Aaron drove through Paradise as desolation overwhelmed him. He couldn’t comprehend that his brother had betrayed him at the deepest level. How could Solomon keep him from connecting with his mother? With the whole family?
He needed to talk to someone. He needed Linda, but he knew he wasn’t welcome at her house. Still, he had to unload his feelings before he went crazy. Within minutes, he was parked near her front porch. He stared at the steering wheel and contemplated what had just happened. His heart felt ripped to shreds. How could he possibly stay in Paradise after learning Solomon’s secret?
This changed everything.
Linda was pinning an apron at her sewing table in her bedroom when she heard the pickup truck’s engine rattling in the driveway. She knew who it had to be. She went to the front of the house, moving quickly to get past her uncle’s bedroom. But his door was ajar, and she could see he was dozing on his bed with a book resting on his chest. She took the time to quietly pull it shut without clicking the lock.
She stepped onto the porch just as Aaron was climbing the steps. He was carrying a stack of envelopes in one hand, and his face was twisted with heartbreaking sadness. When she looked closer at him in the moonlight, she was stunned to see tears trickling down his cheeks.
“Aaron!” she gasped. “Was iss letz? Did something happen to your family? Is your mamm okay?”
He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes with his free hand. “Mei mamm is fine.”
“Please tell me what’s wrong,” she said. “I can’t stand to see you like this.”
“I tried to talk to mei bruder tonight, but my plan to work things out with him blew up in my face.” He held out a stack of envelopes. “These are the letters I mailed to mei mamm over the years.”
She took the envelopes and saw they were all addressed to Ruth. “I don’t understand. Where were they all this time?”
“Solomon intercepted the mail all these years, and he locked my letters away in a box hidden under his workbench in one of the barns.”
Linda gaped as she tried to comprehend what Aaron was telling her. “Why would your bruder hide the letters from your mamm?”
“He said he wanted to shield Mamm from further heart-break.” Aaron slumped onto the bench, rested his bent elbows on his knees, and dropped his head into his hands. “I can’t believe it. I don’t understand how he could betray me like this. I don’t understand how he could think Mamm was better off thinking I might be dead.” His hands muffled his voice.
“Ach, Aaron.” She sank down next to him and ran her fingers through his hair, keenly aware of the texture of his soft curls. “I’m so very sorry this happened to you. I thought talking to him would resolve the situation. I never meant to make it worse.”
“You didn’t make it worse.” He straightened to look at her, his eyes gleamed with fresh tears. “You just helped me find the truth. Now I know for sure that I should go back to Missouri.”
Her heart constricted and tears blurred her vision. “No, don’t say that. You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do, because it’s true.” He sat up. “I thought I could come back here and fit in again, but the truth is that it’s not meant to be. I don’t belong here anymore. Not when my brother hates me so. That kind of hate poisons everything. As long as I’m here, my family will never be able to heal.”
She couldn’t believe her ears. “That’s not true. You know your parents want you here. You and Manny have bonded, and your nieces and Junior love you too. I could see love in their eyes that day we went skating. They need you.” She paused. “And I need you,” she whispered as her voice quaked.
He took the letters from her hand. “Solomon threw these at me and told me to go back to Missouri. He’s right. I should go.” He met her gaze. “I came to tell you what happened, but also to say good-bye. Your friendship means a lot to me, Linda, and I’m going to miss you.”
“Don’t go,” she pleaded with him. “You can’t let one person hold you back from getting what you want. You told me the same thing about mei onkel. You already know how your mamm feels. She’s begged you to stay. She even offered you a place to live. Why would you walk away from that?”
“Mei mamm just doesn’t understand that it’s not meant to be. It’s not that simple. I can’t pick up where I left off or turn back time. The damage was done when I left the first time.” He shook his head. “Maybe Solomon is right. Maybe I don’t deserve my family.”
Frustration surged through her. “Everyone deserves a family. You even told me I deserve to be froh. Why wouldn’t you deserve that too? You’re a gut person with a warm, loving heart, Aaron. Any family would be blessed to have you in it.”
Aaron examined the envelopes, and she knew in her heart that his mind was already made up. She was speaking to deaf ears, and she was going to lose him. Her greatest fear was coming to life before her eyes. He was going to break her heart, and there was nothing she could do to stop him. Everything she’d dreamt of was evaporating, and it was shattering her soul.
“I’m sorry, Linda.” His voice trembled with anguish. “I have to go. I can’t take the heartache any longer.”
“Don’t let him push you away, Aaron.” Tears trickled down her hot cheeks. “I can’t let you go.”
