THE FIRST thing Trevor noticed was that his motorcycle was no longer parked in the front window.
Brent came rushing out of the shop as soon as Trevor pulled up. “I sold the bike yesterday, and they came in and paid for it today.” He turned toward where the bike had been. “They asked that I keep it in the shop and they’ll pick it up next week. I covered it to keep it from getting scratched or dirty.”
Trevor tried to smile and failed miserably. “How much did you get?” He hated having to sell it, but when Brent handed him the bill of sale, his eyes widened.
“Two people came in and there was a small bidding war, so I was able to get an extra thousand dollars for it. I hope it’s okay.” Brent’s eyes gleamed with excitement. “I know how much you loved that bike.”
Trevor smiled more brightly this time. “Of course it is.” What the hell was he going to say? That selling the bike had felt like he’d been selling one of his own kidneys?
“I know you worked hard for that bike and that it’s killing you to sell it.” Brent walked with him toward the office.
Trevor had saved for over a year so he could have the money for the down payment, and then he’d placed the order for the exact Road King he wanted. He’d hoped to be able to take it cross-country, but his plans had changed as the business had expanded. Then, while the bike was on order, he’d saved the rest, working long hours, often well into the night, to get extra repair jobs done so the bike would be his when he took delivery.
“It’s okay.” Trevor followed Brent into the office, and Brent handed him an envelope with the cashier’s check inside made out directly to him.
“I didn’t think the money should go through the business since the bike was yours personally. All you need to do is sign the paperwork so we can transfer the title.” Brent passed him the papers, and Trevor checked them over and signed them.
Officially the bike was no longer his.
Trevor tried not to think about it. “Thanks. I really appreciate you taking care of this for me. What else is going on?”
Brent shifted his gaze to the floor and closed the office door. “A number of things, really.” He bit his lower lip. “Alan showed up here yesterday. He made a big show in front of everyone about how he hadn’t done anything wrong, saying that if you’d have paid him what he was worth….” Brent sighed. “I kicked him off the property and told him to go home or I was going to call the police. I figured he was out on bail or something, and that did the trick because he hightailed it away as soon as I picked up the phone.”
“Shit!” Trevor clenched his fists. “It seems like that ass is never going to go away. He’s the reason I’m going through all of this, and now he decides that I’m the bad guy.” He wanted to hit something.
“He’s rationalizing, and he looked like hell, drawn with sunken eyes, like those stoners at the clubs—you know the type.” Brent shook his head. “I did call the police once he left, though I don’t know if they did anything or not. An officer stopped by an hour later and took some information. At least it’s on record that he was here, if that does any good. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’ll be back, and he’s got plenty of troubles of his own already.”
“Is there anything else?” He needed to talk about something—anything—other than Alan. He’d already put Trevor’s business and financial life at risk, and now the bastard didn’t have the decency to just go hide somewhere and disappear? He had to make trouble. What the hell did I ever do to Alan besides try to give him an opportunity in life? Trevor shook his head because he didn’t have any answers.
“How about some good news?” Brent picked up a small stack of papers and handed then to him. “We’ve had at least a dozen people settle their accounts in the last two days. I put the statements in a folder on the desk for you to look at. I think, going forward, we should curtail the practice as much as possible. You had a great deal of money tied up like that.”
“I know. I was trying to help people out and I could afford it then.” How things could change on a dime. Trevor sat at the desk and began going through the receipts and other papers. “Business seems to be up.”
“We’re booked solid for the next ten days, with people calling for appointments all the time. I’ve been able to take additional work by adding some hours for the part-timers.” Brent looked out the window to the shop where Scott was bent over the hood of a car, working inside the engine. Lee stood next to him, both of them talking nonstop. Brent didn’t take his eyes off Scott.
Trevor cleared his throat and said nothing as Brent’s attention returned to him.
“To take on more business at the moment, we’d need another service bay.”
“If it keeps up, we might shift some hours around. Maybe some of the guys would rather come in at noon and work later into the evening. Make the resources we have stretch even further.” Business doing so well really gave Trevor hope that they could work their way out of this hole. “How is Lee doing?” he asked as he watched the two of them together.
“Really well. He and Scott seem like a good team. There are things he can’t do, but he makes Scott more efficient, and the kid loves cars. His mother will be back in a few hours to pick him up. She didn’t want to leave him here alone, but Scott convinced her.” There was possibly a slight touch of jealousy in Brent’s voice. He turned away from the window. “I heard from Dean—who is still angry with you for no good reason, I might add—that you’re still seeing James.”
Trevor looked up from the receipts and set the papers back down on the desk. “Yes. He and I are dating.”
Brent sat on the nearby chair. “Maybe this isn’t the place to ask, but we’ve been friends for a long time and I’ve never seen you date anyone, not since Chase. This guy must be pretty special.”
“He is, and I wish I could put my finger on exactly why.” Trevor leaned back, smiling a little as he thought of James. “Sometimes James sees things more clearly than the rest of us, and he got under my skin before I even realized what was happening.” He sighed softly. “He makes me happy, and it scares me half to death.” Trevor swallowed around the lump in his throat as he leaned forward, the chair creaking. “I don’t know if I can do it.”
“Do what, Trevor? Have a relationship? Have more than what you’ve had for years? It’s time, Trevor. You need to deal with what happened.”
“I did.”
Brent leaned over the desk. “You didn’t. What you did was put Chase in a box in your head and then tried to never open that box again. Do you realize that in the years since Chase, you’ve never talked about him at all? It’s like he never existed as far as you’re concerned.”
“Brent,” Trevor growled under his breath.
“No. I’m your friend first. You can fire me if you want to, but we’ve been friends for years. I can tell you that if James is making you deal with what happened with Chase, then that’s a good thing, and if you’re willing to open your heart once again, then that’s good too. It’s time you started to live again, not just existing from day to day and guy to guy.”
“Dean doesn’t think so.”
“That’s because Dean wants someone he can go out and pick up guys with. He wants the old Trevor because that’s what he needs right now. Think about it. He was with Dumbass and he didn’t go out. He was a fucking homebody. So you do what’s right for you and not what you think someone else wants.”
Trevor wasn’t sure what to think at that moment. “I don’t know if I can.”
Now Brent sat back. “The great Trevor Michaelson felled and bested by something that was outside his control and that he feels so guilty about, he’d rather close it off than just look it in the eye and deal with it.” Brent stood, looming over the desk. “You’re actually going to tell me that you’d rather give up a chance at happiness with James than deal with your pain? Because it won’t go away on its own.”
Trevor jumped to his feet, trying like hell to intimidate Brent into backing down, but he didn’t, not for a second. Brent glared right back at him just as hard. “How in the fuck did you get so smart?”
“It certainly wasn’t from hanging around with you all these years.”
Trevor sat back down, and Brent did the same. They were like wolves circling each other. Finally, Trevor relaxed.
“Sometimes, my friend, you just have to let shit go.”
Trevor rolled his eyes. “Maybe you should have that printed on T-shirts. You could make a fortune.”
