“SO ARE you going to dance with him?” Dean asked as they sat at a club early Sunday evening. Trevor, Dean, and Brent had decided to go to dinner, and Dean got the bright idea to hit this new bar/club, but it was pretty dead.
“I don’t think so.” Trevor wasn’t in the mood for all that chasing and pursuing. He wanted to have a drink with his friends. This place was a bad idea, which he’d known ahead of time, but Dean seemed to be on a tear to fuck his troubles away.
“Why not?” Brent asked, putting his beer on the table. “Even with a crowd this sparse, you never fail to score.”
“Let’s not talk about it.” Trevor drank his beer and saw Dean and Brent share one of those looks. “Don’t even think about it.”
“You know he took that guy home from the club,” Dean tattled.
“And he managed to meet him at lunch yesterday and took him home then too.” Brent seemed inordinately pleased with himself.
“For heaven’s sake. This isn’t tenth grade, and we aren’t gossiping around the cafeteria table about who likes who and who has whose name written in lipstick in their locker. God, you two.”
“Well, what are we supposed to think? You see this guy twice and take him home, so we figure you must like him. But you never like any guys. You screw them and then move on, and never give any of them a single thought afterward.” Dean leaned over the table slightly. “Why do you think I was never interested?”
Trevor groaned. “Please. You aren’t my type.”
“What? Why?” Dean turned toward the bar to glance at himself in the mirror behind it. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Oh, for God sake. We have sunk into high school mode. You’re my friend, and you don’t fuck your friends unless you never want to see them again. That’s the rule, and you both know it. You also know I don’t date or go out with guys.”
“At least not in a long time.” Dean sat back with a self-satisfied grin on his lips. “Remember, we’ve all been friends a long time. We know your shit.”
“Yes, and I know yours too. Good friends are more important than a fuck, so let this whole subject drop.” Trevor leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at the two of them until the Gossiping Guses decided to give the subject a rest.
“Would you like to dance?” asked the guy Dean had indicated as he came over, rolling his hips to the music as he talked. He was cute enough and was definitely interested. But….
“I’m not up for it tonight. Thanks.”
The kid pouted and turned to Dean, who didn’t have to be asked twice and followed the dark-haired twink onto the floor.
“What’s with you?” Brent asked as soon as Dean was out of earshot. “You’re, like, the man—you always score.” Brent groaned and leaned forward, reaching under the table.
“Your ankle?”
“Yeah. I managed to reinjure the damn thing. I’ve been icing it, and it isn’t as bad as the first time I hurt it, but I’m wearing the ankle brace all the time now so I don’t do it again.” Brent stretched his foot out and sighed once again. “So what’s really up with you?”
“I don’t know, okay?” Trevor waved his hand around as another guy from the sparse crowd began making his way over. The guy smiled, and Brent jabbed Trevor in the side with his elbow, so Trevor got up and asked the guy to dance.
The blond, sleek otter-type was all kinds of bendy, if the dancing was any indication, and he never took those baby blues off Trevor for a second. The intensity in his gaze was attractive and damn flattering. The kid—he said his name was Brian—was all over him, twerking when the music allowed, and he knew just how to do it. Holy crap. Trevor wound his arms around Brian’s neck, drawing him closer as the song continued, and he rubbed up and down Trevor like a cat in heat.
“Let’s get a drink,” Trevor offered, then took him by the hand and led him back to the table. “What can I get for you?” He sat down, and Brian plopped onto his lap.
“A beer, please.” Brian leaned against Trevor’s chest, clearly marking out his territory, because when Dean approached, Trevor might have seen Brian bare his teeth.
Trevor ordered the drink, and when it came, he motioned for Brian to sit in the next chair. The kid downed the beer in two gulps, like a large shot, and then stood back up, pulling Trevor toward the dance floor.
“I think I’m fine for now.”
Brian pouted, and after a while, went off in search of other quarry.
“What’s with you? He was in heat,” Dean said, watching as Brian danced with someone else. “He wanted you bad.”
Trevor ignored the question and lifted his glass.
“I give up.” Dean left the table in search of someone to catch his eye, and Trevor groaned under his breath.
“Okay. What’s going on?” Brent leaned forward, his gaze burrowing into Trevor’s. “Something isn’t right here.”
“Okay. Do you want to know? What was happening was nothing. Not a damn thing. That kid was all over me like a rash and he wanted it, I can tell. But nothing was happening. He was practically climbing me and… nothing.” Trevor shook his head. “I’m pretty damn scared if you want to know the truth. What if things have stopped working and never start again?”
“Bullshit,” Brent said with a grin.
“It’s not.”
“So maybe you didn’t find him attractive.”
“He was damn near a contortionist. What’s not to find attractive? I just don’t get it.” Trevor finished his drink and turned to where Dean was practically having sex on the dance floor. “See, that’s what I used to do, and now….” He shook his head again.
“Maybe you’re growing up. We all have to—we can’t be kids the rest of our lives. Dean is having his shot at the man buffet after the disaster with Dumbfuck. Maybe you want more than just a night in the sack with some guy.”
“Don’t say that.” The truth was, he didn’t have a clue what was going on, but his reputation was going to start to suffer if he didn’t figure it out damn fast. “I know what I want and it hasn’t changed. My life is damn near perfect right now, and I don’t want it in any way different. I have a successful business and can do just about whatever I want. I never want for company….” He raked his gaze over the dance floor, but once again it did nothing for him.
Brent shrugged. “If you expect me to have answers, you’re barking up the wrong tree. If it wasn’t for this foot, I’d have asked that guy to dance… and maybe to go have some fun if he was willing. But we aren’t talking about me. It’s you who seems out of sorts. So tell me what’s got your panties in a bunch.”
“Brent… nothing. I’m fine. Maybe I’m just not in the mood or something tonight.”
“You… not in the mood… for someone like him.” Brent pointed, and Trevor followed his gaze to where Brian had his legs wrapped around some guy and they were practically fucking right there on the floor. “He’s a bundle of energy, and if he’d have looked at me, I’d have figured out a way to make him happy… and scream his lungs out. What I’m wondering is why you aren’t.”
