Every man has the power to bring out the best in a woman, but only a few men realize it. If a man could see himself through a woman’s eyes, he would experience that which makes him irresistible to her. He would clearly see the attributes he already has that really turn a woman on. It is almost impossible for a man to see himself this way. He doesn’t recognize that what a woman wants most, he already has.
It is easy to conclude that a man is most attractive to a woman because he has a great personality or because he is very talented, handsome, friendly, funny, witty, strong, entertaining, rich, successful, wise, or interesting. Regardless of any of these traits, what makes a man most attractive to a woman is his ability to make her feel like a woman.
When a man makes a woman feel feminine, her femininity is actually awakened, switched on, or, as we commonly say, turned on. When a woman is turned on by a man’s presence, it brings out the best in her and as a result she is attracted to him. To the degree that a man makes a woman feel feminine, then to that degree she is turned on by his unique talents, traits, interests, or characteristics.
If a man doesn’t turn a woman on, it doesn’t matter how funny, rich, or successful he is.
What allows a man to bring out the best in a woman can be summarized in one expression: masculine presence. When a man clearly expresses this aspect of who he already is, a woman is mysteriously attracted. She is most attracted to him when he is confident, purposeful, and responsible. These three attributes make a woman feel more self-assured, receptive, and responsive to him.
With an awareness of these three attributes, a man can harness his power to win a woman over and successfully progress through the five stages of dating. With this new insight, he can begin to understand why some dates work and others don’t. With an awareness of this power within, he can begin to exercise it on every date. As he gets stronger he will gain the ability to know the right partner for him and sweep her off her feet.
THE FIRST ATTRIBUTE: CONFIDENCE
The first attribute that makes a man most attractive is confidence. A woman can sense when a man is confident. She automatically begins to relax and feel assured that she will get what she needs. When a man does not feel confident, a woman begins to worry. Her feminine side, which wants to relax and receive, panics, and her masculine side rises up to protect her and make sure she gets what she needs. Confidence in a man makes a woman breathe deeper, relax, and open up to receive the support he has to offer.
Confidence does not mean that a man has to be perfect, nor does he have to have all the answers. Confidence is a can-do attitude. He knows that no matter what happens, there is always a solution. Even if he doesn’t have the answer, he is confident that he can, and will, find one.
When a man has a can-do attitude, even if he doesn’t have all the answers, a woman can breathe deeper, relax, and open up.
With confidence, a man gains the objectivity to stand back and look for what can be done. At distressing times, he remains cool, calm, and collected. When a man gets angry and says mean things, he is definitely not coming from his confidence. Instead, he is feeling threatened and threatens back.
A confident man contains his feelings until he has figured out what to do. He may not know the outcome, but he senses that no matter what happens, he can always find the next step to improve a situation. He feels that no matter how bad things get, he can eventually figure out what can be done, or find someone who knows what can be done, and then do it. A confident attitude reassures a woman that everything will be all right.
A Man with a Plan
When a man is confident he is able to come up with a plan. Women love a man with a plan. A woman doesn’t like it when a man is too dependent on her for direction. Although women give men a lot of directions and suggestions, they wish they didn’t have to. A woman is happy to do some of the planning, but she wants the man to lead the way confidently.
A woman enjoys a date most when a man has a plan and he feels confident about it. He knows what time it is, where he is, where he is going, how long it is going to take, what he will do when they get there, and that he has the money he needs. He is confident that all will go well and as planned. If things don’t work out as planned, he has a backup plan.
A confident man’s backup plan is that he will assess the situation and make the best of it. He will forge his way into unknown territory and have an adventure. He will do his best and things will turn out fine.
When Men Lose Confidence
Confidence is natural to men, but they can easily lose it when they don’t understand something. A man loses confidence on a date because he doesn’t understand women. When a woman seems upset by something, he may not understand what to do. Instead of taking charge and finding a solution, he too quickly surrenders to asking her what she would like. Then she feels she has to come up with the plan.
It is fine for a woman to help with the plan, but she must not feel that she is fully responsible. It is so easy for a man to think, “Well, I really don’t care what happens. As long as she is happy I will be fine. I’ll just do what she says.” He doesn’t realize that what makes her happiest is not having to figure out what makes her happy.
Before asking her what to do, he needs first to consider various options and ask her what she thinks and then be open to what she suggests. When he thinks of options, she doesn’t have to feel the whole responsibility of what their plan is. Even if he doesn’t know what to do and can’t even come up with other options, just the act of trying to come up with something before asking her will make a big difference.
After thinking for a while he could even say, “I’ve been thinking about what to do and I really don’t know. What do you think?” After listening to her, instead of just saying okay, he should think about what she suggests to see if he could improve it and then conclude, “Okay, let’s do this…” Like the quarterback on a football team or the director at a camp, he then sets the game plan. This explains why women love quarterbacks and camp directors.