Brent groaned and turned to look out the window once again. Scott stood, a smudge of grease on his cheek, eyes bright, glancing back to Lee and then at Brent while trying not to appear as though he were looking. “Maybe you should allow yourself to be happy and to let what happened go.”
Trevor put all his cards on the table. “James asked about Chase. He heard some things from my dad when he came to dinner. He wants me to tell him.”
“I don’t know everything that happened, and it’s none of my business. But I think you should tell James if you’re really serious about him. I’ve messed up good relationships because I was stupid and kept things from them. Remember David? I messed up with him bad. He was in college and he was the nicest guy… trusting and gentle. I hurt him because I was secretive and wanted to play the field. I saw him the other day. He has a husband and twin boys. He lives three blocks from you, and he’s the happiest person I think I’ve ever met in my life. That could have been me if I hadn’t screwed it all up. So don’t you screw shit up with James. If you care about him, and more importantly, want him to care about you, deeply, passionately, then trust the guy.” Brent stood and left the office, closing the door quietly behind him.
Trevor watched through the window as Brent made the rounds, talking to each of the guys and then going to work on one of the cars.
TREVOR SPENT the rest of his morning at the Brown Deer garage, meeting Lee’s mother and reassuring her as best he could. “Lee is doing well and seems to like it here,” Trevor said once he’d ushered her into the office and offered her a cup of coffee.
“But what if he gets hurt? There are pits and oil and….” She set her mug on the desk without touching it.
“He works with Scott, and the two of them are getting along great.” Trevor motioned to where both of them had their heads under the hood of a car. “Look at them.”
Lee straightened up, a grin on his lips, as Scott straightened as well, and they walked arm in arm around the car before going back to work.
“Well, I’ll be.” She opened her purse and pulled out a tissue to dab her eyes. “I didn’t think I’d see him smile again.”
“What I’d like is for you and Brent to work out a schedule for Lee. I’ll pay him for his time, and he can work alongside Scott.”
“You mean…?”
“I’m offering Lee a job if he wants it.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks and she nodded. It was clearly hard for her to let go. “Then I’ll ask him tonight what he wants to do, and we’ll make any arrangements that are needed.” She dabbed her cheek and picked up the mug once again. “You’re an angel, you know that?”
“This was James’s idea. He’s the angel as far as I’m concerned.”
“I can’t argue with you there.” She sipped her coffee until Lee was ready to go.
Trevor left shortly after her. He then visited two other shops that afternoon. All of his managers were reporting that business was up and that accounts were being settled. He got in touch with Ricky at the end of the day to tell him the state of affairs.
“It’s going to be close…,” Ricky said.
“I sold my bike,” Trevor told him and added how much he got. “That should ensure that we have the cash we need to pay the tax bill and keep the business running.”
“Yes. And with people settling their accounts, your overall liquidity will improve.” Ricky sounded relieved.
“I’ll deposit the check for the bike today, and that should prop us up enough. Now we need to concentrate on getting as much money out of Alan as we can.”
“I worked with your lawyer, and we’ve had a lien put on everything we can. House, cars—you name it. I’ve also had his accounts frozen so he can’t access any cash he has. Apparently he’s trying to declare bankruptcy, but that isn’t going to work because of his criminal activity, so hopefully we’ll get something. We just need to see how everything shakes out legally, but you can get through the immediate threat and then we can work to make up the financial differences.” Ricky shuffled papers in the background. “I’m really sorry you had to sell your bike. I know that meant a great deal to you.”
Trevor swallowed hard. “Yeah. Well, things are the way they are.” He needed to change the subject. “I want to get together with you next week so we can review the processes we should put in place long term to prevent anything like this from happening again. I don’t think I can go through something like this one more time.”
“No problem. I have a list of things you can put into place that will help. Let’s meet in my office on Wednesday at eleven. I’ll have everything ready, and we can get the ball rolling.”
“Thanks, Ricky.” Trevor entered the appointment in his calendar and thanked Ricky for all his help.
The garage was closing, and Trevor said good night to each of the guys as they left. He felt as though he could truly breathe for the first time in days. He’d managed to get the money he needed, even if it had cost him his motorcycle, and now he could repair the damage to the business and move it forward. Trevor locked up and got in his car, calling James as he rode.
“What plans do you have for tonight? I thought we could have dinner somewhere.”
“You sound happy.” James’s smile came through the line.
“I got the last of the cash I needed, so at least things are looking up.”
“I’m having dinner at Marti’s tonight. But maybe we can go tomorrow?” James offered.
“Of course. That would be nice. I’ll pick you up at five if that works. I know a great miniature golf course. I found a key ring that beeps and will attach it to a stick that we can put in the holes.”
“Really?” James’s voice rang with delight. “Okay. I’ll be ready at five.”
Trevor ended the call and got off at his exit, then navigated the tree-lined, quiet streets to his home. He pulled around to his garage and pushed the button to raise the door when his phone rang again.
“Trevor, it’s James.”
“I know, sweetheart. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just called Marti, and she wanted to know if you want to come to dinner with us. She’s a great cook, and she promised her oven-fried chicken, which is amazing. And, of course, Zack will be there, so if you want to bring the motorcycle, he’ll flip.”
Trevor paused. James was asking him to meet part of his family and he sounded so excited. “The motorcycle is gone. I sold it today in order to get the cash I needed for the business.” He suppressed a sigh. “What time is she expecting us?”
“Half an hour?” James said with somewhat diminished enthusiasm.
Trevor had nothing to do tonight but sit in front of the television. Normally on a night like this, he’d go to one of the clubs, but that held no appeal for him at all, and just the thought of seeing James made his heart beat a little faster. “I need to clean up, and I’ll be over as soon as I can to pick you up.”
“Great, I’ll tell Marti that you’re coming. See you soon.” James hung up, and Trevor hurried inside at hyperspeed.
He undressed, showered, and dressed in jeans and a lime-green polo shirt. He knew James couldn’t see him, but he wanted to impress James’s family. Then he locked the house and was out of the drive and on his way in world-record time. Everything was going his way until he hit the freeway and it slowed to a crawl. Once he got through downtown, it picked up and he was able to get to James’s house only a few minutes late.
James was on the porch, looking yummy in a pair of jeans and a blue shirt that would show off his eyes if he weren’t wearing sunglasses. Trevor helped James to the car, and they made the short trip to Marti’s once James provided the address.
When he pulled up to a beautifully redone bungalow, Trevor helped James out of the car and up the walk.
The front door flew open and James’s nephew flew outside, naked as the day he was born. “Uncle Jimmy!”
“Zack, you need to get dressed!” Marti called as she raced outside after him.
“Hey, little man,” Trevor said, and Zack came to an instant halt, looking up at him and then raced back to his mother.
“Is he a giant?” Zack asked.
“No. But he is big. Now let’s get you inside and dressed so you can play with Uncle Jimmy.” She turned to them. “Welcome to the madhouse. Come on in.”
Trevor led James inside, following Marti and a naked, squirming Zack.
