Flying seemed even harder this time, though I managed to wrestle myself back under control more quickly than before. By the time I reached the Stronghold, the ache across my shoulders and chest carried over into my human form. As though the drach I’d become was fighting the woman I’d been.
I wasn’t enjoying the analogy or the reality.
It didn’t help Max stood in his quiet and patient way, waiting for me on the stone wall of the fortress. A sharp jab of anger at the sight of him made me prickle before I exhaled heavily, fingers plucking at the ribbon I wanted to shed in a fit of pique, embracing my human form with as smooth and calm an expression as possible.
Careful, my demon snorted. Your Syd is showing.
Smartass.
“You are troubled.” Max’s lack of preamble was as irritating as my demon’s snarky remark.
I brushed past him, sneakered feet stomping on the stone. When was the last time I let my temper get the best of me? I couldn’t remember. All the worse that Max’s observation was correct.
Knowing I couldn’t just walk away from him, that I needed to get a handle on my feelings if I was going to make this work, I pulled myself to a halt and spun, another deep breath doing little to settle my nerves. Wouldn’t you know he didn’t comment, just watched with that soft, patient expression of his? The one that made things worse for its lack of judgment, leaving me to judge myself where he wouldn’t do the deed?
Grumble, mumble.
“I’m fine,” I told him in a grating voice that assured him, even as it pierced my bubble of anger, I was anything but. My shoulders still bothered me as I shrugged and looked away from his quiet diamond eyes, over the grassy meadow below. Everything seemed particularly cheerful and peaceful today. And just added layers of annoyance to my already stirred up emotions.
Maybe feeling so little for so long was a bad idea. All of my emotions seemed heightened, as though they’d been saving themselves up for just such a weak moment as this.
Max allowed me my blatant lie. “You’ve been hunting?”
“Not just Creator,” I said. And grasped at something I could share with him. “I think I found Alison. But I don’t know where she is.”
Okay, that came out wrong, but Max seemed to get it. As I finally explained the dream and subsequent visit to the catacombs under Harvard where I met Thaddea. I pointedly left out my impromptu family visit with Sunny and Uncle Frank under the vampire mansion. If he sensed the omission, he didn’t say. Typical Max.
“Intriguing,” Max said, big hands folding in front of him, rippling the gray robe he wore. Funny, his drach form didn’t seem so vibrant today. Had to be my imagination. “You were able to reach her, however. A step in the right direction.” His gaze fell on my wrist, frown furrowing his brow. “You claim the drach soul saved you?”
Maybe. It felt that way, now I had time to analyze it. “It tried to warn me.” I didn’t mean to sound so ungrateful.
“Fortunate you had it with you.”
If he said so. And like the damned thing ever left me alone. Though, I had to admit it was a good thing both Alison and the ribbon acted when they did. The thought of having to go through that power drain again made me shudder. “Seems like another stone wall of nothing to me.” More griping? I really was slipping.
I like you better this way, my demon whispered.
I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.
“Your success warrants examining the process of your connection,” Max said.
“Are you sure?” Standing here, on the shoulders of the Stronghold, far from the trauma of my old life, it didn’t seem as important as it had just a short while ago. “There’s nothing we can do for the vampires, is there? Outside of finding Creator.” Which led me right back to where I’d started.
Restlessness rippled through me, not the response I was expecting.
Max’s brow furrowed in sadness. I hated it when he did that. It felt like he was feeling sorry for me. “Forgive me for ever implanting that idea in your head and heart,” he said. “Though, I fear, it’s too late for that.” Max sighed himself, the breath of his drach form sweet and fresh like the wash of a summer breeze. For a moment, the giant form of his natural state loomed over me, but faded again quickly until I only saw his human shape.
“Stop apologizing,” I said, sharp edged words feeling alien—and yet oh so familiar—coming from my lips. “You opened my eyes.” He had. In pushing me to understand the trials and troubles of minor players in this giant game were simply distractions pulling me from the most important details, Max had freed me to act as I needed to act. To set loose those I’d cared about and commit to the task at hand. And to the fate Creator planned for me.
It seemed so much clearer only a day ago, though. I clenched my hands into fists as nagging doubt at the choice I’d made wormed its way into my heart. I slashed angrily at it as Max spoke.
