Sixteen

It seemed I’d just drifted off to sleep when the phone woke me. I groped for it like an octopus on Valium. The charging cord was too short to allow me to see the caller ID. Didn’t matter, since I was too groggy to see it even if it was a mile long. Slumber had allowed me to forget about my back pain, but now it came screaming back. “Mrph?”

“Charlemagne Russo?

“Mrph.”

“This is William Rosenthal of Rosenthal, Rosenthal, and Squib. We represent Penn & Powell Publishing.”

“Squid?”

“Squib.”

“Penn & Powell?”

“Your publisher.”

Back pain and the sharp tone in the man’s voice roused me. Was I dreaming? Yes. No. That pain was all too real. I yanked the cord and brought the phone to my face. 212. Manhattan area code. I rolled and wiggled and heaved and maneuvered myself up to the headboard, wincing with each movement. “Sorry. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“I can imagine.” He cleared his throat. “It has come to my attention that you are spreading false and malicious gossip about my client via the print media.”

Defining all those words and putting them in context took me longer than normal.

“Ms. Russo?”

“Yes, I’m—”

“While we look into this matter further, your contract is being reviewed. You are on notice to cease any defamatory language. We’ll be in touch.”

“Can I speak with my editor?”

“No. There will be no communication with Penn & Powell in any form whatsoever until further notice. If you need to discuss anything, you will do so through me. Expect a certified letter.”

Rosenthal hung up. I stared at my phone until it went dark. This was bad. Very bad. I knew it, but had no idea how to fix it.

My phone lit up while I sat there staring at it. For a split second I thought it might be Lance or Ozzi calling to say, “Gotcha! You really fell for that one. Let’s go get some pancakes.”

But no. The caller ID told me it was Jenica.

“Did I wake you?”

“No … I was … up.”

“Are you sure? People are weird when the phone wakes them up. Like they don’t want to admit they ever sleep.”

“Yeah … ”

“So I hear you were checking up on me and Dooley.”

I shook my head to clear it, but that must only work in cartoons because I still felt fuzzy. Did an attorney just threaten me? I checked the call history. Yep. Area code 212. Defamation. Newspaper articles. Reporters. Detectives. Murderer. Wash me … or else.

I leaned forward, inhaled through my nose, and exhaled through my mouth. An acute sense of purpose and determination calmed me. I had to find out who killed Melinda and determine if I was in any danger myself. I shifted further over onto my butt cheek until the pain lessened.

“Jenica, why wasn’t Heinrich at the critique group meeting the day Melinda was killed?”

“What? You need to wake up. Are you dreaming?”

“I’m wide awake now. Where was Heinrich that day? You guys go way back.”

“Charlee, just because he was my English teacher doesn’t mean I keep track of him.”

“I know you guys talk. Do you know where he was?”

“No. But just like me and Dooley, he wasn’t out being a homicidal maniac, if that’s what you’re getting at. I think you’d know that after that thing with your brother.”

“What thing?”

“At the school a few years back?”

One of Lance’s first calls as a rookie was an altercation. He got there and made it worse. Way worse. “How do you know about that?”

“I was there. So was Heinrich. It was our school. Those were Heinrich’s students.”

“I didn’t know you knew my brother.”

“I don’t. But Heinrich does. He had to go to the hearing.”

“Neither of them said anything to me.”

“Why would they? Your brother knows your critique group?”

“No, I guess not. But Heinrich knew, and he never said anything.”

“Maybe he thought it would embarrass you.”

“Maybe.” The Cosmic Sibling Scorecard, I was fairly certain, would show that I embarrassed my brother exponentially more often. But why would Jenica cover for Heinrich? Was she covering for him, or did she really not know where he’d been? Did she really go to that concert at the Fillmore or was it yet another lie?

Jenica’s voice became louder in my ear.

“I’m sorry, what?” I said. “My mind wandered.”

She said, “Since you practically accused me and Dooley of murder, I need a favor. I wasn’t going to ask, with everything you have going on, but now it seems you owe me. Could you take a look at my rhyme? You’re the best at it. Something’s wrong, and if I could fix it before our next meeting, I wouldn’t lose so much time with it. If you looked at it today, then I’d have—no, never mind. I shouldn’t have asked.”

She paused and I pictured her playing with her spiked collar like she did when she was embarrassed.

“No, it’s fine. I’m happy to. It’ll take my mind off my problems for a while. And for the record, it seems like I’m accusing everyone of murder, so you guys are in good company.” Plus, maybe to thank me, she’d tell me what she knew about Heinrich’s whereabouts. And maybe even come clean about the Children’s Hospital question. “Email it and I’ll see if I can help.”

