JAMES SNIFFED and wanted to smack himself out of total embarrassment. This was not the time for him to go to pieces like some teenager. He’d wanted his independence, but he hadn’t realized it would come with such a price. Other than at work, his life was pretty lonely, but letting his emotions come to the surface like this in front of Trevor was completely mortifying. He was going to think James was a pity fuck, and then Trevor would be gone. James stayed where he was, trying to hide his reaction until he could get himself under control. This was ridiculous. He was a guy, and Trevor was interested in taking him to bed.
“Go on and get yourself cleaned up. I’ll make sure the house is locked and that all the lights are out.”
James sighed very softly, glad Trevor hadn’t seemed to notice his reaction. He backed away, turning so Trevor couldn’t see his face, and walked slowly toward the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and finally wiped his eyes. Jesus, this was too weird for words. Maybe he was just meant to be alone and a boyfriend was too much to ask for, or maybe it was more than he could take. James washed his face and brushed his teeth, automatically reaching for the items where he knew they’d be. When he was done, he left the bathroom.
James heard Trevor in the bedroom, his breathing soft and gentle coming from the bed. James was more than a little nervous, but he pulled off his shirt and threw it in the hamper. His shoes were next, and he placed them in their spot on the floor of his closet. He tossed his socks in the laundry, then put his belt in its place and slid his pants down to the floor. He wasn’t sure if he should get naked or not, so once his pants were in the hamper, he turned toward the bed.
“Come here,” Trevor said softly, and James walked to the bed.
He found the covers pulled back, and as soon as he slipped under the sheets, Trevor pulled him close. James was relieved to find Trevor had his underwear on as well. James lay on his side, and Trevor spooned up against him. Damn, Trevor’s hard cock pressed to his butt. “Umm.”
“Hey. Just relax.” Trevor slid his hand around James’s side and over his belly. “We don’t have to do anything tonight other than sleep.” He stroked gently up and down James’s chest. “When we decided that this was going to be a date, I wasn’t planning to stay over.”
“But this is what you usually do, isn’t it? You told me. You take guys home for sex. It’s why you go to the clubs with your friends. You go there to meet guys so you can have sex.”
“So you thought you had to put out in order for me to like you?” Trevor didn’t stop his gentle stroking. “And now you’re a little worried… about what?”
“I don’t know. What if I’m not any good? It’s been a long time, and….”
Trevor shifted slightly. “What is it you’re really afraid of?”
James slowly rolled over, and Trevor held him once again, stroking his back. “I haven’t dated anyone since that guy a long time ago. I was nineteen and met him at my mom and dad’s country club, the one you gave me the ride home from. He was nice.”
“Is this Collin?” Trevor asked.
“Yeah. My mom liked him and sort of pushed the two of us together. His parents were friends of my mom and dad, so they thought we’d get along. Collin was from a good family and all that.”
“I can see where this is going.”
“I don’t think so. Collin and I went out on a date, and we ended up in bed. He was fun, and I thought we had a good time. We went out for, I think, a total of six weeks, and then I heard through a mutual friend that he was seeing other people too. I didn’t want to believe it. Collin was nice and treated me well, so I thought he really cared.”
“Did you ask him about it?”
“Yeah. I had to know, and Lester was here when I did because I didn’t want to be alone.” James swallowed hard. “He told me that he went out with me as a favor to my mother. That she asked him to take me out, and then he told me that my mother was the one who paid for the first date and that he only went out with me after to be nice. Then he said there was no way he would ever stay with me because I was too much work. No one was going to be with me and take care of me for the rest of my life.”
“I’ll kill him,” Trevor said. “That little bastard. Is he still at the country club?”
“No. That was years ago, and he’s since moved away with the guy he was sleeping with while he was dating me. He said that guy was hotter than me, and that no matter how much he tried, being in bed with me was like being with a dead fish. I know he was a total stinking pile of shit, but it hurt. I still hear his voice in my head sometimes.” James took a deep breath to calm his racing heart.
“Like I said, I’ll kill him.” Trevor pulled him closer, sliding one of his legs between James’s, the rough hair abrading his in the most delicious way. “You need to know that I never do things I don’t want to and that I think Collin was an ass.” Trevor sighed softly. “Besides, I’m pretty sure that people often say nasty things during a breakup.”
