JAMES MADE phone call after phone call for hours. He developed a process so he could call each person on the list without missing anyone and without bothering anyone more than once. Most people were polite, and James made sure he was kind and understanding. But had no idea if he was actually doing any good or not.
He sighed as he ended his final call. He was tired, even though he hadn’t actually done much. His ankle still ached, but it didn’t hurt as badly as it had. Still, he kept off his foot as much as possible.
He went into work on Friday, regardless of how his ankle felt, to spend some extra time with Lee. It had been difficult, but he’d made it through the day, and when he’d arrived home, he had expected to spend a quiet evening alone. Instead Marti had called and James had spent his evening having dinner with her and Zack, then reading Zack one of the books James had gotten him for his birthday. He loved the time with his nephew on his lap, resting his head on his uncle’s chest. Once he’d finished the story, Marti had put Zack to bed, and Zack had insisted on giving James a hug and a kiss on the cheek before lying down.
“He’s so amazing, Marti,” James told her once they were in the living room having tea. Tim had a work dinner that was keeping him late, so it was just the two of them.
“He asked me the other day if you were going to get a girlfriend, and I told him that you might have a boyfriend. He asked me if Uncle Jimmy’s boyfriend would see with his fingers the way you do. He didn’t ask if he’d be blind, but if he’d be able to see with his fingers. I really think he thinks you have eyes in your fingers.”
James chuckled. “I’m glad he’s not put off by me. I used to be afraid that he’d think I was weird or that he’d be afraid of me.”
“Nope. He adores you.” She sipped from her mug, and James did the same from his. They talked until Tim arrived, and he gave James a ride home.
“It looks like you have company,” Tim said as he pulled to a stop.
James thanked him for the ride and got out of the car. He heard Tim pull away, and James smelled Trevor before he said a word. “How long have you been waiting for me?”
“Not too long.” Trevor sounded different, his words mushy.
“Have you been drinking?” James asked.
“Yeah, celebrating, but not until I got here. I didn’t drink and drive.” Trevor wrapped James in his arms and kissed him, tasting slightly of beer. “People have been coming into the garages all day to pay off their bills. They’ve said that the nicest man called to remind them, and they said that it’s a shame that someone stole from us.”
“I figured that if people knew why I was calling and that you needed their help, they’d respond.”
“They did. At least twenty people, and they paid me thousands of dollars today, and the phone has been ringing off the hook with other people saying they’ll be in next week or that they sent a check.”
“Is it going to be enough?” James asked.
“It’s a start.” Trevor guided him up the walk. “I know it could all fizzle out tomorrow, but people are responding. I mean, I’m only an auto repair garage, and yet they want to help.”
“They want to be fair.” James didn’t like seeing Trevor like this. “Let me ask you something. Do you remember the guy who swaggered up to me in the club a few weeks ago?”
“How do you know I swaggered?”
“I imagined it, okay? I have a really good imagination. How else could I take what my hands feel and put together an image of you that is hot enough to melt butter? Well, bring him back. Fill yourself with that kind of confidence. This is going to work, and you will find the money that you need.”
“James, a club is one thing, but this is everything I’ve built—”
“They’re the same thing.” James got out his keys and unlocked the door. “Sometimes it’s all about attitude. In that club, you acted as though every man there would want you. I still can’t believe you picked me for some strange reason. So remember that. There is nothing that’s going to get you down.”
“Yeah, well, it was a good day, but I put my motorcycle up for sale at the Brown Deer location. So the blessings were very mixed.”
James located the chair near the door and used his hands to guide him to the seat. “I’m sorry.” He hated the idea that Trevor was selling the motorcycle. He’d really liked riding on it behind Trevor, but he wasn’t going to say anything to make Trevor feel worse. He was doing what he needed to in order to save the business he’d worked for. And James understood.
“I have some beer in the refrigerator. Would you bring one for each of us when you take care of your empty?”
“Sure.” Trevor was already walking out of the room, and James got up and hobbled to the sofa so he could put his foot up. The pressure slipped away from his ankle and he sighed, and Trevor pressed a cold beer bottle into his hand. “How was your day?”