“There’s a chair near the television. Can you lead me there?” James asked, and Trevor guided him over. James sat, and Trevor took a seat next to him.
Tim came in, and Trevor stood to shake his hand and thank him for the invitation. “Are you kidding? Marti has been trying to meet you for weeks now.” He smiled and motioned for him to sit. Zack barreled into the room in jeans and a T-shirt with a truck on it, then leaped into James’s lap.
“Read bumpy book,” Zack said, pressing a book into James’s hands. “Please.”
“We’re working on manners,” Tim clarified, and James opened the book, using his fingers to read the story to Zack. Tim stood and tilted his head toward the kitchen. Trevor took the hint and followed him. “Zack adores him,” Tim said, and Trevor couldn’t help looking at James as he read.
“He has the kindest soul I think I’ve ever encountered.” Trevor continued watching James as Tim opened the refrigerator.
“Beer?”
“Thanks.” Trevor found it hard to look away from the two of them. “James said once that he wished he could have children, but he didn’t think that was possible for him.”
Zack laughed as James brought his voice squeaky high for the mouse in the story. The story concluded, and Zack clapped when the mouse was rescued from the trap by the nice little kitten. “Again!” Zack demanded, clapping furiously, and James began the story over.
Trevor turned away and saw Tim watching him.
“Dude, you got it bad.” Tim reached out, and Trevor clinked the bottle.
“What are you two talking about?” Marti asked as she came in the room. Trevor reintroduced himself, and she motioned for him to sit at the table.
“We were talking about your brother,” Tim answered as he sat as well.
Marti got a beer and sat next to Tim. “Just so you know, this is the Inquisition. What are your plans as far as my brother is concerned?” She opened the bottle and took a swig.
“My wife isn’t subtle.”
“Subtle is for saps, especially where Jimmy is involved.” She turned her attention to Trevor, and damned if Marti didn’t look exactly like her mother.
“James and I are feeling our way through things.” He wasn’t going to say things to her that he hadn’t told James. James deserved to know how he felt before members of his family did. “He’s….”
“Jimmy is amazing.” Marti clarified.
“You don’t have to sell me on him. I know exactly how incredible he is.”
Zack clapped in the other room and raced in a few seconds later, thrust the book at his mother, and raced out. “I get another one.” He was already on the move.
“Zackary, you need to let your uncle have a chance to breathe,” Marti called, but he was already back with another, climbing into James’s lap and opening the book.
“I can’t read this one. There are no bumps. I can only read bumpy books.”
Zack raced off once again.
“He’s so patient,” Trevor said almost under his breath, and when Zack returned with a bumpy book, James settled in to read the story about a turtle.
“He’s like that with almost everyone, except our mother. The two of them butt heads constantly. I used to think she wanted to shelter him, but now I think she wants him on his own but dependent enough to still need her. What do you want to do with him?”
“Open his world up. Tomorrow we’re playing mini golf. I have a beeper that we can use so the holes make noise and he has something to aim at. It doesn’t matter how well he does as long as he has a good time.” He couldn’t keep the smile off his face.
“Trevor and I rode go-karts. It was so much fun. We always have fun.” James went back to reading, and Trevor shook his head. Sometimes he forgot about James’s doglike hearing.
“He loved riding on the motorcycle with me.” Trevor hated that he’d had to sell it, and that was just another reason.
“James said someone in your business was stealing from you,” Tim said.
“Yes. I sold the motorcycle to help make up the shortfall, and now I need to get the business back on a sure footing. Once that’s done, I’ll save for another.” He looked forward to when he could ride with James pressed to his back once again. “It’ll just take some time. Business is good right now, and we’re going to make it. Now all I need to do is keep the guy who stole from me from showing up like a bad penny.” He turned back to James and let go of the frustration for now. That didn’t have a place here, and he didn’t want to taint James’s time with his family. “He helped me.”
Marti and Tim shared a look between them.
“He didn’t give me money, if that’s what you’re wondering. He made phone calls on my behalf and was able to help us collect some outstanding accounts.” Trevor was a little miffed, but he kept it to himself. “I’d never ask James for money.” It actually had never occurred to him. His business was his responsibility, and sink or swim, he’d never ask anyone else for help… not like that, anyway.
Tim was the one who answered. “We didn’t mean to insinuate that you’d take advantage of him. It’s just that we don’t know you very well, and both of us tend to look out for him.” Tim tugged at his collar, and Marti had the grace to blush a little.
“Okay,” James said, and Zack climbed off his lap. “Can you lead me to your mom?” James took Zack’s hand, and he led him through the living room to where they were sitting. “You were a big help. Thank you.”
“Mom, Uncle Jimmy read me stories from the bumpy books.” Zack jumped up and down, clearly excited, and Tim lifted him onto his lap.
“The chicken smells good,” James said.
“Did Joyce teach you how to cook?” Trevor asked Marti, and both she and James laughed.
“God, no. My mother could burn water. Tim’s mother taught me how to cook once Tim and I were engaged. She spent a lot of time with me, and I found I love cooking and I’m good at it.”
“That’s good to know.”
“When Mom has a dinner party, she hires a personal chef to cook for it and stays out of the kitchen, which is otherwise largely unused. Meals for her and Dad are prepared by the same personal chef, and more likely than not, Dad’s the one who does the reheating and preparation. Mom is a complete menace in the kitchen.” She reached across to James, patting his arm. “Do you remember the time she decided she was going to bake you a birthday cake?”
“I asked for one from the Shorewood Bakery, but Mom decided she was going to bake one herself.” James looked completely sheepish. It was adorable.
“The cake was a total of two inches high and like a rock. We were lucky we didn’t break any teeth. And she went out and got store-bought frosting to put on it. James had no idea how ugly this thing was.” She laughed, and Zack did as well to get in on the act. “Dad took one look at it and went right out to buy him a proper cake. He ended up getting one from a grocery store, but it was way better than Mom’s. Thankfully that was the end of her baking.”
“I don’t remember too much of that.”
“Because Dad tried to keep it from you as much as he could. You know Dad. He lets Mom do most things, but then steps in to clean up her mess when he has to.” Marti got up, put on oven mitts, and opened the oven door. The scent of chicken filled the room, and Trevor’s stomach rumbled loudly.
“I take it you’re hungry,” James said before rubbing Trevor’s belly. “I told you her chicken was the best there is. I don’t know how she does it, but she always gets crispy skin, lots of flavor, and juicy chicken on the inside.”
“I made extra drumsticks for you and Zack.” Marti pulled the pan out of the oven, then closed the door and set the pan on the stove. She got busy, and Tim shifted Zack onto James’s lap to pitch in to help her.
“I always just stay out of the way,” Trevor said.
“Then maybe you should learn to cook. We could bake cookies together or something like that,” James said.
Marti scoffed. “Please. He and I tried that and ended up making a huge mess and got lumps of coal out of it. Of course, that could have been when I was sixteen and thought I took after Mom.”
“If I remember right, you ended up throwing the pan away along with the burned cookies.” James could give as well as he got. “They smelled awful.” He made faces, and Zack giggled—probably a game they played pretty often.