“But what if it’s the truth?” James had to ask.
Trevor hugged him a little tighter, pressing his chest to James’s. He was so solid and strong. James had spent nearly his entire life learning how to be strong and to stand up for himself, and it felt nice to let someone else be his strength for a while. “I doubt that. Every time I kiss you, you’re brimming with energy, and that’s as far from dead fish as you can get.”
“Oh?” James had never been told that before.
“Collin was a huge liar as far as I can tell.”
James burrowed a little closer and stilled. “Aren’t you going to… I don’t know… do something?” He wriggled next to Trevor, trying to act alluring.
“Sweetheart, you need to relax and just be. Don’t worry about doing anything or think you have to.” Trevor guided him back onto his other side and held him close once again.
“But aren’t we going to have sex?” James said, nervous about it but wanting to break his very long dry spell.
Trevor yawned in his ear. “I want to do that very much, as I’m sure you can feel.”
James definitely could.
“But like I said, I need to do things differently. So, if it’s okay, let’s take our time and go slow.” Trevor groaned softly. “I can’t believe I’m the one saying that. I’ve had guys that I’ve taken home and they want to go slow, and now I think I know how they felt.”
“But why?”
Trevor hesitated. “Because you deserve someone who will take time with you.” He placed his hand flat on James’s belly. “I’ve told you the kind of guy I am, and you deserve better than someone like that. So I’m taking my time and I hope that’s okay. Just lie down and relax.”
James did just that. He let go of some of the tension he’d been holding. It was nice that Trevor thought he might be worth waiting for, and James smiled. Of course, he also wondered if Trevor wasn’t all that interested and was only being nice. His staying the night but acting gentlemanly wasn’t what James had expected, though maybe that’s what made it extra special.
As if he could hear James’s thoughts, Trevor said, “I don’t have a bunch of ulterior motives. I’m not a really complicated kind of guy, usually. I like good food, playing hard, fast cars and bikes, and sex.”
“That’s what’s got me wondering. Because we’re here with sex on the table and you want to wait. I don’t understand it.” James lay still, having closed his eyes—not that it made any difference.
“If I understood it, I’d tell you. This is uncharted territory for me, but it’s what my heart is telling me to do, and that part of me has been silent for quite a long time.”
“Why? Did you get hurt by someone or is it because your mom died? I know mine can be a real pain sometimes, but I don’t think I could have made the transition to being blind without her.”
“But she was so impatient.”
“Yeah. She is now, but she wasn’t always. My mom took me to classes and stayed with me so she could understand what I was going through. My mom was like a tiger—if I needed it, she made sure I got it. But I think after a while she began to understand that this was something the entire family would have to deal with forever, and I know that can be overwhelming sometimes. Still, I don’t think I’d want to go through this without her.”
“I was sixteen when my mom died, and it ripped me apart. My dad, Larry, was there for me the entire time. He thought of me before he thought of himself. I’d been going through one of those teenage stages, and I remember telling him that he wasn’t my real dad. After mom died, he proved that he was as real as any dad could ever be.”
“Is your resistance to letting someone get close again the reason for fucking around instead of finding someone special?”
“Maybe part of it,” Trevor hedged. “I was having a good time, so that was what I did. It’s what I still do.”
“But not with me,” James supplied, hoping that was the answer.
“No. Not with you.” Trevor paused a few seconds, and James got comfortable. “I saw this movie once, where one character tells the other to pretend that his plumbing doesn’t work. That he can take the girl out and be nice to her, but no sex, at least not until she asks. I thought it sort of stupid at the time, and so did the guy she was talking to. Until she said that when the girl asks, she’ll get a nice surprise, because everything does work. And so would he, because by then he’d know her and might even like her.”
“Is that what you’re doing? Because I can tell from here that the plumbing is just fine.” James scooched his butt back, and Trevor groaned softly.
“I don’t even know why I told you that. But I do know that I already like you.” He grew quiet, and the rigors of James’s day caught up with him.
He liked the idea that Trevor already liked him, because James definitely liked Trevor. He knew he had to be careful, though, because regardless of how Trevor treated him now, Trevor had been a player and it was likely he’d return to being one again. Whatever was happening between them was fun, and James was definitely having a good time, but he had no illusions that Trevor was going to stay around for the long haul, no matter how much James might wish that to happen. He needed to take what he had and accept that was all he was likely to get.