We disconnected and I struggled out of bed and into the shower. The hot water felt like a miracle cure on my screaming soft tissue. I stayed in until my fingers and toes were pruney and the water started to run cold.

After I smelled like pomegranate/mango (body) and coconut (hair) and peanut butter (breath), I sat on a fluffy pillow strategically placed on a kitchen chair and opened my computer to troubleshoot Jenica’s picture book verse.

My heart seized when my computer desktop faded away and was replaced with a cartoon Ozzi dancing an animated jig. He had a huge head on a tiny body that wouldn’t stop moving. His face remained rigid with just his mouth opening and closing like … well, like bad animation. He sang a ridiculous song consisting solely of the words “I’m sorry” to the tune of Stars and Stripes Forever. A couple of “very verys” were added in a useless attempt to fix the cadence.

“That’s gotta be some form of treason.” But I couldn’t help chair-dancing to the piccolo part, at least until it hurt. It was oddly hypnotic to see Cartoon Ozzi dancing. How long had this taken him to animate?

Of course, my boyfriend denied he was a hacker, even though whenever he explained his job, it sounded exactly like hacking to me. And here was proof. I muted the sound, but Cartoon Oz kept dancing. I frowned at the screen. Did Ozzi know my passwords? I’d never been careful with them around him—why would I be? Maybe he didn’t hack me at all.

But maybe he did. Even if he had hacked me, though, it didn’t mean he’d hacked into Melinda’s computer like I’d suspected earlier. But what if he had? What if he got tired of me whining about my issues with my royalty statements and decided to help me out? Or shut me up. Sure, he might have found financial information, but that wouldn’t have made him kill her. I mean, he still had his childhood Winnie-the-Pooh. It was difficult to picture.

I once saw him lose his temper, that day a jerk said things to me and Ozzi chased him down the street. Thank goodness Lance was there to stop him. It wasn’t like Ozzi. Was it? Just because I hadn’t seen him that mad very often didn’t mean he’d always kept his temper in check.

I didn’t really think Ozzi had killed Melinda, but if TV and mystery novels had taught me anything, it’s that it’s always the last person you suspect. If my life was a cop drama, the killer would show up briefly before the first commercial. Unassuming, perfectly nice, helpful, reasonable.

Which, of course, described everyone in my little drama.

Besides, Ozzi had been at work that night. Miss Lulaila Philpott had verified that. But just because he was at work didn’t mean he couldn’t have been involved. If he could hack into my computer remotely, could he have hacked into the electrical system of Melinda’s car? I knew that the mercury was the cause of her death, not the car crash, but still, it nagged at me.

I called the number for Melinda’s mechanic.

“Bob Dunphy.”

“Mr. Dunphy, it’s Charlee Russo. Can I ask you something?” When he didn’t respond, I added, “It’s about cars.”

“Okay then.”

“Melinda’s car.”

I heard him sigh.

“I just need to know if somebody can screw with the electrical system or the engine or something—”

“I told you before, we did not sabotage Melinda Walter’s car. And if that’s—”

“No, not you guys. Somebody like a hacker. Could a hacker take control of her car?”

“Of course not. If it was one of those newfangled driverless cars, then sure. But this is a classic car, restored to its former glory. Hand-crank windows. Manual locks. There’s no computer in there.”

I laughed, relieved. “Of course there’s not. How stupid of me. That’s all I needed. Thanks for your time.”

Ozzi’s name remained crossed off my suspect list.

My detective work was interrupted by a knock on my door. Every nerve and muscle clenched. Again. If this kept happening, I’d have the tightest abs and tush around. I knew it was absurd, but the only people I expected to knock on my door these days were cops and murderers.

I wasn’t sure which I’d rather see.

They knocked again, louder and more insistently this time, jarring me from my paralysis. I shuffled to the door, sneaking up on the peephole. Relief flooded me and I opened the door to two perky twenty-something women wearing matching, but not quite rhyming, Green Clean Team polo shirts.

“Hey, Charlee. Did you forget? Second Thursday of the month. Cleaning day.”

“Hi, Marta. Hi, Blanca. I’m sorry, I did. Just give me five minutes.”

Once a month, I secretly paid to have Don and Barb’s apartment cleaned. I quickly wrote the house cleaners a check and handed them the Singers’ key before climbing the stairs and knocking on the couple’s door. I peeked over the balcony to make sure no bad guys were lurking, even though I wasn’t entirely sure what a bad guy might look like. I guessed if I saw someone wearing a black Stetson or trussed up like Hannibal Lecter, I would probably run away.