“I have to go. I don’t have a choice. I hope you’ll understand.” He leaned over and brushed his lips across her cheek. “I’ll miss you.”
Linda cupped her hand to her cheek where his lips had been.
“Good-bye.” Aaron gripped the envelopes and headed for his truck. He climbed in and drove off, and she felt him take a big piece of her crushed heart with him.
She sat on the porch alone for several minutes until her tears stopped flowing. She stepped back into the house and found her uncle scowling at her from his chair.
“What were you doing on the porch with that Aaron Ebersol again?” he demanded. “He promised he wouldn’t come back here. I don’t care how old you are, Linda. I won’t stand for this. You are too old to be acting like a disobedient teenager. It’s time for you to learn your place in this haus.”
Linda stood tall and held her hand up to silence him.
He winced as if she’d hit him. “What does that gesture mean? Are you trying to tell me to be quiet?”
“Ya,” she said with confidence. “I am asking you to be quiet so that I may have a chance to speak.”
“Fine.” He stood. “What do you have to say for yourself?”
“I will no longer allow you to treat me badly,” she began. “I love you for taking care of me when I was a child after my parents died. You took me in and I appreciate that. I know you had no choice, but still, you and Aenti Verna opened your home to me. And when I was old enough, I started helping around here.”
She took a deep breath as he stared at her. “The tables turned when I got older,” she continued, “and I have taken care of you for a long time. In fact, I’ve been cooking for you, cleaning this haus, and taking care of your laundry for years. You treat me like I’m worthless, and I forgive you for making me feel that way. I also forgive you for resenting me for a decision your daed made. I will no longer allow you to make me feel bad about myself or make me feel like I’m nothing. Despite your insults, I know I add value to this family, and I am worthy of love, even if you think I’m not.”
He blanched again, and his tired eyes suddenly glimmered with tears. “You’re right.”
“What?” Linda swiped away the tears that trickled down her cheeks.
“I’ve thought about what you said last night, and you’re right.” His expression softened. “I don’t treat you right, and I’m sorry.”
Linda gasped. Have I finally gotten through to him?
“I do love you, and I’m sorry for taking my frustrations out on you. It’s not your fault.” His lower lip quivered. “I’ve treated you badly for a very long time, and I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how to overcome my resentment toward your dat, a resentment I’ve carried since before you were born. And I’ve only been worse since losing Verna.” He paused. “You look a lot like your father, you know. He had the same deep-brown eyes, and I see him when I look at you. I should never have resented him for inheriting the farm instead of me.”
He took a ragged breath. “I loved your father. He was my baby brother.”
Reuben stood and walked over to her. Then he took her hands in his. “I’m sorry, Linda,” he repeated. “I’m so sorry.”
“Danki.” She forced a smile despite her heartbreak over losing Aaron. “I hope you understand. I’ve decided that I need to stand up for myself and take control of my own life.”
Reuben swiped a tear from his cheek. “I do understand. And I promise to do better. You’ve taken very gut care of me, and I appreciate you. I just never took the time to tell you.”
“We can talk more tomorrow. Right now I need some time alone.” She sniffed as tears stung her eyes again. “I’m going to finish my sewing. Gut nacht.”
Linda made her way to her room, gently closing the door behind her. She sat at her sewing table and tears began to flow like a waterfall. She covered her face with her hands to drown out the sound of her shattering sobs. Her world was crashing in around her. She’d finally found someone to love, and she believed he loved her too. She thought maybe they would be together, but, instead, he was leaving her. Ironically, she’d lost Aaron, the man she loved, just as her uncle had finally acknowledged her worth. While she was grateful to have Reuben’s admiration, she wanted more than anything to have Aaron’s love.
Now he was going to go back to Missouri and take her heart with him. She didn’t know how she was going to go on. How would she face tomorrow when she had lost so much tonight?
She brushed her cheeks with her hand and willed her breathing to calm. Closing her eyes, she whispered another simple prayer. “God, this must be your plan. I trust you, but please, please, heal my crushed heart.”
Aaron tossed and turned all night long in his room at the bed-and-breakfast. He couldn’t stop thinking about the pain in Linda’s beautiful face when he told her he was leaving. He felt a hole in his heart when he thought of leaving Linda and his parents. Yet he believed Solomon’s final words were a sign that leaving was for the best.
Finally, at five in the morning, he pulled himself from bed and began packing his things. He was putting the last of his clothes in his bag when a knock sounded on his door. He pulled it open and was stunned to find Solomon in the hallway.