“I wish I knew.”
“So something or someone has finally gotten past those mile-high walls you’ve put up.”
“Come on.”
“I’m serious. Is it that guy from the other night? The one you couldn’t stop looking at?” Brent set down his glass and leaned a little closer.
“His name’s James,” Trevor said.
“Okay. Tell me. That guy right over there—the one in the yellow. You went home with him about two weeks ago. What’s his name?”
Trevor looked where Brent was pointing. The guy seemed familiar, but Trevor shrugged. He didn’t remember much about him at all.
“What about him over there?”
Again Trevor shrugged.
“You’ve fucked half the guys in Milwaukee, and yet you can’t remember the name of a single one of them. But you’re getting hot under the collar because I didn’t use the name of the guy you first met two days ago and then apparently again yesterday. Have you been to bed with him?”
“Of course not,” Trevor answered.
“That’s interesting. Why wouldn’t you take him to bed? You do every other guy you meet. Hello, your usual MO is, the guy tells you his name and ten minutes later you’re fucking.”
“Most of the guys who catch my interest aren’t blind.” Fuck! Trevor should learn to keep his damned mouth shut.
“So you like this guy… more than just for sex.” Brent smiled with a self-satisfied curl to his lips that made Trevor want to smack him into next week.
“I don’t date and you know it. You also know why, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to go through all that again.” Trevor drained his glass and held it up so the server could see him. He got a nod and set down his glass once again.
“Better take it easy or I’ll have to drive you home.”
“I’ve had one, and this will be my last,” Trevor promised, even though he wanted to get drunk and forget all about this relationship, dating, other-people-getting-to-know-him crap. His way was easier, and he was so much happier. Fuck ’em and leave ’em had worked for him for years now. Why mess with a good thing?
“Does that go for drinks or relationships with men?” Brent pressed.
“Both.” The server brought his drink, and Trevor asked for a glass of water and a cup of coffee as well. He needed to find something else to drink if they planned to be here for very much longer. Maybe Dean would find the guy he wanted for the evening and then they could all go. It was Sunday evening and he had a very busy week ahead of him, including overseeing the Brown Deer location until he could decide who he wanted to run it for him. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Work?” Brent asked, and Trevor growled. “I guess that’s a sore subject.”
“I had to fire one of my managers for stealing. So next week I have to go through the shop and books to find out exactly how much he stole so I can press charges and nail his ass to the wall.” Trevor wanted to toss back his drink and try to forget the betrayal involved. Yes, the money was probably long gone and he was going to have to eat the losses. He knew something had been wrong and hoped he caught it pretty quickly. But what hurt worse was the fact that he’d given Alan his first break, putting him to work as a mechanic, encouraging him, and then rewarding him with a manager’s position. And the asshole had stolen from him.
“Why don’t you call Ricky from the club to help? He’s an accountant, and he can probably make quick sense of what’s going on for you. Didn’t he help you set up the systems you use for the business?”
“He did. But Ricky is up to his eyes in work, and his wife is expecting their, like, eightieth kid or something. He was the first one I called. He said he could try to help me next week, but I don’t want this to sit. So I’m going to gather as much information as I can to hand to the police, and then Ricky can look deeper and help me build in safeguards for the future.” He hated this sort of thing. Trevor had thought that all of the guys who worked for him were loyal. At some point he’d helped each of them, and he worked closely with all his guys.
“I’m sorry about all this, but I think I know someone who can replace your lost manager.”
“Who?”
“Me.”
At first Trevor thought Brent was kidding, but his expression was dead serious. “You know I know cars, and I know basic things about business. And I have contacts at all the car clubs, as well as bike clubs. You also know I’d never steal from you, and I need a job because where I’m working is killing me. This is the first weekend I’ve had off in six weeks. They’re just wearing me out.”
“You’re serious?”
“Yeah. I need something better.” Brent sounded at the end of his rope.
“I’ll be at the Brown Deer garage for most of the week. Stop in and you can meet the guys and we’ll talk.” Trevor was already feeling better. He hadn’t thought of Brent for the job, but that could be a good fit. He sat back, drinking his martini and watching as Dean continued pursuing some kid, but it didn’t seem to be going anywhere, judging by the way the kid kept looking at everyone else in the room, and sure enough, he turned away from Dean and began dancing with someone else.
“I’m going to take off.” Trevor finished his water and pushed back the remainder of his drink. “I’ve got a busy week, and watching Dean go down in flames isn’t doing anything for me.”
“I’ll stop in this week.”
Trevor drank some of the coffee, which was completely awful, caught Dean’s attention, and motioned that he was leaving before heading out the door. He put on his helmet and got on his bike. He really wasn’t interested in going home right that second and figured some speed might help clear his head, so Trevor headed for the freeway and picked up the pace, flying down the road, not really giving much thought to where he was heading.
When he got off, he made the now-familiar turns and ended up in front of James’s house. There were no lights on and Trevor wondered if he was home, but then he remembered their conversation about him usually having the lights off, so he parked the bike and went up the walk. When he rang the bell, he heard footsteps inside.
“Who’s there?”
“It’s Trevor, James.”
The door unlocked and then opened, letting symphonic music spill from the house. “What are you doing here?” Judging by his smile, James wasn’t upset by the visit. Maybe more surprised than anything.
Trevor hesitated, not sure how to answer that question. He hadn’t planned to come here. “I was out for the evening and… things didn’t work out, and my bike sort of made its way here.” Which sounded completely stupid.
“I was just making a snack. If you’d like to come in….” James stepped back, and Trevor walked into the house and closed the door. He took off his jacket and placed it on the chair in the tiny entrance hall before entering the living room and turning on a light. “Sit down if you like.”
James walked back through the house toward the kitchen, and Trevor followed him with his gaze, taking in every movement.
