Chapter 11

Bern, April 1913

Rebecca inhaled the fresh air deeply as she walked into the Falkenplatz, which was alive with spring greenery. The early morning wind had the tree branches in the small park waving their leaves at her in greeting. She always made a stop by her favorite linden tree in the morning to touch its smooth trunk and gain some power from its height and stillness. She was taking Anatomy, Physics, Biology, and X-Ray Interpretation this semester. Some days, the studying gave her terrible headaches, until she sat in the garden or walked by the river. There were times she worried that all the years of hard work and studying had been for nothing. Maybe she should’ve listened to her mother and sister and concerned herself more with hats and dresses.

She sat down on a small wooden bench and inhaled the fresh smell of nearby evergreens to clear her lungs. There it was—her body filled with strength and her mind with clarity. She watched birds dancing happily around a nearby puddle left from yesterday’s rain. One of them, a robin with a bright orange chest, hopped close to Rebecca and looked at her with some curiosity and without any fear. She listened to the songs of the birds and watched them splashing, and could almost imagine herself being just as carefree and happy. If only she could turn into one of these lovely birds and play in the garden happily! Maybe a robin! She could easily see herself as a robin, not a very flashy bird at all, with just a splash of orange. It was a kind and smart bird, she could tell. And a bird that wasn’t afraid.

She heard footsteps approaching and tried to hide behind her hat, pulling it down to cover her face slightly. She was glad for the size of it, which was just enough to shade her eyes. Curiosity won over, and she peeked at the approaching figure of a handsome young man in a brown suit several sizes too large, wearing shoes that were clearly worn out.

Mark! She had tried to speak to him ever since that day last winter when he’d saved her by walking her home when she injured her ankle, but she couldn’t find a way. She noticed him often, talking to his friends after classes or walking to the university. But he never seemed to notice her.

He came close to the puddle, kneeled down with his hand on the ground, and began making chirping sounds. Seconds later, one of the birds hopped near his hand and pecked at it. Rebecca laughed.

“I love robins,” he said. “They mean new happy things are coming.”

“They seem to like you, as well,” she observed.

“Do you remember me, Rebecca? We met before?” He smiled.

She nodded her head and looked down. Did he not notice her all this time at classes? “It was you who helped me when I fell last winter. I’ve been wanting to thank you, Mark.”

“Well, that is no problem. You’re very busy, of course. I never expected to hear from you. And it is you and your father, the kind doctor, I need to thank. I still have the coat he gave me. I expect your ankle is all well now?” He bent down and touched her ankle with his fingers gently, making her skin tickle in pleasure from this unexpected, but strangely welcome, contact.

“Oh, yes, it’s all better,” Rebecca said, then wished it were still hurting, so he would be forced to examine it some more.

“I am glad to hear it. I’ve thought of you since then,” Mark admitted. “I see you are taking Professor Kolle’s Anatomy.” Mark whistled and pointed at the textbook next to her on the bench. “I hope you are well prepared.”

“I am indeed well prepared,” she said defiantly. “As you can see, I’m studying this morning. Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I wouldn’t prepare.” Her voice shook a little, and she coughed to cover it.

“I didn’t mean to imply that you being a female made you study less. I have many women friends. They study harder than I ever will. Kolle just demands a particular level of effort.” Mark sat down next to her on the bench. “He also does tend to communicate better with male students. It may be the case that he worries that a female will outsmart him.”

Rebecca smiled, appreciating his effort at trying to make her feel better. “I do believe that some of your female ‘comrades’ can outsmart any of the professors at the school. I’ve never met any women so intelligent and passionate. I can’t believe how far they have had to travel to study because they’ve been denied their right to education in Russia.”

“Well, you would do the same if you were in their position, right?”

“I’m not sure that I’d have the courage to leave my family or that I would be clever enough to study in a language not my own,” Rebecca admitted.

Mark shook his head. “I think women have an easier time recognizing accomplishments of others and give little credit to their own. I see my sisters and my friends here do this all the time.”

“You have many sisters?” She knew he had plenty of female friends. He was very handsome, if clearly poor.

“I have eight sisters. Also four brothers,” Mark replied.

“There are thirteen of you all together? But how do your parents have enough money for you all to come here?”

“Not all,” Mark said, looking down. “The family could only afford to send one. My parents had to choose which one of us would go. I was lucky they chose me, but any one of us was smart enough to come. My brothers and sisters worked for two years to save enough money for me to go. I am trying hard to make them proud.”

“Why you?” Rebecca couldn’t help asking.

“They knew I would be the one who would manage being away from the family so long. My sisters wouldn’t leave my parents or my grandparents. My brothers help with the family’s business, and the girls have been promised in marriage. I had no such commitments. I was lucky.” Mark looked down at his hands, which were folded on his knees.

“And not so lucky. Because you had to leave your family,” Rebecca added.

“Yes, I miss them very much. But I have a new family here, in the student colony.”

“What’s it like? It must be wonderfully exciting to live with all your friends.”

He laughed. “It is exciting, true. I share a room with Vlad, Lara’s fiancé. You know Lara, right? We live in the boardinghouse, in Mattenhof. There are many of us there—we are like sardines. Everyone helps each other. There is food to share, clothes, books. We have tea in the evening, and discussion.”

