FARTS IN THE NEWS
This just in: Phbblbbttt!
FART HEALTHY
According to a recent study, farts can “reduce the risk of cancer, heart attack, strokes, arthritis, and dementia.” British researchers at the University of Exeter made the discovery after “feeding” cells tiny amounts of hydrogen sulfide, the smelly part of farts. “Our results indicate that if stressed cells are treated with [hydrogen sulfide], mitochondria are protected and cells stay alive.” (So the next time you let one rip in public, remind everyone to thank you for extending their life.)
FART FIGHT
In February 2018, not long after takeoff, passengers on a Dubai-to-Amsterdam flight heard the sound of uncontrolled flatulence, as a foul-smelling aroma permeated the cabin. Two men who were sitting next to the perpetrator asked him to stop, but he refused and kept on farting. He wouldn’t even apologize. Several passengers complained to the flight crew, but they couldn’t get the man to stop farting, either. By this point, the two men were threatening violence, so the pilot came out and told everyone to calm down. A few minutes later the man farted again. That was it: fists flew, people scattered, and the pilot made an emergency landing in Austria, where police with dogs boarded the plane. In the end, four people were thrown off the flight—the two men who started the brawl, and two women sitting nearby (who had nothing to do with the fight and later sued the airline). As for the unapologetic farter, he was allowed to remain on the plane.
THE RIGHT TO FART
In 2017 a German man, identified in press reports as Christoph S., was being given a routine identity check on a Berlin street when he let out two loud farts in front of two female police officers. Perceiving the flatulence as an insult, the Berlin police department fined Christoph 900 euros ($1,100). Perceiving the fine as a violation of his rights, Christoph hired a lawyer and appealed. “It is one thing if the leader of a police unit sees his colleague’s honor as being injured by a fart,” argued the lawyer, “but it is quite another if prosecutors and the judiciary agree. That is a failure of the state.” Verdict: You have a right to pass gas in public. Christoph’s fart was ruled perfectly legal and the fine was thrown out.
Each year, over a thousand tons’ worth of diamonds rain down on Saturn.
To promote the 2016 release of its fart-themed video game South Park: The Fractured But Whole (read it out loud), the game’s developer, Ubisoft, debuted an interesting accessory they called the Nosulus Rift. It’s a mask you wear while playing the game that “transfers the smell of the fart directly into your nose.” If you want to buy a Nosulus Rift for yourself…well, that’s weird. Anyway, you can’t. Ubisoft only demoed the fully functional fart mask at trade shows—it’s not for sale. Fortunately, it shouldn’t be too difficult for gamers to fill their dens with fart smells on their own.
FARTASAURUS
In the summer of 2017, Canada’s Manitoba Museum allowed visitors an opportunity to smell the past. As part of the World’s Giant Dinosaurs exhibit, one of the lifelike “robosaurs” (a Dilophosaurus) was designed to fart loudly and odiferously, by way of a cartridge that emits a malodorous scent. (Another roboosaur, the Protoceratops, urinated into a pond.) “We want to give the impression of every aspect of dinosaur life,” said exhibit designer “Dino” Don Lessem (who was an advisor on 1993’s Jurassic Park). “There’s a scientific point to all of this stuff, but really above all, have fun.”
FART STORM
Until recently, Neptune’s atmosphere was home to a massive cyclone composed primarily of hydrogen sulfide, the same stinky gas people emit when they fart. Astronomers using the Hubble Telescope discovered the storm in 2015 and studied it for three years as it slowly fizzled out of existence. At the fart storm’s greatest intensity, it had a diameter of more than 2,000 miles. To put it another way, it was a fart the size of China.
“FARTS OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN”
“All 120 million fart fans across the country: Back by popular demand, ‘Everyone Listen to the Farts of Beautiful Women Party Vol. 2’ will be held! Buff! Puu! Buree! Buha! Psuuuu!” Those are the opening lines of a press release for an event that was held in Tokyo in 2018. Apparently, the first annual “Farts of Beautiful Women” was such a success that they held a second one. It’s pretty much what the name implies: scantily clad ladies walk across a stage…and fart. But do they really pass gas, or are the farts simulated? According to this disclaimer, “Please understand that, depending on the physical condition of the performers, farts may not come out.”
“In the Age of Information, ignorance is a choice.” —Donald Miller
No computers were used to animate the 1988 film Who Framed Roger Rabbit? The nearly two million drawings were made by hand.