Applying Mars/Venus Dating Skills
When a woman is disappointed or displeased with a man, or if some element of his plan unravels, he can easily become overly defensive. When she doesn’t like his plan, he feels that she doesn’t like him. When he is confident that he has what it takes to make a woman happy, then he doesn’t get defensive or upset with her when she is disappointed. Instead he applies his Mars/Venus dating skills and then changes his plan.
With an understanding of women he can learn to listen without trying to solve the problem. As he listens without trying to help her see the situation differently, she gets a chance to feel that he cares about her feelings and is trying to be understanding. When he is sincerely interested, understanding, and sympathetic, then no matter what the disappointment, she will feel better and he will become more attractive to her.
By being a sympathetic listener, a man can transform even a disappointing date into an intimate and rewarding experience for the woman.
By understanding the way women think and feel, a man has a huge advantage over most men out there dating. Most men will ruin a date by trying to talk a woman out of being upset or disappointed. They don’t realize the power of listening to win a woman over. They don’t realize the importance of little things and not necessarily big things to impress her most. The more a man learns about women, the more confident he will feel on a date. This confidence makes him very attractive.
Dates become disasters not because of what happens but because of how the man handles a woman’s feelings in reaction to disappointments. A man can get too attached to his plan and forget that the real gift he gives a woman is his sincere interest in making her happy. When circumstances don’t do it, then he can really score big by being caring, understanding, and respectful of her reaction to what has happened.
THE SECOND ATTRIBUTE: PURPOSEFULNESS
A man with a purpose is most attractive to a woman. When he has a plan, a dream, a direction, a vision, an interest, or a concern, he is very attractive. It doesn’t matter how great or grand the plan or purpose is. He is attractive to the degree that he feels passionate about achieving his purpose. He then becomes even more attractive when he focuses his purposefulness on her. When he becomes focused on making her happy, then she is swept off her feet.
This does not mean that he gives up his other goals and wants only to make her happy. That is a turnoff. A woman knows that she cannot fulfill all his needs. She doesn’t want him to stop his life for her. That would put too much pressure on her and their relationship.
A woman does not want a man to give up his goals in life in order to make her happy.
A man needs to have a sense of purpose separate from his relationship. He needs to have a direction first, and then he is ready to create a relationship to support him in making his dreams come true. He feels a need for a woman to share the rewards and benefits of achieving his goal. The opportunity to share his success with a woman gives meaning to his life.
As long as a man has a goal and has not given up, he has a future. Women love a man with a future. When a man is passionate about his work, his interests, his goals, and his future, he is very attractive. When he is self-directed and self-motivated, a woman feels very relaxed and comfortable with him. Rather than feeling she needs to take care of him, she feels he has the energy and motivation to take care of her sometimes, and for her this is good.
A Man’s Purpose in a Relationship
In a relationship a man’s purpose is to provide support for the woman and receive her love in return. As long as he stays “on purpose” a relationship has a chance to grow. When he starts to focus only on what he is getting in return, he gets “off purpose” and the woman begins to close down.
Romantic rituals help a man to stay on purpose. In most of the traditional romantic rituals, the man provides and the woman graciously receives. These rituals are important because they give him the repeated experience that he can succeed in his purpose very easily. All he has to do is plan a date, make a few calls, spend a little money, and open doors, and he is suddenly a great guy. She appreciates him and he feels good.
When a woman graciously receives his support without feeling obligated to give in return, it uplifts her as well. Romantic rituals are there to make her feel special and remind her to receive and not give so much. In this process, he gets the opportunity once again to taste the nectar of being selfless and giving unconditionally.
Romantic rituals are there to make a woman feel special and remind her to receive and not give so much.
When men are stressed, they can forget their purpose. They can work so hard that they forget that they are doing it to provide for the people they love and care about. They start caring more about work than the opportunity to be in a caring relationship. By taking time to be romantic, a man gets an opportunity to experience and remember why he is doing it all. When he feels a woman’s love, he remembers, “Oh, this is why I do it.” Her receptivity to his support allows him to feel more committed to his purpose.
For a man to stay on purpose in his relationships, he needs to remember why he is having a relationship anyway. The purpose of having relationships has changed. We no longer need each other to survive. Relationships that are based on survival do not survive anymore. Both men and women want something more than the security of a partner working for the good of the family. We may want that as well, but today we want even more. We want emotional fulfillment. We want romance. We want intimacy. And we want to find a deep and lasting love.
Relationships that are based on survival do not survive anymore.
Romantic rituals remind men that to receive the love they want, they have to continue doing little things for a woman. A man should not expect it just to happen. He doesn’t expect his business to flourish without hard work, nor should he expect romance to be different. By remembering that his purpose is greater than the old way of having relationships, he is then motivated to learn more and find new ways of relating.
