THIRTY-TWO
I didn’t know how long I had been sitting in the hospital, but it’d turned dark outside. That was also around the time Chloe and Damon turned up. If I’d known Chloe was so far away, I…I would’ve waited here anyway. I was fine to be alone, but I wasn’t ready to be alone all by myself.
I sensed Damon before I saw him, as stupid and ridiculous as that sounded. I just knew he was there. I croaked his name out, half-expecting him to be a figment of my imagination.
Then, Chloe was rushing over. “Nell,” she said from the floor in front of me, lifting my chin, “are you okay?”
Damon knelt beside her, in front of me, too. He put his hand on my knee, and I wanted to collapse in his arms.
He’s here. He’s here. He’s here.
I shook my head. “No.”
“What happened?” Damon asked, squeezing my leg.
“He finally killed her,” I replied, not meeting either of their eyes.
“What?” Chloe whispered, pushing herself up and sitting down beside me. “Nelly, what exactly does that mean?”
“It was always going to happen.”
“What was? You’re scaring me, Nell,” she said.
Chloe didn’t know the truth. She knew that my parents argued, and growing up with that had been hard for me, but she had no idea how volatile it’d gotten. The violence between them had been horrendous. I didn’t remember there ever being even a week of peace. They’d bruised, broken, and bled each other, but nothing had changed. Every few years, Mum would leave and tell me everything was going to be fine. Then, they’d get back together, and it would start again.
“They didn’t just fight verbally, Chloe. This was always going to be how it ended.”
“Oh, Nell,” she said, “why didn’t you tell me things were that bad?”
I felt a big, fat tear run down my cheek. “I didn’t tell anyone. I was ashamed. You know, I knew this would be where we all ended up. When they’d finished fighting, I would plead with them both to either just end it or get help because one of them would kill the other. Apparently, I was being dramatic, but look what’s—” I took a rugged breath and wiped my eyes. “I don’t even know why I’m surprised. I’m not surprised.”
“Hey,” she said, sitting closer and wrapping an arm around my back.
I leaned my head against hers, grateful to have my best friend here for support.
Damon hadn’t said a word. He hadn’t even moved. I didn’t know what that meant, but right now, I didn’t have room to worry about it.
“Can you tell me what happened?” she asked. “Only if you want to.”
“They were fighting, the neighbours called the police, but by the time they arrived, Mum was at the bottom of the stairs. She died instantly. Dad’s been arrested, and Nan is trying to see him. That’s all I know at the minute,” I said, telling her everything Nan had told me.
Chloe stroked my arm. “Do you want to see him?”
“I don’t know.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “Okay, whatever you want. Should I take you home now?”
“I will,” Damon said, talking for the first time since he’d turned to stone.
I stared at him for a second. The green in his hazel eyes was more prominent as he watched me with a mixture of pain and worry.
Chloe looked up, surprised, and then arched her eyebrow at me, silently asking what I wanted.
I wanted him. Of course I did.
“It’s fine, Chlo. Go home to Logan, and I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”
“Are you sure? I don’t like leaving you like this, not after…”
“Not after my mum died,” I said, filling in her blank.
Wincing, she looked down. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s all right. Honestly, I’ll be fine with Damon. I just want to sleep now anyway. Come by tomorrow when it’s all sunk in, and I’m a total mess.”
Smiling sadly with tears in her eyes, she kissed my cheek. “I’ll be over first thing. You call me if you need anything. I don’t care what time it is or what you need.”
“I will. Thank you.”
She stood up and gave Damon a stern look. “Take care of her.”
He rose to his feet, too. “I will.”
Chloe gave me another unsure look before leaving.
Damon held his hand out. “Let me get you out of here, Nell.”
I stared at his hand. I was on the verge of spilling more tears. The sound of his voice was like coming home. This was the worst day of my life to date, but he made it that tiny bit easier. I hadn’t thought I’d see him again, not with him willingly coming to me anyway.
I placed my hand in his, stood up, and almost fell into him. He caught me.
“I don’t want to go home,” I whispered.
