The view from my balcony was nothing short of spectacular. The sun’s rays exploded outward into a mix of golden colors, hoping to earn the attention of onlookers for its last few minutes of life, like a farewell before the moon stole its place. The vibrant shades arched across the sky like a bonfire resting on the horizon.
Gerrand leaned over the railing and watched the scene laid out before us. “This is beautiful. It’s like the whole world is on fire.”
I stepped up alongside him, resting my arms on the railing. “It is. I love having a west-facing balcony. It’s connected straight to my room too.”
“Lucky you, getting to see this view every day.”
I shook my head. “Not as often as I’d like. I’m almost always eating dinner or being lectured or attending lessons somewhere in the palace.”
“At least you get to see it now.”
“For one last time.”
Gerrand immediately scrutinized me. His head jerked in my direction, eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean for one last time? Are you leaving?”
“Yes. I’m leaving for the kingdom of Tanum right after the wedding,” I informed him.
His grip tightened on the railing. “For how long?”
“A month.”
He waited for a few seconds before responding. “That’ll be nice, being able to take a break and go someplace new. I haven’t had a break from this lifestyle in well over a year.”
“Why don’t you resign then? You could take a leave and spend time doing what you want.”
“I can’t resign. My family will never allow it. I’m nobility. They’re mad at me for choosing this position in the first place, but I don’t know what they’d do to me if I quit working altogether. Besides, I like being a guard. I like being of worth to people, helping and protecting them.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I guess that’s why I’m bitter about this whole situation, the marriage alliance. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to forget about me because I feel like owe you, like I haven’t given you enough.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll give you a chance to save me from danger sometime, like a guard should,” I said with a smile.
“How could I possibly save you from danger? You’re going to the kingdom of Tanum. There won’t be any danger, and it’s not like I can go with you. Wait! I can! I can run away to the kingdom of Tanum! That’s what I’ll do!”
I snorted. “You’re taking impulsivity to a new level. That would brand you a traitor; then you wouldn’t be welcome anywhere. It’s a statistical certainty that the outer guard would catch you. Even if you do manage to make it past them, which is extremely unlikely, you’ll stick out with your dark-colored eyes and skin. You look like an Ashlon.”
“But I’m sure people switch kingdoms all the time! I’ve seen people from the kingdom of Tanum in the outer villages before!”
“Yes, but not in the palace city! You don’t go into the palace city if you don’t have permission or some legal reason for being there! This is quite possibly the worst idea you’ve ever thought of. Do you ever think things through?”
“I’m just trying to do what I want. I’m seeing what else I can do with my life.”
“Fine. Mareena once said that everyone is a bird, born into their own type of cage. It’s up to you to either work to find a way out or learn how to sing.”
“Sound advice.” He turned to stare at the sunset again.
“You can’t be an official guard anymore since you don’t wear the stones. Someone will find out sooner or later. So, your idea of following me to the kingdom of Tanum means you’d be choosing the first option: finding a way out.”
“What about you? How are you dealing with your cage?” He started counting on his fingers. “Your mother died; your brother died; you have the pressure of your position; and now you’re being forced into a marriage alliance.” He glanced up at me. “Have you sung or found a way out?”
Not to mention the pressure of being a Malopath. “I don’t know. I think I’ve found a way out, if having the marriage alliance is a way to get away from my normal life.” But it’s both, in a way. I’ve learned how to sing. I’ve met so many people, and I’ve been able to develop a relationship with and spend time with people I love. I’ve made my life something I can enjoy. “It’s still hard. I love you, and I love Crevan. The two of you are amazing, and every moment I spend with each of you has been fun, but I can’t ever be with you because I’m still supposed to marry Crevan tomorrow. I’m sorry. I wish that this could happen a different way.”
He sighed. “I know. I know, Syona. I just . . . wish I could be yours.”
“Not unless something happens to me or Crevan by tomorrow,” I jokingly suggested.
“That could happen, couldn’t it? I imagine the wedding couldn’t happen if . . . let’s say . . . the prince went missing. I’m perfectly capable of making that happen.”