“How do you earn the money to pay for the boardinghouse? Do you teach music like Lara?”

“I give lessons in Latin and Greek. But next year, I hope to work in the hospital.”

“Does giving lessons pay well?”

“Well enough to buy tea. And pay for my room.”

No wonder he looks so thin, she thought. “I don’t know if I could live on my own. On the other hand, I really would like it if my parents didn’t tell me what to do all the time. It must be so freeing to make your own decisions.”

“I have been making my own decisions a long time. It’s easier for a man. My sisters were given away to their husbands before they were old enough to have braids. Women have more difficult lives. That’s why so many come here to study. To be independent,” Mark said.

“Yes, that’s what I hope for as well. If I can be my own person, with my own way of making money, I wouldn’t have to be given away to a husband who orders me around.”

“I don’t see how anyone can order you around.” He laughed.

She blushed. “Thank you. You are kind.” She noticed the textbook under his arm. “Are you still interested in surgery, then?” It was easier to discuss academics.

“You remembered? Yes, I’m now a surgery student with Professor Kocher. It is a great honor to me. I hope to one day become a resident with him, if I earn his approval. I passed my preliminary medical examinations already.”

“He is very difficult to please, and you must be very gifted if he selected you to be his student,” Rebecca said. Indeed, Professor Kocher often dined at their house. He and Father argued into the late hours about the necessity of surgical procedures for various ailments and ways to ensure proper postoperative recovery. She was slightly terrified of him, since he was always gruff and stern, although less so after a few brandies and cigars late in the evening.

“Will you study surgery, do you think?” Mark asked.

“I’m not sure. I’m just studying for my exams right now. I worry about dissections. I find anatomy to be so dull, overall. And the idea of surgery really turns my stomach.”

“I understand. I hear Lara say that to me also.”

“I’m relieved you are not offended.”

“There’s nothing you can do to offend me.” He looked at her with understanding, and she found that she couldn’t look away.

“It was good to see you again, Mark. But I must get to my lecture now,” Rebecca said.

“You are trying to run away.” His eyes danced with laughter. “But you must answer if we are to be friends.”

“Yes, of course we can be friends. We’re all students here together, aren’t we? I’d better get to my lecture now.” She picked up her books and brushed a few stray leaves off her jacket.

“I walk with you. I need to get to surgery.”

They started walking down Länggassstrasse. His presence nearby rattled her and she found it difficult to think. Thankfully, the walk was short. As they made a left on Bühlstrasse, they approached the doors to the Anatomy building, where other students were rushing in.

“May I have permission to meet you later after your classes?” Mark asked.

“You may,” escaped her lips before she had a chance to think it through.

Mark took her fingers between his two hands and held them delicately, not letting go when she thought the proper amount of time had gone by. Rebecca’s heart beat rapidly from the sensation of the warmth of his skin. She looked around, but no one seemed to be paying attention to them. Anatomy was about to start, after all.

“You have beautiful fingers,” Mark said.

She pulled her hand away, her heart jumping in her chest. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”

“Why not? Is it not proper in Switzerland to give compliment about hands?”

“It’s not proper to compliment a woman who is a stranger to you.”

“But we are no longer strangers.” He smiled.

His smile was definitely charming and she struggled to turn away. His brown eyes seemed to read all her feelings at once. Something in her kept stirring, over and over. He planted a small kiss on her hand, nodded to her, and walked away.

“Goodbye!” Rebecca called after him, not sure of what else to say. She touched the spot on her hand that held his kiss. Why did he stir such feelings in her? How could she possibly concentrate on taking notes on the dissection of the heart now? She sighed and rushed into class, hoping she wouldn’t be scolded.

At dinner that evening, Rebecca still couldn’t stop thinking of Mark. She’d managed to avoid him after classes were done for the day, as she wasn’t sure how to react to his affection just yet. She hoped to phone Sarah and speak to her about this. She needed to ask whether it was appropriate for Mark to hold her hands and ask to meet her without her parents’ permission. Sarah was married now, but they still talked and had tea every once in a while, although less and less now that she was so busy at the university.

“Before you go,” Father stopped her. “There’s someone you need to visit next door. Sarah, she is still your friend, is that correct?”

Rebecca sat back down. “Of course she is. She’s married now, but we still talk sometimes. Why is Sarah in the hospital, Papa?”

“She appears to have fallen down the stairs yesterday morning. Two of her ribs are fractured and there’s some bruising on her right side that concerns me for internal bleeding to the spleen.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier, Papi? I would’ve gone to her straight away when I came home.”

“There was no need to hurry. I’m keeping her for observation overnight and will release her back to her husband tomorrow if she fares well. She had some trouble breathing earlier today.”

“Is she all alone?”

“Her family were visiting, but it wasn’t good for her to have too much company, so I sent them away. Her spirits are low…” He paused. “I think a visit from you may cheer her.”

“Of course. May I go, Mother?” She didn’t wait for permission.

