality mattress may be the piece of furniture that provides us with the best ROI. One of the premier roles that a good mattress has is to support the alignment of your spine. Not only will this have you be more comfortable and therefore sleep better, but it will also allow you to feel better during the day. It should encourage your spine to maintain a neutral position, with your lower back able to preserve its natural curve. As a general rule, mattresses last five to ten years. It’s good to replace yours when it feels lumpy, you start waking up sore, or when you notice that you regularly feel better when sleeping elsewhere. That said, discomfort caused by sleeping isn’t solely the realm of our mattress; if you wake up with neck or shoulder pain, it could be your pillow that’s the culprit.

NIGHTSTANDS

Nightstands play an important role in the sleep and dream sanctuary. After all, they serve as an accessible resting spot for the items that give us comfort as we fall asleep and awaken — whether that’s a glass of water, reading material, an alarm clock, or the like. Plus, their role in assisting us in our dreamwork is highly valuable. They are where we place the tools — such as paper and a writing instrument, or a recording device — through which we document our dream memories. From a feng shui perspective, like everything else in the bedroom, your nightstand should be orderly and clutter-free. If yours is overflowing with stuff, consider whether some of what you’re keeping there can be stored elsewhere. Can your supplement bottles be kept in the bathroom? Can all but the current novel you’re reading remain on a bookshelf? Can your ambient noise–reducing machine be placed on a bureau instead? If you do find that you need access to a variety of sundry items, arrange them thoughtfully on a beautiful tray or in decorative boxes, or get a nightstand that comes with drawers. Even if you sleep alone, feng shui principles still recommend that, space permitting, there be a nightstand on each side of the bed, since it will make the area feel more even and balanced. Nightstands with smoother, rather than sharp, edges are preferred.

Choosing the Best Mattress and Pillow

We’ve come a long way since the original mattress, which dates back to 77,000 years ago and was composed of reeds covered by insect-repelling leaves. Technological advances have made it so that there are a host of different options — including inner spring, memory foam, hybrid, air-filled, and futons — from which to choose. Which one is best for you depends upon several factors, including your go-to sleep position, whether you run hot or cold at night, if you occupy the bed alone or with someone else, and, of course, your budget.

Also, don’t forget about the value of having quality pillows; they play an essential role in promoting well-being by supporting your neck and helping your spine maintain a neutral position, warding off aches and pains that may otherwise occur. Pillow-purchasing considerations include: (1) its loft supports your sleeping style (stomach, side, or back); (2) whether you prefer it is made of natural or synthetic materials; (3) making sure you’re not allergic to what it’s filled with; and, (4) the price.

CLEAR THE CLUTTER

From a feng shui perspective, clutter is not only messy, but it also represents unfinished business that may energetically drain us. It impedes vitality and restricts life from flowing forward. The first rule of bedroom decluttering is to take the things that you’ve stored under your bed and find a new spot for them. That’s because we want the foundation upon which we sleep to be free-flowing, and not the storehouse for things such as books, shoes, or any non-treasured items we don’t otherwise know where to keep. If limited space makes it a necessity to use the under-bed area for storage, dedicate it to keeping things that are softer and more neutral (like t-shirts, extra blankets, pillows, etc.). If your closet is in your bedroom, make sure it’s in good order. Do a deep cleaning and keep it organized. And regardless of its state of order, keep the door to it closed when you’re not using it. The same goes for cabinet drawers. Recently said goodbye to a lover with whom you shared the bed? Do a room clearing by burning sage or palo santo as a way to release their energy. Also, remove any of the things of theirs that you truly don’t want around you anymore.

Creating a Dream Altar

Another way that you can transform your bedroom into a sanctuary is to create a dream altar, which can bring more intentionality to your oneiric practice. By doing so, you’re creating a dedicated space that reminds you of the power of your dreams and your commitment to seeking the insights they provide. To do so, first find a place that works best for you, whether on a low table, a shelf, the top of your armoire, or even your nightstand. Have it feature items that have personal meaning and significance. To get you started thinking about designing yours, here are some ideas on what it can feature:

▪ Candles

▪ Flowers, whether fresh or dried

▪ Found objects like shells or sea glass

▪ Small pieces of art

▪ Photographs of meaningful places

▪ Pictures of spiritual teachers

▪ Iconographic figurines

▪ Tarot or angel cards

▪ Crystals

▪ Sacred texts

▪ Notes that reflect dream intentions

▪ Palo santo, sage, or incense for smudging

Dream Altar Tips

▪ If you’re practicing dream incubation (see chapter 11) and you want a spot to place a reminder of what creative problem you’re trying to solve, you can also make space for it on your altar.

