…leap frog is a game what has been played by just about everybody but frogs…
Monroe D. Underwood
On the next afternoon Suicide Lewisite occupied a fifty-yard-line seat high in the nearly empty Radish River High School stadium.
The only activity was at the scoreboard where a big black truck unloaded boxes.
Suicide Lewisite stared down at the scene of his magnificent Saturday night triumph.
A slight smile toyed with one corner of his mouth.
He said I guess they thought we should lay in a few more tons of aerial bombs just in case the Possumcats run hog wild against Sycamore Center.
I shrugged and sat down beside him.
He looked at me from the corner of his eye.
He said Purdue I hope you haven’t brought me any more goofy gorilla stories.
I said no but I’m here to make a report.
I said I ran into some of your players at the drugstore earlier in the day.
I said they’re certainly an amiable bunch.
I said I saw absolutely no signs of the dissension that seemed to concern you.
I said they just sat at the soda fountain and laughed ha-ha-ha and har-de-har-har-har.
I said one was laughing tee-hee-hee.
Suicide Lewisite said which one was laughing tee-hee-hee?
I said I forget.
Suicide Lewisite said well try to remember because I am going to throw him off the team.
I said they told naughty stories and they sang “We’ll Be Standing ’Neath the Streetlight at Ten on Friday Night Singing Songs of Love in Harmony.”
Suicide Lewisite frowned.
He said well the words are catchy but what the hell’s the name of the song?
I said I learned a few things that might be of interest to you.
Suicide Lewisite said such as?
I said such as Slippery Sleighballs has some sort of mental block because he was conceived during a leapfrog contest at a Southern Baptist picnic.
Suicide Lewisite yawned.
He said is that right?
I said yeah in the boathouse.
I said the janitor and the preacher’s wife.
I said the janitor was drowned later.
I said while the preacher was baptizing him.
Suicide Lewisite nodded.
He said you got more such goodies?
I said Barracuda Barinelli dropped out of school when he was sixteen.
Suicide Lewisite said yes I have always assumed as much.
He said probably from a third story window.
He said on his head.
He said in a rock pile.
He said what else?
I said well there’s Half-Yard Blunderfoot.
Suicide Lewisite said what about him?
I said he seems well adjusted but he has an unusual hobby.
I said he spends the off-season painting wild animals.
Suicide Lewisite said well he better be careful not to get turpentine on their rear ends.
He said particularly them goddam mountain lions.