…these days if you ain’t crazy you just got to be eccentric…
Monroe D. Underwood
I walked northward up the narrow sidewalk toward the tiny business district of Radish River.
I came to a small grassy park.
I paused and smoked my last beat-up cigarette before continuing on to the Radish River Drug Store.
I bought a carton of busted Camels.
On my way out I spotted Suicide Lewisite seated at the soda fountain.
He was pouring a Super-Kola into an enormous self-satisfied smile.
He said good-morning Purdue.
He said I am so happy I could commit suicide.
I said I wish to make a report.
Suicide Lewisite slapped me on the back.
He said way to go in there Purdue.
He said what do you wish to report?
I said I wish to report that Zanzibar McStrangle is a gorilla.
Suicide Lewisite choked on his Super-Kola.
He said crazy talk always makes me want to commit suicide.
I said I have just been watching Zanzibar McStrangle in the park.
I said he is swinging from tree to tree.
I said he is beating his chest and carrying on in a most gorillalike manner.
Suicide Lewisite said look Purdue I told you that McStrangle is a trifle eccentric.
He said once in a while he gets the idea that he is the Scarlet Pimpernel.
He said at other times he pretends he is Flash Gordon.
He said now and then it’s Tarzan.
He said this morning it just happens to be Tarzan.
I said oh.
Suicide Lewisite said do you have anything else to report?
I said one other item.
I said he’s still wearing his football uniform.