“Busy but good. I read Zack one of his ‘bumpy books.’ He’s such an amazing kid. I wish I could spend more time with him. Maybe have him stay overnight with me, but that can’t happen until he gets quite a bit older. If I could see, then I could babysit for them and even take Zack places so Marti and Tim could have some time for themselves.” James sighed. “Sorry. There are times…. I accepted that I was blind a long time ago, but I was able to see once, so I still wish I could sometimes.” James shook his head to try to clear out the thoughts that weren’t going to do him any good. “I wasn’t expecting you tonight.”
“I had a good day, so I wanted to share it with you, especially since you helped bring it about.”
“I’m glad I could help—you know that.” James drank from his bottle as Trevor sat next to him. James wasn’t sure what to talk about, and the silence between them began to bother him. Quiet often meant he was cut off from the other people in the room, since sound was one of the major ways he connected with the world. Silence could unnerve him, and he often wondered if something was wrong.
“I do.” Trevor grew quiet once again.
James finished his beer and thought about getting another when Trevor took the bottle from him and set it on the table with a soft clink, followed by another. Then Trevor’s heat surrounded him even before Trevor touched him. Hot breath wafted over his lips. James had no idea what Trevor was actually doing, but he felt his presence with every inch of his being.
James’s skin went on alert, wondering where he was going to be touched, what special caress was coming. Then heat moved and shifted until Trevor gently pressed him back down onto the cushions with the lightest touch of his shoulder. “That’s it,” Trevor crooned just above a whisper. “I love watching you.”
“You know that isn’t fair. I can’t watch you in return.” James pouted until Trevor took his hand and placed it on Trevor’s firm, hard chest. Heat seared through James’s fingers and palm, careening straight through him. “Yes.”
“Do you want to stay here?”
James shook his head. He wanted somewhere more comfortable and slowly tried to get up. Trevor helped him and led him through the house, trying to take some of the weight off his ankle until they reached the bedroom. Trevor guided him down onto the bed with his lips, kissing him as he slowly removed James’s clothes.
With the removal of each article, James’s tension and anticipation ramped up higher and higher until he was shaking as Trevor removed his shoes and socks. “I don’t think you’ll need the brace for now.” Trevor carefully removed it and helped James get comfortable. Then James lay still, listening to the rustle as fabric tumbled to the floor. He gripped the sheets, waiting until Trevor joined him on the bed. He was strung tight, and Trevor straddled him, hovering over James, heat radiating downward. “I’ve been thinking of you a lot.”
“You have?” James hadn’t thought of Trevor much at all. Just a dozen times each spare minute of the day.
“Yes.” Trevor licked over one of James’s nipples, sending a quiver of excitement running through him. “I don’t want to hurt you, so I’m trying to be careful.”
Trevor lowered himself, and James pulled him closer. He needed the intensely hot feeling of Trevor’s skin against his, heat to heat, chest to chest, hips to hips. James clung to Trevor, learning each curve and ripple of his muscular back, down to the gentle dip of his hips, and then the curve of Trevor’s muscular ass. He grabbed hold, kneading the smooth flesh. He wanted to explore all of him, every inch, all at once. There was no way he could get enough, and when Trevor slowly rolled them on the bed and James found himself on top, he nearly gasped.
“Just take your time.”
“And do what?” James asked, pushing himself upward.
“You see with your hands. Go ahead.”
James’s mouth went dry. He started at Trevor’s wide, rounded shoulders, like he had cannonballs at the top of his arms. Then he moved down the plates of muscle on his chest, tracing the lines on Trevor’s slightly furry belly. He leaned closer, burying his face in Trevor’s skin, inhaling deeply to get every nuance of his scent, taking a second to listen as Trevor’s heart beat in his chest. It was like he was surrounded by Trevor, and when he wrapped him in his arms, James was content. “Just hold me.”
Trevor ran his hands slowly up and down James’s back, gliding lower until he caressed James’s butt. James loved that. Most people didn’t understand the intimacy, the tenderness, associated with a simple touch and caress.
James found Trevor’s lips with his own, tasting and nibbling as he writhed in near ecstasy.
“Take your time. There’s no rush.” Trevor cupped his cheeks in his strong hands.
“But it’s too much.”
“Breathe, relax, and stay with me.” Trevor kissed him, open mouthed, tugging on James’s lower lip. “You are stunning to watch.”