“But dinner certainly doesn’t.” Marti started something in the microwave and brought a huge salad to the table. She also brought dressing, and Zack squirmed to get down.
“Big-boy chair.” He climbed into the chair next to Tim with a booster seat in it and then turned around with his plastic knife and fork, watching Marti expectantly. “I’m hungry.”
“I know, honey, and I have chicken for you.” She set a blue plastic plate in front of Zack, and he started eating quickly. Marti brought the chicken and a bowl of mixed vegetables to the table, while Tim brought plates and silverware. Trevor fixed James a plate and quietly explained where everything was for him.
“Can I pick up the chicken leg with my fingers?”
“Yes,” Trevor answered. “I don’t think Marti will mind.” Chicken legs were finger food as far as Trevor was concerned, and he didn’t really understand the question, but he seemed to have given James the answer he needed.
“Mom always thought that we should eat with a knife and fork. There was no finger food in our house,” Marti explained as she pulled apart a chicken wing.
“This is really good.” James took another bite of his chicken, eating ravenously.
Trevor wondered if James really got enough to eat all the time. “Maybe you could show me how to make it for him,” he offered.
Marti seemed surprised, but James grinned, nodding vigorously. If they were going to be together, then it would be up to Trevor to do the cooking, and he needed to learn to be a better cook.
“Jimmy never eats enough.”
“I do too.” James set the chicken bone on his plate, and Trevor added another piece for him.
“I understand someone just had a birthday,” Trevor said to Zack, who nodded.
“I got bumpy books.” He grinned and took another bite. Then he slid down, raced out of the room, and returned with one of the books, handing it to Trevor.
“Sit and finish eating. You can play afterward, and if you’re good, Uncle Jimmy will read you another story before bedtime.” Marti was gentle and firm at the same time. It was a great combination, and Zack set the book on the corner of the table and got back into his chair.
The dinner conversation was light and Trevor had the best time. He hadn’t been sure what to expect, but Marti and Tim were amazing people. Marti stayed home to raise Zack, and Tim was starting his own software consulting firm. They were interesting and fun people who cared about James a great deal.
Once they were all full to the gills, Tim cleared the table and took care of the dishes while Marti guided them into the living room. Zack crawled onto James’s lap as soon as he sat down, conning him into reading another bumpy book.
“How many Braille books does Zack have?” Trevor asked Marti.
“Every one we can find. There are enough things that James can’t do with Zack that we wanted to make sure there was something special for them to do together, so I began buying the books as soon as Zack was born, and Jimmy’s added to the collection. Zack loves them because he only gets to hear those stories from Uncle Jimmy.”
Trevor could understand that, and he half listened as James read the story. He loved hearing him and was as enthralled with James as Zack was with the story. When it ended, Zack asked James to read it again.
“How about you play with your Legos for a while?” Marti suggested, and Zack hurried off with the book, then returned with a canister that he dumped on the floor. James slid out of the chair and onto the floor so he could play with Zack. Trevor did the same, sitting next to James.
“The blocks are right in front of you,” Trevor whispered as James leaned to the side to pull a red block out from under his butt.
“You play too,” Zack said, and for the next hour, he, James, and Zack built towers and knocked them down, Zack’s laughter ringing through the house.
“Put the toys away. It’s almost time for bed.” Marti sat down, and Zack began putting his blocks away. Trevor helped him and put the lid on the container. “Say good night.”
Zack threw himself at James, hugging him tightly. He hugged Trevor as well, and then Marti took his hand and left the room.
“We should go too,” James said as he got to his feet.
Trevor guided him back to the chair, avoiding errant Legos. He made sure they were all cleared away before letting James get up again. They said good-bye to Tim, and Marti came down in time to see them off, with James and her sharing a hug before they left.
“I like your sister,” Trevor said as they reached the car.
“She’s something else.”
“So is Zack.” Trevor opened the car door and helped James inside.
“He’s my buddy. We always do things together.” James closed the car door, and Trevor went around to the other side, got in, and started the engine.
“You have quite a family.” Trevor thought about those he’d met so far. “What’s your dad like?”
“I think I take after him. Dad works hard, always has. He’s a bit of a workaholic, and I think Mom resents that sometimes. But he was a good father. He used to take me to baseball games in the summer. Even after I lost my sight, he and I went together. I’d listen to the crowd and people, and Dad would set me up with a radio station I could listen to so I’d know what was happening. The energy of the crowd, the excitement, it all added to what I was hearing, and Dad…. It was the two of us, our time together.”
“What happened?” Trevor asked at the hint of sadness that crept into James’s voice.
“I grew up and developed other interests. Dad got promoted to head of the company he works for and had less time. It was one of those things that happens, I guess. It happens a lot, I think. My life is so different from his. He’s high-powered, and I tend to go slower through life. I love my dad, but we don’t have a lot in common any longer.”
“I see.”
“Maybe that’s my fault.” James shifted nervously in the seat as Trevor pulled up in front of James’s house.
“Sometimes things happen that are no one’s fault.” Trevor turned off the engine, and after getting out, helped James up the walk and into the house. “I want to thank you for tonight. It was amazingly fun.”
“Are you leaving?”
“I need to get up early in the morning and go into work. I don’t want to disturb you.” Trevor said as James came closer, putting his hands on his chest and then sliding them around Trevor’s neck.
“You won’t disturb me.” James closed the distance between them, finding Trevor’s lips with a fervor Trevor had never experienced before.
He closed his arms around James, holding him tightly. He never wanted to let James go… ever. James was his. He knew that just as innately as he knew how to breathe, but didn’t want to part from James for a second. He guided him through the house toward the bedroom.
“Trevor… I….”
“What is it?” He smoothed the hair off James’s forehead.
“It’s… I haven’t….” James turned away, and Trevor gently touched his chin.
“Just say what you want to say.”
“I’ve never done… you know… that before.” James quivered like a leaf in the wind.
“Okay. You’re going to have to help me.” Trevor wasn’t sure what James was trying to say, but he held him closer, needing to comfort him.
“Trevor, I’ve never had…. Collin and I didn’t… He didn’t like it, so we never….” He stammered something terrible, and finally the light came on for Trevor.
“Are you saying you’ve never had anal sex?”
James nodded his head and buried his face against Trevor’s chest. “Yes.”
“Sweetheart, are you telling me that you want me to be your first?” The thought was thrilling to say the least. “That’s nothing to worry about.”
“But what if I’m not any good at it?” James asked. “Collin used to tell me that I was a dud in bed, and he….” James was near tears.
“You need to forget everything Collin ever told you. Collin was an ass, and you are amazing at everything you do—reading to Zack, helping me, making love.” Trevor slotted his lips over James’s. He needed to push away his bad feeling. “You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met, and I love you.” Trevor’s insides did a little flip as he uttered words he’d only said to one other man, words he never thought he’d say again.
“You love me?”
“Yes, and I will forever.” Trevor held James tightly, hopefully reassuring both of them as his knees threatened to buckle.