JAMES WASN’T sure when he fell asleep. He’d wanted to stay awake and just lie next to Trevor, but eventually, once Trevor’s breathing evened out and became regular, it lulled him and he dropped off. When he woke, he wasn’t sure what time it was or if it was even morning. That had been a problem for him for years. Many times he’d gotten out of bed because he didn’t feel tired at that moment, only to discover it was four o’clock. He kept a clock by the side of the bed, but in order to know what time it was, he’d have to press the button so it could speak to him, and that was certain to wake Trevor, who was still asleep. So he lay where he was until his morning problem got the best of him and he had to get up.
“What time is it?” Trevor groaned like a teenager forced to get up to go to school. It was cute, and James smiled to himself.
He reached for the clock and pressed the button on top: “Seven ten a.m.”
“Oh crap. I have to get up and drag my sorry ass into work.” Trevor sat up next to him, and James got out of the bed to go to the bathroom.
“Are you going to be late?”
Trevor groaned again and stood, from the sound of it. “Yes. I have to stop at the house, and I’m supposed to open the garage at eight.” James wasn’t expecting to be pulled closer, but Trevor hugged him chest to chest, skin to skin. “I slept better last night than I have in a long time.” He gently touched James’s chin, which James was understanding as a clue to a kiss. He prepared for something gentle, but what he got curled his toes.
James floated and slowly came back to earth as Trevor pulled away.
“I’m going to get dressed quickly, and I’ll pick you up tomorrow about five for dinner. If it’s nice I’m going to bring the bike, if that’s okay.”
“Yeah.” James liked the thought of riding like that. It had been exhilarating. “I’ll see you then. I have to get dressed and go in to school by ten.”
“How do you get there?”
“We have a shuttle that picks me up and brings me home. We have some sighted staff, but a good share of us are blind, so one of the benefits is transportation to and from work. I arranged for them to pick me up at about nine this morning.” That would give him plenty of time to get ready and eat before the shuttle arrived.
James went to his closet, got a robe, and put it on because he felt a little exposed. He jumped and then settled when Trevor came up behind him, arms encircling his waist.
“I didn’t mean to frighten you. But I wanted you to know that I like looking at you.”
“You do?”
Trevor scoffed. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that you’re incredible?” He tugged open the robe. “Your skin is honey gold, smooth and silky. I love running my hands over it. You have the face of an angel and a body hot enough to tempt the devil. I could look at you for hours. Why do you think I crossed that club twice the other night? Because I couldn’t take my eyes off you—so don’t hide from me. You don’t need to.” Trevor kissed his shoulder and then backed away. “I really have to get going.”
Trevor raced around him, and James sat on the edge of the bed, feeling a little like an aural spectator of sorts, not part of what was happening. “Trevor?”
“Yeah.” He touched James’s hand, and instantly James was back with Trevor once again. “I’m sorry I have to go.”
“Me too. I’ll look forward to tomorrow.” James didn’t stand, but Trevor kissed him once again and then his footsteps receded. James listened as the front door opened and closed, and instantly he was alone once again.
There were so many times when he felt disconnected from the world around him. He fully understood why Lee was having such a hard time adjusting to his new reality. As a sighted person, which he had been for the first years of his life, he’d been fully engaged in the world, which was designed and built by the sighted.
For example, his house was all decorated based on textures he liked rather than color. He knew the walls of his bedroom were a pale green because Marti had told him the color she’d picked out. Just like he knew the living and dining room were a sort of white. She’d had a name for it, but it was basically white. The kitchen was light yellow, and the other bedroom was the same white as the living room. He knew all that, but he wasn’t part of it. To him the dining room walls were defined by the patched crack that ran along the corner of the wall next to the kitchen and the filled indentations that had once been decorative molding that had been removed years ago. Others didn’t see the lines, but they were landmarks for him when he got a little turned around.
But he knew that things were more changeable, and that he had much less control over them, once he was outside the walls of his house. It was like he was in a constant windstorm that buffeted him from all sides, and all he could do was react to it most of the time. Warnings were often missed, and his day-to-day life was sometimes one unwelcome surprise after another.