“And you feel so handsome.” James snickered as he settled his hands on Trevor’s chest and then used Trevor as a road map, sliding downward, feeling his way with hands and lips. God, this was exciting. He slid down Trevor’s belly toward his cock, then wrapped his fingers around its girth and slowly took Trevor into his mouth.
“Oh my God,” Trevor groaned as James sucked him deeper. He had limited experience and went slowly, but it didn’t seem to matter to Trevor, who moaned softly with each lick and suck. Damn, the noises he made were like music, and James threw himself into what he was doing as Trevor’s sounds became more urgent and insistent. Trevor’s musk with a hint of bitterness filled his mouth, sending James into overdrive.
Trevor gently guided him upward, and James let Trevor slip from between his lips. “If you keep that up, it’s going to be over before we get started.”
James loved the way Trevor quivered beneath him. Trevor was really strong; James had felt it, and he loved the effect he had on him. It was like James had some sort of power that turned Trevor on, and it was amazing.
“Is your ankle okay?”
“Yeah….” What ankle? James was on top of the world, and at the moment, nothing was going to bother him. “Where do you want me?” He could feel Trevor’s gaze on him and it made him edgy. Sometimes it just wasn’t fair. He could be seen and yet never see.
Trevor guided James onto his back. “I want you right there.” He ran his fingers over James’s chest, circling his nipples lightly enough that it almost tickled, but sent ripples racing through him instead. “Do you know what you look like?”
“Not really. Marti told me that I was cute, but she’s my sister so she doesn’t count. You said some things too, but I figured you….” James swallowed. “Well, that you might be interested in one thing….”
“I never lie. You have amazing dark hair that sort of goes wherever it wants.”
“Oh God.” James hated his hair because he never knew if he’d combed it right. He’d thought of getting it cut short.
“No. It’s sweet.” Trevor wound his fingers through James’s hair, massaging his scalp until James groaned. He closed his eyes, not that it really mattered, but Trevor’s fingers felt so damn good. “And you have honey-gold skin, smooth and kissable.” Trevor sucked at the base of James’s neck.
He whimpered and hugged Trevor to him. “I’m not strong like you.”
“So? If I wanted someone like me, I could date half the guys at the gym. I like you.” Trevor caressed James’s chest, straddling him, rolling his hips, and James moaned as Trevor found a rhythm, sliding back and forth along James’s cock. He was going crazy, unable to understand where to focus his attention. “You’re kind and gentle.”
“I could be strong if that’s what you wanted.”
“Just be yourself. That’s all I really want.” Trevor sighed and kissed him hard, stealing James’s breath. He needed more, and Trevor seemed intent on giving him just that. “I think you spend too much time worrying about how others see you, when they should be the ones reaching out to you.”
“Huh?”
“You’re incredibly perceptive. You may not be able to see, but you see into the hearts of people. Hell, I didn’t even know I had one until you’d already stolen it.” Trevor kissed him again, and James let the fire between them build higher. He wanted to believe Trevor more than anything, but he could still feel that he was holding something important back. Of course, Trevor’s magic hands and mouth took all those thoughts away for now.
In Trevor’s capable hands, James flew higher and higher with each second, clutching the bedding as Trevor engulfed him in pressure and heat so intense, James could no longer think. “I didn’t think anyone would want….” His words turned into a gasp as Trevor sucked him harder. James was on the edge within minutes, and he pulled back, tugging Trevor upward until they were lips to lips. Trevor moved with him, their bodies slicking the way as James bucked up against Trevor.
Pressure built deep inside and James’s head began to swim as heat spread through him. James held off until Trevor spilled between them, and then he added his own as Trevor held him tightly, kissing him gently.
“James!” The front door of the house slammed closed and they both froze. “James, are you here?”
“My mother,” James said as Trevor jumped off the bed. The bedroom door closed quickly, and Trevor hurried around the room. James got up as well and went to his closet. He found his robe in its usual spot and put it on before tying it closed. “I’ll go out and see what she wants.”
James left the room, closing the door behind him. “Mom?” he called. “What are you doing here?”
“James, are you all right? I’ve been calling and you didn’t answer. You always answer, so I got worried.” She sounded frantic, and that was so unlike her. “Tim said there was a man here when he dropped you off, and I didn’t know if something was wrong.”
