“So … What do I do?” asked Zero. “Just sit here and shoot asteroids?”
“For the next two days, yes,” said Sancho. “After that, you can climb into the stasis pod and activate it, keeping you safe and asleep until we arrive in the Murasaki System.”
Zero grinned. “Golden. Do I get a special pin or something?”
“Your duties as pilot do not require any sewing.”
“I don’t mean a pin to sew with,” said Zero, rolling his eyes. “I mean a pin like a badge. Something to show that I’m the pilot.”
“To show who? You and I already know, and nobody else is awake—”
“It’s a human tradition,” said Zero. “Like a rank insignia on a uniform.”
“I am not familiar with human clothing traditions,” said Sancho. “I am a navigational comp—”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” said Zero, feeling frustrated. “You’re a navigational computer. I get it. You’ve told me like a thousand times.”
“I have told you four times, and Jim has told you once.”
“You were counting?”
“I am a computer; everything I do is counting.”
“Whatever,” said Zero, and lay back in the chair. He floated slightly above it, tethered by the shoulder straps. He stared at the monitors for a moment, then spoke again. “Is anything going to happen?”
“According to my sensors: no.”
Zero threw his hands in the air. “So I’m just sitting here for nothing?”
“You may leave the office if you like. Space is very large, and mostly empty—if anything gets close enough to become a problem, I should have ample time to call you back before it gets close to us.”
“What if another asteroid changes course, like this one did?”
“Then we will know that something very strange is going on,” said Sancho.
“Okay,” said Zero, and unbuckled his belt. “Though, I think it’s pretty obvious that something strange is going on. Where did Jim go?”
“I do not know.”
“Why didn’t you know he was gone until I asked about him?”
“There is a hole in my memory.”
“I know that, but how did it get there? Did Jim tamper with your memory so he could leave without you knowing?”
“Possibly, but I do not know why.”
“And now asteroids are moving by themselves.” Zero waved his hand at the window. “Trust me, Sancho, something super weird is already going on.”
“I will attempt to find the origin of the hole in my memory, but it may take some time. You may spend that time however you wish. Jim spent most of his time watching movies and sleeping,” said Sancho.
Zero looked around, then pointed back at the chair. “Sleeping in that?”
“Sleeping in the bed on the wall,” said Sancho.
“Aren’t beds usually on the floor?”
“Without gravity, why does it matter where the bed is?”
“Good point,” said Zero, and pushed away from the desk to float over to the pad on the wall. It looked like a sleeping bag, with three wide straps to hold the sleeper in place. He sniffed it. “Smells a little Jim-ish,” he said. “Is there a clean bag somewhere?”
“There is a storage locker in Ring 300, Section G.”
“That’s right next door,” said Zero. “Cool.” The sleeping bag was attached to the pad with hook-and-loop strips; he pulled them apart, wadded the bag into a ball, and tucked it under his arm before jumping off of the wall toward the office door. He pulled himself out into the central tunnel, found Section G, and opened it up. “Whoa,” said Zero.
Section G was more than just a storage locker. It was a rec room, complete with a kitchen, a giant movie screen, and even a video game controller.
“You have video games?” asked Zero.
“I told you that Jim used to play them sometimes,” said Sancho.
“Which ones?”
“I do not know,” said Sancho, “I am a nav—”
“Yeah yeah yeah,” said Zero quickly. “I don’t know why I asked.” He opened a closet in the wall, shoved in the sleeping bag without looking, and then kicked himself over to the giant screen. He tapped it to wake it up, and it showed a menu of options: movies, games, nature scenes, ambient sounds, and more. He tapped on the games and scrolled through the list, but his stomach rumbled, and he looked back over at the kitchen. “How long has it been since I ate?”
“Twenty-eight days,” said Sancho, “though you’ve been in stasis for most of that time, so it doesn’t count.”
“Then why did you tell me about it—no, don’t answer that. You’re a navigational computer.” Zero pushed off from the chair and floated to the kitchen. “What have we got to eat?” The kitchen was mostly just a microwave oven, a water spout, and a wall full of cupboards. He opened the first one to see what kind of food they had, but everything looked the same: small plastic bricks, neatly stacked in rows. Zero picked one up and read the label: Spaghetti Bolognese. He let it float next to him in the air and grabbed the one behind it: Vegetable Lo Mein. He pulled out more and more, trying to find one that looked appetizing, and shouted in delight when he found it: “Bacon Cheeseburger. There’s a whole row of them!” He opened the other cupboards and found more and more meals, at least forty or fifty in all.
“Why is there so much food?” he asked. “I’m only awake for two more days, that’s … only six meals.” He opened another cupboard. “There’s at least sixty of these things!” He opened another cupboard, filled with more meals. “A hundred!”
“It is standard starship protocol to include more supplies than necessary,” said Sancho, and then added: “Better safe than sorry.”
“Better awesome than sorry,” said Zero, and pulled out two of the cheeseburger meals. He opened the plastic seal to find a perfectly cubical burger, about three inches on a side; the other half of the brick held a mass of french fries, a small packet of ketchup, and a chocolate chip cookie. He popped the cookie in his mouth and peeled open the burger, finding a slice of cheese, a precooked beef patty, and two slim strips of what he had to assume was precooked bacon. “I can do better than this,” he said, and opened the second burger meal. He took the bacon from that one and added it to the first; he looked at it for a minute, shrugged, then added the second patty and piece of cheese as well. He opened the microwave, placed the massive burger inside, and dumped both helpings of french fries in with it. They floated in the microwave like fish in an aquarium. The only button on the oven’s control panel was “Auto-Sensor,” so he tapped it and let it run. About a minute later it beeped softly, and he opened the door.
The smell of hot, juicy burger flooded out, and he grinned. He ate a few fries—hot and salty—before pushing the rest out of the way and grabbing the burger. He didn’t even need a plate: the fries hung in the air around him, and when a blob of melted cheese separated from the side of the burger, it didn’t drip off but simply hung there, suspended in space. He opened his mouth as wide as he could, put the massive burger in his mouth, and took a bite. It was delicious. He took another bite, then picked up a ketchup packet, tore open the corner, and squeezed it all out—right into the air. A bright red smear of ketchup floated next to him; he grabbed a passing french fry, swiped it through the ketchup, and popped it in his mouth.
“This is amazing,” he said with his mouth full. “I want to eat every meal without gravity now.”
“The ID chips in the food packages suggest that you are eating two bacon cheeseburgers,” said Sancho.
“I’m eating one double-sized Zero Burger,” said Zero, taking another bite. “It’s the best.”
“You should consider eating some vegetables as well,” said Sancho. “They are packaged separately—”
“French fries are vegetables,” said Zero.
“One of the food cupboards should have a package of baby carrots—”
“French fries are vegetables,” said Zero again. “Plus I’m putting ketchup on them, which is made of tomatoes, so that’s like two vegetables. It’s practically a salad.” He grabbed another handful of fries, swiped them through the floating ketchup, and shoved them in his mouth. “What else have you got in here?” he asked, reaching for another cupboard as he chewed. He opened it up and smiled in excitement. “Ooh! Pies!”
“Human beings require a wide range of vitamins and other nutrients,” said Sancho. “A diet of nothing but cheeseburgers and pies is not healthy.”
“Yeah, but what are you gonna do about it?” asked Zero, and smiled. “You’re just a navigational computer.”
“That is accurate.”
Zero took another huge bite, let the burger hang in the air, and opened a package of pie.