When Don opened the door, Peter O’Drool raced around my ankles the requisite number of times before racing back inside to fetch his squeaky toy.

“Hey, Don, I need to get away from my computer for a while. Will you and Barb go with me to the art museum?” I knew they’d say yes because it was one of their favorite outings.

Barb plucked her coat and purse from the back of a chair while Peter pranced around me, displaying his toy. “We were just wondering what we were going to do today.”

I picked up Peter and booped his nose with mine. “You should be very proud of your toy, but you’re going to have to play with it by yourself for a while.” If a dog could say “Okey-dokey,” that’s what I would have heard when I deposited him in his well-worn doggie bed. I knew Marta and Blanca brought him treats and showered him with attention while they cleaned.

As Don closed and locked the door he said, “See you later, Pete. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Be really careful, okay?” I said to them. “I slipped on some ice last night. Not as fun as it might sound.”

“Oh, you poor dear,” Barb said, patting my hand.

I followed them down the stairs, all of us limping and favoring certain limbs. I wondered, as usual, how long it would be before their knees and hips couldn’t negotiate the stairs anymore. When that day came, I already knew I’d switch apartments with them. Spry as they were, I suspected that day wouldn’t come any time soon.

They held each other and took slow, shuffling steps over the snowy and icy spots while crossing the parking lot. I hovered behind them doing the same, hoping I could catch them before they fell, nervously reminding myself that I hadn’t even rescued myself from the ice last night.

Don raised his eyebrows at the message on the back of my car. I shrugged in response. I gathered a handful of snow and erased it as best I could while they settled into the back seat of my car, where they liked to sit. Don said it was because they liked to hold hands and smooch, but I suspected it had something to do with the pile of crap that always seemed to live on my front passenger seat. Or maybe it was my driving and they felt safer back there. Regardless, I was always happy to chauffeur them around.

Twenty-five minutes later we’d made our way through Aurora and into the heart of Denver, where we pulled into the museum parking structure. Trolling for a spot, I spied an open one far from the elevator and asked if they wanted me to drop them off a bit closer.

“Landsakes. We’re not invalids. The exercise will do us good,” Barb said.

“Alrighty.”

I parked and we made our way back the way we’d come, heading for the elevator in the corner. Parking garages always gave me the spooks, but now I was positively jumpy. There were no other people that I could see, but so many weird noises I was sure there’d be an ambush somewhere between my car and the elevator. I held my breath and tensed, ready to let loose with a well-placed karate chop or roundhouse kick, assuming I could perform either. Deep down I knew if anyone jumped out, I’d probably just scream. I liked to think I wouldn’t grab Don or Barb and use them as a shield, but I couldn’t be certain.

I drew a deep breath when we got to the elevator without mishap. No scary characters sighted either in the elevator or walking across the plaza to the museum. I ushered Don and Barb inside the building, where I felt I could completely relax. I don’t know why, except there were uniformed guards there and they made me feel safe. Nothing bad can happen in an art museum, right? Except for being confronted with the sight of modern art. That’s an unnecessarily brutal assault on your sensibilities.

Don and Barb headed straight for the café across the gift shop. I got a Houdini panini and they split a Ty Cobb salad.

After we ate, we browsed the “gift shop exhibit,” the only one we ever saw. They could look at all the famous works of art in postcard and art book form, as well as the special products the museum brought in for the traveling exhibits. “Like a guided tour without all that walking,” Don always said.

It served our purposes quite well. We didn’t have to pay admission, we didn’t get exhausted after executing the slow shuffle through all the galleries, and nobody cared when Don inevitably dragged an oversized art book to a café table to leaf through the pages.

I picked up a brochure about the traveling exhibit on display upstairs. It featured the art stolen by the Nazis in WWII, the organized looting by the Third Reich. Some of the paintings had been identified and reunited with the rightful owners, but many hadn’t. The brochure explained how all the museums and collectors in the world were being encouraged to research and determine the provenance of all the art in their collections.

I folded the brochure and shoved it in my bag, turning toward the sandpictures Ozzi and I loved so much. I picked up a small one and turned it upside down to watch the cascade of sand in motion. The muted colors rose and fell, slowly waltzing to unheard music. The grains twisted and turned, meeting new partners and rejecting old in a spectacle that could never be performed exactly the same way ever again. Watching slow-motion mountains and valleys form and reform with every turn of the frame was hypnotizing.

“Like me and Ozzi,” I murmured to the sandpicture. We were perfectly fine while sitting on the shelf, both of us happy and content with our lives. But then some unseen hand had picked us up and turned us over and everything had changed, perhaps never to be the same.