“Is everything okay, James?” Trevor asked from behind him, sliding his arms around James’s waist. He felt Trevor at his back, his heat sinking right through the robe.
“Trevor, you remember my mother, Joyce? Mom, this is Trevor. You met him at the club for Zack’s birthday.” He blushed something terrible. Even though he couldn’t see it, his cheeks heated, and he wanted to turn away and hurry back to his bedroom.
“It’s nice to meet you again,” Trevor said as though they hadn’t just been caught having sex.
“Mom, you came all this way because I wasn’t answering my phone?” His ankle ached, and Trevor guided him to a chair, where he sat.
“I’ll go get your brace,” Trevor whispered and gently patted his shoulder before his footsteps retreated.
“What do you want, Mom?”
“James.” She was scandalized. “Your sister told me you were seeing this guy.” She came closer. “He looks like some hoodlum.”
“He’s a nice man, and what do I care how he looks?” He tilted his head slightly to the side and waited for her response. “Trevor cares about me.”
“Have you given him money?” his mother stage-whispered, and James wanted to fall through the floor.
“Mother!”
“Well, you’re blind—”
“You should know more than anyone that I’m not stupid and that I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. You were the one who pushed me to be independent for years, and now that I am, you act as though I’m completely helpless.” He tilted his head. “I don’t get it.”
She took his hand in her soft one, caressing his fingers. “I don’t want you taken advantage of.”
“You mean like your friend Collin did?”
“He’s a nice boy,” she countered.
“No, he isn’t. He only dated me in order to get close to the family. He wanted me to ask Dad to get him a job, and he wanted money.”
“That’s not true,” his mother argued, and James shook his head.
“Yes, it is. Collin wasn’t interested in me, just what I could get him. When I said I wasn’t going to ask Dad to help him, he got mean.” James began to shake, and then Trevor’s hands rested on his shoulders and he steadied. “Collin hurt me, Mom.” Tears welled in James’s eyes, but he’d be damned if he was going to cry over an asshole like Collin. “He told me that I was useless and that he wasn’t going to spend the rest of his life wiping my ass for me. That no one was going to want to spend the rest of their life taking care of me.”
His mother gasped. “He what?” The anger in her voice surprised James. “So help me, I’ll—”
“Mom. It’s okay. Collin is gone, and I didn’t want to hurt you, so I let you blame me.” James leaned into Trevor’s touch, and he stroked James’s cheek.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” his mother asked plaintively, as though she were about to cry.
“I didn’t think you’d believe me.” James told her the truth, and Trevor’s hands slipped away as James was taken into his mother’s arms.
“Of course I’d believe you.” She hugged him tightly. “You’re my son.” She held him, and James hugged her in return. It had been some time since she’d done that. “I know I’m not the best mother in the world, but I will believe you.”
“Then trust my decisions.” James released her, and she let go, a chair softly sliding on the floor. “I make good ones, and I know what my limits are. I still need you, not as my eyes, but as my mother, someone who cares for me.”
“But I took care of you for so long.” The chair creaked a little as she sat down.
“And you resent me for it. Maybe resent is too strong a word, but I took a lot of your time and attention for so long, and there’s only so much I can ask you to give. It’s time you did things for yourself and Dad now. I really can care for myself.”
“Are you really willing to do everything that James needs?” She must have been speaking to Trevor.
“I care about James a great deal,” Trevor said in a whisper. “He’s a very special person and doesn’t need all that much help. James is usually incredibly self-sufficient, as I’ve found out.” Trevor kneaded his shoulders gently before pausing. “Let me help you with your brace.” James extended his foot, and Trevor got it in the right spot and velcroed it into place.
“Mom. Do you think we can talk about this later… maybe in the morning?” James fingered the edge of his robe. “It’s a little late for all this.” He yawned, and his mother sighed.
“All right. But I still worry about you.” She stood, the chair creaking slightly once again, and James got up as well.
“I’m glad you worry about me. It means you care.” He took a careful step closer, and she hugged him.
“Of course I do.”
“Then sometimes you need to have a little more patience with me,” James whispered into her ear.
