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Spencer looked around his apartment. Why did he have to be so macho? Why couldn’t he have admitted weeks ago that he had feelings for Harley? Why did he have to be so hard-headed?
His last words to Harley resonated through his brain. “You really are perfect for Mr. Lame.” He always had a big mouth and tended to act on his feelings. That moment was no exception.
He didn’t really think she was boring. He also knew that no matter what he said, he was not going to change her mind.
She was set on Isaac being the guy she was supposed to be with. The only one that could give her what she thought she needed out of a relationship.
He was mad that he couldn’t convince her otherwise. He was mad that she couldn’t see how much he cared for her. And, most of all, he was mad that her parents messed her up so badly, that she didn’t think she was allowed to have fun and be loved, that she had to have one or the other, and that fun was not supposed to be in the equation of a stable relationship.
But most of all, he couldn’t get their kiss off his mind. It was burned into his brain. The way she tasted, her scent, the way she felt. He’d give anything to go back to that moment and have another chance to convince her that they were good together.
They were so good together. How could she not see that? They had fun, so much fun. And he really cared about her.
And his mom even opened her home to Lily and Harley. She basically told the girls they were already family and welcome any time. How did he miss that? Wasn’t that the kind of family life Harley wanted? If he would’ve been using his brain, he could’ve brought that up during their disagreement. She didn’t need to find stability and security with Isaac, she already had it with him, with the bonus of fun. Actual, real fun. That was something Isaac could never give her.
Instead of convincing her they were meant to be, he just pushed her away. That was his go-to move. When his relationships got complicated, he walked away. It was easier than trying to figure things out.
She saw it, he knew she did. But, Harley had herself convinced that Isaac was what she needed. When he was so wrong for her.
Why did I say that to her? Controlling his mouth was not a strong trait of his. He was famous for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Most of his relationships never made it far enough to give him a chance to screw things up so royally.
His phone buzzed with a text message from his mom.
Mom: Hi dear, do you think you boys would like to bring your lady friends over this weekend? You boys could watch sports while we bake?
He didn’t want to bother his mom with his dark mood right now, nor did he want to tell her that Harley probably wouldn’t be over, at all, again.
Spencer: Mom, I’ll talk to Zane and then let you know, okay?
Mom: Okay dear. I love you, Spencer.
Spencer: I love you too, Mom.
His mom’s message didn’t make him feel any better. More than likely that trip would be just him and Z, or maybe Lily. But he couldn’t see Harley going, not now.
His mom meant well. It wasn’t odd that she picked that moment to message him. It was like she had a sixth sense about these things. Growing up she was the mom that every one of his friends wanted. She raised Zane as her own, gave them every opportunity, spoiled them rotten, and whipped their asses when they deserved it. And every once in a while, when his dad was working late, she let them eat dessert first.
He may have been cool on the outside in every situation, but he didn’t know how to dig out of the hole he was in over Harley.
He needed time to think, and he needed time to feel sorry for himself. He lost something that was special to him. Not only did he think that Harley could’ve been the one, but she was his best friend, and he lost her.
“There you are,” Zane said as he sat down on the couch beside Spencer.
“Yep. Here I am,” he deadpanned.
“Spence, I’m tired of seeing you mope around, so I decided to help you out,” Zane gloated.
“Thanks. But, I’ll deal with it on my own.” He shrugged, annoyed at his cousin’s intrusion.
“Too bad,” Zane countered.
Spencer winced. “What now? Why can’t you just let me mope?”
“Because it’s annoying. And I’ve never seen you this down over a girl before.” He scribbled something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Spencer. “I signed you up for a dating app. Here’s the login info.”
“Because nothing could go wrong there.” Spencer rolled his eyes. His cousin meant well, but a dating app? That was the last thing he needed.
“Just try it. What can it hurt?” Zane pleaded.
“Oh please! Have you not heard the horror stories from these types of sites?”
“Have you heard some of the success stories? You know Professor Karr in the East Wing? He met his wife on a dating app. They have been happily married two years now.”
“Well, that’s wonderful for him, but I just don’t think–”
“Spence, just try it. You know what they say.”