“I’m pretty capable of doing most things I need to, but it’s easier if I know other people aren’t watching me.”
“Why do you care?” Trevor asked. “I mean, if you can’t see them.”
The microwave door closed and then the motor started. “My family always seemed to be watching me. My mother and father were trying to help me but had a problem with letting me do things on my own. When they did, they tended to watch me to make sure I didn’t hurt myself or do something they’d have to clean up.” The microwave beeped, and soon James returned with two mugs of coffee and handed one to Trevor. James set the other one on the table and returned to the kitchen. “I’m really not much of a cook, so what I have are things I get at the store. Mrs. Ledbetter scolds me all the time, but actual from-scratch cooking is hard for me. Mrs. L always brings things by when she cooks, so I have great soups and things.”
The scent of popcorn filled the house, and James returned with a bowl, which he also set on the table, next to the mug, without touching it.
“You remember where everything is.”
“Of course. This is my space and I know everything about it. I can go into the basement and find exactly what’s down there, which isn’t much besides the washer and dryer. But I know it very well. The same with my attic.” James sat in the other chair and reached for the bowl to hand it to Trevor. Then he got his mug and sipped from it. “Are you comfortable?”
“Yes.” Trevor smiled.
“I sometimes forget that others can’t see in the dark like me. Did you turn on any lights?”
“Yes. The one by the door here.”
“Good. I like to leave that one on. I thought it was. Sometimes it’s hard for me to know.”
“I didn’t mean to interrupt anything by coming here.”
“I was just listening to music.” James stood again and went into one of the side rooms and the music stopped. It hadn’t been that loud, but the house seemed bigger now that it was quiet. “What did you have planned for tonight?” he asked as he returned to his chair.
“Well, I was out with Dean and Brent, but….” He shrugged before realizing James couldn’t see him. “I kept thinking about you instead of the other guys and I don’t know why.”
“I liked the ride yesterday.”
Trevor chuckled. “Changing the subject?”
“Yeah. It seemed uncomfortable for you.” James reached for the bowl and took a handful of popcorn. A kernel fell to the floor, and Trevor picked it up and set it aside. “Have you been riding long?”
“Oh yeah. My dad hated that I had a bike. He was all about cars and said I was crazy to ride something that went that fast without walls around me. I guess riding was my teenage rebellion, and Dad eventually got used to it. He also made me take a motorcycle safety course before he’d let me get my license and made me take it every year. I got so good that I could teach the thing.”
“He did it for your safety.”
“I know that now. But then I thought he was being mean and just trying to get his own way. I did what he wanted to get what I wanted.”
“It was pretty exciting. Are you a member of a club?” James smiled.
“Yes.”
“Every time one of those groups of motorcycles passes my mother on the freeway, it freaks her out. If she knew you took me home on one, I swear she’d be over here trying to convince me to move back home again.”
“You do just fine on your own.” Trevor looked around. The house was clean and neat. Nothing extra anywhere. There were a few pieces of food on the floor near the table, probably from when James had dinner, but other than that, it was tidy. “You don’t need someone to take care of you like you were a baby. Anyone should be able to see that.”
“Tell that to my family. My mother worries about me.”
Trevor tried to stop the scoff that formed in his throat. “It looked to me as though your mother was more concerned about how things looked to the other people in that room than she was about you.”
“You say what’s on your mind. I have to give you that.” James set his mug on the table once again. “I like that. Because I can’t see, people sometimes walk on eggshells around me. Either that or they keep their distance. I get that all the time.” James ate a little more popcorn. “You didn’t know I was blind when you came up to me, did you?”
“Not the first time.”
“But you did when you came over the second time?” James seemed surprised.
“Sure.” Trevor didn’t want to go into how he had to meet James because he was the most stunning man he’d seen in years. That seemed too superficial, and Trevor didn’t want James to think of him that way. “You’re full of questions. I was wondering why you don’t have a service dog?”
“I had one. His name was Chet and I got him when I was fifteen. He was a great companion, but I lost him four months ago. I… I put in for another one last month. It took a while before I could think of getting another.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I had him for eleven years, and that’s about as much time as I could expect, but I still miss him. The funny thing is, I didn’t realize how much I relied on him until he was gone and I was back in the dark. He was my eyes, and in a way, it was like being blinded again. Hopefully they’ll have one for me soon. I understand that he’s being trained, and maybe in a month or two, I’ll be able to work with him.” There was both excitement and nervousness in James’s voice.
Trevor was trying to understand and knew that all he could do was to try to put himself in James’s place, but he was having limited success. “I wish I hadn’t brought up something that’s so tender.”
“It’s all right.” James stood and took the few shuffling steps to where Trevor sat. “Everyone thinks that because I can’t see, I’m as fragile as glass. My mother protected me for years. Hell, there were so many things I didn’t know about living a normal life because I never had to.” James leaned over him. “When I moved out, I had to learn to do all sorts of things everyone else takes for granted.” He shook his head. “That doesn’t matter. The thing that’s important is I’m the same as everyone else and want the same things as everyone else. I deserve them.”
“Yes, you do.” Trevor shivered when James reached out gently to find his face and run his fingers over his skin.
“Other people can see each other, but all I can do is try to develop a picture of you from what I feel.”
Trevor stilled and closed his eyes as James lightly touched his cheeks and nose. He ran his thumb over Trevor’s lips and across his jaw, then down his neck. James leaned closer, and Trevor felt James’s lips against his for just a second.
“You kissed me the other night. Was that some sort of pity thing?”
“No.” Trevor’s throat went dry and he could barely speak at all. He extended his arms, wrapping them around James’s waist. God, that felt good and right. “I never do anything out of pity.”
“Then why did you do it?”
“Hopefully for the same reason you just kissed me.” Trevor ran a hand up James’s back to his head, then stroked James’s soft hair. He guided James forward to kiss him once again, harder, deeper. If he expected James to let himself be kissed, Trevor was mistaken. James cradled Trevor’s cheeks in his hands, deepening the kiss, taking what he wanted. James’s tongue teased at Trevor’s lips. Trevor was usually the aggressor, but James quivered in his arms, energy pouring off him, going straight into Trevor, adding heat on a level he had never experienced before. He understood sex and even knew what love felt like, but this was something completely new to him.