“I know you don’t. I was going to take you to mine.”
God, he was standing so close that I could smell his aftershave and feel the warmth from his body. It was so much more comforting than I could have ever imagined.
“Damon,” I whispered.
“It’s okay,” he replied, pulling my body flush with his. “I’ve got you now. Is there anyone you need to tell you’re leaving?”
I shook my head.
“Your nan? Where is she?”
“She is at the police station, trying to see my dad.”
She was his mum after all. She was more concerned with her son than her dead daughter-in-law or granddaughter.
He clenched his jaw. “Right. Let’s get you out of here then.”
We slowly walked out of the hospital, and Damon practically put me in his car. I was useless.
“Do you want to call your nan and find out what’s going on with your dad?” he asked as he backed out of the parking space.
“Not tonight. Do you think he’ll go to her funeral?”
Funeral. That hit me like a ton of bricks, and I wrapped my arms around my chest, as if I were stopping something from falling out. I was going to have to bury my mother.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I let the tears fall freely. It was so unfair.
Why couldn’t they have just gotten help? Why couldn’t they have been normal? Why wasn’t I enough for them to get straight for?
It was getting late, so there wasn’t a lot of traffic on the road. It wouldn’t be long until I could curl up in Damon’s bed. I was so grateful that he hadn’t tried to take me to my place. I couldn’t face it right now. I didn’t want to be where my mum’s picture was on a wall.
Damon reached across and squeezed my hand. I gripped back, holding tight.
“I don’t know. Don’t think of that now. Let’s just get you back to my place, so I can look after you.”
“I don’t expect you to look after me.”
“Have you ever expected anyone to look after you?”
I licked my lips. “They looked after me. I had food and clothes and toys. But when the violence started, it was like they were consumed with anger. Any little thing would set them off once they’d opened the dam. I quickly learned to do things for myself, like get my own breakfast and lunch, as they often overlooked it when they were fighting. They were there but never really there. The only time they really wanted much to do with me was when they’d split, and I would have to pick a side.”
“How old were you when it started?”
“Four.”
One hand gripped mine harder, and his other tightened around the steering wheel, turning his knuckles white.
I had known that I was too young to take care of myself, but so were a lot of kids out there.
“Why didn’t anyone help you?”
“I wasn’t about to tell anyone. I think they were ashamed of what they were doing. Whenever they saw me getting my own cereal or making a sandwich, they’d be so apologetic. Then, they’d each blame the other one for overlooking feeding their child, and it would start all over.” Telling him this felt like cutting myself open. Just a few words exhausted me. “I need to sleep,” I said, rubbing my eyes with my free hand. Even just a few short hours where I was at peace would be welcomed.
“We’ll be home soon.”
Being around Damon again felt right. He was the only person I wanted to be with when I was so lost and afraid. I’d accidentally made him everything.
What I felt for Damon, I had never felt before. It was so pure and so real. I loved him with all my heart. If he never wanted to see me again after tonight, that would be all right because he’d given me something that I never thought I could have. I cried harder for my mum, for the situation, for Damon. He let me love selflessly.
“Did Chloe call you?” I asked between unattractive sobbing.
“No, Logan did. She called him and was frantic, trying to get to you as soon as possible. I guess she called Logan, and one of them decided he should call me.”
“Chloe decided. Definitely Chloe.” My meddling best friend would have been the one to tell her husband that her best friend needed the guy she loved. And for the first time in forever, I loved her for being right.
“Yeah, probably.”
“What were you doing?” I asked.
“Nothing. Just having a drink with a friend.”
The fact that he’d started that sentence with the word nothing meant that he had been with a girl. I already felt like I was holding on by a thread. Adding Damon being with someone else to the mix would have me falling.
“Okay,” I replied, looking out the window.
His hand became stiffer as he realised that I knew what he’d been doing. Seeing other people was his right.
He sighed. “Nell…”
“Don’t,” I replied, loosening my grip.
He didn’t let me get away, clamping his hand around mine. The journey back to his place was taking far too long. I closed my eyes and prayed I could get through this.