▪ To heighten the intentionality of your dream altar, remember to do a clearing before you set it up and any time you feel it could use some energetic amplification. You can do this by using palo santo, sage, or your favorite incense.

▪ When you’re traveling, bring along some sacred items, so that you can create a dream altar wherever you are.

▪ If you share your bedroom with a partner, you can each have your own altar. Or create one together.

▪ See if your children are interested in having a dream altar in their room. While this may be something more aligned with older kids, it could also be an empowering strategy to help little ones who are struggling with nightmares, as they can put items on it that help them feel safe and protected.

Environmental Considerations

It’s not just furniture that has an important function when it comes to our bedroom being a haven for a restful night’s sleep. Paying attention to environmental factors such as light, temperature, air quality, and sound may also do wonders.

LIGHT

One of the keys to sleeping well and feeling refreshed during the day is modulating the light to which we are exposed. Much of the reason has to do with melatonin. This hormone plays an important role in regulating our circadian rhythms. Its release occurs with darkness, while light suppresses its production. Melatonin is one of the chemical signals in our brains that inspires the sleep cycle. And so, if we want our brains to shift into their somnolent state, having adequate amounts of melatonin is key.

As it turns out, blue light can disrupt sleep cycles, since it tells your body to stop producing melatonin. Therefore, be selective in the lights you use in your bedroom, avoiding certain LED and other bulbs known to feature it. Consider having your bedroom lights be on dimmers so that you can prevent them from being too bright before you go to sleep. Opt for lamps that shine light toward the ceiling rather than downward, as this, too, can create a more relaxed atmosphere. Other sources of blue light are the electrical devices we so readily rely upon in our modern lives. Therefore, avoid using your phone, tablet, and computer close to bedtime. If you can’t readily do so, and need to use your tech devices while in bed, get some glasses that block the blue light, or use software programs that will modulate the spectrum of light that your gadgets emit.

If light streams in from outside, consider getting blackout curtains that will encourage there to be more darkness. If your bedroom just isn’t dark enough for you, consider using an eye mask. Eliminate or reduce other sources of light; for example, avoid having a clock that has a bright digital readout. While night-lights may have kept us company when we were little kids, they aren’t limited to use only by the young. In fact, they may still be helpful tools, allowing us to avoid turning on jarring brighter lights during middle-of-the-night journeys to the bathroom. Look for ones that have a red- or orange-hued bulb, as these will be less stimulating than those that emit the more blue-green light that’s reflective of daytime.

As much as we want our bedrooms to be dark at night, we want them to be light in the morning. This helps inspire a feeling of alertness, while also signaling to our body that it should curb melatonin production. Open the curtains to let light filter in. Consider getting a sunrise alarm, one whose light gets gradually brighter in the morning as your wake-up time arrives. If it makes sense for you, get a smart lighting system that you can program to dim, go off, and then gradually go on at specified times.

TEMPERATURE

Temperature also plays a key role in helping us sleep, with thermoregulation integrally linked to our sleep and wake cycles. Our body temperature varies throughout the day, according to our naturally built-in circadian rhythms; it drops as bedtime approaches, with the lowest point being about 2 hours after we enter slumber. Researchers have found that our core body temperature needs to drop a bit to initiate our drifting off to sleep. As such, since the ambient climate of your bedroom can play a key role in lulling you to sleep, lowering it to a target temperature will help to reduce your basal temperature. It’s thought that, for the average person, 65°F (18°C) is a good goal, with children and seniors needing it to be a few degrees warmer. If that temperature sounds cold, remember you can always add another layer of blankets to your bed. You can also keep warm upon arising with slippers and a robe accessible by your bedside.

