In past generations, the challenge of dating was different. Men and woman wanted a partner who could fulfill their basic needs for security and survival. Women looked for a strong man who would be a good provider; men searched for a nurturing woman to make a home. This courting dynamic, which has been in place for thousands of years, has suddenly changed.
The new challenge of dating is to find a partner who not only will be supportive of our physical needs for survival and security but will support our emotional, mental, and spiritual needs as well. Today we want more from our relationships. Millions of men and women around the world are searching for a soul mate to experience lasting love, happiness, and romance.
It is no longer enough to just find someone who is willing to marry us, we want partners who will love us more as they get to know us: we want to live happily ever after. To find and recognize partners who can fulfill our new needs for increased intimacy, good communication, and a great love life, we need to update our dating skills.
Even if by good fortune you find a soul mate, without the right dating skills, you may not recognize him or her and get married. Eighteen years ago I was lucky enough to meet my soul mate but not skilled enough to make the relationship work. Bonnie and I dated for about a year and half. Although we loved each other very much, we didn’t get married.
We broke up and went our separate ways. Four years later, we got back together. This time, because we dated differently, we eventually got married and have lived happily ever after. By creating the right conditions for love to grow, our hearts opened, and we experienced a “soul love,” which “loves no matter what.” Discovering this unconditional love was the result of first creating the right conditions for love to grow.
The first time we dated, we eventually knew we loved each other, but not enough to get married. We hadn’t yet felt the inner knowing that comes when the right conditions are satisfied. Without an updated approach to dating and relationships, we mistakenly concluded that we were not right for each other.
The second time we dated, with a new understanding of how men and women are different, we were able to make our relationship work. As we grew together in love, our hearts opened. It was then that we were able to experience unconditional love for each other. We were soul mates. With this confidence I proposed marriage and she was able to accept.
As a relationship counselor, I began sharing these new insights in counseling sessions and in my seminars. The results were dramatic and immediate. With this new understanding of how men and women think and feel differently, couples were able to improve communication and start getting what they wanted in their relationships. With renewed hope, they were able to find a deeper love in their hearts, heal and release the old resentments that may have closed their hearts, and rekindle the fires of romance and passion.
Encouraged by these practical benefits in my own marriage and in the lives of my clients and seminar participants, I went on to write Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which has now sold more than ten million copies worldwide. A bestseller in more than forty languages, it has helped men and women around the world.
My office continues to receive more than three hundred calls and letters a day from people who have greatly benefited from the book and workshops. Besides the seminars that I personally teach each month, hundreds more Mars/Venus workshops are being given around the world by trained Mars/Venus facilitators. While this simple message has been helpful to so many couples, something was still missing for singles.
Repeatedly, singles and dating couples have raised questions that were not directly answered or dealt with in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. In the process of finding practical answers to their questions over the last twelve years, the ideas, principles, and insights of Mars and Venus on a Date were formulated. This book is directly written for singles and dating couples who are interested in finding true and lasting love.
Yet married couples will also find these principles and insights invaluable. Couples who are happily married can enjoy these ideas from the perspective of how they can add to the playfulness and romance in their relationship. No matter how good a relationship is, there is always room for growth. Even the best athletes still listen to their coaches for feedback and direction.
Married couples who are experiencing difficulty in their marriage may discover what is missing in their relationship. Quite often couples skipped one or two stages of dating, and this affects their marriage adversely. By going back and going through the dating stages, many couples have reunited in love.
Married couples who want to rekindle the romance of dating will benefit greatly from this practical guide. By reviewing the elements of a great date and putting them into practice, they can once again experience the passion and romance they felt in the beginning. By applying these simple insights, they will not only rekindle the fire of passion but learn how to keep it burning.
The insights contained in Mars and Venus on a Date provide practical answers for the most common frustrations singles and dating couples experience. So often in our dating relationships we misunderstand and misinterpret our partner’s actions and reactions. With a correct understanding of our different ways of thinking and feeling, dating can be a source of joy, support, pleasure, and fulfillment, instead of a potential source of frustration, discouragement, worry, and embarrassment.