His mother scoffed. “If I were patient, you’d still be living at home and in that damn shell of yours. I pushed you, and it was the best thing I could have ever done. I know being blind is hard and requires that you spend more time to do the same things the rest of us can do in a few seconds. That’s why I pushed. It would be easy to give up, and I wasn’t going to let you.” She released him. “I know you didn’t always like me, but I did what I thought I had to do.”
James listened for her to move but didn’t hear anything. This was one of those times when he was a little in the dark about what was happening or what he should do.
“Before I go, I want to tell you that we got a call at the house today. Leader Dogs said that they’ll have a dog for you in two weeks. Apparently they still have our number. She’s going through final training and preparation right now. I gave them your direct number, and they said they’d call you to arrange the transition and training.”
“That’s awesome.” James extended his arm, and his mother took it. He walked with her to the door and then let go.
“You’re really okay? I hate to see you limping.”
He shrugged. “I’m fine. Things like this happen sometimes. I haven’t sprained my ankle before, but I have fallen and I will again. It happens.”
“Not if I can help it,” Trevor said firmly from behind him.
“Okay. I think I see what you like in this man,” his mother said. “I’ll reserve final judgment until I know he continues to make you happy.” She kissed his cheek and opened the door, then stepped out and closed the door behind her.
“Well, that was unusual,” Trevor said. “Your mother was the same color as a ripe tomato when we came out of the bedroom.”
“She didn’t sound like anything had bothered her. Though that’s how she usually sounds.”
“She doesn’t like me,” Trevor said as he came to where James stood. “Let me lock the doors and we can go back to bed.”
James found the nearest chair and sat to get off his foot for a few minutes. Trevor took care of things in the house and left the room. James wondered where he’d gone until he heard water running, and then he returned to lead James into the bathroom and closed the door.
Trevor slipped the robe off James shoulders and guided him onto the closed toilet. He took off the brace. “Give me a minute.” He stepped away, and James hoped he was stripping too. It turned out his imagination was correct, which James found out clearly when Trevor helped him up, holding him close as he guided him into the tub, then pulled the curtain closed with a chink of the rings on the bar.
The hot water cascaded down him as James stood right under the spray. Trevor joined him, pressing his nakedness to James. “This was a great idea.” Trevor wet was hot, and….
“Turn around and put your hands on the tile.” Trevor guided him around and helped him place his hands.
James lifted his leg to take some weight off his ankle, wondering what Trevor had planned. He didn’t have to wait long. Trevor glided his soaped hands over his shoulders and back, lathering him up before pressing his chest and hips to him. Trevor’s hard cock slid between James’s buttcheeks, and he slid back and forth as he slipped his soapy hands around James’s waist and then down over his cock.
“Is this something you used to do with the guys you brought home?” James asked, and Trevor tugged him closer, sucking his ear.
“No. I never did things like this. They were tricks. I took them somewhere, never my home, and we had sex, and then either I left or they did. That was all there was to it. Something like this, it’s too intimate.”
James carefully turned in Trevor’s arms. “How about Chase? Did you do things like this with him?” James held Trevor, and it took a few seconds for him to notice that Trevor was just standing there. The caresses had stopped and he wasn’t moving.
“Why did you have to bring him up?” Trevor asked rather harshly.
“Because you don’t talk about him. You told me his name once and that’s all.” James reached for where he knew the soap dish was, found a small piece, and rubbed it over Trevor’s chest. He wasn’t going to let him push away.
“I don’t want to talk about him,” Trevor said, with doubt creeping into his voice.
James put his arms around Trevor’s waist, holding him tightly, not saying a word. Then James resumed washing, taking care of Trevor. He felt bad that he’d mentioned anything, but if Trevor was nursing this kind of pain, he needed to get it out. Burying it was not doing him any good at all. “Rinse off,” James whispered.
Trevor stepped back under the water, and James made sure all the soap was off both of them. He loved running his hands over Trevor, and this would have been an amazing excuse, except that Trevor was suddenly mentally gone.
James reached for the taps and turned off the water. “You’re going to have to help me.” He could get around his bathroom just fine, but with his ankle and the fact that Trevor was there, he didn’t want to misstep and fall. That would be really bad. James had fallen in the bathroom more than once and he’d been lucky, but it wasn’t something he wanted to repeat.
Trevor finally moved and stepped out of the tub, leaving James alone.
