Chapter 41

RMS Mauritania, October 1919

The wind was merciless on the open deck, whipping her shoulders, bare arms, and neck with icy sharpness. But being in the open air and seeing nothing but darkness all around her was what she needed at the moment.

Have I made the right choice?

She felt a warm jacket being placed around her shoulders and turned. Edward. Always so thoughtful and kind to her.

“My darling, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Dinner is about to be announced.”

“I just needed some air. I’ll be down in a moment.”

“Can I join you? Do you mind my company?” he asked, his eyes worried.

She hesitated. It was wrong to keep hurting his feelings. “Of course you can join me. It’s ghastly out here with the cold wind, but also, somehow, so beautiful.”

“I know what you mean. The ocean is very ominous in the night.” He wrapped his arms around her. “I think you’ll be pleased with a surprise I’ve planned for you at dinner.”

“More surprises? You’ve been so generous already!”

“Nothing makes me happier than seeing you smile. You should be learning this by now.” He kissed her neck gently.

The warmth of his kiss on her cold neck made her shudder in his arms, and she felt his arms tighten around her. To her enormous surprise, she had discovered that she could respond to her new husband’s touches and didn’t mind them as much as she had expected.

Edward whispered in her ear, “Darling, I know you love another. But I’m very happy that you respond to my affections.” He turned her around and kissed her mouth, first gently, then more demanding. “I love making love to you.”

She felt herself blushing, and her body shook, her mind torn between remembering the enjoyment of lying with him last night and remembering all the times she had made love with Mark. Edward was a gentle, careful, and thoughtful lover. Mark was passionate; always surprising, always demanding, and always in a hurry. She never felt like she had lost her soul to Edward when the lovemaking was over.

“So what is the surprise you have planned? Can I have a clue?” She switched the topic, pulling away from her husband and her memories.

“Oh, I might as well tell you. I’ve arranged for us to sit next to another female physician at dinner. And not only is she a physician; she is one of the doctors at the New York Infirmary for Women and Children, and she teaches at the Women’s Medical College. Don’t you think she’d make a lovely dinner companion for you?”

“Edward!” Rebecca hugged him. “I can’t thank you enough. You are ever so kind to me. Let’s hurry to dinner.”

Later that night, Edward stood by her vanity table, watching her getting ready for bed. His smile signaled he was not at all planning to go to sleep. She didn’t mind. He was charming at dinner and afterward, impressing her new friend, Dr. Elizabeth Stokes. Elizabeth had been married, but her husband has passed away and she had decided not to remarry, finding marriage an impediment to being a physician in New York. Rebecca hoped that would not be the case in her marriage. She rather liked Edward.

She was rubbing in hand lotion when she noticed it.

Mark’s ring was gone!

She screamed and crouched on the floor, searching, thinking she must have allowed it to fall on the floor with slippery fingers.

“What’s the matter, darling?” Edward’s hands were on her back.

“My ring! It’s missing!”

“Don’t exert yourself. Call for the maid.”

“No, I must find it now.” She panted, fingers searching, nails clawing at the floor and furniture desperately.

It wasn’t there!

She ran to the bed, dropped on the floor, searched under it, then riffled through the bedding.

“You must calm down, darling. You will work yourself up to a fit.” Edward’s arms were around her.

“I’m not prone to fits, Edward!”

“When was the last time you saw it?” Edward asked.

She sat down, holding her chest, trying to gather her thoughts. “I don’t remember…” In truth she didn’t. How she had betrayed Mark! Wrapped up in Edward’s affections, she had forgotten to stroke Mark’s ring and talk to him, as she had done for the past two years. How could she have done this?

Oh, now she remembered! “I think I haven’t seen it since France,” she whispered, horrified.

“Check your jewelry box,” Edward suggested.

She was already running to it, tripping on the rugs. She dumped the contents on the marble counter. Not there. She collapsed on the chair in tears. She remembered now. She had taken it off one night in France when she wished to be just with Edward. She had felt she owed it to him. She had placed the ring in her jewelry box and closed the lid. Stay safe, Mark, I love you, she had whispered her daily prayer and gone to bed with her husband.

“It was that French maid! She hated me. I couldn’t understand a word she said. She stole it, I’m sure.”

“Cecile Thomas? I’m so sorry for her, again. She was terribly rude.”

“I know it wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you at all. But the fact is she despised me and would steal something from me out of spite!”

“I’ll buy you many new rings when we come to New York, darling. I love giving you gifts.” Edward kissed her fingers.

“Thank you, but this ring can’t be replaced.” She pulled her fingers away, shaking in anger and grief.

He lifted her chin rather roughly. “Was it given by him?”

She couldn’t lie. “It was.”

“Then I will consider it an intervention by Fate. You have a new husband now and no need for an old lover’s ring.”

“Oh, please don’t be angry with me, dear Edward. I’m already so much in pain.”

“I’m not angry. I’m hurt, Rebecca. Hurt that you’d still cry so hard about this man who abandoned you.”

“Not this man, but something that reminded me about my old life in Switzerland. I might never see home again.” Fresh tears appeared.

He held her then. “You’re right. I’m being unkind. But I thought you wished to leave Switzerland. You begged to leave as soon as possible. I don’t understand this sudden nostalgia.”

“I didn’t know I’d feel so much pain. I’ll be quite all right soon. I just need a little time. You can return to bed. I’ll be right there. You’re correct—I need to let it go.”

She could tell he was pleased, very pleased. He kissed her as gently as during their tender moments. “I’ll let you calm yourself, then. Have some rest and join me when ready.”

“I should be better shortly.”

She was grateful when he left and she could compose herself. Her broken heart couldn’t handle any more guilt or explanations to him. It wasn’t fair to him. He was right; it was likely Fate that she lost the ring. It was time for her to let go. Of course she knew her heart would never let go.

She heard his gentle breathing as he fell asleep. She took out her smaller suitcase, opened a book inside, and found the pictures she kept secret. There was Mark, sitting next to her, hugging her. How happy we were together. How careless with their time, never thinking that it would end one day.

“Stay safe, Mark. I love you. Fate tells me I have to let you go. But you’ll be locked in my heart forever. I’m yours, you’re mine, remember?”

She placed the photographs gently back into the book and went to join her new husband. And her new life.