“You’re joking, right?”
“What if you faked your death? Can you fake your death?”
I laughed. “Gerrand, you are too good for me anyway. You deserve someone better.”
He scoffed at me. “Where did you get that idea?”
“Do you remember when you fixed my necklace?”
“Your pearl necklace? Yeah, I remember.”
I studied his expression. “Why did you fix it? It probably took a lot of money, and you were even wearing your emotion stone necklace at the time.”
“I can’t remember exactly what was going through my head that day, but I just knew that it was the right thing to do. You cared about that necklace a lot. You wore it almost every day. It was special to you.”
“See? That’s why you’re too good for me. You, Gerrand Raynott, are the bravest and most honorable person I’ve ever met. You always do the right thing, no matter what. You care immensely about other people, and you always have my best interests in mind. You were even willing to give emotions a try when I asked you to, something that any other Ashlon in the palace would immediately refuse doing and probably file a report to get me arrested for treason.”
He stepped a little closer to me. “You’re a good person too, Syona.”
“Me?” I asked skeptically. “What have I done in my eighteen years of life that could be considered remotely honorable?”
“Maybe not honorable but certainly admirable. You stepped up to fill your brother’s position when he died—not an easy task to do. You adapted and learned faster than I thought was possible. You were able to think on your feet and make smart decisions. You were brave enough to take a palace guard that you liked and expose him to the one thing that’s against the culture of our kingdom. You accepted the marriage alliance and even managed to fall in love with the boy you’re supposed to marry.” He smiled.
“Only you . . . only you would complement me on that.”
“It certainly makes your life easier; that’s for sure. I . . . I like Crevan. He’s a good person. You’re a very lucky girl to be able to spend the rest of your life with him.”
He slid a bit closer, and his fingers brushed over mine, sending tingles across the back of my hand and up my arm. Time froze and our faces inched closer and closer, but this time, my thoughts didn’t protest. I drank in the experience.
“What are you doing?” I asked as I continued closing the distance between us.
“I’m giving you this one night, this one moment together, so you never forget me.”
His lips brushed against mine, almost gently. It felt like the lightest sweeping touch, like a sprinkling of dust, and the world seemed to fade away. All that existed in my head was the heat and the feeling of his skin pressed against mine. It was more than a kiss. It was an image of the future we could never have. A flame was exchanged between the two of us, a simple representation of the thing we both wanted but could never have.
He lingered for only a moment before pulling away. “But you never did tell me something, not in all of our conversations.”
“What have I not told you?” I responded, still reeling from what just happened.
“You’ve never told me why you care so much about emotions. You don’t seem like that kind of person. Sometimes, you even like to remain detached from feeling so you can make unbiased decisions. Why are you, of all people, an advocate for something that a princess of Ashlon shouldn’t tolerate?”
I backed a few inches away from him, mind racing. He doesn’t know. He hasn’t figured it out yet. My secret’s still safe. Should I tell him? Is there a reason not to? I trust him now. He deserves to know.
I peered at his face. His eager expression told me he wanted to know the answer as badly as I wanted to share it.
Not now. Later and soon but not now. I can’t. He still might freak out or get annoyed at me for not telling him sooner. It’ll have to wait.
I placed my hand against his chest. “I can’t tell you now, but I promise I’ll tell you later. After I get to Tanum, I’ll send a personal message to you explaining everything. I just can’t give you the answer now. Do you trust me?”
He gave his answer without hesitation. “I do.”
I sighed in relief. “Good. I promise that a couple of days from now, everything will be clear. All of the fog and mist will lift away. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I smiled. “Thank you for giving me this one night.”
He mimicked my expression. “Thank you for letting me give it to you.”
I observed the sunset, seeing the last strands of light fade away into darkness as the sun dipped below the horizon. “I should probably go back inside. People might be searching for me.”
“Goodnight then.”
“Goodnight.”
With that short exchange of words, I opened the door and slipped back inside my room. I tried to keep my expression neutral, but inside, my heart was singing a joyful song that I hadn’t thought I’d ever hear again.