A week of sapphires. A week of sapphires was all the recognition my brother received. No funeral. Very few people did funerals, and most considered them a waste of time and productivity. Wearing sapphires was a much better way to get over any grief—if you were sad about someone’s death in the first place.
I cried in my room for the entire week as it was the only safe place to do so. There, I could safely manifest my emotions and eventually dispose of them.
The kingdom of Ashlon took Davin’s death well. The people hadn’t been worried. They had known the entire time that if something unfortunate were to happen to him, I would be there to take his place. Life passed by in a blur, but I didn’t care anymore. I let them do whatever they wanted to me.
“Syona?” a muffled voice asked through my door, a voice I recognized as Akilah’s.
I jolted awake, not realizing I had fallen asleep on my bed. My tears had wet the blankets near my head, so I immediately folded some loose fabric over the wet spots to hide them. It was late, several hours after the special celebratory dinner where I had recited some pre-written oaths and read a bunch of legal documents that I could hardly understand. It had been a draining day, and I somewhat recalled stumbling to my bed and passing out shortly afterward.
“Syona? Are you asleep?” she continued.
“I was,” I mumbled into the blankets.
“I just wanted to check on you to see if you’re okay. You haven’t been yourself for the past few weeks.” She paused, knocking on the door. “Can I come in?”
“No,” I grumbled.
“You’ve been rather isolated, though. Are you sure you don’t want some company?” she persisted.
It was useless trying to shoo her away, so I gave up. I dragged myself off the bed and moved to open the door. Akilah stepped into my room and looked at me with an unsure smile. “Do you . . . need anything?”
“No. I think I’m just going to go outside.” I snatched one of the blankets off of my bed and flung it around my shoulders, letting it drag on the floor behind me.
“Outside? Outside where?” she asked.
“Out of the palace,” I replied, choosing to be vague. “Anywhere other than here.”
“You’re going out into the kingdom? Really?”
I shrugged, wrapping the blanket tightly around me. “Why not? It shouldn’t be upsetting. I’m just going for a walk.”
“But you’re going out at night! Unsupervised! Anything could happen! Aren’t you worried you’ll get hurt?” Akilah exclaimed.
I snorted. “Not really. I don’t think anybody would dare do something to me. The common people have good relations with the royal family because we supply and regulate the trade of emotion stones. Anyone who isn’t stupid would think twice before laying a finger on me, and nobody will know I’m the princess anyway.”
Akilah stubbornly continued, “I just think that—”
“Is there a problem here?” a commanding voice rang out.
I recognized the voice immediately: Gerrand, Officer Raynott, whatever I had to call him. Of course it was him. The captain of the guard had assigned him to me personally, partially because he had lived in the palace for his entire life and also because we knew each other when we were younger. We saw each other every day of our lives, treating ourselves to the occasional conversation. He was always nice to me and could have been a friend, or something more, under different circumstances.
There was a problem, though—six problems, to be exact, now dangled on a silver chain around his neck in plain view. A year ago, Gerrand had turned eighteen and received his love-sucking stone; the friendly interactions had stopped. To make it worse, he was a guard now. Guards were required to wear all six stones. It was much safer if they didn’t struggle with tricky moral decisions when fighting, everyone reasoned.
I pivoted around and came face to face with Gerrand. My eyes examined every detail of his expression, though I didn’t want to. His hand was already on his knife, anticipating the time when he would have to protect someone. The worst thing about him was his eyes. His beautiful caramel-colored eyes had no life inside them anymore. Everything about him was without feeling and inhuman. I hated it. I wanted to know what he was really like, but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
Akilah immediately faced him. “Yes! There’s a problem. The princess wants to go outside the palace at night. On a walk! It’s not a very smart decision.” She turned to me sheepishly and added, “If you don’t mind me saying so.”
“If you want to go so badly, it would be my duty to accompany you,” Gerrand replied. “You should have more than one escort, though. If you could—”
My teeth clenched tightly, but I snapped my eyes shut and tried to regulate my breathing. “No. Only you, if I must have someone following me around.”