With this new approach, the clouds of confusion associated with dating begin to clear away. As you read Mars and Venus on a Date and begin to experience the practical benefits of this shift in your dating approach, you will begin to discover that you already know a lot more than you thought. When a few missing pieces of the puzzle are found, suddenly everything can fall into place.
Supported by this new approach, you will find the motivation, skill, and confidence necessary to find the right person for you while you enjoy the dating process. As you read though this book, the feelings that you have deep in your soul will be validated. This commonsense approach explains all of the most frustrating moments of dating and provides a clear plan for success.
No book can tell you if a person is right for you, but a book can point you in the right direction and assist you in creating the right conditions so that you can know. When the principles and insights of Mars and Venus on a Date are put into practice, you will be prepared to meet and recognize your soul mate.
This book has many suggestions that may not be right for everyone. They are only suggestions. More than anything, this book will provide you with the information to assess a situation and to make the right decisions for you.
As with my other books, there are many generalizations about men and women. This does not imply that all men are one way or all women are another way. It just means that many men and many women are that way. If you don’t perfectly fit the generalizations, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. When you meet someone whose behavior is different from yours, pull out your copy of Mars and Venus on a Date and use it as a guide to help make sense of that.
Some people may be tempted to keep this book a secret. It definitely gives you an edge in knowing how to win over the opposite sex. But there is an even greater benefit in letting your date know that you have read it. If you both agree with many of the principles and values, you will be able to trust each other more right from the beginning.
Discussing the ideas in Mars and Venus on a Date is a great way to get to know someone. Many dating couples have done this with Men Are from Mars. Reading Mars and Venus on a Date together during the various stages of dating will be even more useful.
Sometimes it is difficult to discuss your wants and needs in a relationship. If this book fairly represents what you want, then it will assist you in communicating that to your partner. One of the greatest values of these insights is that they are expressed in language that is fair and supportive to both sexes. You can talk about the differences between Martians and Venusians without stepping on each other’s toes.
If the values in this book resonate with who you are but they don’t resonate at all with a potential partner, it may be a clear sign that that person is not right for you. This is not always the case, though. Someone may just not like my style of writing about dating, love, and relationships. Even if he or she is closed to reading a book about relationships, it doesn’t mean this is not the right person for you.
The real test is going through the stages and seeing if you can get your needs met. Even if your partner doesn’t read Mars and Venus on a Date, you will gain the power to bring out the best in him or her when you read it. Then you will know if this is the right person for you.
Women commonly make the mistake of quoting authorities to change a man’s behavior. Even if a man likes my books it is a good idea not to quote from them. Particularly with men, a request for change is best heard when it is personal and based on what you feel is right for you and not what a book says is right.
For years women have asked me how to get a man to read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. The answer is the same with this book. A woman should ask a man what he thinks about some of the ideas that describe men. By asking him to read that section to answer her questions, she is not implying that he needs this, but that he is the expert about men and that his expertise could help her. Men love to be experts and they like to be helpful. As he reads the text, he may find that it is very interesting and helpful for him as well. After all, if he is from Mars, how is he supposed to understand Venusians?
When Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus was first published, mainly women bought it. As more men heard about it, this trend changed dramatically. Now, after it has been a bestseller for four years, men buy it just as much as women. Men are also interested in having better relationships; they simply needed to discover that it was a “male friendly” book.
Another approach to motivate a man to read this book is simply to ask him to do it as a favor to you. You should not imply that he needs it, but that you would love to discuss it with him and that it would help you. When approached the right way, many men are happy to read it. Some men just don’t read. If that’s the case, lend him a copy of the book on tape or watch the videos together for fun. These same suggestions could also apply when a man wants a woman to read the book.
As you read Mars and Venus on a Date, lightbulbs will go on in your mind. Suddenly things that never made sense will start to make sense. This shift will help prepare you to find and meet your soul mate. When you can clearly understand your past mistakes in this new light, you will not have to repeat them. With this new understanding, you will be released from past patterns and be free to create the relationship of your dreams. You will quickly discover that you do have the ability to find the right person for you.
It is a great pleasure for me to share Mars and Venus on a Date. It is the culmination of twelve successful years of assisting millions of people like you to improve communication with the opposite sex. By successfully understanding and meeting the challenges of each of the five stages of dating, you too will find true and lasting love.