He felt his way, got out, and located his towel, then got Trevor one from the cupboard. “Are you going to run away?” James asked as he dried himself.
“No. Why would you think that?” Trevor’s voice held a hint of ice.
“Because you already are retreating. I don’t need to see you to know that you have your face screwed up tight and you’re trying to figure out how quickly you can get out of here. Remember how I said you smell differently sometimes? Well, right now, this bathroom smells of heat, damp, and fear—plenty of fear. And let me tell you, fear is the worst smell there is. Worse than skunk.” He crinkled his nose for effect. He used to do that all the time as a kid, and it had transferred into adulthood. It was an expression he knew came across.
“I’m not afraid of anything.”
“Except talking about Chase.” James knew he was pressing. “Look, do you really want to be my boyfriend, with everything that goes along with that, or is this really just some two-week-long one-night stand?” He put his hands on his hips and did his best to glare at Trevor, hoping he wasn’t glaring at his dick or something. Anything was possible.
“I… yes… you are my boyfriend, and I know I need to tell you about him, but I can’t do it now. Okay?” The crack in Trevor’s voice had James backing up. Trevor was a confident guy, but whatever Chase had done to him had to be pretty bad if Trevor’s voice wavered like that.
“Okay.” James figured pushing him wasn’t going to get him anywhere and Trevor would only resist further. “You know you can trust me with whatever happened.”
Trevor sighed. “I know. That’s not the issue. I keep wondering if I can trust myself.” He bumped James as he dried himself, and James sat down on the closed toilet lid. Trevor handed him his brace, and he put it on, waiting for Trevor to finish. “This is something I haven’t talked about in a long time, and I don’t know if I can.”
“Maybe you have to. I know this whole thing with Collin freaked me out, but it helped me to tell you what happened.”
Trevor sighed once again, and James sat where he was, turned toward where he thought Trevor was standing, waiting for him. “Give me some time.”
James held out his hands, and Trevor helped him to his feet. “I’ll give you whatever you feel you need.” James pressed to Trevor as he opened the door, a wave of cool air washing over his hot skin. Trevor helped him into the bedroom, and James stood to the side as the bedding snapped while Trevor straightened it. Then James got into bed, with Trevor climbing in after him. James got comfortable and lay still.
“I wasn’t expecting to see your mother tonight.”
“Neither was I.” James lay back, thinking of her, which was a little strange with Trevor next to him. “But it proved that maybe I was wrong about her.”
“I think your mom has a backbone of steel. She was ready to tear me apart when I first came out. And I swear if she thought I was going to hurt you, she’d have pounced like a lioness protecting her cub. She may not be perfect, but there’s no doubt she cares.”
“I didn’t expect you to be a fan.”
“I’m not. She’s scary as hell. Your mom is not someone I want standing against me.” Trevor rolled over, tugging James a little closer. “I actually think she and my mother might have gotten along. While they probably came from different backgrounds, they would have found a lot in common. My mom never stopped fighting for what I needed.”
James didn’t understand what Trevor was referring to, so he kept quiet, hoping Trevor would explain.
“I was never good in school. Reading was always hard for me, and Mom said there had to be a reason for it. She pushed and pushed until they found out that I had a comprehension problem. I could read the words, but they didn’t stick in my brain. However, if I heard something, I could remember it forever.”
“How did they learn that?”
“Did you have teachers read stories to the class when you were in school? I mean, before you lost your sight?”
“Yeah. It was what teachers did. I think it was to get us all interested in stories.”
“I could read the same story the teacher did and get nothing out of it. But once the teacher read the story, I could recite it back almost word for word. So she got me help, and Mom read a lot of my assignments to me for years. She was amazing, and when she died, I was devastated. Not only had I lost my mom, but my advocate as well. Dad tried to pick up where she left off, but it was harder for him. He did his best, but Mom had done all that for me.”
James thought he might be starting to get some of the picture of what had happened to Trevor, but he was far for having a complete image. There was a lot more to find out, but that had to come from Trevor in his own time. “I understand learning difficulties. I live them every day, remember?”
“I know.”
James squirmed a little.
“How much did you go to school to do your job?” Trevor asked.