“The loss of the vampires is a key, I believe, to understanding what is happening to the spirit magic of our Universe.” That did make sense. A soft sense of relief I could pursue it without self-imposed guilt should have made me feel better. Instead, it just added to my own trepidation. I’d worked so hard, given up so much. The last thing I wanted was to fall back into the life I’d left behind.
Wasn’t it?
“It would appear your power as a necromancer has aided you in connecting with Alison,” he said. Was he aware of the thoughts spinning through my head? Drach were all connected, on a deeper level even than when I’d been leader of the coven. He must have felt my stirring emotions, my loss of control, the discomfort in my heart. But, instead of prying and prodding at me, Max continued on his train of thought and this time I was grateful instead of irritated by his attitude. “A guess, mind you, though through the dreams of Liam’s soul and Alison’s insistence you meet in the presence of the Hayle dead leads me to believe that might be the case.”
“It does make sense,” I said. “Spirit magic is, literally, tied to the dead.” Why hadn’t I thought of that before? “But, I’m not sure what else I can do. Just trying to reach her almost knocked me out.”
“Whatever power holds them,” he said, “must feed from you, Syd.” Max’s hesitation sent a jab of anxiety through me, though I didn’t know what he would say next. “We must be prepared for the worst. That Alison and Sebastian—and the other vampires—are, in fact, lost to us in death and only their spirits remain.”
And what, were reaching for me from wherever spirits went after people die? My heart wrenched, ached, at the thought of such a loss, startling me. As though the idea they were somewhere, out there in the Universe, still alive and well and waiting for me to find them was the last anchor I had in my life.
But my vampire didn’t allow me to wallow in worry. She was already stirring with unrest.
I disagree, she sent. Alison felt as alive as ever to me. If not more so.
As alive as a dead girl who’d absorbed pure vampire energy could feel, my demon snarked.
Touché, my vampire murmured. My point is, it didn’t feel like death she reached out from. But, more of a far distant place.
Agreed, Shaylee sent. I sensed earth, substance, if only peripherally. And other kinds of magic.
I let myself touch their combined power, felt what they’d felt. And admitted it as I nodded.
“Alive,” I said. And my heart soared.
I should have fought the excessive emotion that truth raised in me, but I couldn’t bring myself to. The relief was just far too powerful.
I cleared my throat, wiping quickly at the pair of tears that escaped my eyes while Max watched with his same level, kind expression.
When I was done, he went on as if nothing had happened. “If that is the case,” he said, “then we might be one step closer to reversing what’s happened to the spirit magic. And, hopefully, in restoring them and the rest of the Universe.”
I wished I shared his optimism. But I had a strong feeling the only thing that would put things right was the ultimate recreation of Creator through the recovery of the pieces of her statue. Something I was failing miserably at. It struck me then how badly I’d crashed and burned up to this point. My retreat from my own plane, giving up everything and everyone I loved to pursue the big picture had led me to a kind of monotone limbo that felt, at that moment, like as big a trap as my former life. If less obvious.
More anger, this time at my lack of success. At the complacent way I’d soared through time and space without understanding just how futile and pathetic my sacrifice had been.
Damn it. Just damn it all.
I couldn’t get drawn back into the petty tininess of the lives of others. I’d fought too hard to shed that skin. But, now that I understood, maybe I could finally start making a difference for real.
“We need to step up the search for Creator’s pieces,” I said. “End this once and for all.”
“We’ve been doing everything we can.” His gentle tone pissed me off. “All of us, Sydlynn. I fear we’ve come as far as we are able without assistance.”
I gaped at him. “You of all people,” I snapped. “Max. I won’t drag him into this.” Gabriel would never be used again.
He nodded heavily. Opened his mouth, though to argue or agree, I never found out.
A jab of magic jerked my head around, took all of my focus. Someone had triggered a ward I’d set on one of the planes I’d visited. My family wasn't the only ones who knew how to set trigger wards.
I had no idea who had crossed the path of the power I’d left behind, but I was done with this particular conversation and the possibility of catching Belaisle or Eva Southway was just too good to pass up. Without a word to Max, I leaped into the air, transforming as I did, my drach shape effortless again. As I tore through the veil, I felt the subtle pressure of another mind, caught a glimpse of red and gold and green and, though perhaps I should have been irritated by the intrusion, I welcomed Jiao’s presence. I entered the darkness of the membrane between worlds and plunged toward the plane where my trap had been tripped.
***