NORBERT CASTELLS TURNED HIS GAZE away from Alexis and Stellan, and looked at his wife. That night, she too had only had eyes for their daughter and son-in-law, and the newlywed joy they were spreading all around them. Mado smiled with a newfound serenity. Or rather, a sense of ease and freedom Bert had never seen in her before.
He reached for her hand, but she pulled away. She opened her purse and took out a piece of paper, which she carefully unfolded, smoothing out the kinks, and handed to him.
Not really understanding, Bert took the letter from his wife and read it, his eyes flitting between Mado’s face and the words she had so carefully written on the page.
Seeing our Alexis hold her husband’s hand makes me think of holding yours, my sweet Bert. Do you remember the first time you held my hand, when you took me to the pictures? You were so determined, as if you were taking me way further than the street corner. In the hollow of your palm, Bert, I felt the pull of the ocean. It was like you were taking me out to sea. My feet were firmly on the ground, but my heart started to sway like a boat on the swell.
You scooped me up and sailed away with me to another world, Bert, because when I found you, I found myself.
You’re the one who showed me how to love my own skin. The skin I used to wear like a coat, a shell, a cross to bear. I had to share this body with all those who tainted and mistreated me. Revealing this body to another’s eyes was like seeing them all, all over again. Their feigned smiles and affection, then their guilty pleasure that turned to anger and rage. It was like feeling the ravages of their desire, the damage they had done.
This body was a temple of pain and shame.
But not with you. You, my sweet Bert, you uplifted every moment. You made the time feel shorter and the joy never-ending. And you went on to inhabit this body with me, Bert, this body I wanted nothing of. You made it more than a temple; you made it a vessel.
When I found you, my sweet Bert, I found myself.
At first, I needed to take refuge in your gaze even to breathe, then I taught myself to turn the shades of grey into colours. Even in your absence, you were by my side. I knew I could wrap my arms around you as I wrote, feel your sighs caressing me, listen to my heart fluttering when I called your name.
With you, I savoured every taste love had to give.
That’s what made our daughters, my sweet Bert. They are the echo of your love, your patience and your loyalty.
Look at our lovely Alexis now, Bert. Look how radiant she is. We made her.
It was hell before you, Bert, but you gave me the kiss of life.