Trevor tightened his hold on James, letting his heat soak into him. James was like a firecracker—no, a stick of dynamite. He knew what he wanted and went for it.
“God,” Trevor gasped, blinking in surprised delight, when James pulled back. “Who taught you how to kiss like that?”
James laughed. “I’m blind. I have a great imagination.” The smirk that settled on his lips, with that slight lilt in the corner of his mouth, was completely adorable.
“You do, huh?” Trevor teased.
James wasn’t having any of it. He removed his hands from Trevor’s cheeks and settled them on his chest. “Oh, yeah. For example, I’ve been trying to imagine what the rest of you is like.” He stroked gently. “Yeah. Strong and sexy.” James leaned forward, inhaling deeply, and then kissed and sucked at the base of his neck. “God, this is heady. You smell divine.” He tugged at the tail of Trevor’s shirt and slipped one hand underneath.
Trevor held his breath, arched his back, and closed his eyes as James’s hot hand slid over his belly and around to his side.
“I knew it.”
“What?”
“I imagined you with chest hair, probably black and….” James shivered, and Trevor gasped when James ran a finger around one of his nipples before tweaking it. “Coarse, rough, and exquisite.” James pulled his hand away and smoothed down Trevor’s shirt. Then he straightened, and Trevor opened his eyes. James’s cheeks were full of color and getting redder by the second. “Sorry, I got carried away.” He turned and bumped into the coffee table.
Trevor jumped to his feet, catching James before he could fall. “Hey.”
“I’ve never been that forward before. I practically assaulted you.” James found his feet and stepped back, then used his hands to locate his chair before sitting down again.
“Do I sound like I’m complaining?” Hell, he tried to remember the last time a simple touch had left him so breathless and aching for more. It had happened only once, years ago. Trevor pushed that memory from his mind. That time was too painful to dwell on. He needed the walls around those memories strong, and that meant leaving them alone.
“Yeah, but I should have asked. I hope people would ask me, so I should ask in return.”
“Did you hear me breathing like a racehorse, and the groan?”
“Yeah, but….”
“It’s good.”
“Okay. But I miss things like that. I don’t see people’s faces and I can’t hear nods and head shakes. So much communication is silent. I have to ask, and I’d hope that I’d be asked so I wouldn’t be taken by surprise.”
Trevor sat on the arm of James’s chair to remain close to him. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” he asked, and when James whispered his assent, Trevor returned the kiss he’d been given earlier. He reached for James’s hands, holding them. “You can touch me wherever you want.” He continued holding James’s hands. “Most everyone else uses their eyes, and I know you use your hands, so you have permission.” He released James hands and kissed him gently. “You’re a sweet man, James.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Well… like I said, it’s true, and I wonder….” He let his words trail off.
“What?”
He wondered how he could possibly be good enough for a guy like him. James was kind and very sweet, and Trevor was a dog. At least he was pretty sure that’s how his mother would describe the way he acted. “Nothing. It’s not important.” He silently reminded himself to be sure to treat James with the respect he deserved.
James placed his hands on Trevor’s cheeks. “I remember when I could see and I was at my grandmother’s house. She said I couldn’t have a cookie because it was too close to dinner, but I took one anyway. She did just this with her hands and looked into my eyes. Then she asked me if I took a cookie, and of course I confessed and broke into tears because I had hurt her. I always remember that. So I’m looking into your eyes and asking you what it is that you’re ducking.”
“Nothing. I’m just not sure I can be good enough for you.”
James hands slipped away. “You don’t….” He sounded heartbroken. “You said those nice things earlier, but you didn’t mean them.”
“Of course I did.”
“But you don’t expect that I know my own mind.”
Trevor cleared his throat. “I have no doubt you know your own mind. But you don’t know me.”
Now it was James who scoffed. “You think that I don’t know you’re a player? Lester told me later that first night after you took me home. He said how you behaved, and I said that you had been nothing but nice to me. So is sex all you’re interested in? Is Lester for real? Is that all that interests you?”
God, for someone who couldn’t see, James understood a whole hell of a lot. “I don’t know how to have a relationship.” Not anymore. What he thought he knew had turned out to be so wrong.
“You know that’s bullshit, don’t you?” James was almost livid in his vehemence. “Sounds like the chicken’s way out if you ask me.”
“Ouch.” Trevor put his hand over his heart before he even realized James couldn’t see it.
“Well, having a relationship isn’t that hard. You simply think how you’d like to be treated and then treat the other person better than that.” James furrowed his brow.
“You think it’s that simple?”
“It sounds like a good start, don’t you think?” James had a way of making things seem so easy when Trevor knew they weren’t.
“Are you really sure you want to try to have a relationship with me? As I said, you’re a kind man, but I’m an asshole.”
James laughed, full-throated and rich. “Admitting you have a problem is halfway to a cure.” He put a hand over his mouth but continued laughing and put his hands on his sides. “If you want a cure for that, I have some Preparation H.” He collapsed back in the chair in a fit of giggles that was contagious. Trevor found himself going right along with him.
“You’re nuts.”
“Maybe.”
Trevor reached for his coffee and took a sip, going back to his chair.
“So where do we go from here?”
“Well, I seem to remember that someone promised me some sort of undate.” James started chuckling once again. “That sounds too Seussian for words, or have we dropped down the rabbit hole? I’m not sure which.”
“Okay. I give up. Next Friday, do you have plans in the evening? I’d like to take you out for dinner, and I’ll think of something fun we can do afterward. Maybe I’ll come up with something you’ve never done before that would frighten your mother if she knew.”
“I won’t hold you to that if you don’t really want to go. You aren’t under any obligation to go out with me just because I picked on you.”