“Wait! Before you go . . .” Akilah shot into my room and returned a few seconds later with a black cloak. “At least wear this. It’ll keep you warm, and you’ll be less noticeable.”
I sighed in defeat. I let the blanket fall to the floor as I wrapped the cloak around me instead, fastening it in the front. I stole a glance at Akilah, who looked pleased with herself, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Don’t expect me to be back anytime soon.”
“Fair enough,” she muttered under her breath.
I took off down the hallway with Gerrand in tow behind me.
The crisp air enveloped me as soon as I stepped outside. By the moonlight, I could observe my breath pluming from my mouth. I wrapped the cloak around me and admitted to myself that it did help combat the freezing temperature.
As I paced down the streets, I tried to recall the layout of the palace city, which my tutor had taught me only a day before. Homes of nobility and guards surrounded the main palace in a circle. Beyond that, a large stone wall bordered the city. Outside of the wall was farmland and other small towns and villages where most of the commoners lived. The organization was practical, everything important was placed in the center of the kingdom.
Though the sun had set hours before, people still lingered in the streets. Nobody paid me any notice as I passed by. I aimlessly wandered around the buildings with my thoughts as scattered as my sense of direction. I just wanted to clear my head and momentarily forget about everything that had happened. I kept breathing in the crisp air, hoping it would clear my head. I despised being the center of attention, but the only way to fix that was to have Davin back. I wanted to fade into the background again.
Because I was lost in my thoughts, I didn’t notice the building in front of me until I slammed into it. I stumbled backward, almost falling to the cobblestones. Gerrand instantly appeared at my side, grabbing my hand and pulling me back to a vertical position. I gingerly rubbed my aching forehead. How embarrassing. At least I don’t have to worry about Gerrand judging me.
“Are you okay?” His question wasn’t based on concern. It was instinctive. Making sure the princess was in perfect condition at all times was obligatory, and it sliced my heart to pieces.
I wanted to snap something back in reply, but I bit my lip and mumbled, “I’m fine.”
“Just checking,” he replied in an even tone. Several of his stones flashed in the darkness—something that happened when someone felt emotion strongly—but they flickered so quickly that I couldn’t decipher which ones.
I swiveled my head upward to observe the open night sky. No clouds were in sight, giving the moon full range over the darkness and lighting up my field of vision like a white sun. It shone like a silver disk, brilliant and illuminating in the darkness. An army of bright, twinkling stars flanked the metallic orb, carpeting over the night sky like a blanket. It was the most stunning thing in the world and the biggest reason why I liked to walk in the dark. The glimmering stars kept me company. I felt as if I could reach out my hand and brush against the velvety darkness, losing myself in it forever.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I reached upward toward the stars and splayed my fingers outward, drinking in the moonlight. I closed my eyes and tried to forget myself. For a few precious seconds, I sought refuge in the pristine night sky.
Gerrand’s gaze flicked upward, staring at the sky with me. He seemed confused as to why I reached upward, but in his current state, he wouldn’t be able to comprehend anything even remotely sentimental.
He cleared his throat. “Princess? We should probably return to the palace. It’s already been an hour, and I don’t want to worry anyone.”
I sighed, retreating from the dome of stars above me. “I agree.”
I scurried back toward the palace, relying on my horrid sense of direction. My shoes didn’t noisily scrape across the stones like everyone else’s. I was completely silent. I relished the feeling any time I could slip through a crowd unnoticed or pass right under the gazes of my family completely undetected.
I discreetly glanced at Gerrand, who plainly strolled among the crowd. He mingled with others like any normal person would do, whereas I stuck to the sides of buildings and crept among the shadows. He was a people person. I was not. He had always involved himself in other people’s lives and tried to help, but after he received the stones, those simple actions turned to obligation instead of kindness.
We could go back to that. He could care about me again, not just because of his position or duty. If he didn’t always wear the stones, I’m sure we’d be able to express ourselves. If I’m really thinking unrealistically . . . maybe we could even develop a relationship again.
But he won’t. He can’t.
Not if he’s required to wear that cursed necklace.