UNFINISHED THOUGHTS

Let’s say you were an arctic explorer and you suddenly got cold feet.

If you can get snowed in during winter, can you get winded in during spring?

When you put hot water in a thermos, it keeps it hot. If you put cold water in a thermos, it keeps it cold. How do it know?

Do fish ever get tired of eating seafood?

It is the truth in humor that makes it funny. That’s why there’s no science fiction jokes.

I walked by a decorative chunk of petrified tree in a motel lawn. The sign beneath it said 180,000,000 YEARS OLD. How do they know? Did they count the rings?

I heard Mike Wallace of 60 Minutes fame was asked to teach a course in ethics. Am I the only one made uncomfortable by that?

I used to work like a horse and eat like a horse. Now I sweat like a horse and trim my toenails with hoof nippers.

If you can see twice as far with binoculars, how much farther can you see with trinoculars?

When you tell your buddy, “Scuze me a minute, I’m gonna slip around behind this tree and relieve myself,” how do you know it’s the back of the tree?

Mom: “You’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet.”

Kid: “But they’re the only feet I’ve got.”

You can always spot a cutting horse man by the coffee stains on his chaps.

Giving your horse to a good trainer is like letting a butcher sharpen yer pocketknife.

I can’t make myself at home. . . . I live here!

About his hometown; if you know where it is, that’s where yer from.

He’s not a professional cowboy, he just does it for a living.

If there weren’t such a thing as chicken, what would snake taste like?

If pigs are outlawed, only outlaws will have pigs.

When a man says he’s not that kind of a guy . . . he probably is.

On medicating the water at the catfish farm, the receptionist asked, “How will they get the fish to drink it?”

Suddenly, nothing happened!