Just KITTEN Around Joke
Q. There were four cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?
A. None. They were all copycats!
“Fifth floor! Stages 10 to 15. Going up,” Mr. Sean said.
Angel shook her head. “Going down,” she said. “I’ll wait for you to come back.”
“Again?” Mr. Sean tugged at his uniform, which ballooned around him.
Angel shrugged, embarrassed.
When the elevator doors clanged shut, Angel paced back and forth in front of the doors, waiting for it to stop again on its way down.
She shouldn’t check the leaderboard again. For the fifth time that day. But it updated hourly. She just needed to know where her video stood. Her “Armadillo Attack” video had held third place all day. She hoped it would climb to second place. But Jazz’s video as Wonder Cat was climbing the boards too. She was on a roll. And Quincy had a great food video. She didn’t think the armadillo would beat Quincy, but maybe it could beat out the superfeline. Maybe.
The elevator dinged, and the doors opened.
Mr. Sean said, “Fifth floor! Stages 10 to 15. Going down.”
Angel avoided looking at Mr. Sean and stepped onto the elevator, tail held high. She found herself face-to-face with Rudy.
“Good afternoon,” Rudy said in a squeaky voice. “Where are you going?”
“Um, downstairs.”
“Me too. I need to check the leaderboard.” Rudy bounced on his toes. “Isn’t it exciting? Someone told me that the armadillo video is in the top five. I’ve never been in the top five before.”
Above him, Mr. Sean raised a shaggy eyebrow.
Angel looked away, her stomach clenching in frustration. The Director was boosting Rudy’s career by putting him in Angel’s video. In fact, videos for the top stars all included a lower-ranked kitten right now. The Director was making a smart move, trying to boost everyone’s career, and she hoped it worked. But it also irked her. Her work was being used to support someone else. Shouldn’t they earn it by themselves?
“First floor. The Director’s office and Majestic Kennels Visitors’ Center,” Mr. Sean said. “Going up.”
Angel and Rudy exited and turned directly left toward the west wing of the building, where the Director’s office was located. As they neared the west wing lobby, a murmur of meows grew louder and louder.
The lobby area was brightly lit with enormous windows that looked out onto a lawn enclosed by a privacy fence. That’s where they had set up the stage for Angel’s first snow video. It had only been two months ago, but it felt like years. The snow angel video still received a ton of views, maybe from people who were already tired of warmer weather.
The reception area had white marble floors, cold under her paws. Colorful pillows for cats leaned against the windows, and comfortable chairs for humans scattered the area. Wall-mounted TV monitors displayed the leaderboard. Or, rather, boards. The first board was for the leaders of any video, whether cats or kittens. The stars of KittyTube dominated it: Albert Persian, Wesley Maine Coon, and rising stars like Kathleen Ragdoll. The second board—the only one that Angel cared about—listed lead videos for kittens. The third board showed the overall scores for the five big kennels: Majestic Kennels, Cardinal Kennels, Fox Kennels, Malachi-Glenys Kennels, and Wells Brothers Kennels.
Red letters on a black background and rows of numbers that would determine her fate—Angel cringed. But she stiffened her spine and stalked toward the board. The digital clock beside the leaderboard read 3:58 p.m. The board updated exactly at the top of the hour, so they had two minutes to wait. An eternity.
Angel looked around and recognized several kittens. Rudy had strolled off, talking to one kitten and then another. Angel glanced up. 3:59 p.m. One minute till updated rankings.
She retreated across the room to a quiet spot, not wanting to be in the mix of kittens when the numbers flipped. Her stomach ached from the tension. She shook herself from nose to tail tip. She needed to relax and not worry about this. But what if…
The red letters and numbers flickered, updating, updating, updating. Finally they settled into new letters and numbers.
Number one of the kitten’s leaderboard: Quincy’s latest food video, “Kitten Smorgasbord.”
Angel agreed that it was a great video. Quincy walked up and down a long table loaded with food. He sampled everything from a roasted suckling pig to the wings of a tiny squab. At the end, he lay on a golden platter showing off his fat belly and slept. She couldn’t wait to congratulate him. This was his second video to hit number one.
Number two on the kitten’s leaderboard: Jazz’s Wonder Cat video. Jazz would be thrilled. So cool.
Number three on the kitten’s leaderboard: “Armadillo Attack.”
So. Third place.
Still.
Nothing had changed all day.
The clock read 4:02 p.m.
Angel sighed. Fifty-eight minutes till the next update. Maybe she could come down for the 5:00 p.m. update. She closed her eyes against the red letters, but an afterglow still showed up on the back of her eyelids. Third place.
She opened her eyes. 4:03 p.m. Only fifty-seven minutes till the next update.
Without waiting for Rudy, she turned back to the main lobby. There, she shoved open a doorway marked Stairway. Angel didn’t want to see Mr. Sean again. He would just make comments. Because Angel would come back at 5:00 p.m. She needed to know the score. Every hour, she needed to know.