James stood and pushed those lines of thought from his mind. He had places he needed to be and people counting on him. He had to concentrate on that rather than what was beyond his control.
“HELLO, CHARLOTTE,” James said as he walked into the school, greeting one of the sighted ladies as he walked past the front desk. She had started work just a week earlier, and James smiled at her gasp. “I’m here to work with Lee.”
“How did you know it was me? I wasn’t supposed to be working today, and I know you can’t see me.” Her voice always had a happy tone to it, and today wasn’t an exception.
“Your perfume. It has a nice floral tone.” He grinned at her. “Is Lee here?”
“Yes. He and his mother arrived a few minutes ago, and I have them in room eight for you.” She paused. “Lee didn’t look happy at all,” she added in a whisper.
“Thanks.”
Lee’s mother and father had been pushing to get Lee as much support and help as possible, but James was beginning to think they were just pushing, ignoring Lee’s own natural pace of learning. Lee needed a chance to breathe and grieve for what he’d lost.
“Could you get his mother a coffee, and I’ll tell her that she can sit out here and wait?” He wanted this session to be with Lee alone. Maybe they could make progress if the two of them could start a relationship. That was how James preferred to work, especially with younger students. He needed to build a level of trust with them, and sometimes he listened to their frustrations about their situation, families, and the world. It was all part of the job.
“Sure….” Charlotte hurried off, her heels clicking on the tile floor, and James went down the familiar hallway to the room he was using.
All was quiet, but as he opened the door, a wave of tension washed over him. He imagined mother and son, staring bullets at each other. “Lee, how are you doing?” he said, ignoring what he felt.
“He’s fine,” Lee’s mother answered.
“Jane,” James said as he turned in the direction of her voice. “Charlotte is getting you some coffee. I’d like you to go out and sit with her so Lee and I can work together, please.” He kept his voice light, but perceived so much of his own mother in Jane that he knew he needed to give Lee a chance to be free of her protection, at least for a while. “Lee and I will be fine.”
“But neither of you can see.”
“That’s all she ever says. She thinks I’m completely helpless!” Lee interjected very forcefully.
“Lee and I will be fine.” James gave her a smile, but he was about to become more insistent if he had to. He was ultimately here to help Lee.
At that moment Charlotte entered and escorted Lee’s mother out of the room, then closed the door.
“She never leaves me alone, and she treats me like I’m stupid as well as blind.”
“She’s a mother, and her first instinct is to protect you. It’s part of the contract as a mom. I bet she always did when you were a kid. Right?”
“Yeah,” Lee grumbled like only a teenager could.
“Then the best thing you can do is to learn to be as self-sufficient as possible and show her that you don’t need as much help as she thinks. I had the same issue with my mother.” James didn’t go into how that had morphed into impatience and frustration on her part. Lee didn’t need the pressure. “So tell me about what you’ve learned about yourself this week.” He let Lee do most of the talking for a while and then he took him out onto the grounds so he could work on his sensory perceptions.
They worked together for a long time, and by the time he left, Lee seemed less angsty and more like he was ready to start taking charge of some parts of his life. It wasn’t a permanent answer but a step forward, and that was all James could hope for.
Once Lee and his mother left, James caught his shuttle back home and rode while the driver made the stops, picking up someone else along the way. He was so tired, James nearly dozed off before the driver pulled to a stop and told him he was home. James got off the shuttle and walked up to his front door, then went inside and put his bag away before turning on some calming music and lying down on the sofa.
His phone rang, waking him up from his nap. It was Marti, and apparently Zack wanted to spend time with his uncle Jimmy. She asked if he wanted to come to dinner, and he accepted gratefully.
James hadn’t been so grateful for Marti in a while. He had been dreaming of Trevor, and damned if the dream hadn’t left him unsettled and sweating to beat the band. In the dream, Trevor had taken him to his bedroom and driven James crazy without ever bringing anything to an end. By the time he woke, James needed either a cold shower or some quiet time to let his imagination run away with itself so he could take care of things.
He decided to clean up as fast as he could and dressed again as Marti came inside to get him. She gave him a hug and stayed close as he left the house. She guided him to her car, and they rode to her and Tim’s house, about ten minutes away.