“No, I want to.” Trevor shifted so he could see James better. “I don’t want to hurt you and I’m afraid I will.”
James ran his hand up Trevor’s arm, leaving a trail of heat in its wake. “When was the last time you told anyone you didn’t want to hurt them? When did you give them enough thought to wonder that?”
Trevor shrugged, knowing James felt it.
“Just give yourself a break and be willing to see what can happen.”
Trevor nodded. “Okay. I will if you will.” He leaned forward and kissed James. God, he could do that all night. When James pulled him closer, winding his arms around his neck, holding them both steady, Trevor leaned over the chair, wanting to get as close as possible.
He had never held back, not in years. If he wanted something, he generally went for it. Guys were more than willing, and he never had to worry about anyone saying no. James didn’t say no. In fact, he pressed closer. Trevor was the one to pull away, breathing heavily, pulling at his collar.
“I think I should go.”
“Why?” James unwound his arms and sat back.
“Because if I stay, things are going to get out of hand.” He knew how things worked for him, or at least how they had for the last five years or so. “My dad once told me that if you wanted a different result, you had to change the way you did things. So that’s what I’m doing. I’ll pick you up at seven on Friday for dinner.” He gently kissed James, then took care of his mug before making sure James knew where the popcorn and his mug were. Then he grabbed his jacket and left the house with an unexpected spring in his step.
THE WORK week was long. In the end Trevor was able to figure out how much money was stolen and work with the police, who were hopeful that his former employee would pay restitution. Mainly Trevor was grateful to have stopped the bleeding.
Brent had come in and was a hit with the guys, so he was going to start as the new manager on Monday. Things were looking up, and he had his date in a few hours.
“Hey, Dad,” Trevor called as his dad walked into the office of the Brown Deer garage.
“You look happier than when I talked to you Wednesday.”
“I am.” Trevor leaned back in his chair, the front legs rising off the floor. “Brent is starting on Monday, and while I figure I’ll still need to spend time here until he gets settled, I won’t be tied here as closely as I have been.”
“That’s good news.” Dad walked over and clapped him on the back.
“What are you doing here?” Trevor checked his watch. The garage his father ran for him should still have been open.
“We finished for the day and Clint is manning the station. I wanted to have a talk with you.” He pulled up a chair and sat on the other side of the desk. His father was in his early sixties and vital as hell. “You know I’ve been seeing Margaret for a while now, and I was thinking of asking her to marry me.”
Trevor swallowed hard, sitting up straight once again. “Dad.”
“I know it’s going to be hard for you, and you have to be thinking that….” His father was rarely nervous, but he certainly seemed so now. “I loved your mother, and no one is ever going to replace her.”
“Dad, if that’s what you want, then I hope she makes you very happy.” Trevor smiled and leaned over the desk. “You don’t need my permission to remarry or anything.”
“I know that. But if she agrees, then…. Margaret has talked about moving to Florida. We wouldn’t do it right away or anything, but I don’t think we’ll stay around here forever.”
Trevor nodded. He should have expected this. His dad was getting older and deserved to take it easier. “You deserve to be happy, and you know I’m not going to stand in your way.” But losing his dad in the business was going to hurt. Not having him nearby was going to be an even bigger loss. “You know I’ll go on, but we’ve worked together for so long….” Hell, he and his dad had done all kinds of things together. “Who am I going to argue about football and hockey with?”
His dad chuckled. “I’m sure you’ll find someone… anyone. A Bears fan in Milwaukee? The whole state is against you.” He barked a laugh. “There are times when I wonder if the business would survive if word got out.”
Trevor looked at the Green Bay signs that decorated the office. He kept his team affiliations pretty much to himself. “I know.”
“And it isn’t like I’m going to be leaving tomorrow. But I thought I’d make sure you knew where things stood.”
“I appreciate it.”
“Anyway, Margaret and I thought it would be nice to have dinner with you. She’s a great cook, so can you come to dinner on Sunday?”
Trevor mentally checked his calendar. “I can. Umm, I might bring a friend if that’s okay.”
“If you want to bring Brent, that would be great. Some of the guys are already talking about him, and if we’re going to be working together, I’d like to meet the guy again.” Trevor nodded and his dad stood. “I’m going to stop by and make sure the garage is closed before heading home. Wish me luck.” His dad smiled, and Trevor stood, walked to his father, and hugged him. They were never ones to talk about their feelings with each other, and his dad wasn’t a big “I love you” kind of guy. But when Trevor hugged him, his dad squeezed him back. Trevor always knew his father loved him and was proud of him. He didn’t need words, because his dad showed it in other ways, like just coming in to talk to him man-to-man.
“Go on and get ready. I’m about to leave here and can stop by to check that everything is closed. They’re just about done here as well, and Rudy can lock up for me.” Trevor was excited for his dad. He’d been alone for a long time and deserved some happiness and companionship.
“Are you in a hurry?”
“I have a date tonight.”
His dad stopped, turning on a heel. “A date—like, a real date?”
“Yeah,” Trevor said, waiting for his father’s reaction.
“It’s about damn time.” His dad narrowed his gaze. “Don’t think I don’t know some of what happened between you and Chase, and that you’ve just been playing around ever since.”
Trevor had no idea. He didn’t talk about his sex life with his father, mostly because he didn’t want to make his father uncomfortable. “Dad….”
“No. Like I said, I’ve known how you were acting and I left you alone. But it’s time you opened yourself up again, and I’m glad you’re doing something more than just screwing around. If you want, bring him on Sunday.”
“Well, maybe not.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and then Trevor had to struggle to come up with an explanation. “This is a first date, the first one I’ve had in years, so….”
His father smiled wickedly. “This guy must be something if Mr. Confidence is a little flustered. I’d really like to meet him.”
“Dad…,” Trevor whined, not ready for this.