Spencer deadpanned. “I don’t really care what they say.”
“I hate seeing you mope around like this. I just want you to have a little fun, and maybe find someone you like spending time with.” Zane stopped himself. “And I never thought I would be the one saying this.”
“Yeah, it seems like up until now, I was always the one saying that to you.” What he really wanted to say was, I have someone that I enjoy spending time with. “But, seriously, Spence, even though I think Harley is the girl for you, I need to tell you something.”
“What can you possibly have to tell me?” Spencer was tired of the games, and he was ready for Zane to leave for his date so he could have some silence.
“Spence, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you know that Isaac has plans for them to marry eventually, right?”
“Yeah, so what?” he waved off his cousin’s concern.
“She wants a stable family life; she wants what her parents never gave her,” Zane said calmly.
“And were you listening at Mom and Dad’s? Mom basically invited the girls to be part of our family, she said they are welcome any time. It didn’t occur to me until too late, but she was offering the kind of life that Harley always wanted.”
“Did you bring that up to Harley?”
Spencer shook his head. “No, I didn’t realize it until after I walked out on her.”
“When did you walk out on her?” Zane asked.
“After we argued.”
“Oh, Spencer.”
“Yeah, I don’t think she’s going to listen to me now about much of anything.” He pouted. It was no secret that Valentine’s Day was coming up, and if Mr. Lame was going to make his move, Valentine’s Day would be it. He may not get another chance to make things right with Harley.
Zane put his hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “Look, I have no good advice for you, except that if you are meant to be with her, she’ll come around. But you are going to have to wait and see. If she’s mad, and if she’s anything like Lily, she will have to be the one who decides that. No one will be able to tell her any different.”
Spencer nodded, knowing Zane was right.
“In the meantime, think about checking out the app. It might be a nice back-up plan. Especially if things don’t work out with Harley.”
“Fine. I’ve had enough of your sales pitch. I’ll think about it, okay?” he whined. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want another option. He just wanted Harley.
“That’s all I can ask.” Zane grabbed his jacket and slid it on. “I’m outta here. Date night.”
“Isn’t every night date night?”
Zane shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”
Once Zane was gone, Spencer stared at the login info his cousin left. He never thought of himself as a dating app kind of guy. A guy like him never needed an app to find a lady. All he had to do was snap his fingers and he’d have them lined up around the block. Maybe that was an exaggeration, but it was true that he never had a hard time finding someone to date. They always found him.
But now he didn’t want anyone but Harley. And now that he finally admitted to himself that Harley would never be his, could looking on this app really hurt?
He downloaded the app and typed in the login information. Zane really did have a profile set up for him. And he already had a dozen matches.
“Well, what could it hurt, right?” he said.
Spencer swiped, pulling up the first match. She was a pretty blonde, nice body, nice smile. Likes: watching sunsets, make-up tutorials, and social media.
How was she a match for him? They had nothing in common.
Going back to his profile, he pulled up his bio. Zane had him sounding like a saint who was looking for a meaningful relationship—something he was not looking for if it wasn’t with Harley—who liked the beach, played sports, and was a foodie.
What the hell even is a foodie? Yeah, he liked to eat, but things like pizza and chips.
He swiped on her profile. Maybe he was judging a book by its cover, or whatever it is that they say.
“Maybe she isn’t as shallow as she sounds.” Ironic he would think something like that. Because he really was that shallow, apparently.
Spencer studied the young woman’s photo. At this point he was talking to an empty apartment. “I knew it! I know this girl! I saw her on a stock photo site when I was working on my English project!”
No, no, no. This is why I don’t go on these things. Good on Professor Karr for finding an actual person on one of these, but this is not for me.
He immediately deleted his profile and then the app.
“I’ll stick to dropping pick-up lines on campus. It’s just safer.”
His mind went to Harley and the kiss that ruined everything. Maybe he deserved to be alone for the rest of his life, jumping from girl to girl, not ever committing to an actual relationship. Like a loveless purgatory.
Sighing, he sunk onto the couch. Was this what hitting the bottom felt like?