“So are you still seeing the hunky bad boy from the club?”
“Yeah. We’re having dinner at his dad’s tomorrow night.”
“Ooooh. Meeting the parents, that’s big.” She teased just like she always had, making him feel normal at a time when he felt out of sorts.
“I don’t know. He’s a player. That’s what Lester told me, and Trevor doesn’t deny it.”
Marti chuckled and lightly smacked his leg. “You think he’s seeing you for the sex? Is it your opinion that he’s got a kink for people who can’t see?”
He could almost imagine her smirking at him as though he were being stupid.
“I doubt it. But I don’t understand what he wants. I mean….” There were times when his blindness was a blessing, because he’d never say this if he could actually see his sister. “He stayed over last night.”
“You slut!” she said, half laughing.
“But nothing happened. He stayed with me because I was lonely. It’s been a long time… since… well, since Collin and… it was nice to go to sleep with someone and to wake up knowing I wasn’t alone. He just stayed with me, and he asked me to go with him tomorrow for dinner. It’s all very confusing.”
“Or maybe it’s so straightforward that you aren’t willing to see it.”
“Marti, come on. You saw him, and I got to feel him.” That had been really nice. His cheeks heated. “He’s something else, and I know the other guys at the club all think he’s hot. So why is he going to decide he wants to be with me long-term?”
“Shit,” Marti swore as she pulled the car to a stop. “You’re falling for this guy, aren’t you?”
“No!” he answered, too fast and too loudly for his denial to be anything but an admission.
“You’re falling for him and you’re scared.”
“Of course I’m scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen, and after Collin… I mean, I don’t know what to think.” His insides felt as churned up as Lake Michigan during a storm. He remembered Marti taking him there, with the sound of the waves and thunder rolling forever.
“Try to enjoy it. If you feel you need to protect yourself, then maybe that isn’t a bad idea until you’re sure. But don’t push him away just because of his reputation. Guys do change sometimes, and they grow up eventually.” The keys jingled and then the door opened. “Come on. Zack is going to come rushing out here any second because he knows you’re here, I’m sure.” She got out, closing the door, and James waited until she helped him out of the car.
The rest of the day James didn’t have much time to think about Trevor. Zack kept him busy. Marti invited him to stay the night if he wanted, but James needed to get home. Sleeping in his own bed in surroundings he knew well was better for him.
Of course, that night, in bed alone, he thought of nothing but Trevor and how it had felt to lie there with him. Yeah, he’d wished they’d done more than sleep, because as soon as he dozed off, his imagination took over and Trevor did indeed make love to him, over and over again, except James woke each time before things reached their climax, gasping and aching for release. By the time morning arrived, he was as frustrated as he could possibly be. He got up early, took a shower, and finally found some relief under the hot water.
The day was quiet, and he spent much of it listening to audiobooks and trying not to get too excited about his impending evening. On the one hand, he was super excited to be spending time with Trevor, but he was also going to be meeting his dad and his dad’s fiancée, and what if they didn’t like him? Granted, from what Trevor had said, Trevor’s dad sounded like a pretty cool guy. And James had learned to get along with a lot of people, so those feelings were probably a little silly.
He needed to stop being concerned about how others saw him. He did the best he could. Still, he didn’t want to look bad in front of Trevor. That was really the issue. He wanted Trevor to like him, because James was falling for the guy, and maybe if he were good enough, Trevor would like him in return.
God, that sounded pathetic, even to him. He put it out of his head and continued his audiobook, taking a space journey for a few hours. He loved stories like that because he was the same as everyone else in them. In those stories, everyone had to use their imagination to conjure the worlds, not just use everyday visual references.
That afternoon, he called his mother just to talk and see how she was doing. He knew if he didn’t, he’d get one of her calls about him never calling her. Then he finished dressing and sat in his chair to wait for Trevor.
His watch told him it was a few minutes after five when Trevor knocked on the door. James let him inside, and Trevor’s scent wrapped around him like a blanket. All the nervousness and doubt that had run through his head for the last few hours dropped away when Trevor stroked his cheek and pulled him against his chest. The room grew warm, and James’s heart beat faster in anticipation of what was to come. Trevor’s heady male scent grew stronger, and James closed his eyes. Not that it made a difference to him, but he did it anyway. Trevor’s hold strengthened and his breath tickled over James’s cheek. He wanted to be kissed and so much more.