“Is there something wrong with him? Are you ashamed of this guy?” His father pinned him with a glare before turning toward the office door. Thank God it was closed, because Trevor didn’t want the entire garage, and by extension everyone who worked for him, knowing his personal business. He had good guys in his shops, but Trevor never discussed his personal life at work. Okay, to clarify, he never talked about the guys he fucked at work. Most of them didn’t want to hear it, just like he expected them to be professional and not talk about the women they were with.
“No, Dad, I’m not ashamed of James.”
“Then what’s wrong? Are you robbing the cradle and dating a teenager?”
Trevor gasped. “Good God, no.” His voice was louder than he intended. “Where in the hell do you come up with this stuff sometimes? James is an adult and he’s my age. There is nothing about him that I’m ashamed of. He’d a pretty special guy and strong enough to put up with me, I think.”
His father glared at him intensely. “Then is there something about Margaret and me that you’re ashamed of?”
Holy crap on toast. What the hell was with his father today? He was starting to wonder if it was a full moon, and if so, maybe his father was going to shift into a werewolf or something, because this wasn’t the dad he was used to. “Where is all this coming from?”
“I’m going to ask Margaret to marry me. Eventually we’re going to move, and I don’t want to leave you here all alone. Playing the field is nice—I’ve been doing it for a while now—but having someone special to come home to is the best thing in the world, and I want that for you.”
“Okay. First thing, I don’t want to hear about you playing the field.” That conjured up images that he’d need brain bleach to get rid of. “And second, you said it was going to be some time before you left. Third, I’m going on my first date with James. Let me see if this is going to have a chance of working out before I bring him home to meet you.”
His dad simply pinned him with another stare. “God, you’re turning into more of an old lady than Margaret.” He slapped Trevor on the shoulder without heat.
“Well….”
“I can see there’s something you aren’t telling me. What does this James have that has you so enthralled?” His dad went back to his seat, sat back down, and put his feet up on the desk. “There’s something—I can see it.”
Trevor paced to the door and then back to his father. “James is special. I haven’t dated anyone in a long time, and he’s one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever met.”
“So is this thing between you based on looks?”
Trevor chuckled. “No, Dad. James is gorgeous.”
“And you’re not exactly chopped liver in that department.” His dad leaned back. “So what’s so funny?”
“James is blind. He’s never seen me and never will.”
His father was stunned. That was the only way to describe it. “You have a date with a man who’s blind?”
Trevor nodded, still watching his father, wondering what the hell was going through his mind. He seemed on the edge of blowing a gasket.
“The gods have a way of throwing us curves, don’t they?”
“What do you mean?”
His dad rolled his eyes. “You are a handsome man. I’ve seen you turn heads since you were twelve years old. But you’re dating a person who can’t see you at all. Your looks are lost on him. That’s so perfect.”
“You make me sound shallow.” Trevor was getting tired of this conversation and checked his watch.
His dad stood. “You are a little. Maybe we all are. I like good-looking women, but I picked Margaret because she’s wonderful and has a spark inside her that lights up a room. If I’m having a tough day at work, when I see her that evening, one smile is enough to make me feel better. That’s what counts. Looks fade, and Lord knows none of us are getting any younger.”
“I’m not shallow, Dad, and I see James as so much more than just how he looks.” Trevor smiled as he thought about him. “He’s smart, and you should see him. There are times I swear he can see me and yet I know he can’t. He picks up on everything.”
That damn grin was back. “All right. I won’t say anything more about dinner on Sunday. Just know you’re welcome to bring someone and that I’d like to meet the man who put that smile on your face.” His dad walked right past him, then closed the door once again after he’d left. He sure as hell knew how to make an exit.
A knock brought Trevor’s attention back to work.
“We just finished up the last appointment and I called the owner.” Scott was a young mechanic, skinny as they came, but eager as all hell and extremely methodical. He was also shy around other people and generally only talked on the phone if he could help it. Mostly he worked hard and said very little.
“Good. Rudy is going to man the station, so make sure he has all the paperwork and everything he needs. He’ll close up in a few hours.”
“Okay.” Scott didn’t leave.
“Is there something I can help you with?” There was tension Trevor couldn’t quite understand.
Scott bit his lower lip. “Is it true that Brent is going to be the manager here?”
“Yes. He’ll start on Monday. Brent’s a good man and he’ll do a fine job.” Trevor had no doubt that Brent would treat his people right. “Is there something wrong? Do you have concerns about him?”
Scott shook his head. “I was just asking. Alan hired me, and I know he was….”
“You have nothing to worry about. I’m not going to paint you into the same picture with Alan. You do good work and I’m happy with it. So you don’t worry about what Alan did. It doesn’t reflect on you as far as I’m concerned.”
Scott nodded nervously. “Thank you.” He left the office in a hurry, and Trevor wondered what that was truly all about. But he didn’t have the time to deal with it at the moment.
Trevor gathered the few things he needed and stopped to talk to Rudy. Then he got on his bike and roared off.
His hands shook. Trevor had to concentrate on his driving and controlling his hands. He was nervous, and Trevor was not a nervous kind of guy. He stopped at the Glendale garage, like he’d promised his father, and it was closed up tight just as it should be. Then he continued home.
He’d bought a center-entrance, cream-colored brick colonial in Whitefish Bay during the last days of the housing crisis. He liked the house and the neighborhood. To him, a house in this affluent suburb meant a small level of success.
He pulled his bike into the garage next to his Mustang, closed the overhead door, and hurried inside. Trevor’s decorating was spare, with comfortable, overstuffed furniture that was more about how it felt than its decorative qualities. It wasn’t high-end or fancy, and on the walls were pictures of some of the cars Trevor had helped bring back to life over his career. He laid his jacket over the back of one of the kitchen chairs and went right up to his bedroom. He had to leave in fifteen minutes, so he stripped down and showered in record time before dressing in dark jeans and a white button-down shirt. Nice-looking but simple. On his way out, he grabbed his leather jacket, slung it over his shoulder, and sauntered out to his car.
Traffic across town was a nightmare, but he managed to make it close to on time. The downtown interchange had been a nightmare. James was sitting in a chair on his small porch, pressing a button on his watch. He didn’t get up until Trevor got out of the car and was coming up the walk.