Solomon held his hat in his hands, a strange expression on his face. “I need to talk to you. May I come in?”
“Of course.” Aaron made a sweeping gesture toward the room.
Solomon closed the door behind him. He was gripping his hat and seemed upset, not angry. “Mamm heard our argument last night. She was standing on the back porch.” His eyes were overcome with regret. “She had a breakdown after you left. She won’t get out of bed, and she refused to take her medication this morning.”
Aaron gasped as concern surged through him. “Oh no.”
“Mamm is devastated, and she wants you to come back.” Solomon paused to clear his throat. “She says it will kill her if you leave. She says she needs you here.”
Solomon sank into the desk chair. “I was wrong, Aaron. I thought I was protecting her by hiding those letters, but I had it all wrong. I never should’ve kept the letters and I should’ve welcomed you home. Instead, I let my resentment take over all these years, and it was only when I saw Mamm so upset by what I had done . . .” His eyes misted over. “You’re mei bruder, mei only bruder. It’s the Amish way to forgive, and I was too prideful and stubborn to forgive. And I’ve only made things worse for everyone, especially Mamm.”
Aaron studied Solomon’s face, finding honest regret there. He was telling the truth, and it rocked Aaron to the core. He didn’t know what to say or how to react.
“I’m here to apologize and beg you to stay.” Solomon’s eyes softened, pleading with Aaron. “Please stay, Aaron. If you can’t stay for me, then please stay for Mamm. She needs you here. The whole family needs you, including mei kinner. Manny hasn’t stopped talking about you and how much he misses working with you.”
Aaron felt his emotions swirl as if they’d been stuffed in a blender and turned on the high setting. He opened his mouth to speak but he couldn’t find the right words.
Solomon stood. “I’ll give you some time to think about this.” He went to the door, grabbed the knob, and then looked over his shoulder. “Last night while I was trying to fall asleep, I remembered the parable of the Prodigal Son. I’ve been like the other son, and I never even realized it. We Amish are taught to forgive, and I’ve gone against everything I’ve been taught. Becky and Ruthie Joy tried to make me realize how wrong I’ve been, but I was too stubborn to listen. I’m truly sorry, Aaron. You don’t need to forgive me, but I need you to think about Mamm. She’s in bad shape, and I think you’re the one she needs the most.”
Solomon disappeared through the door, his footsteps echoing through the hallway as he descended the stairs.
Aaron sat down on the corner of the bed. He stared at his packed bag and tried to sort through the sudden change in events. Now Solomon had asked him to stay, but he was still confused. He didn’t know where he belonged.
His stomach growled and he realized he was hungry.
Downstairs, Aaron found Linda cooking breakfast. He stood in the doorway as she scraped hash browns from a large frying pan onto a platter. He enjoyed looking at her beautiful profile as she worked.
Linda must have sensed his presence. She looked over, and her pink lips formed a scowl. Her normally bright eyes had dark circles under them, evidence that she hadn’t slept last night either.
“I didn’t expect to see you here on a Saturday,” Aaron said.
“Hannah asked me to come in because she hasn’t been feeling well. I was surprised to see your truck in the driveway this morning. I thought you were leaving.” She placed the platter on the table and then turned back toward the counter, where she began to crack eggs into a large bowl.
“I was going to leave this morning.” He walked over to her and fought the urge to touch her arm. “I assume you saw my brother here this morning.”
“Ya, I did.” She began to beat the eggs. “He asked to see you, and I told him where to find your room.”
“He asked me to stay for Mamm,” Aaron began. “He said mei mamm heard our conversation last night when he told me to leave. She won’t get out of bed or take her medication.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Linda’s voice was soft and quaky despite forced indifference. She kept her eyes trained on her work.
Aaron wished she’d look at him. He needed to look into her eyes, and he needed to know what she thought about the whole situation. Instead of looking at him, she dropped the yolk into the pan. He watched it sizzle a moment before trying again.
“Solomon apologized to me for hiding the letters,” he continued. “He said he was wrong to have treated me so badly, and he wants me to stay too.” He touched her arm and she took a step away from his touch. The rejection hurt him deep in his soul. “Linda? Will you look at me?”
She looked at him then, and he found anguish in her deepbrown eyes. “What do you want me to say?” she whispered.
He blanched as if she’d hit him. “I want to know what you think. I don’t know how to feel. Solomon has treated me like an enemy ever since I came home. Now he is begging for my forgiveness and asking me to stay. I’m so confused. What do you think I should do?”
She shrugged and looked back into the frying pan. “I think you should forgive him.”
“You do?” he asked.
