FIVE

ELLA

“How and where’d you find a professional makeup artist in St. Louis so fast? You’ve only been here for a few weeks!” my bestie observed.

“Oh, I scoped that out before I left LA. You know that’s what I did when I moved to New York,” I replied, “since my uncle won’t let me steal my Aunt Sage from him.”

“Riiiiiiigght, Miss Supreme Diva! You don’t play about your appearance!”

“Act like you know, negro!”

He stared at me before we both burst into laughter. I was so glad he was in St. Louis that I felt giddy.

“Well, she got you right. Looking good, baby. Real good,” he said.

“Awww, thanks, Carlos. You flirting with me?”

“Hell no! I know all your secrets, which means I’m privy to just how crazy you are. I’ll pass.”

I held my middle finger up at him, making him laugh again.

“But real talk, I’m proud of you, Ella J. I know how hard things have been for you, what you’ve been through. I know how far you’ve come.”

I gave him a faint smile as I stared at his reflection in my vanity mirror. Carlos Vera was big and tall, a former football player who appeared intimidating, but as I knew, was a super good guy, the son of Afro-Cuban immigrants who left football behind after we both graduated from TSU, subsequently joining me in the world of modeling. While I’d backed away from my career, only accepting a handful of gigs after life dealt me successive blows, Carlos was still taking full advantage of every opportunity that presented itself to him. It was no small thing that he’d made time to fly from NYC to St. Louis just to have dinner with me at my uncle’s house, but he understood me and my quirks, the ones I’d developed in an attempt to lead a pseudo-normal life. I mean, at least I was going to my uncle’s house. There was a period of time when my only view was the four walls of my bedroom at my dad’s place.

Yeah, I’d definitely made progress.

“Maybe I should wear a wig,” I mumbled more to myself.

Carlos shook his head where he was seated behind me on the foot of my bed. “Don’t start…”

I rolled my eyes, adjusting my butt on the vanity bench. “I’m just saying…I like my wigs,” I elaborated.

“How do you even manage to shove all that hair under a wig? Seems like a lot of useless work.”

I dragged the fingers of my right hand through the bone straight strands of my recently silk-pressed hair and sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I just need a change. I’m tired of looking like this.”

“What? Beautiful? You’re tired of looking beautiful?”

“I’m tired of looking so much like Esther Reese, actually.”

“Shiiit, your mom’s one of the baddest chicks to ever chick! Ain’t a damn thing wrong with looking like Esther ‘still fine as fuck’ Reese. You trippin’!”

I turned in my seat and lifted an eyebrow as I glared at him.

Raising his hands, he said, “Are her morals questionable? Yes. Do I get why you don’t like her? Absolutely, but we ain’t gonna sit here and pretend like your mom ain’t that bitch.”

“Get out so I can get dressed,” I said flatly.

“Why I gotta leave? Ain’t like I’ve never seen you naked, baby.”

“And we are both in agreement that that was a major mistake. Get out, Carlos Nestor Vera! Now!”

“Okay, okay. Hurry up. I’m ready to eat!” he shouted over his shoulder as he left my bedroom.

Standing from the vanity and letting my toes sink into the plush pink rug covering the hardwood floor, I took the few steps to my closet, quickly pulled on my white Gucci crop tee, a pair of faded Balenciaga skinny jeans, a green Gucci blazer, and a bad-ass pair of black NeroGiardini boots. Giving myself a once over in the mirrored door of my closet, I sighed. I looked good as hell, but inside, I still felt a hollowness I just couldn’t seem to shake.

Yes, I’d come a long way, but I still had a way to go.

ARMAND

Sorry, Ma. I’m not gonna make it to dinner.

I hit send on the text to my mother and fell into the bed in my suite. I’d been in St. Louis for a couple weeks and hadn’t even attempted to find me a place mostly because I wasn’t sure how permanent this move would be for me. I’d also opted out of staying with my grandma or any other relative because I didn’t need or want them all up in my business, and my mother? I wasn’t concerned about her being in my business; I just…couldn’t. I couldn’t stay at her place even if she did have a whole separate house set up for me. Wasn’t no way I could. So, I was still spending way too much money on a fancy-ass suite.

We didn’t have a game that night, which was probably why my mom chose it for the dinner. On off nights, I usually hit the streets to see what I could get into. I’m not sure why I decided to stay in staring at my phone instead, perusing Instagram posts and laughing at the dumb shit I ran across. Then I saw her, or rather, a picture of her. The caption on it read: On my way to hang with my Uncle Leland tonight, followed by three of those heart eyes emojis. I must’ve stared at that picture for three or four minutes before I hopped up from the bed and into the shower. I moved as fast as I could, but it still took me a minute to get out the door.