“Trevor?” James broke into a smile.
“Yes. Sorry if I’m a little late.” He bounded up the steps and gave James a quick kiss. If they’d have been inside, he’d have done more. But even so, heat spread through him like a wildfire. “You look very nice.” Trevor touched James’s arm and then guided him out to the car.
“Thank you.”
Trevor opened the door and waited for James to get inside.
“Where are we going?” James asked once Trevor got behind the wheel.
“There’s an Indian restaurant not far from here, and I thought we could go there. It’s traditional and the food is very good.”
James sat still. “You know I usually make a mess. You saw what happened the other night at the country club.”
“That’s the beauty of it. A lot of the food you can eat with your fingers, so you don’t need to worry about knives and forks. I love the samosas, which are a large dumpling-like pocket. You definitely eat those with your fingers. So please don’t worry about it.” He had tried to find a place where James wouldn’t feel self-conscious.
“Cool.” James smiled, and the temperature in the car rose by a few degrees. “What about after dinner?”
“Go-karts,” Trevor said, excited.
“Umm. You do know I can’t drive?” James’s tone told him he thought Trevor was crazy.
“There’s a track a few miles away. It’s indoors and they have go-karts for two people. So I’ll drive, and you’ll be able to ride, and we can race other people together.”
“You really like things with wheels, don’t you?” James asked, but didn’t seem to hate the idea.
“I do. But I also wanted to try to find something you’ve never done before. Have you ridden a horse?”
“Yes. We have a stable that we work with through the school. I’m actually pretty good. Maybe we could do that sometime if you want. I like it and I can call the stable. They understand what it takes for me to ride.”
“That would be fun.” Trevor pulled up in front of the small restaurant, located in a gas station building from the twenties. The building had been derelict before the family who owned the restaurant bought and renovated it. Now it was a showplace with awesome food. “Let me come get you.” He hurried around to James’s side and helped him out. “We’re about twenty feet from the door, and there are two single steps.” He talked James through getting into the restaurant and up to a table.
“This smells like heaven. Just get me something you like. I’ve never had Indian food so this will be new.”
As far as Trevor was concerned, that was a home run. “All right. I’ll be right back.” He went up to the counter and ordered some samosas, Tandoori chicken, and chicken biryani, as well as some sides. He was mistaken about eating everything with their fingers, but got extra plates and brought the food back to the table, along with a couple sodas. “Here’s a samosa. Go ahead and eat with your hands. The others will need forks, but I’ll get a plate set up for you.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“I have a tray as well, so you eat and enjoy. Don’t worry about anything.” He chatted as he made up a plate. “The chicken is at six o’clock, the tikka at two, and the veggies at ten. I have another samosa if you like it, and your drink is at the upper right with a straw and lid on it.” Trevor made up his own plate and began to eat. “How was work?”
“Interesting. I’m working with a teenager this time. He was in an accident and lost his sight at sixteen, so he’s mad at the world. One of the first things that’s important is allowing yourself to rely on your other senses. I do a lot of special sensory exercises and try to increase their sense of smell. It’s used little when you can see, but tells us a lot about the world around us. Like I can tell, even over all the spices in the air, whenever they open the back door, because I get a whiff of dumpster.”
“Oh.”
“You learn to ignore some things.” James smiled. “And it isn’t strong, just there slightly. Lee needs to learn things like that, but he’s too angry. We’re all trying to help him through this so he can progress. Little successes lead to bigger ones.”
“I can understand that. What did he like to do before he lost his sight?” Trevor asked.
“He’s sixteen and was about to get his license. So all he wanted to do was drive. Now he’ll never be able to, of course. Apparently cars were a passion of his.”
“I can understand how he might feel.”
“Yes, I suppose you can. But he’s a teenager, so everything is raging. He’s also convinced that no girl is going to want to look at him. The accident physically damaged his eyes, and there has been some surgery to help correct his face. He isn’t bad to look at, or so I’ve been told, and has a few scars, but he’s convinced himself that he’ll be alone forever and have to live with his mom and dad until he dies. I have to remember that it takes baby steps, and Lee isn’t going to get better and change his attitude all at once.” James returned to his food, finishing the samosa and tasting the rest. The sounds of gustatory delight were sexy as hell.
“Why don’t you see if Lee wants to come to the garage in Brown Deer? I have a young mechanic, Scott, and maybe the two of them will hit it off and they can work together.”
The smile Trevor got for that suggestion was bright enough to rival the sun.
“You’re serious?”
“Sure,” Trevor answered, and James finished off the last of his saffron rice, spilling a few grains around the edge of his plate. “You were hungry.”
“Yeah, I guess I was. Usually after eating out, I end up having a sandwich at home because I’m afraid to eat a lot in case I make a mess.”
“How about you worry less about messes, which can be cleaned up, and more about what you’re eating. At least with me.” Trevor loved that James was happy, and he was a little pissed off at James’s family for making him feel insecure.
“Do you have other plans for this weekend?” James asked. “I’m going into school tomorrow because Lee’s family asked if we’d spend extra time with him. They’re beside themselves. It’s hard for them to know what to do, and there’s a lot of guilt there. His mother was driving the car and came out without a scratch apparently. I’m told the accident wasn’t her fault. Debris fell off a freeway overpass, sending glass and a piece of concrete with steel embedded in it flying through the car.”
Trevor stopped eating for a second and tried not to picture what James had just described. “I’m working tomorrow, and Sunday I’m going to my dad’s and, hopefully for him, his new fiancée’s for dinner.”
“Tell your father congratulations for me. That must be exciting.”
“It is.” Maybe what his dad said put the idea in his head. Trevor wasn’t sure, but his mouth engaged before his brain. “My dad said I could bring someone—would you like to come with me?”
James stopped midchew, then seemed to force himself to swallow. “You’re inviting me to meet your family? Your dad and his new fiancée?”