Alternatively, if 65°F (18°C) sounds like an impossible dream in the summertime, or your bedroom heat retention is its gift in the winter but its curse other times of the year, there are temperature-reduction strategies you can employ. Get a fan to circulate the air, as that can make it appear cooler. Open the windows, if possible. You can also try cooling yourself by placing a cold gel pack in your pillowcase. Or, look for pillows made with more cooling fabrics, as well as specially designed mattress toppers that you can program to different temperatures.

AIR QUALITY

More and more research has shown that the air we breathe has significant impacts upon our health. And while we usually associate air pollution with the outdoors, it turns out that indoor air may actually be more contaminated. And while we may not be able to control the air quality of our workplaces or the commercial spots we frequent, we can do so in our homes. If we were going to choose one spot in which to concentrate our air-quality enhancing efforts, it seems that the bedroom would be a good place to start, given all the time we spend there. You may just find that doing so gives your well-being a boost, noticing that you have less congestion, low-level fatigue, brain fog…and, also, better sleep. Here are some tips to enhance your bedroom’s air quality:

▪ Regularly clean your bedroom, including vacuuming the carpets or mopping the wood floors. Consider using nontoxic cleaners that are either fragrance-free or have scents derived from natural essential oils. This would include the detergent you use to clean your linens.

▪ Consider making the bedroom a shoe-free zone, so you don’t bring in dirt from outside. Have slippers by the bedroom door that you can readily put on.

▪ Make sure your heating sources have good venting, with ducts that are regularly cleaned.

▪ Watch for water accumulation, to prevent the growth of mold spores.

▪ Consider getting an air filter to remove ambient pollutants.

Electromagnetic Fields

Another environmental factor that may possibly have an impact upon our well-being is the presence of electromagnetic fields (EMFs). After all, given that our nervous system and heart operate via electrical signals, some people question whether being constantly surrounded by EMFs, including when we sleep, can have a deleterious effect upon our slumber and our health. At this point, most of the findings that suggest a purported impact of EMFs on health come from anecdotal evidence. The minimal research that has been done hasn’t yet drawn a strong correlation. That said, if you feel you are hypersensitive to EMFs, or you just like the idea of fully turning off when your waking mind is turned off, there are some easy things you can do to reduce your exposure to EMFs in your bedroom. Don’t sleep near circuit breakers. Shut the Wi-Fi off when you go to bed. Have your alarm clock be battery-operated. And if you keep your phone in your bedroom, switch it to airplane mode.

Indoor Plants

Many plants are thought to act like natural filters, cleaning the air of pollutants such as formaldehyde, benzene, and carbon monoxide; but, while the research supporting this finding isn’t yet conclusive, having plants in your bedroom may still be beneficial, as they breathe life into a space, both figuratively as well as literally, since they take in carbon dioxide and release oxygen. Plus, they add natural beauty and may have additional health benefits: research with hospital patients found that plants and flowers placed in their rooms helped reduce anxiety and lower blood pressure. Some of the plants often cited to help with air quality include golden pothos, spider plants, and peace lilies. If you want to infuse some natural fragrances into the room, notably those that are calming, you could consider a jasmine, gardenia, or lavender plant. From a feng shui perspective, corners are a great location for plants, since energy can otherwise stagnate in these spots. Of course, if you have small children or pets, ensure that the plants in which you’re interested are not toxic to them. Also, if you have mold allergies, you may need to be more careful about having plants in the bedroom, as the soil may contain spores to which you could be sensitive.

SOUND

Some people can sleep through anything, while others awaken to a drop of a pin. If you’re sound-sensitive, you want to do what you can to minimize any auditory interruptions that can disrupt your Zzzs. In addition to reducing background noise, there are also active measures you can adopt to help block your exposure to sounds. For some, earplugs readily do the trick. They come in a variety of shapes and materials — for example, silicone ones mold to your ears, while foam ones are pre-shaped. If you’re into tech gadgets, you may want to look into noise-canceling headsets or earbuds. Another option to consider is getting a sleep sound machine. These play white noise or pink noise, the latter of which some people find to be more soothing, as it contains less high-frequency sounds. If you’re someone who likes to fall asleep to calming music, program it so that it shuts off automatically after a certain point, so that it doesn’t stir you to awaken in the middle of the night. Traveling? Ask for a quiet room — away from the elevator, busy streets, and ice machines — when making your reservation. Also, some hotels feature quiet zones or quiet rooms, so consider this as another quality to look for when researching for your travels.