THE THIRD ATTRIBUTE: RESPONSIBILITY
When a man does what he says he will do, he automatically expresses a sense of responsibility; he radiates a sense of confidence that he will do what he sets out to do. It doesn’t even matter if a woman has met him before or has experienced his being responsible. She will assume him to be confident and purposeful. She will be drawn to him like a bee to honey.
When a woman is attracted to a successful or influential man, what she is really attracted to is the responsible side of him that made him successful. The long hours required and the extra push to make something happen cause him to emanate a sense of responsibility. Even if he is not responsible in all areas of his life, his ability to be passionately purposeful and responsible to what is most important to him will always show.
When a man is responsible, it says he cares, and that is what women are most hungry for. When a woman dates a man, she needs to feel not that he is just wanting to take from her, but that he wants to find a meaningful relationship. The more he cares, the more she can trust him. One way a man can express this caring in dating is by taking care of the little things. Each time he does, it reassures her that with him she does not have to be “on” all the time. His sense of responsibility allows her to relax.
Why a Man Needs to Be “On”
Certainly men shouldn’t have to be “on” all the time either. But when a man is dating a woman, particularly in the first three stages, he needs to be “on,” just as he does when he goes to work. That is what makes a person a professional. A professional man is someone who competently does his job whether he feels like it or not. He does it regardless of his mood. He is reliable and responsible.
On a date, a man is there for a woman regardless of how he feels. When he needs downtime, he should do that at home by himself or with his friends.
In the first three stages of dating, a man can get his partner’s love when he is “on,” and when he is feeling down, he should be on his own.
There is no greater way to kill romance than for a man to tell a woman all his problems. In an instant, she will start feeling responsible for him and start feeling maternal. Certainly in the fourth stage of dating (intimacy), he can let down his sense of being responsible and share more of his vulnerable side, but definitely not until the couple has many months of experiencing clearly that he can be responsible for himself and for her.
Before sharing his vulnerable side, a man should clearly demonstrate that he can be responsible for himself and for her.
This may start to sound unfair, as if the man is supposed to be “on” and the woman doesn’t have to be. The truth is, men love it when a woman lets go of being so responsible, because then her receptive and responsive feminine side can be turned on.
Jason’s Objections
At first Jason objected to this idea. He said, “Wait a minute, I like a woman to be responsible too. I don’t want to do everything.” Jason had not yet experienced the pleasure of being successful on a date. He grew up in a family with lots of girls and without a father. He had experienced being taken care of by women all his life. He had never seen or tasted the satisfaction and empowerment that occurs when a man is successful in being responsible for himself. He also didn’t have the confidence that he could make a woman happy, because his father had not been able to make his mother happy.
His mother and sisters were not responsive or receptive to his plans but instead were busy directing him, improving him, and sometimes being critical of him when he was like his father. He was just being a boy, but he didn’t get the support that would allow him to feel good about himself. As a result, later in life, he was happy not to risk failing again and to let the woman be responsible. He felt much more comfortable letting the woman be the responsible one. Jason was very playful, funny, and entertaining, but at forty-seven he was still unable to make a commitment to get married.
By consciously choosing to be more responsible, Jason eventually learned to like being responsible and having the power to make a woman happy. Within six months, he was able to find the woman of his dreams and get married.
When a Man Can Relax
In stage four, as couples become more intimate, it is important that sometimes the man relax and the woman take over, but this should be the exception and not the rule. When the woman is feeling down, the man needs to have the strength to pull himself up and be there for her. If he can’t be there for her, then he should at least not expect her to be there for him. He needs to take the time he needs to pull himself up and then come back and be there for her.
When a Man Takes Charge
A woman loves it when a man takes charge to follow through and do something without putting it back in her lap. This is very important to her because most women already have a tendency to be overly responsible. The more complex and stressful their lives become, the more overwhelmed and exhausted they become.
A woman begins to feel responsible for doing everything for everyone. Her way of getting relief is to share these feelings with someone she loves. If she can share, something happens inside her and she doesn’t feel so responsible. It is as if she sees all possible problems and, unless she tells someone, she feels it is all up to her.
By sharing, a woman is able to release the burden of feeling solely responsible.
When she can share those feelings with a friend who is also responsible and he can stay relaxed and present, she begins to relax and come back to the present moment. When a man can hear a woman’s feelings without minimizing them or trying to fix them, she can let go of feeling so responsible and feel good again. Even though he is not taking on her problems, the more responsible he is, the more it has the effect of relaxing and nurturing her.
When she feels that she is being heard, then she knows that if he can do anything to be of assistance he will do what he can. Most important, she has been able to talk about it. For her, that is the most important part of a man’s support.
DATING CAN BE FUN
A man scores big when he does little things for a woman with a caring, understanding, and respectful attitude. By putting these new Mars/Venus dating techniques into practice, a man immediately begins building the strength to be confident, purposeful, and responsible. These qualities not only make him most attractive to a woman but will bring out the best in her. Even if he hasn’t yet found his soul mate, the whole process of dating will be easier, fun, and uplifting.