“But….” James stammered again, and a chill ran though Trevor. What if James didn’t feel the same way and he’d completely misread everything? “How can you? I mean, I’ve been in love with you for a while, but I didn’t expect you to say the words…. I never thought I’d hear those words. Will you show me what I’ve been missing?” James kissed him even harder, energy pouring off him.
“Are you sure this is what you want? There are plenty of things that we can do together. This isn’t something we need to rush into.” Trevor lightly rubbed James’s back through his shirt.
“But isn’t it what you want?” James asked. “I figured that….”
Trevor had been afraid of this. “Sex and whatever we do in bed has to be what we both want. It isn’t about me or you—it’s about us. So you need to be comfortable and ready.” Trevor guided James through the house to the bathroom. He started the water, and as it warmed, gently stripped James of his clothes and got him under the water.
“What’s this for?” James asked.
Trevor undressed quickly and joined him. He pressed himself to James’s back, kissing his wet shoulder, reaching for the soap. He washed James thoroughly. James moaned as Trevor washed his buttcheeks, skimming his fingers down his crack. “Feel good?” Trevor whispered into James’s ear before sucking on it. “Do you like that?”
“Yeah.”
“How about this?” He trailed his hands along James’s shoulders, following the path his lips had taken moments before. “I know you’re going to like this.” Trevor kneaded James’s buttcheeks, spreading them as he knelt behind him, kissing the firm globes. James quivered and reached for the wall as Trevor teased his fingers down James’s crease, rubbing his opening.
Trevor had never been one to sing in the shower, but James’s groan was music to his ears, and that music intensified, growing in urgency as the seconds passed and Trevor licked his way over James’s perfect butt and down to his perfect little opening.
“What are you doing?” James panted, legs shaking as Trevor circled his hole with his tongue, tasting, listening as James’s cries bounced off the tile walls, with Trevor’s face buried between his sweet cheeks. After a while, when the water began to cool, he turned it off, lifted James out of the tub, and carried him out of the bathroom, dripping, through the house to the bed. He was too far gone to care, and James held him tight.
When Trevor laid James on the bed, he rolled him onto his belly and once again feasted as James writhed and shook on top of the duvet until he screamed loud enough to nearly rattle the windows.
James lay still, mewling softly. “I made a mess.” He didn’t sound sorry about it for an instant.
“Are you happy?” Trevor asked, and James slowly rolled over, a grin on his face a mile wide.
“Yes, and my mother didn’t interrupt.” He sat up and reached out. Trevor moved into his arms so James could pull him down on top. “If you give me a few minutes, I’ll….” James stopped. “What happened?”
“Let’s just say you’re not the only one to make a mess.” Trevor chuckled and rolled them both on their sides, holding James as close as possible. “I don’t ever want to let you go, and I’m not going to for the rest of the night. So you just let me clean things up a little, and then I’m going to hold you all night long. And maybe, if you wake up in the middle of the night, I’ll have something to really wake you up.”
There was nothing more to say at the moment.
TREVOR LEFT in the morning after loving on James in the middle of the night when a storm rolled through. He used its energy to make James scream as thunder rolled around the house. He hated to leave when the time came, and after kissing James gently, he tucked him under the covers, dressed, and left the house. Trevor went home to change before going out to the Brown Deer garage.
He expected quiet for the first part of the morning, but he didn’t expect Alan sitting in his car outside the shop when he drove up. At least, he recognized Alan’s car. Someone was inside, but it wasn’t until Alan got out and staggered up to where Trevor had parked that he actually recognized him. He understood instantly what Brent had been trying to describe to him. To say he looked like hell was an understatement. He definitely hadn’t bathed in days, looked like he’d been wearing the same clothes for at least as long, and his skin was sallow, his eyes unfocused.
“What are you doing here?” Trevor demanded. “You steal from me and then have the guts to show your face here? I suggest you leave now before I call the police and have you arrested again.”
“I don’t know where else to go, man,” Alan said. “We’ve known each other… for a long time.”
“And all that ended when you nearly robbed me into the poorhouse. Did you think I was just going to forget all that because I helped you, promoted you, trusted you, and then you shit on me?” Trevor’s hands clenched into fists. He was too angry for words, seeing only red. He pulled out his phone, showing it to Alan, and then making a call.
“You can’t do that, man!” Alan raced toward him, but Trevor sidestepped him and made the call. It connected as Alan scrambled to his feet and stumbled back to the car. “I know things.” He glared at Trevor. “You should have helped me.” He got in and pulled out of the lot, nearly hitting another car as he swerved onto the road, horns blaring.
Trevor explained why he was calling once he got someone, telling them how Alan was driving. “He’s definitely under the influence of something and heading east on Brown Deer Road toward 43. He needs help.” That was all the grace Trevor could find for Alan. He provided the information he could. They promised to let him know if they needed anything and ended the call.
Trevor opened the shop, trying to focus, but his mind was elsewhere. Damn Alan for interrupting what could have been a wonderful morning. Trevor locked the doors while he was inside just in case and worked until he heard the guys arriving.
The morning was filled with appointments and some repairs left from the day before, so Trevor changed into the work clothes he kept in his trunk, rolled up his sleeves, and spent the morning under the hood of a car, helping them catch up.
“This one’s done,” Trevor said as he started the engine on the ’89 Camaro, listening as it purred like a kitten. “What’s next?”
Brent chuckled from behind him after he got out. “Nothing. All the appointments are done, and people are picking up their cars. We’ll be able to start fresh on Monday, with the exception of the jobs we’re waiting on parts for.”
“Thanks for the help,” Scott said softly from behind him. “I wasn’t really sure, and….”
“It’s cool, man. Next time you’ll find the clue that I missed.” He smiled so Scott wouldn’t feel bad and waited for him to nod and walk away before Trevor turned to Brent. “Make sure Scott gets full credit for that job. He did all the real work.”
“You sure?”
“Of course. I got lucky, and he’d already done the legwork. I was working today to help out, not take their repairs away from them.” He was about to turn away and hesitated. “If you see Alan again, call the police. He was here this morning, and I think he might have slept in his car in the parking area. I called them this morning and he took off.”
“I will.”
“Good. Now let’s close up and go home. It’s Saturday, and I’m sure we all have fun things to do today.” It was an hour early, but everyone had done well.
“I’ll stay until closing in case someone comes in,” Brent volunteered. The others thanked him and got into their cars, glad for the early quitting time on a glorious summer Saturday. “Do you have plans?”
“Yeah. I’m taking James to play mini golf.”
“That should be something to see.” Brent chuckled.
“Yeah. With him it isn’t about the score, but having fun, and James throws himself into everything he does. Last night he played Legos with his nephew and made some of the ugliest towers you have ever seen in your life. But we all had fun, and Zack had just as much fun knocking them down as he did the ones I built. And you should have seen James reading Zack from his bumpy books.”
“It sounds to me as though you’re in lerve.” Brent grinned, and Trevor rolled his eyes, but he didn’t deny it for a second. “I need to mark this day on my calendar.”