When it happened, even though he was ready, the intensity hit James like a two-by-four. The energy behind the kiss was almost more than James could understand. All he could think of was that Trevor truly wanted him as much as James wanted Trevor. James knew that the minute Trevor released him, he’d miss being held.
Trevor deepened the kiss, and all thoughts of it ending flew from his mind. James wound his arms around Trevor’s neck, pulling him even closer, returning the kiss and wondering how he could convince Trevor to forget about everything else this evening. The bedroom was just a short distance away and it was calling to him.
A ringing phone interrupted them, and James backed away as Trevor growled. Keeping one arm around James, he answered the call. “What’s up, Dean? … No, I don’t think so. I have dinner at my dad’s and I’m taking James. … No, I’m not going to come out to the clubs after I drop James at home.” He sounded a little miffed. “Call Brent. … Well, I’m sorry, but I have plans tonight. I’ll talk to you soon.” Trevor hung up, and James felt him squirm a little as he put his phone away.
James wasn’t sure how he felt about the reminder of Trevor’s usual behavior. Yes, he’d begged off that night in favor of being with James, or was it because they were going to Trevor’s dad’s for dinner and not because of him at all? God, James was wondering about everything.
“I’m sorry about that, sweetheart. We need to go,” Trevor whispered, and James nodded, still trying to pull air into his lungs and get his mind running again.
He pretty much forgot about being nervous, especially when it turned out that Trevor had indeed brought the bike, and the excitement of speed and holding Trevor close the entire trip had his heart racing for a completely different reason. The energy thrummed under him, adding to the banked electricity that formed a bubble around them even as they zoomed down the freeways through town.
“We’re in Shorewood,” Trevor told him once they pulled to a stop. “It’s about three blocks from the lake. Dad and Mom bought this house a few years before Mom died. It was her dream. There’s a step at the curb and three steps up to the door, with a slight curve to the walk.”
“Trevor.” James didn’t move, holding Trevor around the waist as though they were still driving. He inhaled the richness of Trevor’s scent mixed with the leather, and at least for the moment wondered if he could possibly be presentable. The entire experience had gone straight through him, settling in his groin.
“I understand. I can feel you, remember?”
“Oh God.” There were questions he wanted answers to but felt stupid asking.
“James, I’ve never brought someone home to meet my dad. Well, not since Chase, but that was a long time ago, and it feels like I was a different person.” Trevor slowly shifted, and James released him. “I like you, James. I want you to know that.” Trevor unhooked the helmet from under James’s chin, his fingers brushing his skin, then lifted off the helmet and stroked James’s cheek.
James leaned into the touch and didn’t move otherwise. It was like the world had disappeared, like they weren’t on the side of the street, but in a quiet woods, just the two of them. Of course, that lasted only a few seconds until Trevor’s touch faded and he took James’s arm.
James climbed off the motorcycle, and Trevor guided him up the walk. Additional, overlapping voices sounded suddenly through the now-open front door.
“Trevor,” a warm voice called.
“Hey, Dad. This is James.” Trevor sounded happy, and James smiled just from the warmth in Trevor’s voice.
“It’s good to meet you. I’ll let Trevor help you inside before I meet you properly.” He grew quiet, and James listened to Trevor’s soft instructional patter as he made his way up the stairs and into the air-conditioned home.
“The entrance hall is small, so continue ahead two steps and then turn right into the living room.” Trevor placed a hand gently on the small of his back just to reassure him. There was no pressure on it, but it said everything was going to be okay—which it was.
The conversations in the room ceased and it grew quiet until James sat down, and then the talking resumed again. It was like everyone held their breath to see if the blind guy was going to make it okay.
“Do you need anything?” Trevor asked.
“I’m good. Thank you.” James held Trevor’s arm for longer than he needed to, but he liked the contact and knowing Trevor was close.
“I’m Trevor’s dad, Larry. Can I bring you anything to drink? We have a full bar.” His rich baritone voice sounded really nice.
“Is beer in a bottle possible?” It was easier for him to drink, and if he knocked it over, made less of a mess.
