FOUR
The day after Nell had told me that no bare part of me was going inside her before I had an STI test, I’d made an appointment. I was careful, and there had only been a few occasions when I’d not used a condom—all with her—but she’d insisted.
If she’d been to the easy-lay capital of the world, I would have wanted her to get the all-clear first, too. So, this afternoon, I would get the pleasure of pissing in a cup.
I left work ten minutes early to make the appointment on time. I’d only been back for two days after having fourteen off, but the next available appointment wasn’t until next week, and there was no way I could wait that long.
My nerves started to kick in the second I walked into the building. A few people sat in the waiting area in front of a wall full of sexual health posters and flyers. Not doing much fucking luck in here. It’d be too late by the time you stepped through the door.
“Hello,” I said, wanting the world to swallow me whole.
The receptionist looked up and smiled. “Can I help you?”
“I have an appointment in a few minutes. Damon Masters.”
She blinked at me twice, smiled, and then tapped away at the computer. “Ah, there you are. If you’d like to take a seat and fill in these forms, you’ll be called through in a minute.”
“Thank you,” I replied, taking the sheets of paper and a pen.
I didn’t want to take a seat. I wanted out. It was absurd that I was so fucking nervous. Everyone in here had come for the same reason, and getting tested was sensible. Still, I felt…dirty.
Me, feeling dirty!
But this was in the wrong way.
“Mr Masters,” a pretty blonde with a huge rack called.
Things were looking up already.
I nodded. “Yeah, hello,” I greeted.
“If you’d like to please follow me. Have you been tested before?” she asked as we turned into the first door past reception.
“No, I haven’t.” I’d always been very careful when it came to my sexual health.
She took the forms from me. “Okay. Take a seat, and we’ll begin.”
Begin? Am I not here just to give a urine sample?
“I need to start by asking you a few questions, if that’s okay?”
“Absolutely. Fire away,” I replied, sitting down. I kicked my feet out, crossing my legs at the ankles.
“When did you become sexually active?”
“Wow, you’re straight to it.”
She cracked a smile and shrugged.
“I was fourteen.”
“And how many sexual partners have you had?”
I winced. “Ballpark?”
She looked up through her lashes and cocked her eyebrow. “That will do, if you’re unsure.”
Shifting awkwardly in my seat, I replied, “Forty to fifty.”
Her sharp looks and manners made me feel like I was under siege, but I could well be dreaming it because I felt like an arsehole.
“All right. When was the last time you had unprotected sex?”
Nell. About a month ago in the front seat of my car, we had been coming back from a night out, and she’d gotten rather horny and carried away. The memory of having her bareback on top of me in a confined space got me hot under the collar.
“Er, that was about four or five weeks ago,” I replied, trying to keep my cool.
Nell had better take me in the car like that again since I’m doing this for her.
“And do you think you could have an infection? Are there any changes you’ve noticed or anything you’re concerned about?”
“No, but I was in Kavos last week and thought it’s probably time to get checked out.”
“Did you have unprotected or oral sex while you were there?”
“Not unprotected sex.”
She smiled and nodded her head. “Okay, I’ll need a urine sample to test for chlamydia and gonorrhea and a blood sample to test for HIV and syphilis. Since you have no symptoms or changes in your genitals, we don’t need to test for herpes.”
I rubbed my hand over my face. Shit. When someone uttered the word HIV, things would become very real. I was nervous and worried even though I knew I’d been careful.
“Can’t we do the other one, too? I’d like to test for everything,” I said, seriously stretching the definition of the word like.
“As you wish,” she replied. “Can you please roll up your sleeve, so I can take the blood sample?”
I shoved my sleeve up past my elbow and rested it on the arm of the chair. She removed a needle from a packet and popped a tube in the end. The needle pricked as it pierced my skin, and I watched my blood trickle into the tube, but it was over in seconds.
“All right,” she said. She slowly extracted the needle from my vein and placed a cotton ball where it had entered. “Keep pressure on that for a minute, and it should be fine. Unless you’d like a plaster?”
Is she serious? “I’m fine. Thank you.”
“Okay. I’ll give you a minute to undress from the waist down and lie back on the bed.”
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Sorry, what?”
“I need to take a swab of your urethra for the herpes test.”
I instantly jerked forward and pressed my legs together. “You, what? I thought this was all done by urine and blood now?”
“Most are, but…”
“Oh God, I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I muttered.
“If you’d prefer not to, that’s fine. I honestly don’t believe you need this test. We don’t usually do it unless a patient has experienced sores on their genitals or anus.”
This day just keeps getting better and better.
“Perfect,” I said dryly. “It’s fine. I’ll be happier knowing I’m clear of everything.”
“Okay,” she replied as she turned around. “I’ll give you a minute. Let me know when you’re ready.”
I would never, ever be prepared or ready for what she was about to do.
Nell better give me the mother of all blow jobs after this.
I put the cotton ball dotted with a speck of my blood down on the chair and dropped my trousers. Hopping on the table, I laid my head back on my arms.
“I’m ready,” I said before taking a deep breath.
She was back, eager to do this. “All right, this won’t take long, and I’ll be as gentle as I can.”
Too fucking right she will.
Usually, a pretty woman in a nurse-like getup touching my dick would get me hot and hard, but knowing what was coming had it trying to shove its way inside my body. I felt something on the tip and braced myself. She pushed it inside, and my eyes widened. I grabbed ahold of the sides of the bed and clawed the faux leather material.
“Fuck. Fucking hell, fuck. Get it out!”
“Almost done.”
I was positive I saw her crack a smile. She pulled the swab out, and I cowered, covering my area and closing my eyes.
That did not feel good.
“There. Are you all right?”
Do I look all right?
“Fine,” I bit out.
There has to be a better way to do that.
She turned around again, and I used the opportunity to get my trousers back on fucking quickly. I pulled up the zip, careful not to let it rub because it still felt tender.
She looked at the details I’d filled in on the forms while I waited. “You’ll get your results via text message, like you opted for, within a week. If you test positive, you’ll be invited back, so we can discuss the results and plan treatment.”
“Okay. Is that all?”
Laughing quietly, she nodded. “That’s all.”
“Thank you,” I replied. I got the hell out of there as soon as I could.
Why would anyone volunteer themselves for that?
Something was very wrong with me. I loved all kinds of sex with Nell and would do just about anything to get her naked, but this was insanity.