“Asshole,” Trevor said without heat.
“It’s about time. I knew eventually you’d meet someone who’d be able to get around those mile-high walls you’d built. Who would have thought they’d be breached by a guy who can’t see? I’m starting to wonder if James has superpowers.” Brent groaned slightly. “And I don’t want to know about any of your kinky stuff. It’s been too dang long for me.”
Trevor smacked Brent on the shoulder. “You really are an ass, and I’ll see you next week.”
“No going out anymore?”
“Nope.”
“Aren’t you going to miss it?” Brent asked, obviously curious.
“Nope. James is worth a lot more than spending hours hunting for anonymous sex. You know, you should give it a try.”
“Unlike you, I’ve actually been looking and haven’t had any luck. Maybe I should stop looking and I’ll find someone.”
“Or maybe you just need to open your eyes and see what’s under your nose.” Trevor started walking toward his car, wishing Brent a good rest of the weekend and hurrying home.
As he pulled up, he realized James had never been there. They’d always met at James’s house for practical reasons. Learning a new place was hard for James, so they stayed where James was familiar. But maybe tonight he could bring James here and they could try out his much larger bed.
Trevor showered and changed into tan summer pants and a light blue T-shirt. The heat was already building, and he wanted to be comfortable. When he left, he drove around the back to make sure everything was secure because he saw a group of strange kids hanging around the alley, before heading over to pick up James, who was ready and waiting for him. Trevor helped him to the car, and once he was inside, they hit the road.
“So where is this place?”
“It’s out near Wauwatosa, so we’ll be driving for a little bit. I have the beeper in the trunk, and I hope it works for you. I set it up so the actual device making the sound would be just inside the hole so you’ll get a really good sense of what you’re aiming for.”
“I’ve been looking forward to this. I haven’t played since I lost my sight, and I really don’t know if I can.”
“The course is indoors and air-conditioned. I also made sure to call and tell them we were coming and that you were blind. They said they had people with special needs all the time and would make sure we didn’t have people right behind us so we could have extra time.”
“Awesome.”
Trevor drove as quickly as he could. Once they arrived, he got out the cup indicator for James. They checked in, paying for their game, and Trevor helped James to the first tee while he carried their clubs and balls. “Give me a second.” Trevor set up the beeper. “Does that work for you?” He helped James with the club and showed him where the ball was in front of him.
“This is incredible.” James gently swung the club and missed the ball completely. Trevor helped him get into place and had him try again. James hit the ball, and it went down the path, bouncing off the sides of the course and making it halfway to the cup. Trevor took his turn, but it was largely immaterial. What counted was James having fun. And judging by the laughter, James certainly was.
“There’s a rock right between you and the hole. So go off to either side.” Trevor described each hole, and James navigated them. He took his shot, and the ball rolled around the rock, bounced off the side, and went right into the hole. “Oh my God!” Trevor lifted James off his feet, swinging him in his arms. “You got a hole in one.”
“Even the blind guy gets lucky once in a while.” James laughed as they celebrated.
In the end, Trevor didn’t keep score. It wasn’t necessary. James’s smile was huge, and they’d both had fun. He turned in the clubs and balls and led James back to the car, carrying the beeper along with him.
“That was so awesome!”
“Yes, it was.” Trevor never realized just how much joy he could get from watching someone else’s unbridled happiness. “How about a snack?”
“I could eat,” James said without hesitation.
“Then frozen custard it is.” Trevor started the car and drove back toward James’s house, heading for Leon’s, his favorite frozen custard place.
“I want a strawberry sundae,” James told him, and when they arrived, Trevor helped James to a table under an umbrella and then placed their order. He carried the dishes back to the table and handed James his spoon.
James must have been starving. He usually ate slowly, but that went out the window today. He dug in, eating as quickly and as neatly as anyone else, and Trevor realized that self-consciousness had most likely been James’s problem.
“Good?”
“Yeah.” He finished and set the dish down. “Really good.”
Trevor finished as well, and they sat quietly in the shade. He got them both a drink, and they finished those as the afternoon breeze blew in off the lake a few miles away, counteracting some of the sun’s intensity.
“I’m ready to go when you are,” James said as he slurped from the bottom of his drink.
Trevor took care of the trash, led James to the car, and drove to James’s house. “I thought we’d stay at my place. I’d like you to be comfortable there.”
“I’d like that. I should pack a bag before we go.”
“I need to pick up a few things. Do you want me to drop you at the house? I can run and get what I need and come back.”
“Sounds great,” James agreed, and when he stopped, Trevor explained where they had stopped. James got out and headed up the walk, waving before he went inside.
Trevor pulled away and raced to the grocery store a few blocks away. It didn’t take him long to get the things for breakfast and dinner that night. He put the refrigerator things in an insulated bag he kept in the trunk and drove back to James’s. He half expected James to be sitting on the porch, but the house was quiet and dark, which wasn’t unusual, but James had taken to turning on lights when he knew Trevor was coming.
A light flipped on in the front room, a shadow lumbering behind the sheer curtains, moving too fast to be James. Trevor got out of the car and approached the front door. He listened and then went inside. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t James seated on his sofa, visibly shaking, with Alan looming over him.
“Get the fuck out of here!” Trevor was ready to lunge when he saw that Alan had a knife.
“I told you I knew things. The guys at the garage were saying you had a boyfriend. All it took was following you a few times to lead me here, to the blind guy.” Alan waved the knife in front of James, and Trevor froze. “He can’t see anything and has no idea if I’m going to cut him or not.” Alan laughed and swung the knife again, causing James to lean back into the cushions in an effort to get away. “You should have helped me.”
“So you broke in here and decided to kidnap James and threaten him? First you steal, and now you’ve made everything so much worse.”
Alan’s hands shook, and all Trevor could think of was trying to get that knife as far away from James’s skin as possible.
“You need to put the knife down and walk away. Just leave and go away. I’m not going to stop you.” Trevor moved away from the door to give Alan a clear means of escape.
“We were friends, and I’m in way over my head.” Alan swayed on his feet, and Trevor wondered what he’d been taking. “You were my friend and you should have helped me.”
Trevor stayed still, watching each move Alan made. He tried to figure out a way to call the police, but Alan jumped at the closing of a car door out front, so he clearly wasn’t stable, and the slightest movement could set him off. “I’m trying to help you now.”
“No, you’re not. I can’t just leave. They’ll find me and then that will be the end.” He turned back to James, waving the knife once more.
“What do you want? I have nothing to give you.”
Alan glanced at him. “I need money. So you’re going to get some and bring it back while I stay with your boyfriend. If you take too long, I’ll cut him to pieces, and if the police show up, I’ll do the same thing before they can even get in the house, understand? Now go. You’re going to help me, or your little blind boyfriend will be carved into tiny bits.”
Trevor went cold at Alan’s words. He’d just found James, and he’d be damned if he was going to lose him.