Sarah lay stretched out flat on her bed with her ribs wrapped in white bandages. Her eyes stared straight at the ceiling, open and unmoving. Rebecca was sure her heart stopped, as her friend appeared dead to her for a moment, as pale and still as she was. The nurse stepped toward Sarah with a glass of water, and she stirred.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t come to see you earlier,” Rebecca said, bending over and touching her hand gently.

“Rebecca.” Her friend smiled, but then winced in pain from the effort.

Rebecca shuddered at seeing Sarah’s beautiful face with a large blue bruise on the right side of her chin spreading to the cheekbone. The nurse brought over a fresh compress for the bruise and held it in place carefully.

Rebecca sat down on a chair by the bed and stroked her friend’s hand. “Papi told me you fractured your ribs, but he didn’t tell me you have injured your face as well.”

“Dr. Miller has been very kind to me, but I can’t stay here. I must go home. Our chauffeur is coming to pick me up. My mother can do the nursing perfectly. My husband is very angry that I’m not present at dinner tonight.” Sarah looked away.

“How could your husband be so selfish? You’re lying here bruised and in pain. Your ribs are broken, and I’m sure you can hardly breathe. Any husband would be heartbroken! Oh…”

Rebecca stopped, suddenly aware of tears streaming down Sarah’s cheeks and puddling on the clean white pillowcase. Her blood ran cold. Anger and then rage surged through her.

“Sarah, please tell me Friedrick is not hurting you. Oh, no! Please tell me that’s not true. Because if it is, I’m going to kill him!” She got up in fury, the blood pulsing through her veins.

“Please stop, Rebecca. Stop yelling. It hurts my head. What are you going to do, you silly girl? You don’t know what marriage is like.”

“I know it’s not supposed to be like this! You need to get free of him!”

“No, you’re free to do what you want, but I’m not. I’m tied to this man forever. I’m Frau Grossman. I have no rights. I have no property of my own.” Sarah’s tears poured down in a steady stream now.

“You can divorce him!”

“And then what? I have no skills, no education, no way to earn my money. I’m not smart like you. I made my choice and I just have to make sure he’s never angry with me again.”

“You’re young. I’m getting my education, and so can you! We’re barely twenty—we have our whole lives ahead!”

“But I never studied as much as you. I can’t learn science. I’m not as strong as you or as gifted,” Sarah pleaded, wincing in pain as she tried to shift her position in the bed.

“You did better than I in Gymnasium! You can’t let Friedrick ruin your life. You are so much better than he is!”

“He says I’m not even smart enough to be his wife,” Sarah said quietly.

“He’s not even smart enough to hold onto you! Wait, did this happen before? My father told me a while ago that you came with a fractured wrist.”

Sarah turned away. “I think I’ve been making him more and more angry every week we’re married. Nothing I do seems to please him. I just hope that once I have a baby he’ll stop. Surely he won’t hit me if I’m with child.”

“How could you be sure that he won’t? What happened today?”

“I told him I wasn’t pregnant. Again. And he pushed me down the stairs. And then…” Sarah’s voice got quieter. “He kicked me, over and over. I fainted. When I came to, I threw up and then walked here. I was afraid he’d kill me. But then he came here, and he was so sorry. He said his temper got the best of him and he’d never hurt me again. I have to give him a chance.”

Rebecca kneeled by the side of the bed and hugged her friend’s shoulders gently. “You are safe here. We can keep you safe. I can ask Father to convince your husband to leave you with us, while we all try to help you figure out what to do. Papi will tell him that the recovery needs to be long because you have internal bleeding. It will all be worked out, don’t worry!”

“Dear friend, I can’t let your family get involved with this. I must go. I can’t anger him any more. It’s my duty to try to fix this.” Sarah cried into Rebecca’s shoulder.

“All right. But I’ll try to fix your face first. And you must promise to call me if he lays even a finger on you ever again!”

“I promise.”

Rebecca washed her hands and bent over Sarah’s face. She wasn’t sure if it would work, but in the past she had been able to make her own bruises lighten and heal faster.

“Hold still, Sarah,” she ordered. “I’m going to use a technique to draw the blood away from your face.”

She placed the fingertips of her right hand on the ugly bruise and closed her eyes. She concentrated very hard on imagining the capillaries drawing the blood back into Sarah’s body under the warmth and energy of her fingers. She felt the surge of electricity from her fingers, the pull of it, the tingling.

Stronger! Faster! Keep going! she commanded.

When her fingers were nearly finished pulsing, she withdrew her hand and shook the rest of the feeling off. She looked at her friend. The bruise was light yellow now and much smaller. She could see the bones of Sarah’s beautiful face much more pronounced now. But Rebecca could do nothing to heal the pain in her friend’s heart, and it broke her own.

“Thank you.” Sarah kissed her fingers and slowly got up from the bed, wincing in pain, waving to the nurse for help.

Rebecca closed the door to the room and went home, allowing Sarah to get dressed and wait for her husband. She knew she must talk to Father about getting her poor friend out of this horrid marriage. She hadn’t the slightest idea of how she could possibly explain this to him, but she knew she had to. Who else was going to help Sarah? She was terribly grateful that she had never married, and horrified at the injustice of it all.