“Yes. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I know it’s last-minute notice and you might not be comfortable. But I’ll be with you, and my dad and Margaret are both very nice.”
“I’m sure they are. But….”
Trevor reached across the table. “It’s okay. You don’t need to worry about answering either way.” He stroked the back of James’s hand, sorry he’d made James uncomfortable. “Just forget I asked.”
“No. I’m flattered you asked. But do they know… about me?”
“I told my dad that we were going out, and if you’re asking if I told him that you were visually impaired, then I did. I’m not ashamed of you or worried in any way about being seen with you.”
“But I know I’m awkward and not the best in social situations. What if I say something wrong?”
“If you come, just be yourself. That’s all that’s needed. My dad and Margaret are good people.”
“I’m sure they are.”
“So you’ll come?”
James hesitated. “Yes. I’d like to.”
“Good.” Trevor wondered why he’d been so hesitant in the first place. James deserved to be treated nicely. He finished his dinner and took care of the remains, letting James take his time.
“Damn, that was good.” James sat back, finishing his soda, and Trevor cleaned up the rest. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yes. Go-karts await.” Trevor thanked the lady behind the counter, complimenting her on the food, and then helped James back into the car and they continued on to their next stop.
“THIS IS fun!” James cried from the seat next to him as they zoomed around the track. “I like this better than riding in the car because I can feel what’s coming.” The excitement in James’s entire body was contagious. “I love this turn!” James whooped as Trevor took the turn at high speed, the back wheels skidding a little, and then they leapt forward with another cry from James. “I’m going to wet myself and I don’t care!”
Trevor laughed as he continued driving, passing the lead car and zooming across the finish line in first place at the end of the last lap. “Yes! We won!” They made a final lap at slow speed and drove into the boarding area. “Do you want to go again?”
“We’ve raced three times already.” James grinned, and Trevor handed the attendant his final ticket, and the two of them went on a fourth race. James’s happy cries and laughter were enough to propel Trevor forward at greater speed. It was worth it.
Once the race was over and they were back at the start, Trevor got out and helped James to his feet.
“That was awesome.”
“I’m glad you had a good time. What else do you like to do for fun? It’s still early.”
“I don’t know. I spend a lot of time listening to books. Television sort of sucks when you can’t see what’s going on, and listening to the radio all the time will drive you crazy, believe me. I listen to a lot of music and I work. I have a computer that speaks to me so I can use it for work and stuff. I have things for a snack at the house. I could make something for you.”
Trevor nodded to himself. “How about frozen custard? Leon’s is just a few blocks away.”
“I have ice cream at the house and it’ll be easier to eat.”
“Okay.” Trevor didn’t want the evening to end. He was having a great time, but he got James in the car and drove them back to James’s house.
James found his way easily to the front door, with Trevor following. Sometimes it was hard to imagine that James was blind. He moved with such confidence and grace, Trevor couldn’t pull his gaze away.
“Please sit down and make yourself comfortable.” James continued through to the kitchen. “Ice cream is a gift from the gods. I have vanilla, chocolate, mint chip, and butter pecan. I always like something different, so Mrs. Ledbetter gets me all different kinds.”
Trevor wandered into the kitchen behind him. “How do you know which is which without tasting them?”
James opened the freezer. “The vanilla is in a small round container, the mint chip in a large round one, the chocolate is square, and the butter pecan oblong.” He looked as though the answer was completely obvious, and it made perfect sense. “What do you like?”
“Chocolate, please,” Trevor answered, and James got it out. He moved through his kitchen with ease, getting a bowl and dishing out a portion. He had to touch it to make sure he knew what he was doing, but Trevor didn’t mind. Watching James was fascinating. James was a marvel. He put the container back right where it had been, got Trevor a spoon, and handed him the bowl.
“I’ll be right in.” James dished himself some butter pecan, and Trevor sat in the living room, eating slowly as he waited for James to join him. “I love this, but I have to be careful. Ice cream can be really messy.” He had his bowl and a tray. He sat and placed the tray on his lap with the bowl on it and started to eat. “The thing is, if I make a mess at home, I have to figure out how to clean it up, or if I don’t know about it, wait for someone to come in. Once I spilled milk on the floor and thought I’d wiped it up. I hadn’t and slipped the next time I was in the kitchen.”
“I’ll check before I go to make sure there’s nothing left in there that could hurt you later.” Trevor finished his ice cream and set the bowl aside, then sat quietly while James finished his. Trevor took care of the dishes, rinsing them and placing them in the sink before returning to the living room. He sat back down, looking at James, wondering what to do next.
“So what comes next on a date?” James asked.
Trevor chuckled. “You’re asking me? Usually my nights begin and end in the bedroom and that’s about it. I’m trying to be a gentleman here and not rush things. It is the first date I’ve had in a while.”
“What did you do on your last first date?”
“I was nineteen, and Chase and I were teenagers. We had a nice date and then ended up making out on the sofa in his parents’ basement until we heard his dad at the top of the stairs. It was so exciting and we knew we were pushing things, but we were young and stupid.” He remembered those times fondly. “I thought I’d found the very gates of heaven and all the questions about why we were on this earth had been answered.”
“Well, I’ve had a few dates and they didn’t go very well for the most part, except one. His name was Collin and he was really nice at the start. My mom even liked him. But it didn’t work out.”
“What did you do on that first date?” Trevor asked.
James smirked, stood, and walked over to him, leaned down, and kissed him. Trevor hugged James to him. He was like a live wire, shaking with energy. Trevor steadied him, holding James so he didn’t fall, while returning the kiss that intensified by the second.
“Trevor,” James breathed. “Will you take me to bed?”
He was taken aback. “Are you sure?”
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to go years without touching anyone or being touched? Sometimes I feel like I’m a desert, but instead of being starved for water, it’s simple human touch.” James hugged him tightly, resting his head on Trevor’s shoulder, and Trevor was afraid that James might be crying. He wasn’t sure and he didn’t want to strip James of his dignity, so he held him.