“You’re going to let me leave?” Trevor had no intention of going anywhere. He wasn’t going to leave James alone with this crazy man who was high as a kite on something. Trevor wondered what happened to the young man he’d known three years earlier. The one who’d worked extra hours to finish a job and who was always early and eager to advance. Alan had been driven and could have made a success of his life. Instead, he was a shell comprised of fear and paranoia.
“Trevor,” James said, and Alan whipped back to him.
“You shut up and sit still. I’ll cut you to ribbons.” Alan touched the knife to James’s shoulder.
“Bullshit,” James said, reaching for Alan’s arms, connecting, and shoving him backward. Alan clearly hadn’t been expecting the move and flailed his arms. Trevor raced forward as Alan tried to catch his balance, but he was clearly caught completely off guard. He took a step back, stumbled into the coffee table, and fell on top of it, collapsing the table, landing on his back, the knife sliding along the wood floor.
Trevor kicked the knife into the other room and raced to Alan, who was already trying to get up. Trevor knocked his feet out from under him, sending Alan crashing into the floor once again. “Are you okay? Did he cut you?” he asked James, then rolled Alan onto his belly and held his hands behind his back.
“I’m fine. He didn’t cut me.”
“You’re hurting me,” Alan groaned.
“You’re lucky I don’t break your fucking arms,” Trevor growled and turned to James. “Do you have your phone?”
“It’s in the bedroom.”
“Go get it and call the police. I can’t reach mine at the moment, and I’m not going to let him go for a second.” Trevor held on tightly.
“Trevor…,” Alan whined.
Trevor yanked upward. “Shut up or I will break your arms,” he hissed as James left the room on unsteady legs.
James found his phone, made the call, and came back into the room as he talked. “My boyfriend, Trevor, has him under control at the moment, but please hurry.” He hung up.
“Go back into the bedroom, then close and lock the door. If this ass gets loose, I want you safe.” Trevor was taking no chances. “As soon as the police get here, I’ll come get you.”
James left the room, and Trevor breathed a small sigh of relief when he heard the door close.
Sirens approached a few seconds later, growing louder quickly. The police came in, at the ready, and he released Alan only once they had him cuffed and under their control.
“The knife he used is on the floor in the dining room. I kicked it in there.” The adrenaline that had coursed through him now began to fade as the danger passed.
The officers retrieved the knife as Trevor went to the bedroom.
James came out, and Trevor folded him into his arms. “We’re both okay.”
“Yeah.” James squeezed him tightly, and after a few minutes, Trevor led James into the other room, where they spent quite a while answering questions, with James holding his hand the entire time.
TREVOR SPENT what felt like hours explaining what happened and why he suspected that Alan had broken in and accosted James. The police were able to get the records of the other charges that Alan was facing from the theft, then took Alan away. After answering all their questions, Trevor and James signed statements, with an officer reading James’s to him, and then the police left.
“I was hoping for some fun, not that kind of excitement.”
Trevor guided James to the sofa and sat down next to him. Now that all the activity was over and the questions answered, James turned to him, held him, and fell to pieces. He shook in Trevor’s arms.
“He was going to kill me.”
“He wanted something. I don’t think he even knew what it was except maybe some money so he could get away.” Trevor held James, gently stroking his back. “When I saw him with the knife, waving it in front of you, all I could think of was how I’d just found you.” He closed his eyes and tried not to let the fear he’d felt overwhelm him. He’d been able to keep it at bay in the heat of the moment, but it threatened to overwhelm him now.
“I’m okay.” James wiped his eyes and held him, the tremors subsiding.
“What you were was totally awesome. Alan would never suspect that you’d do what you did. He was completely off guard. I’m sorry about the table, and we can go out to get you another one. But you’re a hero.”
“No, I’m not. He was waving his hands so I was able to tell where they were. That’s all. When he stilled, I went for it. From his speech I knew he wasn’t all there, and he smelled funny, like he was off.”
“He was high on something or had been recently. Alan is an addict and he was probably stealing to support his habit. From what he said, he probably owes people money. Like I said, you were amazing.”
“I’m just glad it’s over,” James said, resting his head on Trevor’s chest.
Trevor used to think he really wanted a life of excitement, but what he truly needed was a quiet life with James. That was what was important. The past was just the past, and if he wanted that quieter, more stable life, then he needed to let go of some of that history.
“Should I make us some tea?” He wanted something stronger, but soothing was what they both really needed.
“That would be nice.” James released him, staying where he was.
Trevor went into the kitchen to heat some water. He put James’s kettle on the stove and leaned against the counter. It was time to deal with the greatest pain of his life. He only hoped he survived it. Trevor gripped the edge of the counter, staring into nothing as he waited for the water to heat. “Do you have any whiskey?” he asked, then wished he hadn’t. Even though he wanted a drink badly, it was only going to provide false courage.
“No. But there’s some vodka in the far lower left cabinet, bottom shelf.”
The water boiled in the kettle, and he turned it off, then filled two mugs. Before he left he made sure everything was in its place and put the hot kettle on the back burner. Then he carried the mugs in the living room and handed one to James. “The stove is hot and so is the kettle.”
“Okay.” James thanked him and sat back. He was still wearing his sunglasses, and Trevor gently took them off, placing them on the lamp table beside the sofa. Even though they were sightless, he still needed to see James’s eyes.
“I have something I need to tell you. Something I don’t talk about because… well… it’s painful.” He sipped his tea and once again wished it was something stronger.
“What happened? Did someone hurt you?” Concern rolled off James.
“Not physically. I mean, he never hit me or anything.” Trevor sat in a chair, wondering how he could bring himself to say the words. “I could tell you a long, drawn-out story, but I guess I’m going to try to come to the point. Chase was a divinity student at Marquette and I met him at M and D, a leather bar that’s closed now. I was a biker and I felt at home there… sort of.” Trevor could remember the headiness of going to the bar for the first time and meeting other people like him. His heart had pounded and he was scared as all hell, excited too, and he’d had no clue how to talk to people. “I walked in the first time and was overwhelmed.”
“Imagine going to one of those places and not being able to see, but wondering if everyone is watching you.” James sipped his tea. “We all go through that in new situations, and you seem to have gotten over it.”
“Yeah, I did, and it wasn’t long before I grew to know some people. Anyway, I’m going on and on.” Trevor gulped some tea and gasped because it was too hot. He set down the mug and breathed though his mouth to cool it. Maybe it was best if he just got this over with. “I met Chase there. He was a sophomore at Marquette and I was a horny nineteen-year-old. We hit it off, talked for hours in one of the back booths, and then he left and I didn’t expect to see him again. Except I did, and we talked more the next time. This time he asked me out on a date. I expected an offer of sex or something, but we went to dinner and then stayed the night in his dorm room because his roommate was gone. That was October, and we saw each other until almost May, I guess. The thing is, we were making plans for Chase for after the semester ended. I had a small apartment, and he was going to move in with me.”
“But he was a Catholic divinity student and going to be a priest?” James interjected.