“I have a master’s degree in education with a focus in psychology, and I hope to be able to get a doctorate someday. I really like helping the kids I work with. I had people who helped me and I need to repay them, so I decided to become one of them.”
“Wow. I knew you were smart….”
James rolled over so he could face Trevor. Not that it made a huge difference to him, but it would to Trevor. “You’re smart too. You manage six businesses and you’ve made them a success, and I have no doubt that you’ll find a way out of this pickle you’re in and become stronger and more successful in the long run. I could never do that.”
“Because you’re blind?”
“No, because I don’t have a head for business. It’s not one of my strengths—it never has been. I understand money and I’m careful with mine, but I don’t have a clue how to do what you’ve done.”
“It comes naturally to me.”
“See? So does teaching for me. Sometimes it’s hard as hell, and then I get through to the student. I work hard to figure out how I can do that, and once it happens, it’s beautiful. Mostly I work with kids like me. They could see once and can’t anymore, or they are going to lose their sight and we’re trying to help them before they go blind. But each of these kids has to go through the grieving process. They lost something that’s precious to them.”
Trevor stroked his cheek. “If there was an operation that you could have that might restore your sight, would you do it?” He shifted closer.
“It’s not possible. The disease I had attacked the nerve, so my eyes are perfect, but the connection to my brain is gone and it isn’t possible to create another one.”
“But what if it were? They make ear implants for deaf people—what if they could make eye implants and give you cool robot eyes?” Trevor seemed to be having fun with this. “Maybe they could make them purple or something. Anyway, if they made robot eyes and you could have them installed and then you could see once again, would you?”
“Probably. I remember what it was like to see, so yeah, I’d like to have my sight back. But….” James shrugged. “That’s easy to say now. But what if there were risks that could damage my brain when they installed them and I could become deaf as well, or lose my cognitive abilities? The thing is, I’m more than just the fact that I’m blind. I’m a full person and I like who I am most of the time. And on the whole, I’m happy. So why rock the boat?”
“I see.”
“I don’t think so.” James took Trevor’s hand in his. “I went through a lot to be at peace with who I am. First I had to come to grips with being blind and learn to navigate the world. Then I had to accept that I was gay and different from most people in yet another way. My mom freaked out completely at that. Thank God for Marti, who gave her hell. They had a battle royal over it, and Marti actually told my mother to let go of her stupidity, or something to that effect.”
“Wow.” Trevor chuckled a little, and James joined in.
“It wasn’t funny then. But I figured things out and decided I needed to build a life of my own. I went to college but stayed here in town. Sometimes it was difficult, but I did it because it was important to me. The thing was, I had to figure out who I was, and I did that. I really don’t think I want to go through all that again. I’d have to relearn so much.”
“I don’t understand. You know so much already.”
“Yeah, and most of it is from the perspective of someone who can’t see. The last real book I read was when I was eleven or so. I don’t think in words like you use, but in dots on a page. Those are words, not written ink. Yes, I can write, but not well.”
“You can’t read? Like real books?” Trevor asked, but didn’t seem to want an answer. “I guess that makes sense. Your computer has a Braille keyboard.”
“My life is about sound and touch. Taste and smell to a lesser extent, but they’re still important. If I could see, it would be great, but I’d have to figure out my place in the world all over again.” James chuckled. “Sorry, I guess that was a really long-winded answer to a pretty simple question.” He moved closer to Trevor, yawning and letting sleepiness wash over him. “It was probably not very helpful.”
“There you’re wrong.” Trevor held him a little closer. “It gave me a glimpse into your life. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that there’s more to being blind than just not being able to see.” Trevor yawned as well, and James figured the two of them had done enough talking for tonight. “I still can’t believe your mother came in after we’d just had sex.”
James groaned. They were back to his mother, a subject he did not want brought up while he was in bed with his boyfriend. It tended to kill the mood. “I bet she was a little shocked. I think I’d have liked to have seen her expression.”
“Let’s just say, if looks could kill, I’d be frozen completely solid.” Trevor seemed amused, which was a relief. “I bet your mother knocks before she barges in next time.”
“I hope so.” James curled tightly to Trevor, listening as he dropped off to sleep. But James’s own mind wasn’t going to let him go that easily as he wondered what this Chase guy had done to Trevor, and what James would do to Chase if he got the chance.