I jumped when Barb touched my elbow. “Ready to go, dear? Go pick out something.”

Each time before we left, Don and Barb insisted on buying me a souvenir so I’d learned to be careful about what I expressed interest in. They’d offered to buy me one of the sandpictures many times, but I didn’t want them spending that much money on me. I told them I didn’t have room for one and they seemed to accept my explanation. And if I wanted to admire the silk scarves, I made sure they weren’t looking.

I headed over to the wall of postcards, most of them reproductions of the art in the building or from past traveling exhibits. A double postcard of two of the plundered works of art caught my eye. Both were stylized couples. One, in fact, was titled Couple by Hans Christoph, and the other was titled Man and Woman in the Window by Wilhelm Lachnit. I showed it to Don and Barb, saying I liked the colors, but I realized even as I said it that maybe the postcard had caught my eye because it reminded me of me and Ozzi. It reminded me of a vague something else, too, but this remained out of reach.

On the way home, the Singers always insisted we stop at the craft store near our complex so I could run in and buy a pre-cut art mat or cheap frame for whatever I’d chosen. Adorably, Don once again pressed a five dollar bill into my hand from the back seat.

I delivered Don and Barb back to their apartment and was rewarded with another inspection of Peter’s squeaky toy and a plate of brownies already wrapped up in cellophane and tied at the top with a ribbon. I was beginning to suspect my secret monthly cleanings weren’t such a secret after all.

When Barb gave me the plate, she placed her hand gently on my arm and gave me a little squeeze. “I’m sorry, dear, but these don’t have walnuts. I ran out after the banana bread.”

“Oh, that’s perfectly fine.” I struggled to modulate my tone and rein in my glee. “I just love that you think of me so often, baking me such delicious goodies. I wish I could repay you.”

Barb waved me away.

Balancing the brownies on my palm, I made my way back to my apartment. I stopped twice on the flight of stairs, ears perked, trying to discern unusual noises I heard. Both times, I realized it was the rustling rhythm of the cellophane, the hobby store bag, and the bag from the museum gift shop. My twitchiness at the prospect of a murderer after me had not been eased by our field trip.

At my door I bobbled the plate of brownies with the bags, trying to find my keys in my messenger bag. You’d think that after watching all the crime dramas on TV I’d know enough to have my keys in my hand, maybe even poking out between my fingers to double as an eye-gouging weapon. But no. The prospect of walnut-free brownies had overwhelmed my good sense.

I put everything down and slowly squatted to dig through my bag. You’d also think a clever and accomplished college graduate such as myself would be smart enough to put her keys back in the same place each time.

Quiet footsteps sounded behind me and I froze. My hand slowly wrapped around my set of keys and I maneuvered them between my fingers. The footsteps stopped. I stayed down, hand in my bag, thighs and back screaming for release. Feet shuffled on the concrete. I inhaled, held my breath, and counted in my head. One … two … three.

I stood and began to twist, elbow raised, keys in my fist. At that precise moment a hand clasped my shoulder. I lost my balance and toppled, shrieking. I flailed my eye-gouging keys wildly in the air around me, striking nothing.

“Geez. Chill out.”

Suzanne.

“Cripes! What are you doing, sneaking up on me that way?” I looked down at my knee, solidly centered in the plate of now squished brownies.

“I wasn’t sneaking. I was just walking. Not my fault I’m naturally stealthy.”

“Everything okay down there, Charlee?” Don’s voice called out.

“Yeah, Don, everything’s fine.” Except the brownies. I struggled to my feet, relieved nothing hurt worse than it had before. I unlocked the door and gathered my things, staring forlornly at the brownies.

“Sorry about that,” Suzanne said.

“Easy come, easy go, I guess.”

She made no attempt to leave.

“Is there something you wanted?” I allowed the slightest tinge of annoyance to creep into my voice.

“The cops came yesterday.”

“I know. I saw when Barb brought me the flowers.” I gestured at them on the table.

“They tricked me into opening the door.”

“How?”

“They knocked—”

“Not really a trick. That’s how most people do it.”

“—and then pretended to leave. Probably surveilled me.” Suzanne’s eyes darted around. She seemed more paranoid than normal.

“What did they say?” I asked. A good sleuth would have asked her this during our banana bread exchange, but I’d been too worried about my potential Peeping Tom and/or murderer.

“They asked about my alibi, but I told them I couldn’t remember because Mercury was in retrograde. They scolded me for joking about the murder, but I couldn’t tell them the truth about where I was because then they’d arrest me for sure.”

Now my eyes darted around. I backed away from her into my apartment.

But not before she muscled her way past me.