“Chase said he planned to change his major. It wasn’t working for him any longer. So when the semester ended, he moved in with me, and we were like an old married couple, only with a lot more sex.” Trevor needed to lighten the mood as the walls in James’s living room seemed to move closer. “But there was a problem. Chase’s parents were determined that he was going to be a priest and said they were only going to pay for college if he remained in the program. Then they came for a visit and freaked out because he was living with me. I came home from work to find Chase curled on the sofa in the fetal position with his dad glaring at him and his mother in our bedroom. My name was on the lease, so I told them to leave. Chase came apart as soon as the door closed behind them. I honestly thought they’d come around. I mean, finding out your son is gay by walking in unannounced and realizing he’s living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment with one bed is a bit of a shock. But he heard nothing from them, and over time he seemed a little more like himself and less tied in knots.” Trevor sighed, girding himself for the difficult part.
“You don’t need to go on if you don’t want to. I think I can see the writing on the wall. His parents forced a decision, and he chose them.”
“Well, yes and no. His parents did force a decision, only it was bad. They wanted to put him in a quack hospital to fix him. Chase wasn’t going to have any of that. They had already cut him off, but I could pay the rent and stuff, so we were okay. But they kept applying pressure, and after they paid another visit while I wasn’t home, Chase called me in a panic, and I talked him down after his mom and dad finally left. I should have just told my dad that I needed to go, but I was saving up so I could buy the first garage and start a business. I was trying to provide for both of us.” Trevor’s hands shook and his leg bounced on the floor.
James stood and came around behind him, putting his arms around Trevor’s neck and leaning close. “Have you told this to anyone?”
“No. Not even my dad.” Trevor closed his eyes. “I came home right after work. It was a Friday, and we usually went out for some fun. To the beach, things like that, since it was getting nice. But I got in the apartment and knew something was wrong. It was silent, completely silent. I found Chase on the floor of the bathroom, his back against the tub, and I knew he was dead. He’d been given some anxiety medication and something to help him sleep because of what happened with his parents. Apparently he took a bunch of the pills. As soon as they heard, his mom and dad descended and took him away. I wasn’t told about the funeral, which was held up in Kohler, and Chase’s parents made it known through everyone they could that they blamed me for Chase’s death.”
“That’s insane.”
“Yeah, well. I was nineteen, had my world turned upside down for the second time since my mom’s death, and I think I took it to heart. I did nothing but work for six months and try to forget. Dean and Brent pulled me out, and from then on, I was the man who came over to speak to you in the club. I worked and played and that was it.” Trevor reached for the mug of tea and set it back on the table beside him. “I couldn’t. It was safer for me to just….”
“Keep yourself walled off,” James supplied gently.
“Yes, and then you walked though my defenses as though they didn’t exist.”
“Maybe because they didn’t. You were ready to let go and open yourself up to someone, and I happened to be the lucky guy.”
Trevor ran his hands up James’s arm. “No. I think it had to be you, and I was the lucky one. Most guys who were interested came up empty, but you were different and I don’t know why.”
“It’s because you might have shut off your heart, but it didn’t turn from you.” James squeezed him slightly. “Your heart healed and you were ready for something new, someone to enter your life, and that’s why I was able to touch you.” James slid his hands down Trevor’s chest, resting over his heart. “Are you disappointed that I’m… me?”
Trevor put his hands over James’s. “No. Are you disappointed that I’m some kind of man-slut?”
James chuckled and shifted closer. “Nope. Just remember that from now on, you’re my man-slut and no one else’s, and I’ll watch over you just like you look after me.” James slid a hand under Trevor’s chin, and when he turned, James kissed him. “I used to think I’d be a burden to anyone I tried to share my life with. They’d end up leading me around and taking care of me for the rest of my life. But I can take care of myself.”
“You sure as hell can.” About that there was no doubt.
James kissed him again, and Trevor turned in the chair, deepening the kiss, touching, and then Trevor stood, which led to holding and rubbing and gentle caresses. Then Trevor guided James to the bedroom, where clothing ended up strewn all over the floor and they collapsed onto the bed.
James ended up lying prone with Trevor’s face buried between his cheeks, and this time James’s begging led to condoms and lube thrust in Trevor’s direction. “I’m ready, Trevor. I need to be together as one.”
James rolled onto his back, and damn if he didn’t part his legs, stroking his shaft. He was seductive as hell and knew it. Trevor was about to ask if James was sure, but there was no doubt. James was doing his best to drive Trevor out of his mind. The sight of James pleasuring himself was unbelievable and sent heat racing through him like nothing else ever had.
Trevor sat back on his haunches, watching, grabbing the lube to coat his fingers. James groaned when Trevor touched him, and moaned loudly as Trevor slipped a finger inside, teasing him, getting him ready while listening to a symphony of pleasure that increased in intensity with each passing second and sent waves of desire pulsing through him. He was so close to coming just from watching that he nearly forgot what James wanted. Trevor reached for the condoms, rolled one on, and made sure there was plenty of slick before getting into position, stopping to get close to James.
“Are you sure? I’m not exactly small and I don’t want this to hurt.”
James wound his arms around Trevor’s neck, pulling him closer. “I want you to make me yours. This is special. If it isn’t, then stop. But if this is making love, then it’s exactly what I want.” James pulled Trevor’s face closer to his. “I haven’t said it yet, but I think I first started falling in love with you when you came to my rescue with my family, and I haven’t stopped since.”
Trevor pressed forward, entering James’s body as slowly as he could. “I love you, James.” He pushed deeper, and James hissed softly, holding him tighter.
“Yes. God yes.” James threw his head back, groaning as Trevor inched deeper. “I love you, Trevor. Now make me yours. Show me that it’s me you want.”
Trevor stopped, holding James tightly, and then slid the last way into him. “You’re all I want.” James was it for him. Trevor loved him and finally felt whole again. He never thought he could, that there would always be a place inside that would be empty, somewhere only Chase had touched, but James had filled the hole and more. “It will always be you.” Trevor slowly rocked back and forth, holding his James.
“You need to talk to me.”
“I know.” Trevor let his body do the talking for a few seconds as James quivered and shook in his arms.
“This is too much.” James held him tighter. “Is it always like this when you’re with someone?”
Trevor stopped moving, stroking James’s cheek. “It’s never been like this before with anyone.” Not even Chase, but he kept that to himself. James’s firm grip around him was so incredible, Trevor was only going to last a short time. He was like a teenager again, and James brought it out of him. And it seemed the feelings were mutual, as James gasped and stilled under him, throbbing around Trevor, sending him over the edge as well.
Trevor groaned, holding James tight, kissing and petting him because, damn, he had to tell him, show him, just how much he meant and how much James had touched his heart.
“This was an eventful day,” James commented once Trevor had gotten up to take care of things and brought a cloth to clean up.
Then he climbed back onto the bed, tugging James close. He radiated heat and energy. How James could do that after what they’d just done was beyond him, but James had more energy than before. Trevor closed his eyes and soaked in the heat. “You can say that again.” He didn’t want to go over what had happened. Trevor only wanted to enjoy it and hope it stayed that way.