“Of course. I’ll bring you one.” Larry left and returned quickly, pressing the beer into James’s hand. “I’d like to introduce my fiancée, Margaret.”
“Hello, James,” she said rather quietly, and gently shook his hand when he offered it. “I’m so glad you could come.
“Thank you for having me.” He smiled, feeling a little alone until he felt Trevor perch next to him on the arm of the chair.
“The other couple in the room are my son, Marshall, and daughter-in-law, Rachel,” Margaret explained by way of introduction. They both said hello, and James noted their voices so he would know who was speaking to him. Parties, especially ones where he knew very few people, could be difficult, and James always made a point of trying to place names with the voices he heard.
“It’s so nice of you all to include me.” James leaned slightly against Trevor as though he were his strength. “And congratulations on the upcoming wedding.”
“Thank you.” Margaret was clearly a little overwhelmed and entirely happy and excited.
“I know Larry and Mom are going to be happy together,” Marshall said. There was something forced in his voice that James couldn’t quite place, and he made a note to ask Trevor about it later.
“How long have you and Trevor been dating?” Rachel asked.
Trevor put his arm around James’s shoulders and leaned closer to him, Trevor’s warmth caressing him gently. “I met James a little over a week ago. So this is very new for both of us and we’re sort of feeling our way a little.”
“New relationships are so exciting, aren’t they?” she asked.
“Yes, they are.” James took a cautious drink of his beer. The scent of roasting beef coming, he assumed, from the kitchen sent his stomach rumbling a little.
“I don’t mean to sound rude, and if I am, I apologize, but dating must be more difficult for you.”
“Rachel,” Marshall chastised immediately.
“It isn’t exactly easy,” James deadpanned. He’d been asked a lot of questions about his blindness over the years and had long ago decided to be up-front. People were curious, and most just wanted to understand. “For a long time, I thought I’d never be able to find someone who would be willing to put up with the extra burden that being with a blind person can entail.”
“You aren’t a burden,” Trevor whispered, and James stroked his arm. “Dating James requires doing some things a little differently, but he’s worth it.” Trevor squeezed his arm lightly, and James couldn’t help smiling as contented warmth spread through him. He wanted to believe that was true.
The conversation turned to what they did for a living, and Rachel asked a lot of questions about his job. She was an elementary school teacher in Shorewood, so they talked quite a bit about teaching philosophies and methodologies. She was intensely interested in the work James was doing, and it helped put James on a solid conversational footing.
“Do you need anything else to drink?” Trevor asked during a break from talking with his dad and Margaret.
“I think I’m okay.” He smiled to show he was having a good time.
“So you weren’t born blind?” Margaret asked. She’d probably been listening to part of the conversation he’d been having with Marshall and Rachel.
“No. I started losing my sight at about ten, and it was completely gone at twelve, so I’ve learned how to cope pretty well. My mother was a big help for a lot of years.”
“Do you still live with them?” Rachel asked.
“No. I own my own home. I have a neighbor who acts as my housekeeper and helper. She does the shopping and cleaning for me, things like that. Being blind requires that things always be in the same place, and some things have to be labeled. I have a special Braille labeler that she uses to tell me what’s in various cans and containers.”
“That must require a high level of organization.”
“It’s just that everything has its place, and I know what it is and always put things back. If I don’t, I can’t find it again.” James took another sip of beer. “Sometimes being blind can be very restrictive because you have to stay within areas you’re familiar with, at least when you’re alone. Trevor has been helping me get out of my comfort zone a little.”
“Like riding that bike with him?” Margaret asked and then added in a whisper, “I have cheese and crackers on the coffee table in front of you. If you’d like anything, please let us know.”
James nodded, and Trevor pressed what felt like a cracker sandwich in his hand a few seconds later.
“I put cheese and salami in between the crackers.”
“Thanks.” James took a bite and swallowed. This was turning out to be an amazing time. “I love the motorcycle. I’ll never be able to drive or anything, but riding with Trevor makes me feel free in a way. It’s like I’m flying.” He didn’t mention the thrill of being pressed to Trevor and the urge to cop a feel every once in a while. “He took me to the go-kart place on Friday and it was so much fun.”
“He’s a speed junkie,” Trevor explained, and they all laughed.