“Ya.” She moved the eggs around with a spatula. “I told my onkel that I forgive him last night, and it made things much better. He apologized to me and admitted he’s been treating me badly for years. We’re going to work on repairing our relationship. He actually told me he loves me.”
Aaron smiled. “That’s wunderbaar, Linda. I’m so happy for you.”
“That’s why Jesus tells us to forgive. It helps repair relationships. If you forgive Solomon, then it will repair your relationship, and you’ll have your family back.”
“You’re right,” Aaron said. “You’re so wise, Linda.”
Linda looked at up him, but the light was still gone from her eyes. “Why are you standing here talking to me? Go see your family. They need you.”
“You’re right.” He smiled at her, hoping to see her smile too. But when she didn’t, he said, “Danki.”
He rushed up the stairs and grabbed the letters.
Aaron hurried into his parents’ house and found Solomon and their dat standing in his parents’ bedroom. His mother was lying in bed with her eyes closed. Her skin was pasty white, and sweat beaded on her forehead. He hoped she was okay. The fear of losing her flooded him, causing his body to quake and stealing his breath.
“Aaron.” His father walked over to him, his eyes glistening. “You’re still here.”
Aaron glanced at his brother, who looked anxious. “Solomon told me Mamm needs me.”
His mother opened her eyes and smiled. “A-aaron.”
“I have something for you.” Aaron held up the letters. “I found my letters.”
“You d-did.” She struggled to sit up, and his father took her arm and helped her, placing two pillows behind her back. She examined the letters with a curious expression. “Wh-where w-were th-they?”
“I had them,” Solomon confessed. “I hid them from you all these years.”
“Wh-what?” Mamm gasped. “Wh-why w-would you d-do that?”
“I don’t understand,” Dat chimed in. “How could you do something so terrible? Those were your mamm’s letters. That’s so unlike you, Solomon.”
“I thought I was helping.” Solomon shook his head and stared at his shoes. “I saw the hurt Aaron caused when he left, and I thought maybe if she could forget about him, Mamm would heal. I realize now that I was completely wrong. I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry, Mamm. I’ve apologized to Aaron, and I’ve asked him to stay.”
Mamm’s eyes locked with Aaron’s. “W-will y-you s-stay, Aaron? P-please?”
“Aaron, we want you here,” Dat chimed in. “We want our family back together. It’s been too long. Our hearts have been broken since you left, son. Now that you’re home, your mamm and I feel like our hearts have finally healed, and our family is complete again.”
“Please, Aaron,” Solomon said. “You need to stay. Even if you never speak to me again, you need to be here. My family wants you here too. Manny, Ruthie Joy, Katie, and Junior have been asking for you ever since you left last night. They heard you were going back to Missouri, and they’ve been beside themselves. Even Becky is furious with me.”
Aaron analyzed his parents’ hopeful expressions. And he had never seen his brother look so humble. He knew in his heart that he needed to stay. He was finally home, with his family, where he belonged.
“Ya,” he finally said, his voice quavering with emotion. “I’ll stay, and I forgive you, Solomon.” He reached out to shake his brother’s hand. “It’s gut to be home.”
Aaron saw the relief in Solomon’s eyes as he grasped Aaron’s hand in his.
“P-praise J-Jesus!” Mamm exclaimed. “K-kumm, Aaron.” She waved him over as tears trickled down her cheeks. “I’ve p-prayed f-for th-this f-for a l-long t-time.”
Aaron hugged his mother.
“Excuse me,” Becky said from the doorway. “What’s going on? Jocelyn is here to see Ruth.”
Mamm patted Aaron’s arm. “D-danki.”
Aaron nodded. “I’ll be back soon.” He squeezed her hand. “I promise.”
Aaron followed his father and brother out of the bedroom as Jocelyn came in.
“Solomon,” Aaron said as his mind moved through the logistics of relocating, “I’ll let you explain everything to Becky. I have a lot of things to work out. I need to call Zac and discuss selling my half of the business to him. I need to go back to Missouri to get my things, and I’ll need a place to stay until I can find a haus.”
Dat placed his hand on Aaron’s arm. “You take it one step at a time. Just go call your friend and then figure out when you’re going to go back to Missouri. As for a place to stay, don’t you remember we’ve said you can stay here?”
“I have room too,” Solomon offered. “Also, we have plenty of land. You can build a haus right here.”
Aaron smiled at his brother. “Danki.”
“Gern gschehne, bruder.” Solomon smiled.
Aaron’s thoughts turned to Linda. “I need to take care of something more important first.”