She opened the door, her eyes wide with surprise, a smile on her lips. My mom was a god-tier beauty. There seriously wasn’t a woman past or present that came close to her. Well, there was one.

Just one.

“I got your text saying you were on your way, and I know I buzzed you in the gate, but I still can’t believe you’re really here! I wanna hug you. Would that be okay?” she rambled.

I nodded, but I couldn’t make myself smile.

She reached up, pulling me into her arms, and I involuntarily wrapped mine around her. My mom had this smell, not perfume, but just…her, and it reminded me of when I was a kid and she’d hug me. The shit almost made me tear up, but before it did, I backed out of the hug and shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans.

“Uh…I ain’t too late, am I?” I asked. “For dinner, I mean.”

“Oh, no! We’ve been catching up with Ella. We just sat down to eat. Have you met Ella, Leland’s niece? I can’t remember if you two have been in the same room at the same time.”

I shook my head. I’d turned down every family gathering invitation my mom had extended to me over the years since she became a McClain, so I didn’t know much of anybody in that family. I mean, I knew of them, of course, especially Big South. I just didn’t know them, know them.

She grabbed my hand. “Well, come meet her and her friend.”

I let her guide me through the foyer into the huge dining room—big, round white table, white chairs, a chandelier. The room screamed money. Leland McClain had been in the league a lot longer than me and this house showed it.

“My Armand made it!” my mom gushed.

Leland gave me a nod as he bounced one of his sons on his knee. The kid was cute, all the kids—Little Leland, Layla, and the twins, Saint and Houston—were cute even if they did look like their dad, and I did manage to give them a smile as my mom told them to greet me.

“…and this is Ella and her friend Carlos,” my mom said. “Ella, Carlos, this is my oldest son, Armand.”

“I’m familiar with him,” Ella said. Her voice was heavier than most women, real throaty. “Hi, Armand.”

“’Sup?” I replied, my eyes glued to her. I couldn’t even make myself stop looking at her when I returned her friend’s greeting. Shit, I didn’t bother to glance at him until we were halfway through the meal, which my ass inhaled.

When I say my mom could burn, I mean she could burn. I hadn’t tasted anything as good as the fried pork chops, collard greens, and pinto beans she served me in a long ass time.

“Dang, you was hungry, huh?” a little voice said.

I looked up to see that it was Little Leland roasting me, his eyes wide, his ridiculous head of hair all over the place. He was sitting directly across from me in between his dad and Ella. I smiled at him and said, “I was, plus our mom can cook, man.”

“I know that,” he retorted, rolling his eyes and making Ella laugh.

“That’s because you’re the smartest eight-year-old on the planet!” Ella crooned, kissing the top of his head. The little dude grinned before leaning into her and wrapping his arms around her. Seemed like little dude had a crush on his older cousin. Shit, so did I.

“Little Leland’s been asking about you ever since I told him you lived here now. I’m glad you finally came to see us, El,” Leland said.

From over the rim of my glass of water, I watched Ella’s facial expression change, her smile sliding into a somber mask. “I was…I’ve been trying to get settled, but I’ll be visiting more. I promise,” she said.

“Good, then maybe your dad will calm his ass down. He’s been calling me every day for a report and I ain’t had nothing to tell him,” Leland informed her. “He be trying not to call and bother you.”

Ella nodded. “Yeah, he worries too much. I’m good.”

“I can see that,” Leland affirmed, “but don’t be a stranger. We’re here for you. The whole point of moving here was so that you could make a fresh start while still being close to family. We got you.”

She gave him a small smile and a nod. “I’ll do better, Uncle Leland. Besides, I miss my little cousins. Gotta come spend time with them. They’re growing up too fast!”

Leland shook his head. “Who you telling?”

The conversations went on between everyone but me. I was an observer at heart. I liked watching and analyzing people, and my mom understood that about me. I could tell she was just happy I was there. When you’re an observer, you notice a lot of things about people even if they think they’re hiding them. Like, as much as I had to fight to stomach being in the same hemisphere as Leland McClain, I knew he really loved my mom. By watching my mom, I could see she was truly happy for the first time in a long time. I could see that the kids were well cared for. And Ella? Although anyone could easily see how much she was loved and adored, I could see what was behind her smile. I could virtually feel her sadness.