“I think I am.”
“No one would know more about that than Trevor. You know I’m his stepfather?”
“Yes. He also said you were his dad.” James thought he might have heard Larry choke up for a second, and his voice was rough when Larry continued.
“The first time I met Trevor, he was four, and he raced up to me and asked if I’d swing him. I figured he wanted me to push him in the swing in the backyard. Nope. He wanted me to twirl him in a circle as fast as I could, and he laughed the entire time. ‘Faster, faster’ was all he said.”
“Dad….”
“Well, you did. I remember when you first learned to drive. You drove like a bat out of hell and were lucky you didn’t get a ton of tickets or have an accident. I worried about you more times than I can count.”
“Trevor is a good driver,” James said.
“How do you know?” Margaret asked. “Not that I’m saying you’re wrong, but it’s an interesting observation.”
“He drives smoothly. He anticipates, so braking is smooth instead of jerky, and at least when I’m in the car, he accelerates the same way. I’m comfortable riding with him. Now, my mother nearly always makes me carsick because she’s impatient and I get jerked around. With Trevor, I don’t have to worry about things like that.” James stopped and caught a soft hum. “Did you just stick your tongue out at your dad?” he asked Trevor.
“How did you know?”
James smiled and sat back. “It’s my superpower.” Granted, it had been the sound, but he didn’t need to tell Trevor that.
“Dinner will be about ten minutes,” Margaret said, and James heard her leave the room.
“I’ll help you.” Rachel followed, with Marshall going as well.
“They’re all so wonderful,” James said, trying to remember if Larry was still in the room. He realized he was. Sometimes it was hard for him to account for everyone all the time.
“Yes, they are,” Larry said.
“How long have you and Margaret been dating?”
“Two years now. We wanted to take things slowly. She lost her husband about five years after I lost Shirley, so we were both a little gun-shy, but ready at the same time.” Happiness flowed easily from Larry and filled the entire house. This was what James wanted, and he turned to Trevor, who leaned closer, their heads lightly touching. “I keep hoping that Trevor will settle down, but….”
James could almost feel the looks going between the other two men.
“When Trevor lost Chase, he turned his back on most relationships.”
James knew who Chase was, but the wording Larry used was strange. Did Chase die? Maybe that was the reason why Trevor was the way he was. He’d lost both his mother and a lover. James gently stroked Trevor’s arm and filed the information away for later.
The phone rang somewhere in the house and was immediately answered. He heard Margaret talking softly, but didn’t try to make out her words.
“She’s been fussing because she invited our neighbor Peter and his boyfriend to dinner as well.” Larry excused himself, and James was pretty sure he was alone with Trevor.
The chair moved a little as Trevor shifted on the arm once again. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m having a great time. Your family, or your soon-to-be family, is really nice.”
“It’s great that my dad is so happy.” Loss tinged Trevor’s voice.
“Then why don’t you sound it?” James asked. “You know your dad is never going to stop being your dad.” He slowly rubbed up and down Trevor’s arm.
“He already told me that he and Margaret want to move to Florida in a few years.” A few others came into the room and Trevor grew quiet, but James could still feel the tension in him.
“We have two more for dinner. They’ll be here in a few minutes, and then we can start.” Margaret sounded excitedly happy and the food smelled amazing enough that James remembered the tiny lunch he’d had and his stomach rumbled so loudly that he was able to hear it.
The doorbell rang and Margaret hurried over to open it. “Peter, I’m so glad you could come.”
“Let me see the ring.” That must have been Peter. “It’s gorgeous.” He could imagine them hugging. “And this is my new boyfriend, Collin.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
James knew that voice, and his blood ran cold. He wanted nothing more than to sink into the chair and try to hide. His ex. He hadn’t seen the jerk in years, and now he shows up like this? Just when James was feeling comfortable and having a good time, the jerk of jerks appeared out of nowhere.
“Trevor.” James gripped Trevor’s arm more tightly to try to get his attention. But Trevor was already moving away, probably to greet the new guests. James sat stiffly in the chair, wishing he’d bothered to bring his cane. At least he’d have something to hold on to and to drain his tension into. He heard introductions being made and pushed himself upward, intending to turn around, but he must have put too much pressure on the chair and lost his balance.